I'm not miserable in the least. I just read and think.
It's safe to say that everyone in here reads and thinks. However, the content of the literature and thoughts may help persuade emotional mood..
Again, talking in general terms..
'I want to hurry home to you
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
I just don't think that people should abandon the people who have been there for them for their entire lives just because they moved in with someone else.
gtd, is someone 'abandoning' you this holiday season?
and i don't mean this in a negative way, by your posts, i sense someone hurt your feelings
gtd, is someone 'abandoning' you this holiday season?
and i don't mean this in a negative way, by your posts, i sense someone hurt your feelings
well, I just don't get to see my relatives anymore for christmas, so it's kind of like what's the point. Also I feel bad for people whose kids/siblings/parents/whoever don't want to spend holidays with them anymore for no other reason than convention.
I've just been doing a lot of reading and thinking on these types of topics recently, so the situation in my family has started to make more sense given general societal trends, and I am starting to recognize the nature of it all as being a very negative thing that should be changed. I'm not completely nuts- these things ARE being studied by sociologists and other social scientists as we speak.
I think if you get married, each party should just spend christmas with their own family. I mean why the hell not? It simplifies things, and no one ends up disappointed. If I had a nickel for every time one of my married friends complained about upsetting parents and whatnot because they celebrated with the in-laws, I'd be a rich woman. But the answer is so simple, no one seems to notice it.
it's been pretty well covered already, but i have to chime in anyway.
there is NO way in this world i rather spend the holidays with ANYone over my husband. period. adults need to suck it up and grow up, and realize that 'family' is flexible and grows/changes...and accept the changes that come with it. i am 'lucky' in the fact that my husband's family was never close....rather dysfunctional really :(...sad for his childhood, but made our holiday tradtions 'easy.' as in, we spend every holiday with my family. our marriage actually brought his family a bit 'closer'...b/c family is important to me, and so we did things to bring people together. no issues. however, even in time issues develop b/c once you 'aways' do something one way, and eventually want change - as in for us, NOT going to my sister's in NJ anymore ON the holiday - people still get upset. i say, oh fucking well...get over it. and she has....and now we ALL have new tradtions we're all happier with.
and for those who say christmas 'magic' is gone...or only exists if you have kids in your life...i whole-heartedly disagree. it may not be the 'same' as when i was a child...but i still fully feel the spirit and magic of the holiday...and i absolutely adore christmas.
as in for us, NOT going to my sister's in NJ anymore ON the holiday - people still get upset. i say, oh fucking well...get over it. and she has....and now we ALL have new tradtions we're all happier with.
what if your sister had nothing else to do (no alternative "new tradition") though? What if EVERYONE in her life decided to make the same decision you did and spend the holidays away from her? Know what I'm sayin'?
what if your sister had nothing else to do (no alternative "new tradition") though? What if EVERYONE in her life decided to make the same decision you did and spend the holidays away from her? Know what I'm sayin'?
no one has.....she already had a husband and children, and as it happens, yes....my immediate family DID make the choice all at the same time. it was time. we've spent almost a lifetime of going there spending it with her kids, etc...the traffic, the aggravation....seemed utterly ridiculous when we are all so close here, so easy....and get together at another time.
you are not 'abandoned' either....you have your immediate family. and ya know what? even if you didn't...there are PLENTY of people out on their own, and they create new traditions for themselves, friends, etc. life is all about change, and rolling with it.
i just think everyone needs to take responsibility for their own happiness. while my family is very important to me, i do not want to feel dependant on them, nor them on me...for traditions, happiness....etc...it's all choice. my husband is the single most important person to me on this earth. it does not diminish the love i have for my family.....and if at times things clash, yes, i always choose my husband first. however, i really don't *expect* anyone to do anything...i want all to choose what's right for them....and i always hope we all find time for each other, which we do, just not on some specified date that falls on the calendar.
c'est la vie. i am not telling you or anyone else how to live. i am all for live and let live. i merely offered MY personal perspective, and i suspect many a married/cohabitating couple feels the same.
so while i 'know what you're sayin'.....i simply disagree with it. if you're an adult....you can manage and grow and not pout over the changes in life. you can take them as opportunities, or choose to wallow.....either is a choice.
