I have said it before.. a lack of interest can be a sign of depression and if you aren't comfortable with your body than perhaps you don't want be intimate with someone. Nobody's body is perfect but that is what makes them beautiful.
I think the time has come to piss or get off the pot.
Or maybe the fear of being intimate with someone again is what is causing her to keep the weight on.
It's like hiding out in a fat girl costume. And she knows that no one wants to be with a fat girl.
that's WHY you get help... to find OUT what's wrong with ya. Not everyone knows exactly why they're feeling what they're feeling... actually very few... especially when it's depression, you're often the last person to know/accept what it is.
Exactly!!! Seriously, GTD you need to get help. Talking to someone who doesnt' know you can do wonders.
also, my whole life I have hated skiing, except for a few really good days, but you have to do it. everyone loves to ski. if people are planning a ski trip and you don't go, you are considered some kind of wuss who hates the cold and physical activity (none of which is true for me) and more importantly, you're considered completely off your rocker. In the winter in new england, all social life revolves around skiing. if you don't go you'll miss out on everything, and your friends and/or family will be pissed.
You don't HAVE to do anything! You should feel OK about being a little different. So you don't like skiing... big deal. Because of body-confidence issues, I can't do anything fast except sled or tube. I go cross-country skiing all the time but I can't downhill ski or snowboard. I can't ice-skate... can't roller skate or rollerblade. I can water-ski, though...
anyway, the point is... if you don't feel comfortable doing something, don't do it! Or try a little and if you get frustrated, stop. Don't feel bad about yourself. No need. How much socializing happens going down a hill, anyway? Do your own thing for a few hours and meet up with everyone later. If someone takes offense or rolls their eyes at you, THEY are the asshole, not you.
Or maybe the fear of being intimate with someone again is what is causing her to keep the weight on.
It's like hiding out in a fat girl costume. And she knows that no one wants to be with a fat girl.
Which is soooooo not the truth, Ugh....
Therapy, missy!
I'm not hiding in a fat girl costume. I have no appetite and have to force myself to eat, and as much as I really don't care about fitness anymore (what's the point when it comes down to it-it was my entire life for 10 years and look where it got me), I'm forcing myself to work out 4-6 days a week, 1.5-2 hours. I'm not actually *doing* anything to "keep the weight on." and I gained most of it the first place when I was training simultaneously for a triathlon and half marathon. I don't have any reason to be afraid of intimacy or anything either, I've always been in normal relationships. that's not how I feel, I just don't care about it.
I just feel like I can't be depressed though because I was on the medication for depression the whole time...
But even people put on meds specifically for their depression have to get them adjusted/changed a few times before they get the right results. So, while you were taking a medication that is used to treat depression, it might not have been the right one to treat *your* depression. Does that make sense?
Believe me, I understand your hesitation about doing therapy and all of that. I've literally known for years that I need to do something about anxiety but haven't done anything. I have a million excuses and reasons why I don't want to do it, so instead of dealing with it I just continue to let it eat me up. Which is totally stupid, and I know that, but for some reason that's not enough to make me do something about it...
I'm not hiding in a fat girl costume. I have no appetite and have to force myself to eat, and as much as I really don't care about fitness anymore (what's the point when it comes down to it), I'm forcing myself to work out 4-6 days a week, 1.5-2 hours. I'm not actually *doing* anything to "keep the weight on." and I gained most of it the first place when I was training simultaneously for a triathlon and half marathon. I don't have any reason to be afraid of intimacy or anything either, I've always been in normal relationships. that's not how I feel, I just don't care about it.
I just feel like I can't be depressed though because I was on the medication for depression the whole time...
so you've already been diagnosed with depression... perhaps they gave you the wrong fucking meds and it's fucking you up... or maybe you didn't need meds at all... but THERAPY.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
I'm not hiding in a fat girl costume. I have no appetite and have to force myself to eat, and as much as I really don't care about fitness anymore (what's the point when it comes down to it-it was my entire life for 10 years and look where it got me), I'm forcing myself to work out 4-6 days a week, 1.5-2 hours. I'm not actually *doing* anything to "keep the weight on." and I gained most of it the first place when I was training simultaneously for a triathlon and half marathon. I don't have any reason to be afraid of intimacy or anything either, I've always been in normal relationships. that's not how I feel, I just don't care about it.
