how do you find yourself?

writersu

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

he blames me for the drugs...says being with me makes him want to use...talk about making someone feel shitty!

oh, got it. "you are so fucked up, you make me feel like getting fucked up".wtf???right??

and then also I know this from experience that when I use to hear my husband tell me that when he would drink it was to get away from my bitching........about drinking???hello???

rehab disclosed he started at the age of twelve. I didn't know him then. go figure.

CHANGEinWAVES

writersu wrote:

oh, got it. "you are so fucked up, you make me feel like getting fucked up".wtf???right??

and then also I know this from experience that when I use to hear my husband tell me that when he would drink it was to get away from my bitching........about drinking???hello???

rehab disclosed he started at the age of twelve. I didn't know him then. go figure.

now his rehab has told him that the guilt he feels around me leads to stress and stress is a trigger...so basically they told him I was his trigger! so he can't be around me....how the fuck will we ever do the shit we need to do to get rid of our house and get a divorce.
**maybe i'll find myself when he's not constantly bashing me down!

writersu

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

now his rehab has told him that the guilt he feels around me leads to stress and stress is a trigger...so basically they told him I was his trigger! so he can't be around me....how the fuck will we ever do the shit we need to do to get rid of our house and get a divorce.
**maybe i'll find myself when he's not constantly bashing me down!

oh, gee what a great thing to have; a drug problem and a reason to blame it on. when we went to rehab, the abusers were treated like gods and we were the shit. We would split it into 2 groups, and that was a good thing because our leader was so kind. And the addicts had their own little group and then we would meet together and i got the leader who would be such a bitch asking these confrontational questions that just were so mean.
I stopped going. I had gotten emotionally beat up enough by then. you know?
just like anything, counseling can be a great thing but the wrong counselor is really a bad thing.

CHANGEinWAVES

writersu wrote:

oh, gee what a great thing to have; a drug problem and a reason to blame it on. when we went to rehab, the abusers were treated like gods and we were the shit. We would split it into 2 groups, and that was a good thing because our leader was so kind. And the addicts had their own little group and then we would meet together and i got the leader who would be such a bitch asking these confrontational questions that just were so mean.
I stopped going. I had gotten emotionally beat up enough by then. you know?
just like anything, counseling can be a great thing but the wrong counselor is really a bad thing.

yes that's exactly how it was when i went! there were times when i would cry..cause at this point he had asked me for a divorce but said he needed me there with him so it was so painful to go and not know what to call myself. when i would cry (not sobbing but a few tears) the therapist would look at me like i was horrible and all the other addicts in the room would look at my husband in pity.. as if "poor addict for having to deal with this idiot"
just thinking about it I feel like screaming! I think things like this are what separated me from myself. It's hard to know yourself when you're sacrificing so much to save something that's not there.

writersu

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

yes that's exactly how it was when i went! there were times when i would cry..cause at this point he had asked me for a divorce but said he needed me there with him so it was so painful to go and not know what to call myself. when i would cry (not sobbing but a few tears) the therapist would look at me like i was horrible and all the other addicts in the room would look at my husband in pity.. as if "poor addict for having to deal with this idiot"
just thinking about it I feel like screaming! I think things like this are what separated me from myself. It's hard to know yourself when you're sacrificing so much to save something that's not there.

someone told me that the rehab hospital programs get the money from the addicts so they baby them. Like the therapist would ask questions like, "why do you care if HE drinks?!".....ummmmmm four kids have to watch this maybe? I have no spouse to talk to when he's fucked up every single day?

space has given me the thought that you don't have to be a brain surgeon to figure out that being with a person like that is too much work to take on unless you loved him intensely and this came on suddenly and you felt the hope that he would really want to stop.
but, then once they stop, they are treated like gods. and dragging behind them are the co dependents who didn't get a makeover.

CHANGEinWAVES

writersu wrote:

but, then once they stop, they are treated like gods. and dragging behind them are the co dependents who didn't get a makeover.

WOW! this defines my life now! Even though we're getting divorced he's the one everything revolves around since HE'S doing the steps...and he gets to put me down for being the co-dependent. The other day he even told me something i said was co-dependent speak and i needed to work on that....HE TOLD ME I NEEDED TO WORK ON SOMETHING!
i guess why i need to find myself is because who i thought i was after 10 years with him is not who i want to be...i need to be myself with out him.

LONGRD

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

Honestly, I don't even know where to start looking!

i'm somewhat in the same stage i guess. dont how to compare it though.

for majority of my life so far, i've always tried to live a life to please others and be the supporting cast. so in a way, i never truly did things or seeked thing for myself or own welfare. always enjoyed myself in the hands of other people's company.

but now i'm in a stage of my life where many people from the past have disappeared or are afar and i'm tryin' to walk my own path. right now, i don't know where that path is taking me.

so right now, i stay active, regardless if i'm occupied by myself.

CHANGEinWAVES

LongRd. wrote:

i'm somewhat in the same stage i guess. dont how to compare it though.

for majority of my life so far, i've always tried to live a life to please others and be the supporting cast. so in a way, i never truly did things or seeked thing for myself or own welfare. always enjoyed myself in the hands of other people's company.

but now i'm in a stage of my life where many people from the past have disappeared or are afar and i'm tryin' to walk my own path. right now, i don't know where that path is taking me.

so right now, i stay active, regardless if i'm occupied by myself.

it does seem as if we're in the same stage in life. It's very lonely and that's hard to deal with.

LONGRD

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

it does seem as if we're in the same stage in life. It's very lonely and that's hard to deal with.

seem so right now. it's just as hard to deal with a mutual dependency as well.

CHANGEinWAVES

LongRd. wrote:

seem so right now. it's just as hard to deal with a mutual dependency as well.

that's true too...but it's all i'm used to.

Hinny

Try the Googles, duh.

Come on, someone had to do it.

sponger

First try to define yourself in so many words. Then think of the opposite. The self is usually the latter.

catefrances

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

he blames me for the drugs...says being with me makes him want to use...talk about making someone feel shitty!

that is the weakest piss poor excuse i have ever heard for one person fucking up not only their life, but the lives of the people who love them and whom they claim to love.

sponger

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

he blames me for the drugs...says being with me makes him want to use...talk about making someone feel shitty!

Addicts are absolute solid professionals at making excuses for themselves. I do it every day.

catefrances

sponger wrote:

Addicts are absolute solid professionals at making excuses for themselves. I do it every day.

manipulative sons of bitches who cant help but drag those around them down to their level. though i have known one or two to be so chastened by their behaviour and lack of strength that they hide away and dont want to be seen in their worst moments. unfortunately one of those i saw in the worst possible moment.

urbanhippie

Be quiet, and listen.

And then be who you want to be.

brain of c

CHANGEinWAVES wrote:

Honestly, I don't even know where to start looking!

i was behind the couch, the whole time.



with jesus. he said to say hey.

CHANGEinWAVES

Thanks everyone.
Some soul searching should bring me closer to my goal.

mdigenakis

Long walks with me and my thoughts.

CHANGEinWAVES

mdigenakis wrote:

Long walks with me and my thoughts.

All I have is me and my thoughts... And I'm not thinking anything new:(