no one has.....she already had a husband and children, and as it happens, yes....my immediate family DID make the choice all at the same time. it was time. we've spent almost a lifetime of going there spending it with her kids, etc...the traffic, the aggravation....seemed utterly ridiculous when we are all so close here, so easy....and get together at another time.
right that's YOUR specific situation. I'm trying to make a point that is not dependent on specific situations. I referenced it in the hypothetical as an example.
you are not 'abandoned' either....you have your immediate family. and ya know what? even if you didn't...there are PLENTY of people out on their own, and they create new traditions for themselves, friends, etc. life is all about change, and rolling with it.
right, I am not completely abandoned either. but again, that is my specific situation. there are people who are. and you know what, if I were I would be fucking PISSED. Because how on earth do you make a "new holiday tradition" for yourself? Do you sit there alone by the tree and exchange presents with yourself? yeah that doesn't sound depressing at all.
so while i 'know what you're sayin'.....i simply disagree with it. if you're an adult....you can manage and grow and not pout over the changes in life. you can take them as opportunities, or choose to wallow.....either is a choice.
I'm sorry, I think people you love leaving you for someone else is reason to pissed. I don't think we, as a society, should "accept" shit like that and roll with it. It's just sick behavior. You d2d remind me very much of one of my friends- the queen of spin. you say things that sound very good and positive like "responsible for own happiness" to justify your own opinions and not "sound negative". Sometimes there ARE things that are wrong in this world and spinning them is just shoving them under the carpet.
and all of this is not just about people's personal feelings being hurt either. the increasing insulation of the suburban family is a going to amount to huge problem in this country.
right that's YOUR specific situation. I'm trying to make a point that is not dependent on specific situations. I referenced it in the hypothetical as an example.
right, I am not completely abandoned either. but again, that is my specific situation. there are people who are. and you know what, if I were I would be fucking PISSED. Because how on earth do you make a "new holiday tradition" for yourself? Do you sit there alone by the tree and exchange presents with yourself? yeah that doesn't sound depressing at all.
I'm sorry, I think people you love leaving you for someone else is reason to pissed. I don't think we, as a society, should "accept" shit like that and roll with it. It's just sick behavior. You d2d remind me very much of one of my friends- the queen of spin. you say things that sound very good and positive like "responsible for own happiness" to justify your own opinions and not "sound negative". Sometimes there ARE things that are wrong in this world and spinning them is just shoving them under the carpet.
you want to be pissed, be pissed...that's your choice. i see it very differently. i don't see anyone 'leaving' anyone..i see people making new life choices. adults do that. some make poor choices for themselves or others, some make great choices...and so it goes. it is up to us, as indicviduals, to work on our own lives and choices. again, i was not telling you nor anyone how they *should* act/live/behave...we all have to make our own choices.
also, i honestly couldn't care less what you or just about anyone else may think of my ideas or choices...so i feel no need/desire to *justify* any of em. i merely stated my personal choices/beliefs...and said as much. so yea, see/say what you will..i don't think i am 'spinning' anything...but i also do not abandon anyone either. i don't think any of my family/friends would EVER think such about me.
for me, what i say and do IS positive and good, to me...thus why i choose to do and think as i do...b/c it IS positive and good imo, in my life. others will make other choices. everyone needs to make their own happiness. if that's 'spin' in your opinion, so be it....that really has nothing to do with me or my life choices.
you want to be pissed, be pissed...that's your choice. i see it very differently. i don't see anyone 'leaving' anyone..i see people making new life choices. adults do that. some make poor choices for themselves or others, some make great choices...and so it goes. it is up to us, as indicviduals, to work on our own lives and choices. again, i was not telling you nor anyone how they *should* act/live/behave...we all have to make our own choices.
also, i honestly couldn't care less what you or just about anyone else may think of my ideas or choices...so i feel no need/desire to *justify* any of em. i merely stated my personal choices/beliefs...and said as much. so yea, see/say what you will..i don't think i am 'spinning' anything...but i also do not abandon anyone either. i don't think any of my family/friends would EVER think such about me.
for me, what i say and do IS positive and good, to me...thus why i choose to do and think as i do...b/c it IS positive and good imo, in my life. others will make other choices. everyone needs to make their own happiness. if that's 'spin' in your opinion, so be it....that really has nothing to do with me or my life choices.