I thought you've said you love food and really have to watch what you eat. You also say you love excercise and it's all you think about and that you feel bad when you miss it. Your 'normal' relationship where you lost interest in sex doesn't sound so normal to me. Can I ask you if your relationships were GOOD?
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
I think I should clarify, my not want to socialize is just about the way that socializing physically makes me feel.
That is something you need to see a doctor about. Social anxiety is something that needs to be addressed before it becomes worse and you end up developing agoraphobia and cannot even leave your apartment. Is that the future you want? The thought of having a ski weekend, something others would love to have the opportunity to do, leaves you in tears. Problem. Stop making excuses about your past experiences with therapy, and talk to a professional. In therapy, you must address issues of your past (which you may not be aware you had issues with) in order to begin the healing of your current issues. Therapy takes patience and cooperation.
I know that and when I was thinner and in better shape I would have been totally cool with it, but now that I'm obese and all I hate having all this extra stuff on me so I always want to feel like I am doing something.
You are 30-years-old. Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, you need to begin to accept yourself for who you are. You recognize that you have good qualities, yet you focus on your weight gain.
I don't constantly gripe either. it's one of these things on here that people perpetuated that idea and know it's like the common knowledge or something, but it's not true. besides this whole place is basically about complaining.
I'm not looking for attention, I'm not even looking for advice.
Okay ... you seem like a nice girl, and this isn't meant to be mean, but I'm going to be blunt. You HAVE crippling issues that NEED to be addressed, immediately! I've never heard so many excuses from one person. Enough with the excuses. You claim that you're not constantly griping, but YOU ARE! I don't know how you can't recognize that. You may say you only want to focus on the good, but you don't. You create multiple threads about your various issues, yet claim you're not looking for attention or advice. If you're not looking for advice or attention, why do you bother to create all these threads? If you don't want attention or advice, or a place to vent (gripe), what's the point?
I don't know why people, including myself, bother responding. It's futile. We all know the best thing for GTD is to talk to a professional and work out her issues together, and until GTD can accept that, our responses are meaningless.
No time to be void or save up on life. You got to spend it all.
But even people put on meds specifically for their depression have to get them adjusted/changed a few times before they get the right results. So, while you were taking a medication that is used to treat depression, it might not have been the right one to treat *your* depression. Does that make sense?
Believe me, I understand your hesitation about doing therapy and all of that. I've literally known for years that I need to do something about anxiety but haven't done anything. I have a million excuses and reasons why I don't want to do it, so instead of dealing with it I just continue to let it eat me up. Which is totally stupid, and I know that, but for some reason that's not enough to make me do something about it...
yeah I know what you are saying.
I feel like if I *am* depressed or anxious and stuff, it's all because I'm fed up with physical problems, so if I feel like if I can figure out if my hormones are all screwed up or whatever I won't be depressed and anxious anymore.
You don't HAVE to do anything! You should feel OK about being a little different. So you don't like skiing... big deal. Because of body-confidence issues, I can't do anything fast except sled or tube. I go cross-country skiing all the time but I can't downhill ski or snowboard. I can't ice-skate... can't roller skate or rollerblade. I can water-ski, though...
anyway, the point is... if you don't feel comfortable doing something, don't do it! Or try a little and if you get frustrated, stop. Don't feel bad about yourself. No need. How much socializing happens going down a hill, anyway? Do your own thing for a few hours and meet up with everyone later. If someone takes offense or rolls their eyes at you, THEY are the asshole, not you.
well that's all well and good, but I have to do it this weekend, so I have to figure out a way to get through it. I've already spent all the money. (as for just doing my own thing...I've learned from 12 years of experience that my friends don't really operate that way. it's a pain in the ass).
I honestly do not know what has gotten into me in the past year. I am not the same person I used to be and I really don't like it!
