really nervous about the weekend

GreenTeaDisease

I honestly do not know what has gotten into me in the past year. I am not the same person I used to be and I really don't like it!

I'm going on this weird ski trip this weekend- my friend's (who lives in NY) boyfriend's family friends organize this stay at a ski resort with discounts on lift tickets and whatnot and they invite like 20 million random people. so me and my two other friends are going tomorrow night. So I'm just now lying in bed and I realize I'm crying- I don't want to go! First, I don't really like skiing and I'm not very good at it. I can't ski with my friends because I'm so bad at it, but I don't want to ski alone either. I originally signed up for the trip because I thought I might spend the days cross country skiing by myself, but right now it doesn't look like that is going to be an option for logistical reasons, so alpine skiing it is. Secondly, I don't want to socialize with all these people. I really, really, really don't. I just developed this fear of socializing when I moved back here last summer, I never really felt this way before. I am so scared! I don't want people to see me or talk to me. I just don't. it's uncomfortable. And right now the only thing I crave is exercise, and I've never really felt like downhill skiing is much of a workout at all. Three days without exercising is just going to make me worse and feel less like going to a bar to socialize with these strange people. All I know is, I am so nervous about everything-downhill skiing, socializing, fitting into my XL ski pants (I'm afraid to try them on. oh well if they are too small I guess I'll just have to not ski). I am crying. I just feel like I am going to be physically uncomfortable. It something I feel often (all the time now, actually) but I can't explain it to other people. My body is just uncomfortable to move in. or sit in. or stand in. or dress in. and the scabs all over my face are not only embarrassing, they are just uncomfortable.

I never used to be like this, not wanting to do things :(. I guess I'd be more up for it there were more exercise involved. I wish I could cross country ski instead. but even that doesn't feel as good as going to the gym.

oh-and I am also more nervous about skiing than I usually am because I have never skied with this much weight. I'm afraid that my center of gravity is going to be all off and I'll just turn into this rolly polly ball tumbling down the mountain to my death.

Drop The Leash 10

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

I honestly do not know what has gotten into me in the past year. I am not the same person I used to be and I really don't like it!

I'm going on this weird ski trip this weekend- my friend's (who lives in NY) boyfriend's family friends organize this stay at a ski resort with discounts on lift tickets and whatnot and they invite like 20 million random people. so me and my two other friends are going tomorrow night. So I'm just now lying in bed and I realize I'm crying- I don't want to go! First, I don't really like skiing and I'm not very good at it. I can't ski with my friends because I'm so bad at it, but I don't want to ski alone either. I originally signed up for the trip because I thought I might spend the days cross country skiing by myself, but right now it doesn't look like that is going to be an option for logistical reasons, so alpine skiing it is. Secondly, I don't want to socialize with all these people. I really, really, really don't. I just developed this fear of socializing when I moved back here last summer, I never really felt this way before. I am so scared! I don't want people to see me or talk to me. I just don't. it's uncomfortable. And right now the only thing I crave is exercise, and I've never really felt like downhill skiing is much of a workout at all. Three days without exercising is just going to make me worse and feel less like going to a bar to socialize with these strange people. All I know is, I am so nervous about everything-downhill skiing, socializing, fitting into my XL ski pants (I'm afraid to try them on. oh well if they are too small I guess I'll just have to not ski). I am crying. I just feel like I am going to be physically uncomfortable. It something I feel often (all the time now, actually) but I can't explain it to other people. My body is just uncomfortable to move in. or sit in. or stand in. or dress in.

I never used to be like this, not wanting to do things :(. I guess I'd be more up for it there were more exercise involved. I wish I could cross country ski instead. but even that doesn't feel as good as going to the gym.

cheer up! go! have a good time. honestly, do you really think you're gonna be the only who doesnt know how to ski. be yourself.

oh and btw, im a nervous wreck about the weekend also.

norm

from reading your recents posts, i would say you are depressed. all of your problems seem to stem from a depression.

SPEEDY MCCREADY

cutback wrote:

from reading your recents posts, i would say you are depressed. all of your problems seem to stem from a depression.

yep....

i agree with your medical opinion..........hehehe

norm

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

yep....

i agree with your medical opinion..........hehehe

i'm not a doctor but i play one on the internet....:p

GreenTeaDisease

cutback wrote:

from reading your recents posts, i would say you are depressed. all of your problems seem to stem from a depression.

I don't know, what I am feeling doesn't seem to fit the description of clinical depression to me. and I don't have anything to be situationally depressed about.

wait after I wrote that I'm like der of course I do.

but I've been on an ssri for years already for pmdd, I just stopped taking it like this week. if I had clinical depression it would have helped it.

in_hiding79

First of all, chill out!! You are going to have a nice time. You should ski, any form of exercise is better then NONE. (Even downhill skiing)

Secondly, you have such low self esteem and it is time to get that fixed. You sound like you are a nice woman and I think going on this ski trip will help you. Mingling with stangers will be a nice change. You might be surprised with how much you all have in common!

Thirdly, you need to go to therapy. I don't mean your MD appointment you have later this month, I mean a person you can talk too and tell them all your issues as of lately. Your physical is a must, but don't forget your emotional well being. once you get back from your ski trip (in which I know you will have fun) you need to look for a therapist!! OK?

SPEEDY MCCREADY

in_hiding79 wrote:

First of all, chill out!! You are going to have a nice time. You should ski, any form of exercise is better then NONE. (Even downhill skiing)

Secondly, you have such low self esteem and it is time to get that fixed. You sound like you are a nice woman and I think going on this ski trip will help you. Mingling with stangers will be a nice change. You might be surprised with how much you all have in common!