But this isn't a question of people's "personal preferences and beliefs" it is a problem facing us and we have to change the way we think about those "personal preferences and beliefs" we have to stop and say these are the values I accept- should I be? Are values true or are they a product of the conventional wisdom? is this conventional wisdom hurting anyone?
there are PLENTY of people out on their own, and they create new traditions for themselves, friends, etc. life is all about change, and rolling with it.
i just think everyone needs to take responsibility for their own happiness. while my family is very important to me, i do not want to feel dependant on them, nor them on me...for traditions, happiness....etc...it's all choice.
I think this is very good advice...it's just like if someone you are close to passes away...they can still be a part of your holiday. They may not physcially be with you...but you can incorporate special things you shared with them into your traditions. That's why I like having the special german pastries my grandmom made every christmas...and like setting up her manger...and watching the christmas movies I watched with my grandparents when I was young. I'm not spending Christmas with them...but they are still a part of it for me. You can do that no matter the situation or the reason you're not with the people you care about.
And as for taking responsibility for your own happiness...that's not "spin" it's just sensible. You can't change people or control their choices...all you can do is change how you deal with it. Understanding that has saved me a lot of frustration and hurt.
But this isn't a question of people's "personal preferences and beliefs" it is a problem facing us and we have to change the way we think about those "personal preferences and beliefs" we have to stop and say these are the values I accept- should I be? Are values true or are they a product of the conventional wisdom? is this conventional wisdom hurting anyone?
differing perspectives...b/c i don't see any problems here, nor do i see any of this as conventional wisdom wither. however, again, i don't expect you or anyone to see the world the same way as i do.
it's just like if someone you are close to passes away...they can still be a part of your holiday. They may not physcially be with you...but you can incorporate special things you shared with them into your traditions. That's why I like having the special german pastries my grandmom made every christmas...and like setting up her manger...and watching the christmas movies I watched with my grandparents when I was young. I'm not spending Christmas with them...but they are still a part of it for me. You can do that no matter the situation or the reason you're not with the people you care about.
And as for taking responsibility for your own happiness...that's not "spin" it's just sensible. You can't change people or control their choices...all you can do is change how you deal with it. Understanding that has saved me a lot of frustration and hurt.
that's really beautiful.
i know you are having a big change for your holidays this year....and i am sure spectacular! i cannot imagine your family begrudging you such happiness simply b/c you won't be with them, either. we grow, we change, life takes on new directions...hopefully all realize this, accept this...and make their own holidays special.
and....absolutely. how i choose to feel is how i am. not an easy road at times, but it is a lesson i continue to learn. i know my holidays have changed dramatically the past couple years...for me...even better. i count myself as fortunate b/c i feel that ALL my holiday celebrations in my life, to childhood right up to today...have all been special and magical....sometimes with some frustrations/growing pains....but i am happy we all manage to get thru them b/c i am so happy they continue to change, and i think, keep getting better.....all so special, and different over time. life IS change.
Christmas does lose its magic after the secret of Santa is revealed. But for those of us that have kids, you get it back because you're the one creating it now. I'm not saying run out and have kids just so you'll like Christmas again. I'm just saying that's what it does for me.
BUT, if you don't have kids or don't plan to have any, then you don't have to experience a night like I had last night with a sick 6 month old who couldn't sleep more than 47 seconds at a time. Fuck that shit.
See, there's checks and balances in everything.
I miss my boys being little....Christmas is still so much fun with them, but it is truly the best when they all still believe in Santa. Those were years were awesome! Very magical...and you get to be a kid all over again.
6 months old is the cutest age!
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
i know you are having a big change for your holidays this year....and i am sure spectacular! i cannot imagine your family begrudging you such happiness simply b/c you won't be with them, either. we grow, we change, life takes on new directions...hopefully all realize this, accept this...and make their own holidays special.