I'm going on this weird ski trip this weekend- my friend's (who lives in NY) boyfriend's family friends organize this stay at a ski resort with discounts on lift tickets and whatnot and they invite like 20 million random people. so me and my two other friends are going tomorrow night. So I'm just now lying in bed and I realize I'm crying- I don't want to go! First, I don't really like skiing and I'm not very good at it. I can't ski with my friends because I'm so bad at it, but I don't want to ski alone either. I originally signed up for the trip because I thought I might spend the days cross country skiing by myself, but right now it doesn't look like that is going to be an option for logistical reasons, so alpine skiing it is. Secondly, I don't want to socialize with all these people. I really, really, really don't. I just developed this fear of socializing when I moved back here last summer, I never really felt this way before. I am so scared! I don't want people to see me or talk to me. I just don't. it's uncomfortable. And right now the only thing I crave is exercise, and I've never really felt like downhill skiing is much of a workout at all. Three days without exercising is just going to make me worse and feel less like going to a bar to socialize with these strange people. All I know is, I am so nervous about everything-downhill skiing, socializing, fitting into my XL ski pants (I'm afraid to try them on. oh well if they are too small I guess I'll just have to not ski). I am crying. I just feel like I am going to be physically uncomfortable. It something I feel often (all the time now, actually) but I can't explain it to other people. My body is just uncomfortable to move in. or sit in. or stand in. or dress in. and the scabs all over my face are not only embarrassing, they are just uncomfortable.
I never used to be like this, not wanting to do things :(. I guess I'd be more up for it there were more exercise involved. I wish I could cross country ski instead. but even that doesn't feel as good as going to the gym.
oh-and I am also more nervous about skiing than I usually am because I have never skied with this much weight. I'm afraid that my center of gravity is going to be all off and I'll just turn into this rolly polly ball tumbling down the mountain to my death.
If you don't want to go, don't. It seems simple but my wife has been trying for years to learn how to say no to people. Comes naturally for me, I guess I'm an a-hole.
one foot in the door
the other foot in the gutter
sweet smell that they adore
I think I'd rather smother
-The Replacements-
I feel like if I *am* depressed or anxious and stuff, it's all because I'm fed up with physical problems, so if I feel like if I can figure out if my hormones are all screwed up or whatever I won't be depressed and anxious anymore.
I think you need to just put it in someone else's hands, though.
I do the same thing, with this anxiety... Like, I make mental lists of the things I can change that I believe will make me stop worrying about the things that I worry about. But, even when I change those things the worries still creep back up and if I finish worrying about one thing, then I just move onto the next. That's why I know it's not really about the specific worries themselves...ya know?
And I'm seriously not trying to turn this thread into my own personal life story. I just see some similarities in my own situation.
so what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you dont want to ski, so dont freaking ski!!!!!!!!!!!!
consider it a fucking loss and learn from it.
dont agree to do shit you dont want to do
my god, are you serious?!?!?!?!
please tell me you are just fucking with us all..
this fucking thread is like a fucking train wreck!! i dont want to see the destruction, but i also cant look the fuck away!!!
jesus christ, for the love of all that is holy, go to the doctor, and get some help, im thinking lots of drugs.
whatever. fuck!!
Yes. It is a train wreck. I think its because GTD Is kind of a train wreck but has no desire to address what we are all seeing in a therapy session.... or 104 therapy sessions (a full year of twice weekly would do this woman wonders.)
ouch. I don't feel like I am such a horrible person :(.
does everyone really hate me this much? I really don't think I am so horrible...
Nobody fucking hates you ok that's why it's frustrating.
But if you don't get PROPER help... and asking advice on a message board is NOT therapy... and if you don't stop making excuses for everything... then you will notice your popularity declining... that's just how things work.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
same here!! im one fucked up depressed person, but still really love- love actual-actual sex-sex.
well I can't help it, I can't feel it. (and don't say "you haven't been with the right person" or "you're not doing it right" cuz trust me I have tried everything. I just can't feel anything, other than some light pain. I mean, I'll sit through it to make other people happy, I don't HATE it, I just can't feel it. it's been a big let- down).
(as for just doing my own thing...I've learned from 12 years of experience that my friends don't really operate that way. it's a pain in the ass).
Just as a recovering alcoholic has to lose their drinking buddies, you might ahve to find some new friends.
Friends (people) treat you how you LET them treat you. The energy you give out is what you get back. It's all a big cliche... like sex in the city or the breakfast club. People in groups always take on certain roles... it's up to YOU to decide where you want to be. WHO you want to be.
ouch. I don't feel like I am such a horrible person :(.
does everyone really hate me this much? I really don't think I am so horrible...
oh jaysus. Seriously everyone does hate you that much that is why they continually try to help you while you disregard everything that is said :rolleyes:
As said already I believe people on here want to help but this is beyond our grasp and you need one on one care with a professional.
