Submit your favorite Chuck Norris facts

13

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  • Black Diamond
    Black Diamond Posts: 25,109
    Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse, horses are hung like Chuck Norris
    GoiMTvP.gif
  • LineOneMightyFine
    LineOneMightyFine Posts: 347
    Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

    Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

    Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

    Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.

    When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

    Chuck Norris is the only one able to email a roundhouse kick.
  • Black Diamond
    Black Diamond Posts: 25,109
    Chuck Norris urine is an alternative fuel souce
    GoiMTvP.gif
  • Trailer
    Trailer Posts: 1,431
    gabers wrote:
    When the Boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    This is still my favorite one.
    Whoa, chill bro... you know you can't raise your voice like that when the lion's here.
  • satansbedbugs
    satansbedbugs On Tour Posts: 2,413
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=regvpiyYu0I


    THANK YOU , CHUCK NORRIS !!
    *Marker in the Sand Fanclub * HNIC

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    - Given To Fly
  • iamica
    iamica Chicago Posts: 2,628
    Chuck Norris makes hamburgers by throwing cows at a chain link fence.
    Chicago 2000 : Chicago 2003 : Chicago 2006 : Summerfest 2006 : Lollapalooza 2007 : Chicago 2009 : Noblesville (Indy) 2010 : PJ20 (East Troy) 2011 : Wrigley Field 2013 : Milwaukee (Yield) 2014 : Wrigley Field 2016
  • dmm34
    dmm34 Posts: 10
    Chuck Norris makes onions cry
  • Cocaine_Nosejob
    Cocaine_Nosejob Posts: 1,744
    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a salesman. Over the phone.

    The pen is mightier than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.

    Those aren't credits that roll at the end of Walker, Texas Ranger...they are a list of fatalities that occured during filming.
    "The customer...is always...an ASSHOLE"

    "The world fascinates me."

    "Doesn't mean that much to me, to mean that much to you"

  • jked3
    jked3 Posts: 172
    Didn't read through them all, but my favorite....

    Chuck Norris is not hung like horse...horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
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  • madtowndave
    madtowndave Minneapolis, MN Posts: 4,013
    Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
    Nashville-00
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    Chicago-07
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    Chicago 1 & 2-09
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    Milwaukee-14
    Denver-22
    St. Paul 1 & 2 - 23
  • Red_Dot
    Red_Dot Posts: 1,454
    There is no such things as lesbians, just women who haven't met Chuck Norris

    Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
    Take me for a ride before we leave...
  • not for me?
    not for me? Posts: 501
    One day on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, a baby lamb being used for a shot dies. Chuck Norris revives the lamb and then gives it a round house kick to the face killing it instantly, just to prove that Chuck giveth and Chuck taketh away.
    Nathan
  • suns rival
    suns rival Posts: 15,926
    chuck norris is pearljamjen's #1 man of her dreams.
    scratching my butt...
    kinakamot ang aking puwit...
    me rascando pompis...
    krap mijn reet...
    boku no ketsuoana o kizu...
    bahrosh teezy...
  • Black Diamond
    Black Diamond Posts: 25,109
    Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.
    GoiMTvP.gif
  • Rygar
    Rygar Posts: 8,711
    Chuck Norris was one of the original fighters in the video game Street Fighter, but every button pressed caused him to perform a roundhouse kick.
    When asked about the glitch, Chuck replied "that's no glitch."
  • Steve Dunne
    Steve Dunne Posts: 4,965
    dunkman wrote:
    Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

    nice dunk!
    I love to turn you on
  • Binaural
    Binaural Posts: 1,046
    Chuck Norris can play the violin....
    on the piano.
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  • Rygar
    Rygar Posts: 8,711
    Binaural wrote:
    Chuck Norris can play the violin....
    on the piano.
    haha, that was pretty good
  • Cocaine_Nosejob
    Cocaine_Nosejob Posts: 1,744
    Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
    "The customer...is always...an ASSHOLE"

    "The world fascinates me."

    "Doesn't mean that much to me, to mean that much to you"

  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,795
    The only ass Chuck Norris can't kick is Chuck Norris's
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

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