Thank you! Exactly...my family is disappointed that I won't be here this year because I'm a big kid when it comes to Christmas and I think I cling to the traditions the tightest...so you know what we did? We rolled with it and celebrated on December 8th Had the tree...the presents...the music...the big dinner and everything. They'll celebrate on the 25th again, as will I, but this way we could still have our celebration together. Now everyone gets to have 2 Christmases this year
and....absolutely. how i choose to feel is how i am. not an easy road at times, but it is a lesson i continue to learn. i know my holidays have changed dramatically the past couple years...for me...even better. i count myself as fortunate b/c i feel that ALL my holiday celebrations in my life, to childhood right up to today...have all been special and magical....sometimes with some frustrations/growing pains....but i am happy we all manage to get thru them b/c i am so happy they continue to change, and i think, keep getting better.....all so special, and different over time. life IS change.
Again...I agree. I didn't reply to this thread initially because my response would have been too long...my traditions have changed so many times depending on who I've been with and where I've been...but they are all special.
I miss my boys being little....Christmas is still so much fun with them, but it is truly the best when they all still believe in Santa. Those were years were awesome! Very magical...and you get to be a kid all over again.
6 months old is the cutest age!
oxc
just found out tonight...he has a respitory (sp?) virus and 2 ear infections. poor little fella.
Thank you! Exactly...my family is disappointed that I won't be here this year because I'm a big kid when it comes to Christmas and I think I cling to the traditions the tightest...so you know what we did? We rolled with it and celebrated on December 8th Had the tree...the presents...the music...the big dinner and everything. They'll celebrate on the 25th again, as will I, but this way we could still have our celebration together. Now everyone gets to have 2 Christmases this year
Again...I agree. I didn't reply to this thread initially because my response would have been too long...my traditions have changed so many times depending on who I've been with and where I've been...but they are all special.
see? it really IS all perspective, and what you make of it. while we don't go for it whole-hog like that...we do make sure to get together simply to be together.....and it's all good. there is no 'right' way to do ANYthing in this world, why would the holidays be any different? i know some people who do some pretty non-tradtional celebrating, with not a bit of family to be seen....and they seem to have beautiful memories. you find what works...and that changes with time.
my 'tradtions' haven't changed all that much until recently...and even now, i don't think it's all so 'different'....just the location/participants scaled down some. i have been very fortunate in my life, no real stresses with the holidays....and at this point, especially me being the youngest of my family, all have pretty much become flexible about it all, roll with it, and i am sure no matter what we may all choose down the road, we all know how we love each other and will always 'fit' into each others' lives...even if not necesaarily, always, on the actual holidays. life is too short to be boxed into 'one way' of living it.
i LOVE the holidays....and however it gets celebrated....all good. the fact that i am here for another christmas, with a rather cozy life another year....that alone is cause for celebration.
see? it really IS all perspective, and what you make of it. while we don't go for it whole-hog like that...we do make sure to get together simply to be together.....and it's all good. there is no 'right' way to do ANYthing in this world, why would the holidays be any different? i know some people who do some pretty non-tradtional celebrating, with not a bit of family to be seen....and they seem to have beautiful memories. you find what works...and that changes with time.
my 'tradtions' haven't changed all that much until recently...and even now, i don't think it's all so 'different'....just the location/participants scaled down some. i have been very fortunate in my life, no real stresses with the holidays....and at this point, especially me being the youngest of my family, all have pretty much become flexible about it all, roll with it, and i am sure no matter what we may all choose down the road, we all know how we love each other and will always 'fit' into each others' lives...even if not necesaarily, always, on the actual holidays. life is too short to be boxed into 'one way' of living it.
i LOVE the holidays....and however it gets celebrated....all good. the fact that i am here for another christmas, with a rather cozy life another year....that alone is cause for celebration.
Hey D2D! I was wondering. Could you maybe add 3 or 400 hundred more words per post. Thanks.
Hey D2D! I was wondering. Could you maybe add 3 or 400 hundred more words per post. Thanks.
And Merry Christmas;)
for you? have you been a good boy?
i'll see what i can do.
apparently many just do not have the comprehension to read in paragraph form, or so i have recently been informed. eh well, just reduces how many read my posts...but apparently doesn't stop em from responding!
btw - that joke got old with lou, so you do no service to humor by ressurrecting it.
and truly..a very MERRY CHRISTMAS to you and yours, and everyone here!
for you? have you been a good boy?
i'll see what i can do.
apparently many just do not have the comprehension to read in paragraph form, or so i have recently been informed. eh well, just reduces how many read my posts...but apparently doesn't stop em from responding!
btw - that joke got old with lou, so you do no service to humor by ressurrecting it.
and truly..a very MERRY CHRISTMAS to you and yours, and everyone here!
