how do you find yourself?

13

Comments

  • writersuwritersu Posts: 1,867
    he blames me for the drugs...says being with me makes him want to use...talk about making someone feel shitty!


    oh, got it. "you are so fucked up, you make me feel like getting fucked up".wtf???right??

    and then also I know this from experience that when I use to hear my husband tell me that when he would drink it was to get away from my bitching........about drinking???hello???

    rehab disclosed he started at the age of twelve. I didn't know him then. go figure.
    Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......


    Together we will float like angels.........

    In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    writersu wrote:
    oh, got it. "you are so fucked up, you make me feel like getting fucked up".wtf???right??

    and then also I know this from experience that when I use to hear my husband tell me that when he would drink it was to get away from my bitching........about drinking???hello???

    rehab disclosed he started at the age of twelve. I didn't know him then. go figure.
    now his rehab has told him that the guilt he feels around me leads to stress and stress is a trigger...so basically they told him I was his trigger! so he can't be around me....how the fuck will we ever do the shit we need to do to get rid of our house and get a divorce.
    **maybe i'll find myself when he's not constantly bashing me down!
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • writersuwritersu Posts: 1,867
    now his rehab has told him that the guilt he feels around me leads to stress and stress is a trigger...so basically they told him I was his trigger! so he can't be around me....how the fuck will we ever do the shit we need to do to get rid of our house and get a divorce.
    **maybe i'll find myself when he's not constantly bashing me down!


    oh, gee what a great thing to have; a drug problem and a reason to blame it on. when we went to rehab, the abusers were treated like gods and we were the shit. We would split it into 2 groups, and that was a good thing because our leader was so kind. And the addicts had their own little group and then we would meet together and i got the leader who would be such a bitch asking these confrontational questions that just were so mean.
    I stopped going. I had gotten emotionally beat up enough by then. you know?
    just like anything, counseling can be a great thing but the wrong counselor is really a bad thing.
    Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......


    Together we will float like angels.........

    In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    writersu wrote:
    oh, gee what a great thing to have; a drug problem and a reason to blame it on. when we went to rehab, the abusers were treated like gods and we were the shit. We would split it into 2 groups, and that was a good thing because our leader was so kind. And the addicts had their own little group and then we would meet together and i got the leader who would be such a bitch asking these confrontational questions that just were so mean.
    I stopped going. I had gotten emotionally beat up enough by then. you know?
    just like anything, counseling can be a great thing but the wrong counselor is really a bad thing.
    yes that's exactly how it was when i went! there were times when i would cry..cause at this point he had asked me for a divorce but said he needed me there with him so it was so painful to go and not know what to call myself. when i would cry (not sobbing but a few tears) the therapist would look at me like i was horrible and all the other addicts in the room would look at my husband in pity.. as if "poor addict for having to deal with this idiot"
    just thinking about it I feel like screaming! I think things like this are what separated me from myself. It's hard to know yourself when you're sacrificing so much to save something that's not there.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • writersuwritersu Posts: 1,867
    yes that's exactly how it was when i went! there were times when i would cry..cause at this point he had asked me for a divorce but said he needed me there with him so it was so painful to go and not know what to call myself. when i would cry (not sobbing but a few tears) the therapist would look at me like i was horrible and all the other addicts in the room would look at my husband in pity.. as if "poor addict for having to deal with this idiot"
    just thinking about it I feel like screaming! I think things like this are what separated me from myself. It's hard to know yourself when you're sacrificing so much to save something that's not there.


    someone told me that the rehab hospital programs get the money from the addicts so they baby them. Like the therapist would ask questions like, "why do you care if HE drinks?!".....ummmmmm four kids have to watch this maybe? I have no spouse to talk to when he's fucked up every single day?

    space has given me the thought that you don't have to be a brain surgeon to figure out that being with a person like that is too much work to take on unless you loved him intensely and this came on suddenly and you felt the hope that he would really want to stop.
    but, then once they stop, they are treated like gods. and dragging behind them are the co dependents who didn't get a makeover.
    Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......


    Together we will float like angels.........