That is something you need to see a doctor about. Social anxiety is something that needs to be addressed before it becomes worse and you end up developing agoraphobia and cannot even leave your apartment. Is that the future you want? The thought of having a ski weekend, something others would love to have the opportunity to do, leaves you in tears. Problem. Stop making excuses about your past experiences with therapy, and talk to a professional. In therapy, you must address issues of your past (which you may not be aware you had issues with) in order to begin the healing of your current issues. Therapy takes patience and cooperation.
You are 30-years-old. Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, you need to begin to accept yourself for who you are. You recognize that you have good qualities, yet you focus on your weight gain.
Okay ... you seem like a nice girl, and this isn't meant to be mean, but I'm going to be blunt. You HAVE crippling issues that NEED to be addressed, IMMEDIATELY! I've never heard so many excuses from one person. Enough with the excuses. You claim that you're not constantly griping, but YOU ARE! I don't know how you can't recognize that. You may say you only want to focus on the good, but you don't. You create multiple threads about your various issues, yet claim you're not looking for attention or advice. If you're not looking for advice or attention, why do you bother to create all these threads? If you don't want attention or advice, or a place to vent (gripe), what's the point?
I don't know why people, including myself, bother responding. It's futile. We all know the best thing for GTD is to talk to a professional and work out your issues together, and until GTD can accept that, our responses are meaningless.
Man, she's loving all this attention. This is what happens when privileged kids get spoiled and over nurtured. I wonder how she'll respond when real life finally smacks her in the face. Maybe that'll do the trick..
'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
Comments
Or maybe the fear of being intimate with someone again is what is causing her to keep the weight on.
It's like hiding out in a fat girl costume. And she knows that no one wants to be with a fat girl.
Which is soooooo not the truth, Ugh....
Therapy, missy!
good for you. have a cookie.
Exactly!!! Seriously, GTD you need to get help. Talking to someone who doesnt' know you can do wonders.
The wrong meds?
Just meds won't "fix" things anyway.
You need to have therapy to work on the faulty or unhealthy thought patterns and underlying causes.
You do mean that metaphorically, correct?
You don't HAVE to do anything! You should feel OK about being a little different. So you don't like skiing... big deal. Because of body-confidence issues, I can't do anything fast except sled or tube. I go cross-country skiing all the time but I can't downhill ski or snowboard. I can't ice-skate... can't roller skate or rollerblade. I can water-ski, though...
anyway, the point is... if you don't feel comfortable doing something, don't do it! Or try a little and if you get frustrated, stop. Don't feel bad about yourself. No need. How much socializing happens going down a hill, anyway? Do your own thing for a few hours and meet up with everyone later. If someone takes offense or rolls their eyes at you, THEY are the asshole, not you.
I'm not hiding in a fat girl costume. I have no appetite and have to force myself to eat, and as much as I really don't care about fitness anymore (what's the point when it comes down to it-it was my entire life for 10 years and look where it got me), I'm forcing myself to work out 4-6 days a week, 1.5-2 hours. I'm not actually *doing* anything to "keep the weight on." and I gained most of it the first place when I was training simultaneously for a triathlon and half marathon. I don't have any reason to be afraid of intimacy or anything either, I've always been in normal relationships. that's not how I feel, I just don't care about it.
But even people put on meds specifically for their depression have to get them adjusted/changed a few times before they get the right results. So, while you were taking a medication that is used to treat depression, it might not have been the right one to treat *your* depression. Does that make sense?
Believe me, I understand your hesitation about doing therapy and all of that. I've literally known for years that I need to do something about anxiety but haven't done anything. I have a million excuses and reasons why I don't want to do it, so instead of dealing with it I just continue to let it eat me up. Which is totally stupid, and I know that, but for some reason that's not enough to make me do something about it...
ok.
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
So true. And at this point is she fat or just how she sees it. Some people do suffer from body dismorphia(sp?)
Not every guy wants a girl like Paris Hilton :eek:
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
You are 30-years-old. Instead of sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, you need to begin to accept yourself for who you are. You recognize that you have good qualities, yet you focus on your weight gain.