You know, it's funny you mention that, because that's exactly why I said it. I miss my dawg. I'm sure he would want me to pick on you at least once over the holidays;)
Anyway, I hope all is well with you and yours. May Santa bring you lots of sex, I mean presents:)
You know, it's funny you mention that, because that's exactly why I said it. I miss my dawg. I'm sure he would want me to pick on you at least once over the holidays
Anyway, I hope all is well with you and yours. May Santa bring you lots of sex, I mean presents
i'm sure.
*wipes tear*
it is...and don't *correct* yourself, you were right the first time. that's tops on the wishlist.......LOTs of it....tis the best gift, and...just keeps on giving. with chocolate, of course. :cool:
christmas eve is usually my fave part of the holiday...........:D
Thank you! Exactly...my family is disappointed that I won't be here this year because I'm a big kid when it comes to Christmas and I think I cling to the traditions the tightest...so you know what we did? We rolled with it and celebrated on December 8th Had the tree...the presents...the music...the big dinner and everything. They'll celebrate on the 25th again, as will I, but this way we could still have our celebration together. Now everyone gets to have 2 Christmases this year
This is great.....as a mom of 4 sons.....I will never ever make my sons feel bad if they want to spend Christmas with their significants other/wife or friends. We can always have a celebration another day....Christmas in August for all I care, the actual day means nothing, just as long as we are all together!
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
I think this is very good advice...it's just like if someone you are close to passes away...they can still be a part of your holiday. They may not physcially be with you...but you can incorporate special things you shared with them into your traditions.
you did not just liken someone blowing you off to them dying...
or maybe we don't see YOUR view of the big picture. there is a difference....and it's all good.
i hope you manage to find a way to be happy during the holidays, it really IS up to you...whether you want to see it like that or not. so i do wish you a very merry christmas, happy new year...and all that good stuff!
just found out tonight...he has a respitory (sp?) virus and 2 ear infections. poor little fella.
That is horrible! I hope he is on the mend quickly...would stink for him to be so sick for his first Xmas. Do you guys keep him in bed with you when he is sick, or just sit in a rocking chair holding him all night? It is the worst when they can't breathe. My kids are so close in age, when they were little and would get sick at the same time, we would have 3 vaporizers going, the wallpaper would be peeling from their bedroom walls!!!! And we wouldn't sleep for days on end...ah those were the days! Good thing I was young.
My 18 year old was sick this week....strep throat, still makes you feel really bad for them. I can't call him little though...6' and a body builder!!! He had to take 2 college finals in bad shape. Hope he did ok....he needs the grades
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
That is horrible! I hope he is on the mend quickly...would stink for him to be so sick for his first Xmas. Do you guys keep him in bed with you when he is sick, or just sit in a rocking chair holding him all night? It is the worst when they can't breathe. My kids are so close in age, when they were little and would get sick at the same time, we would have 3 vaporizers going, the wallpaper would be peeling from their bedroom walls!!!! And we wouldn't sleep for days on end...ah those were the days! Good thing I was young.
My 18 year old was sick this week....strep throat, still makes you feel really bad for them. I can't call him little though...6' and a body builder!!! He had to take 2 college finals in bad shape. Hope he did ok....he needs the grades
oxc
we have to do breathing treatments every four hours but he does have some numbing dops for his ears.
my middle child was on the nebulizer for about 8 months. we adapt to it. i'd rather deal with this than something much worse. afterall, it's just sleep.
we have to do breathing treatments every four hours but he does have some numbing dops for his ears.
my middle child was on the nebulizer for about 8 months. we adapt to it. i'd rather deal with this than something much worse. afterall, it's just sleep.
he'll be fine. it'll just be a few days.
Great attitude....it is just sleep and everything you do for them with love and kindness while they are young and need you so completely, comes back to you ten fold. I will send him good vibes.
