Going to the US?

Rhinocerous Surprise wrote:

Stuff Rhino Likes
#26 Saying "What's that Fanchie? Old man Whitey fell down the well?"
2nd July 2008

Often times, Rhino gets frustrated scrolling through pointless copy-and-paste rants. He doesn't like the "humourous" racism, or the blatant laziness of basing most of your posts around stuff we could easily read on a website we've been linked to dozens of times previously thankyouverymuch. Whenever confronted with these posts, he will relentlessly compare the poster to a chimp pointing at a picture of a banana to indicate that he's hungry.

For example, when a thread about security restriction on tourism in the US is somehow derailed into talking about white girls' hairstyles, he is likely to declare "What's that Fanchie? Old man Whitey fell down the well?"

Though Old Man Whitey is a fictional character - a cunning metaphor for the "white people" so often referenced - and therefore, will never actually fall down the well, the act of talking about it is very symbolic on the Pit. It shows that some people don't actually enjoy reading the same articles word for word again and again in some half-hearted attempt at a funny response to a thread.

Rhino - well done! I am very impressed with your style. You hate the posts, yet you use the style in order to be funny. This is an excellent use of white person irony.

Stuff White People Like
#50 Irony
February 3, 2008 by clander

White people hate a lot of stuff (white people who vote republican, television, Vin Diesel movies, SUVs, fast food) but every once in a while they turn that hate into sweet irony.

Often times, white people will make a joke about how hard it is to define irony. It’s not that funny, and back in the 1990s people got all upset at Alanis Morrisette for using the term improperly in her song “Isn’t it Ironic?”

But the reason that white people love irony is that it lets them have some fun and feel better about themselves.

The most horrific recent example is Trucker hats, that shockingly went from mainstream in the 80s to Ironic in the early 2000s back to mainstream, at which point they are no longer rare or unique. Once something reaches this stage, irony cannot be restored for 10 years.

Other examples would include white people getting together to have a ‘white trash’ night where they would eat Kentucky Fried Chicken, drink Bud Light and watch Larry the Cable Guy or The Marine. Maybe listen to Kid Rock or P.O.D. These events allow white people to experience things they are supposed to hate, all while feeling better about their own lives, decisions, and cultured tastes.

Occassionally, white people will put an ironic knick knack in their home or apartment such as a “Support our Troops” magnet or a bottle of Mickey’s.

This can be used to your advantage. If you need to appear cool to white people, you just need to pick something that was popular 10+ years ago and put it in a prominent place at your desk or in your home. A C+C Music Factory Cassette, or a “2 Legit 2 Quit” t-shirt would both be acceptable examples.

Also, you might find yourself in conversation where you mention that you like something and there is an awkward silence indicating that it is not cool. In this situation, uou must say “oh yeah, I also like [insert similar things]” and smile, the white people will laugh and all will be well.

eyedclaar wrote:

I break laws every day of my life. Of course, they are laws I don't agree with. But any background check on me would reveal a model citizen. I still do what I want, I just do it smarter...

You break laws???? Then you should be shot by Joe Horn!

Stuff Fanch Likes
#58 the Alanis Morisette's version of Irony obviously AND the CTRL + C rhythm method
July 3, 2008 by lunglicker

Fanch is a well educated man, and so his interpretation of irony is therefore ironic. Although posting these Stuff White People Like blurbs is actually ironic as Fanch is white and it's only white people can use CTRL + C to such great 'humorous' effect. Black people are unable to CTRL + C as they wont touch a key that says 'control' as thats what the white man has done to them for generations upon generations.

as Chuck D once said... "In every one of us there are two ruling and directing principles, whose guidance we follow wherever they may lead; the one being an innate desire of pleasure; the other, an acquired judgment which aspires after excellence."

fanch75 wrote:

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/02/24/75-threatening-to-move-to-canada/

Stuff White People Like
#75 Threatening to Move to Canada
February 24, 2008 by clander

Often times, white people get frustrated with the state of their country. They do not like the President, or Congress, or the health care system, or the illegal status of Marijuana. Whenever they are presented with a situation that seems unreasonable to them, their first instinct is to threaten to move to Canada.

For example, if you are watching TV with white people and there is a piece on the news about that they do not agree with, they are likely to declare “ok, that’s it, I’m moving to Canada.”

Though they will never actually move to Canada, the act of declaring that they are willing to undertake the journey is very symbolic in white culture. It shows that their dedication to their lifestyle and beliefs are so strong, that they would consider packing up their entire lives and moving to a country that is only slightly different to the one they live in now.

Within white culture, it is agreed upon that if Canada had better weather it would be a perfect place.

Being aware that this information can be used quite easily to gain the trust of white people. Whenever they say, “I’m moving to Canada,” you must immediately respond with “I have relatives in Canada.”

They will then expect you to tell them about how Canada has a perfect healthcare system, legalized everything, and no crime. Though not true, it will reassure them that they are making the right choice by saying they want to move there.

But be warned, they will reference you in future conversations and possibly call on you to settle disputes about Canadian tax rates. So use this advice only if you plan to do some basic research.

Note: Canadian white people threaten to move to Europe.

Note: Europeans are unable to threaten to move anywhere.

I feel jipped. i thought these were custom posts, but you're just copying and pasting.

Jeanie wrote:

So I will get fingerprinted and eye scanned on entry into the US? :( ...

yes you will girlie. both index fingers... maybe it was thumbs... i cant remember.february's still a bit of a haze. plus a retinal scan. dont forget to smile ...

but just remember though,they do love us enough that we dont need a visa to get into their country for a few months.

Jeanie wrote:

I'd rather be fingerprinted and retinal scanned here in Australia in order to procure a Visa and have to carry a Visa there.

i wouldnt ... those things are damn heavy.