Okay ... you seem like a nice girl, and this isn't meant to be mean, but I'm going to be blunt. You HAVE crippling issues that NEED to be addressed, immediately! I've never heard so many excuses from one person. Enough with the excuses. You claim that you're not constantly griping, but YOU ARE! I don't know how you can't recognize that. You may say you only want to focus on the good, but you don't. You create multiple threads about your various issues, yet claim you're not looking for attention or advice. If you're not looking for advice or attention, why do you bother to create all these threads? If you don't want attention or advice, or a place to vent (gripe), what's the point?
I don't know why people, including myself, bother responding. It's futile. We all know the best thing for GTD is to talk to a professional and work out her issues together, and until GTD can accept that, our responses are meaningless.
I love cookies.
yeah I know what you are saying.
I feel like if I *am* depressed or anxious and stuff, it's all because I'm fed up with physical problems, so if I feel like if I can figure out if my hormones are all screwed up or whatever I won't be depressed and anxious anymore.
It could also be an intimacy thing. Intimacy is much more than a sexual thing.
It could be hormonal, too.
so what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you dont want to ski, so dont freaking ski!!!!!!!!!!!!
consider it a fucking loss and learn from it.
dont agree to do shit you dont want to do
my god, are you serious?!?!?!?!
please tell me you are just fucking with us all..
this fucking thread is like a fucking train wreck!! i dont want to see the destruction, but i also cant look the fuck away!!!
jesus christ, for the love of all that is holy, go to the doctor, and get some help, im thinking lots of drugs.
whatever. fuck!!
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
well that's all well and good, but I have to do it this weekend, so I have to figure out a way to get through it. I've already spent all the money. (as for just doing my own thing...I've learned from 12 years of experience that my friends don't really operate that way. it's a pain in the ass).
I really love breaking your balls!
Sweep the Leg Johnny.
same here!! im one fucked up depressed person, but still really love- love actual-actual sex-sex.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
If you don't want to go, don't. It seems simple but my wife has been trying for years to learn how to say no to people. Comes naturally for me, I guess I'm an a-hole.
the other foot in the gutter
sweet smell that they adore
I think I'd rather smother
-The Replacements-
ouch. I don't feel like I am such a horrible person :(.
does everyone really hate me this much? I really don't think I am so horrible...
I think you need to just put it in someone else's hands, though.
I do the same thing, with this anxiety... Like, I make mental lists of the things I can change that I believe will make me stop worrying about the things that I worry about. But, even when I change those things the worries still creep back up and if I finish worrying about one thing, then I just move onto the next. That's why I know it's not really about the specific worries themselves...ya know?
And I'm seriously not trying to turn this thread into my own personal life story. I just see some similarities in my own situation.
Yes. It is a train wreck. I think its because GTD Is kind of a train wreck but has no desire to address what we are all seeing in a therapy session.... or 104 therapy sessions (a full year of twice weekly would do this woman wonders.)
But if you don't get PROPER help... and asking advice on a message board is NOT therapy... and if you don't stop making excuses for everything... then you will notice your popularity declining... that's just how things work.
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
No, if anyone hated you they'd just be like "ah, go fuck yourself."
We don't hate you at all. I think most people that have responded really just want you to help yourself, because they care.
well I can't help it, I can't feel it. (and don't say "you haven't been with the right person" or "you're not doing it right" cuz trust me I have tried everything. I just can't feel anything, other than some light pain. I mean, I'll sit through it to make other people happy, I don't HATE it, I just can't feel it. it's been a big let- down).
Just as a recovering alcoholic has to lose their drinking buddies, you might ahve to find some new friends.
Friends (people) treat you how you LET them treat you. The energy you give out is what you get back. It's all a big cliche... like sex in the city or the breakfast club. People in groups always take on certain roles... it's up to YOU to decide where you want to be. WHO you want to be.
oh jaysus. Seriously everyone does hate you that much that is why they continually try to help you while you disregard everything that is said :rolleyes:
As said already I believe people on here want to help but this is beyond our grasp and you need one on one care with a professional.
Man, she's loving all this attention. This is what happens when privileged kids get spoiled and over nurtured. I wonder how she'll respond when real life finally smacks her in the face. Maybe that'll do the trick..
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'