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
or maybe we don't see YOUR view of the big picture. there is a difference....and it's all good.
i hope you manage to find a way to be happy during the holidays, it really IS up to you...whether you want to see it like that or not. so i do wish you a very merry christmas, happy new year...and all that good stuff!
It's not just *my* view. it is being studied by scientists all over the country! It's something we have to address- I'm not talking about who celebrates christmas with whom- nothing so specific- I'm talking about the values we have created that are out of whack and the problems that can create. it causes discrimination and abandoned elderly people and children who can't interact with others and people losing the benefits that stem from friendships and familial relationships and communities and the third place. And the issue of celebrating christmas here that we have been discussing- if you look at things people have been saying and the weight they place on the values of the opposing parties involved in these situations...if you look at where the responsibilities and sacrifices have been placed...it's just a pure example that this is actually happening. it's clearly not equitable! we are placing more on one situation than we are on the other but without any real rational reason for it. Infact, there are plenty of reasons for why it is actually IRrational.
And I *am* happy! I'm kinda pissed about my selfish relatives fucking up christmas, but I'm not unhappy in general!
GTD.....Just a suggestion, how about you invite everyone over for the holiday...or close to it, and have your own special personal celebration? This way you could start traditions that become sacred for you for your the of your life.
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Comments
It's safe to say that everyone in here reads and thinks. However, the content of the literature and thoughts may help persuade emotional mood..
Again, talking in general terms..
put on a slow, dumb show for you
and crack you up
so you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
god I'm very, very frightening
and I'll overdo it'
gtd, is someone 'abandoning' you this holiday season?
and i don't mean this in a negative way, by your posts, i sense someone hurt your feelings
well, I just don't get to see my relatives anymore for christmas, so it's kind of like what's the point. Also I feel bad for people whose kids/siblings/parents/whoever don't want to spend holidays with them anymore for no other reason than convention.
I've just been doing a lot of reading and thinking on these types of topics recently, so the situation in my family has started to make more sense given general societal trends, and I am starting to recognize the nature of it all as being a very negative thing that should be changed. I'm not completely nuts- these things ARE being studied by sociologists and other social scientists as we speak.
it's been pretty well covered already, but i have to chime in anyway.
there is NO way in this world i rather spend the holidays with ANYone over my husband. period. adults need to suck it up and grow up, and realize that 'family' is flexible and grows/changes...and accept the changes that come with it. i am 'lucky' in the fact that my husband's family was never close....rather dysfunctional really :(...sad for his childhood, but made our holiday tradtions 'easy.' as in, we spend every holiday with my family. our marriage actually brought his family a bit 'closer'...b/c family is important to me, and so we did things to bring people together. no issues. however, even in time issues develop b/c once you 'aways' do something one way, and eventually want change - as in for us, NOT going to my sister's in NJ anymore ON the holiday - people still get upset. i say, oh fucking well...get over it. and she has....and now we ALL have new tradtions we're all happier with.
and for those who say christmas 'magic' is gone...or only exists if you have kids in your life...i whole-heartedly disagree. it may not be the 'same' as when i was a child...but i still fully feel the spirit and magic of the holiday...and i absolutely adore christmas.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
what if your sister had nothing else to do (no alternative "new tradition") though? What if EVERYONE in her life decided to make the same decision you did and spend the holidays away from her? Know what I'm sayin'?
no one has.....she already had a husband and children, and as it happens, yes....my immediate family DID make the choice all at the same time. it was time. we've spent almost a lifetime of going there spending it with her kids, etc...the traffic, the aggravation....seemed utterly ridiculous when we are all so close here, so easy....and get together at another time.
you are not 'abandoned' either....you have your immediate family. and ya know what? even if you didn't...there are PLENTY of people out on their own, and they create new traditions for themselves, friends, etc. life is all about change, and rolling with it.
i just think everyone needs to take responsibility for their own happiness. while my family is very important to me, i do not want to feel dependant on them, nor them on me...for traditions, happiness....etc...it's all choice. my husband is the single most important person to me on this earth. it does not diminish the love i have for my family.....and if at times things clash, yes, i always choose my husband first. however, i really don't *expect* anyone to do anything...i want all to choose what's right for them....and i always hope we all find time for each other, which we do, just not on some specified date that falls on the calendar.