    In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    writersu wrote:
    but, then once they stop, they are treated like gods. and dragging behind them are the co dependents who didn't get a makeover.
    WOW! this defines my life now! Even though we're getting divorced he's the one everything revolves around since HE'S doing the steps...and he gets to put me down for being the co-dependent. The other day he even told me something i said was co-dependent speak and i needed to work on that....HE TOLD ME I NEEDED TO WORK ON SOMETHING!
    i guess why i need to find myself is because who i thought i was after 10 years with him is not who i want to be...i need to be myself with out him.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • LONGRDLONGRD Posts: 6,036
    Honestly, I don't even know where to start looking!
    i'm somewhat in the same stage i guess. dont how to compare it though.

    for majority of my life so far, i've always tried to live a life to please others and be the supporting cast. so in a way, i never truly did things or seeked thing for myself or own welfare. always enjoyed myself in the hands of other people's company.

    but now i'm in a stage of my life where many people from the past have disappeared or are afar and i'm tryin' to walk my own path. right now, i don't know where that path is taking me.

    so right now, i stay active, regardless if i'm occupied by myself.
    PJ- 04/29/2003.06/24,25,27,28,30/2008.10/27,28,30,31/2009
    EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    LongRd. wrote:
    i'm somewhat in the same stage i guess. dont how to compare it though.

    for majority of my life so far, i've always tried to live a life to please others and be the supporting cast. so in a way, i never truly did things or seeked thing for myself or own welfare. always enjoyed myself in the hands of other people's company.

    but now i'm in a stage of my life where many people from the past have disappeared or are afar and i'm tryin' to walk my own path. right now, i don't know where that path is taking me.

    so right now, i stay active, regardless if i'm occupied by myself.
    it does seem as if we're in the same stage in life. It's very lonely and that's hard to deal with.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • LONGRDLONGRD Posts: 6,036
    it does seem as if we're in the same stage in life. It's very lonely and that's hard to deal with.
    seem so right now. :) it's just as hard to deal with a mutual dependency as well.
    PJ- 04/29/2003.06/24,25,27,28,30/2008.10/27,28,30,31/2009
    EV- 08/09,10/2008.06/08,09/2009
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    LongRd. wrote:
    seem so right now. :) it's just as hard to deal with a mutual dependency as well.
    that's true too...but it's all i'm used to.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • HinnyHinny Posts: 1,610
    Try the Googles, duh.

    Come on, someone had to do it.
    Binary solo..000000100000111100001110
  • spongersponger Posts: 3,159
    First try to define yourself in so many words. Then think of the opposite. The self is usually the latter.
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    he blames me for the drugs...says being with me makes him want to use...talk about making someone feel shitty!

    that is the weakest piss poor excuse i have ever heard for one person fucking up not only their life, but the lives of the people who love them and whom they claim to love.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • spongersponger Posts: 3,159
    he blames me for the drugs...says being with me makes him want to use...talk about making someone feel shitty!

    Addicts are absolute solid professionals at making excuses for themselves. I do it every day.
  • catefrancescatefrances Posts: 29,003
    sponger wrote:
    Addicts are absolute solid professionals at making excuses for themselves. I do it every day.

    manipulative sons of bitches who cant help but drag those around them down to their level. though i have known one or two to be so chastened by their behaviour and lack of strength that they hide away and dont want to be seen in their worst moments. unfortunately one of those i saw in the worst possible moment.
    hear my name
    take a good look
    this could be the day
    hold my hand
    lie beside me
    i just need to say
  • urbanhippieurbanhippie Posts: 3,007
    Be quiet, and listen.

    And then be who you want to be.
    A human being that was given to fly.

    Wembley 18/06/07

    If there was a reason, it was you.

    O2 Arena 18/09/09
  • brain of cbrain of c Posts: 5,213
    Honestly, I don't even know where to start looking!

    i was behind the couch, the whole time.



    with jesus. he said to say hey.
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Thanks everyone. :)
    Some soul searching should bring me closer to my goal.
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • mdigenakismdigenakis Posts: 1,337
    Long walks with me and my thoughts.
    "Don't let the darkness eat you up..."

    -Greg Dulli

  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    mdigenakis wrote:
    Long walks with me and my thoughts.
    All I have is me and my thoughts... And I'm not thinking anything new:(
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • SnakeSnake Posts: 2,605
    Well I found myself hiding in the corner, after I got me out of the corner ive been best buds with myself.