Thirdly, you need to go to therapy. I don't mean your MD appointment you have later this month, I mean a person you can talk too and tell them all your issues as of lately. Your physical is a must, but don't forget your emotional well being. once you get back from your ski trip (in which I know you will have fun) you need to look for a therapist!! OK?

i also agree with your medical opinion...

therapy....

GreenTeaDisease

in_hiding79 wrote:

Secondly, you have such low self esteem and it is time to get that fixed. You sound like you are a nice woman and I think going on this ski trip will help you. Mingling with stangers will be a nice change. You might be surprised with how much you all have in common!

the feelings I have are much more than low self esteem. I'm ambivalent to myself really, if I had low self esteem, that wouldn't be the case. I know it *sounds* like just low self esteem, but it's not how I feel, I can't describe it. it's more physical feelings.

as for therapy, I don't know how people make trips out for therapy once a week or two in the middle of business hours.

GreenTeaDisease

Drop The Leash 10 wrote:

cheer up! go! have a good time. honestly, do you really think you're gonna be the only who doesnt know how to ski. be yourself.

oh and btw, im a nervous wreck about the weekend also.

I actually know how to ski, I'm just terrible at it. my two friends are too good for me to ski with. (haha *everyone* is too good for me to ski with. I ski like five feet and then stop to examine the situation and think about the best way possible to avoid any broken bones). All I know is that whether or not I am depressed right now, if I hurt anything, I'm going to completely hit bottom (if I can't exercise).

Allie

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

the feelings I have are much more than low self esteem. I'm ambivalent to myself really, if I had low self esteem, that wouldn't be the case. I know it *sounds* like just low self esteem, but it's not how I feel, I can't describe it. it's more physical feelings.

as for therapy, I don't know how people make trips out for therapy once a week or two in the middle of business hours.

I am a therapist but I do not give out advice online

I work at night. Therapists have evening hours and many therapists work on Saturdays. Or you could go on your lunch break.

GreenTeaDisease

Allie wrote:

I am a therapist but I do not give out advice online

I work at night. Therapists have evening hours and many therapists work on Saturdays. Or you could go on your lunch break.

well I'm a consultant, so I can't make plans in the evening (I always work until at least 7, and I have to be prepared to work all night with no warning). same goes for lunch breaks. I work a lot of saturdays too, but when I'm not, I don't want to spend them all in a doctor's office!

anyway, I have physical problems, I don't think they are therapy type problems. maybe more chemical/psychiatric if anything.

SPEEDY MCCREADY

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

well I'm a consultant, so I can't make plans in the evening (I always work until at least 7, and I have to be prepared to work all night with no warning). same goes for lunch breaks. I work a lot of saturdays too, but when I'm not, I don't want to spend them all in a doctor's office!

if i was 30 years old .....

and literally "crying" because of a ski trip......

i may find time to go see a doctor.....

LikeAnOcean

Anxiety? Exercise addiction?.. I can get the same feelings, only not as bad as you seem to be describing.

It sounds like you don't exercise to be in shape so much as for the natural high you get when you work out. Exercise makes you feel better. It raises your spirits.

You only live once. Let go a little. 3 days without exercize can be good for you. It lets your body recover. If you were going weeks at a time without exercise, that would present a problem.

SENROCK

GreenTeaDisease wrote:

well I'm a consultant, so I can't make plans in the evening (I always work until at least 7, and I have to be prepared to work all night with no warning). same goes for lunch breaks. I work a lot of saturdays too, but when I'm not, I don't want to spend them all in a doctor's office!

just out of curiosity, HOW do u 'consult' ANYONE with the way you feel? and youre right, its way more than a low self esteem. you have to get this situation under control cuz.....whatever youre doing or NOT, isnt working. live a little and stop being so uptight and bummed out. focus on your GOOD things. and DONT say you donthave ANYTHING good cuz even the lowest of low has at least one good quality.

GreenTeaDisease

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

if i was 30 years old .....

and literally "crying" because of a ski trip......

i may find time to go see a doctor.....

I briefly went to therapy several years ago for maybe like 2 months? my doctor made me go because I told her one night a month I binged and purged (turns out on further examination it was the night before my period and I had pmdd, not bullemia!) but anyway, I couldn't maintain going every week while working in consulting.

SENROCK

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

if i was 30 years old .....

and literally "crying" because of a ski trip......

i may find time to go see a doctor.....

seeing a doctor is not the answer. all they will do is prescribe medication and make it worse. this chick needs some fun!

SPEEDY MCCREADY

SENROCK! wrote:

just out of curiosity, HOW do u 'consult' ANYONE with the way you feel? and youre right, its way more than a low self esteem. you have to get this situation under control cuz.....whatever youre doing or NOT, isnt working. live a little and stop being so uptight and bummed out. focus on your GOOD things. and DONT say you donthave ANYTHING good cuz even the lowest of low has at least one good quality.

so...

whats your one good quality????

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.....................

SPEEDY MCCREADY

SENROCK! wrote:

seeing a doctor is not the answer. all they will do is prescribe medication and make it worse. this chick needs some fun!

the chick needs professional help.....

SENROCK

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

so...

whats your one good quality????

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.....................

i dont have any.

GreenTeaDisease

SENROCK! wrote:

just out of curiosity, HOW do u 'consult' ANYONE with the way you feel?

what do you mean? I do analysis and research.

and oh I have a ton of "good qualities." I wouldn't say I don't. I'm totally aware of them too. that's why I'm saying I do not have low self esteem, I just don't feel right, I'm all just, off.

I think I should clarify, my not want to socialize is just about the way that socializing physically makes me feel.