c'est la vie. i am not telling you or anyone else how to live. i am all for live and let live. i merely offered MY personal perspective, and i suspect many a married/cohabitating couple feels the same.
so while i 'know what you're sayin'.....i simply disagree with it. if you're an adult....you can manage and grow and not pout over the changes in life. you can take them as opportunities, or choose to wallow.....either is a choice.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
right that's YOUR specific situation. I'm trying to make a point that is not dependent on specific situations. I referenced it in the hypothetical as an example.
right, I am not completely abandoned either. but again, that is my specific situation. there are people who are. and you know what, if I were I would be fucking PISSED. Because how on earth do you make a "new holiday tradition" for yourself? Do you sit there alone by the tree and exchange presents with yourself? yeah that doesn't sound depressing at all.
I'm sorry, I think people you love leaving you for someone else is reason to pissed. I don't think we, as a society, should "accept" shit like that and roll with it. It's just sick behavior. You d2d remind me very much of one of my friends- the queen of spin. you say things that sound very good and positive like "responsible for own happiness" to justify your own opinions and not "sound negative". Sometimes there ARE things that are wrong in this world and spinning them is just shoving them under the carpet.
and all of this is not just about people's personal feelings being hurt either. the increasing insulation of the suburban family is a going to amount to huge problem in this country.
you want to be pissed, be pissed...that's your choice. i see it very differently. i don't see anyone 'leaving' anyone..i see people making new life choices. adults do that. some make poor choices for themselves or others, some make great choices...and so it goes. it is up to us, as indicviduals, to work on our own lives and choices. again, i was not telling you nor anyone how they *should* act/live/behave...we all have to make our own choices.
also, i honestly couldn't care less what you or just about anyone else may think of my ideas or choices...so i feel no need/desire to *justify* any of em. i merely stated my personal choices/beliefs...and said as much. so yea, see/say what you will..i don't think i am 'spinning' anything...but i also do not abandon anyone either. i don't think any of my family/friends would EVER think such about me.
for me, what i say and do IS positive and good, to me...thus why i choose to do and think as i do...b/c it IS positive and good imo, in my life. others will make other choices. everyone needs to make their own happiness. if that's 'spin' in your opinion, so be it....that really has nothing to do with me or my life choices.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
But this isn't a question of people's "personal preferences and beliefs" it is a problem facing us and we have to change the way we think about those "personal preferences and beliefs" we have to stop and say these are the values I accept- should I be? Are values true or are they a product of the conventional wisdom? is this conventional wisdom hurting anyone?
Why would you start was has no end?
And as for taking responsibility for your own happiness...that's not "spin" it's just sensible. You can't change people or control their choices...all you can do is change how you deal with it. Understanding that has saved me a lot of frustration and hurt.
differing perspectives...b/c i don't see any problems here, nor do i see any of this as conventional wisdom wither. however, again, i don't expect you or anyone to see the world the same way as i do.
that's really beautiful.
i know you are having a big change for your holidays this year....and i am sure spectacular! i cannot imagine your family begrudging you such happiness simply b/c you won't be with them, either. we grow, we change, life takes on new directions...hopefully all realize this, accept this...and make their own holidays special.
and....absolutely. how i choose to feel is how i am. not an easy road at times, but it is a lesson i continue to learn. i know my holidays have changed dramatically the past couple years...for me...even better. i count myself as fortunate b/c i feel that ALL my holiday celebrations in my life, to childhood right up to today...have all been special and magical....sometimes with some frustrations/growing pains....but i am happy we all manage to get thru them b/c i am so happy they continue to change, and i think, keep getting better.....all so special, and different over time. life IS change.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
I miss my boys being little....Christmas is still so much fun with them, but it is truly the best when they all still believe in Santa. Those were years were awesome! Very magical...and you get to be a kid all over again.
6 months old is the cutest age!
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Again...I agree. I didn't reply to this thread initially because my response would have been too long...my traditions have changed so many times depending on who I've been with and where I've been...but they are all special.
just found out tonight...he has a respitory (sp?) virus and 2 ear infections. poor little fella.