    But seriously, You dont necessarily have to look, just be. Allow you to be you, void of outside influences as of who you should be. It will come in its own time.


    Hope that helps :D

    Positive vibes
    Pirates had democracy too.

    "Its a secret to everybody."
  • CHANGEinWAVESCHANGEinWAVES Posts: 10,169
    Snake wrote:
    Well I found myself hiding in the corner, after I got me out of the corner ive been best buds with myself.

    But seriously, You dont necessarily have to look, just be. Allow you to be you, void of outside influences as of who you should be. It will come in its own time.


    Hope that helps :D

    Positive vibes
    Thank you:)
    The positive vibes do help!
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • writersuwritersu Posts: 1,867
    WOW! this defines my life now! Even though we're getting divorced he's the one everything revolves around since HE'S doing the steps...and he gets to put me down for being the co-dependent. The other day he even told me something i said was co-dependent speak and i needed to work on that....HE TOLD ME I NEEDED TO WORK ON SOMETHING!
    i guess why i need to find myself is because who i thought i was after 10 years with him is not who i want to be...i need to be myself with out him.


    The worse abuse is mental abuse because our minds are webbed around these words and the more we here them, the more we are sucked into it all. And I don't care how confident you are you cannot hear those words and not be consumed by self doubt.
    But the truth is that you really can't be with someone like that unless you have some issues to; if I had it more together when I met the creep, I am sure I would have seen the red flags before they turned into a forest fire.

    I know what you mean about the "who we are" thing, though. If it gives you any hope at all, some people say we all change every few years, so maybe the rethinking about your life is not a bad thing. Just try to disconnect him from the picture. Get really sharp scissors..........
    Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......


    Together we will float like angels.........

    In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
  • FinsburyParkCarrotsFinsburyParkCarrots Seattle, WA Posts: 12,223
    By thinking everybody else is lost.
  • writersuwritersu Posts: 1,867
    By thinking everybody else is lost.


    once again, Mr Blue Eyes has it answered...............
    Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......


    Together we will float like angels.........

    In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
  • writersu wrote:
    Just try to disconnect him from the picture. Get really sharp scissors..........
    and a good lawyer;)
    "I'm not present, I'm a drug that makes you dream"
  • I think looking at people like kerouac, or hesse, you need to realize ultimately they spent their entire lives trying to find themselves. Or Zach Braff who has made a career of choosing roles where they all are about finding yourself. Lats Kiss, Garden State and Scrubs are all about finding yourself. The guy has made all this movies and tv shows all about a person who is trying to find themself. And he is 33 years old.

    For me its been a wild journey. A breakdown. A cross country trip to a commune. Many long nights and days in angush wondering what to do with my life and wondering what my path was.

    One day I started volunteering at a music venue. I got a feeling I cant entirely explain or communicate. All I know is, I think about it day and night. I need to be around music and this venue. I eat breath and sleep music. It envades my sleep.

    So have I completely found myself? No. But the pieces have begun to fall together. I know my destiny is in music, what that means really i have no idea.

    So all I can say is, you will find yourself. The fact you are engaged in trying to find yourself is a good sign.

    It took awhile to find myself and my purpose and I still am looking. It seemed like I would never reach this point. Even though I know I want to spend my life in music, i dont know in what aspect that will mean. And of course I have to get a job in that sector.

    If finding onesself, having something that you do, that you dont care if you get paid for, that you want to spend all day around, and feel like yourself, and feel alive around it, then yes I found myself.
  • muppetmuppet Posts: 980
    Haven't read the thread and sorry if I sound like a cynic but trying to "find yourself" is bullshit. I mean, what does it even mean?
  • dunkmandunkman Posts: 19,646
    Honestly, I don't even know where to start looking!


    Hall of Mirrors at Blackpool Pleasure Beach.
    oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
  • writersuwritersu Posts: 1,867
    and a good lawyer;)


    let me know if you find a good 2 for 1 sale
    Baby, You Wouldn't Last a Minute on The Creek......


    Together we will float like angels.........

    In the moment that you left the room, the album started skipping, goodbye to beauty shared with the ones that you love.........
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