Why would you start was has no end?
see? it really IS all perspective, and what you make of it. while we don't go for it whole-hog like that...we do make sure to get together simply to be together.....and it's all good. there is no 'right' way to do ANYthing in this world, why would the holidays be any different? i know some people who do some pretty non-tradtional celebrating, with not a bit of family to be seen....and they seem to have beautiful memories. you find what works...and that changes with time.
my 'tradtions' haven't changed all that much until recently...and even now, i don't think it's all so 'different'....just the location/participants scaled down some. i have been very fortunate in my life, no real stresses with the holidays....and at this point, especially me being the youngest of my family, all have pretty much become flexible about it all, roll with it, and i am sure no matter what we may all choose down the road, we all know how we love each other and will always 'fit' into each others' lives...even if not necesaarily, always, on the actual holidays. life is too short to be boxed into 'one way' of living it.
i LOVE the holidays....and however it gets celebrated....all good.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Hey D2D! I was wondering. Could you maybe add 3 or 400 hundred more words per post. Thanks.
And Merry Christmas;)
Why would you start was has no end?
for you? have you been a good boy?
i'll see what i can do.
apparently many just do not have the comprehension to read in paragraph form, or so i have recently been informed. eh well, just reduces how many read my posts...but apparently doesn't stop em from responding!
btw - that joke got old with lou, so you do no service to humor by ressurrecting it.
and truly..a very MERRY CHRISTMAS to you and yours, and everyone here!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
You know, it's funny you mention that, because that's exactly why I said it. I miss my dawg. I'm sure he would want me to pick on you at least once over the holidays;)
Anyway, I hope all is well with you and yours. May Santa bring you lots of sex, I mean presents:)
Why would you start was has no end?
i'm sure.
*wipes tear*
it is...and don't *correct* yourself, you were right the first time.
christmas eve is usually my fave part of the holiday...........:D
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
This is great.....as a mom of 4 sons.....I will never ever make my sons feel bad if they want to spend Christmas with their significants other/wife or friends. We can always have a celebration another day....Christmas in August for all I care, the actual day means nothing, just as long as we are all together!
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
you did not just liken someone blowing you off to them dying...
or maybe we don't see YOUR view of the big picture. there is a difference....and it's all good.
i hope you manage to find a way to be happy during the holidays, it really IS up to you...whether you want to see it like that or not. so i do wish you a very merry christmas, happy new year...and all that good stuff!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
What do you mean?
Why would you start was has no end?
That is horrible! I hope he is on the mend quickly...would stink for him to be so sick for his first Xmas. Do you guys keep him in bed with you when he is sick, or just sit in a rocking chair holding him all night? It is the worst when they can't breathe. My kids are so close in age, when they were little and would get sick at the same time, we would have 3 vaporizers going, the wallpaper would be peeling from their bedroom walls!!!! And we wouldn't sleep for days on end...ah those were the days! Good thing I was young.
My 18 year old was sick this week....strep throat, still makes you feel really bad for them. I can't call him little though...6' and a body builder!!! He had to take 2 college finals in bad shape. Hope he did ok....he needs the grades
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
we have to do breathing treatments every four hours but he does have some numbing dops for his ears.
my middle child was on the nebulizer for about 8 months. we adapt to it. i'd rather deal with this than something much worse. afterall, it's just sleep.
he'll be fine. it'll just be a few days.
Why would you start was has no end?
Great attitude....it is just sleep and everything you do for them with love and kindness while they are young and need you so completely, comes back to you ten fold. I will send him good vibes.
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
It's not just *my* view. it is being studied by scientists all over the country! It's something we have to address- I'm not talking about who celebrates christmas with whom- nothing so specific- I'm talking about the values we have created that are out of whack and the problems that can create. it causes discrimination and abandoned elderly people and children who can't interact with others and people losing the benefits that stem from friendships and familial relationships and communities and the third place. And the issue of celebrating christmas here that we have been discussing- if you look at things people have been saying and the weight they place on the values of the opposing parties involved in these situations...if you look at where the responsibilities and sacrifices have been placed...it's just a pure example that this is actually happening. it's clearly not equitable! we are placing more on one situation than we are on the other but without any real rational reason for it. Infact, there are plenty of reasons for why it is actually IRrational.
And I *am* happy! I'm kinda pissed about my selfish relatives fucking up christmas, but I'm not unhappy in general!
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown