sorry wasn't trying to just be insulting - i mean isn't my reasoning as plausible as every one else's? I mean why can't she just be that without it being post-partum or something like that. i mean on the face of it her behavior is pretty shitty. what would you think if the same thing occured to someone that wasn't you. would you try to come up with some bs possibly made up health reason or would just consider her to be something like what I said?
I don't think calling a woman a c*** is a "plausible" reason for
her behaviour.
'hey doc, my wife is having some emotional problems, what's your
diagnosis"
"hmmm, I don't know, maybe she's just a c***"
sorry, not buying it.
we're all sentient snowflakes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm a number that doesn't count
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the nothing ventured - the nothing feigned
anyone who could hear that story and say it sounds like there is no hope in sight, ..............well, i just dont think it would take much to drive you out of a relationship.
people go through and survive much worse things than this in relationships and all turns out good. so that you can look at it and say "no hope in sight" says it all i think.
You probably never had a relationship with anyone who did hardcore drugs. Trust me, sometime there is no hope in sight when it crosses a line.
You probably never had a relationship with anyone who did hardcore drugs. Trust me, sometime there is no hope in sight when it crosses a line.
okay, thats different, i didnt hear him say one thing about his wife having a harcore drug addiction. lol. so in his case, to say ""no hope in sight" is ........silly.
how you can bring that into this shows that you are talking from a bad experience in you're own life and not really offering advice relitave to his problem.
Peace, Love.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
I don't think calling a woman a c*** is a "plausible" reason for
her behaviour.
'hey doc, my wife is having some emotional problems, what's your
diagnosis"
"hmmm, I don't know, maybe she's just a c***"
sorry, not buying it.
come on some people are just bad people - it is a plausible possible reason - or are you one of these people who thinks every bad thing someone does is blamed on something else?
and I never said PPD was a made up bs reason. i said it could be what i said or some made u bs reason - never equating PPD with a made up reason. Maybe I just wrote it wrong.
see my post above where I apologized for my original post - clearly this was not a forum to make that comment regardless if that is what my initial thoughts on the situation were.
come on some people are just bad people - it is a plausible possible reason - or are you one of these people who thinks every bad thing someone does is blamed on something else?
and I never said PPD was a made up bs reason. i said it could be what i said or some made u bs reason - never equating PPD with a made up reason. Maybe I just wrote it wrong.
see my post above where I apologized for my original post - clearly this was not a forum to make that comment regardless if that is what my initial thoughts on the situation were.
I commend you on your apology for saying his wife is a c***.
I never commented on any of the other stuff you just wrote.
we're all sentient snowflakes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm a number that doesn't count
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the nothing ventured - the nothing feigned
I had a really tough day yesterday. Sorry for the long post -but it felt good to type this out.
I am posting here looking for some insight. I find that here - there is an anonymous group of people who will give me honest feedback from different perspectives.
My wife and I have been together now for 12 years, married for 8. We have 3 children (5, 3 and 4 months old).
We have been through everything that young couples usualy face (adjusting to one another, money troubles, family troubles etc.) and always come out on top.
Last December as a result of hard work over the past 8 years I was finally given an amazing job opportunity. One where our financial troubles would go away, where there was endless possibilities (if I did a good job) for the future.
I discussed it with my wife, because it would mean much more responsibilty, longer hours and a longer commute. In the end - we thought I shouldn't turn it down and I went for it.
Part of this new job is that I am on the "crisis team" - in fact I am the leader of this team. If anything happens in the hotel (I manage a very large hotel) I have to be there. In the first 6 months I have been called 2 times (one of these calls I will outline below).
On Friday - I had a vasectomy and was out of commission for the entire weekend. My work knew that if anything came up that weekend - I coldn't come in. On Saturday night there was a apparent suicide. I received this call at 3am. By 3:30 I had informed everyone of what to do (by phone) and communicated with my boss - The Vice President. I asked them to call me as soon as everything was completed. At 6am, I got the second phone call that all was clear and everyone was going home.
This is where it all went to shit.
I was kicked out of bed, because my cell phone kept going off. I didn't think much of it - she was tired and needed some sleep. I limped (vasectomy) to the guest bedroom and slept for a couple more hours. I was kind of pissed but not going to make a case of it.
In the morning she refuses to speak with me. Won't even look at me. This went on all day. I spent the day playing with the kids and she sequestered herself to our bedroom.
2pm, she appears and says to our 5 an 3 year old "let's go to the movie's". When I ask "what about me", she said - "you stay with the baby". My five year old asks me "Daddy - why aren't you coming"? I responded by saying - it's easier for me to stay with the baby, because the movie theatre might scare her. My wife chimes in (in front of the 5 and 3 year old) "No, Daddy can come, we just don't want him". Now I am mad. I found that really mean.
At the end of the day - after the movies and after the kids are in bed she talks to me:
She is permanently kicking me out of our room. She doesn't want to feel like she is on call 24 hours.
She is unhappy being married to someone who has to work so hard.
She is mad that I can't get home in time for soccer and other activities. (With traffic - sometimes it can take 1.5 hours to get home. Even if I left right at 5pm - 6:30 is the earliest).
She is sick of explaining to the kids that I am not going to be home for dinner with them. (The kids eat dinner at 5pm).
She thinks we need to split up for awhile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When I offered to move closer to my work - she said no, she doesn't want to uproot the kids.
When I offered to quit my job and find something with less responsibility - she said no She couldn't live with that guilt.
When I offered to go to counselling - she said no.
When I asked how splitting up makes sense and have me gone permanently - when her complaint is that I am not there enough in the first place and she doesn't want to upset the kids about moving, but she is willing to upset them by kicking me out - her answer was that "at least we wouldn't expect you".
She refused to talk to me any further and I slept in the guestroom.
None of this adds up to me. After 12 years and 3 kids - why suggest leaving and give me no opportunity to turn this around? We both knew the implications of this new job. Why stay quiet and supportive for 6 months and all of the sudden decide to leave me?
I'm sorry this was so long. I just need a little perspective.
It sounds to me like this could be one of several things. First, it could be that she's been feeling like this for a while and this was the last straw. Second, it could be that she's just using this as an excuse because she really wants to end it for some other reason.
You probably need to talk to her to find out what the truth really is. If it's the first thought, you have a chance. If it's the second, there's probably not much you can do to work it out.
For a lot of women, it's really hard to admit that they are overwhelmed or feeling depressed in a way that is related to their new baby. As a result, it's easier to direct the bad feelings towards the people around you.
There's still a lot of stigma attached to this. Mothers tend to think that if they can't cope, it makes them look like a bad mother and therefore a lesser person. Sad but true!
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Thank you all. I am really glad I posted here today - there has been some great insight and I truly appreciate your time.
I am going home early today and I have arranged to take tomorrow off.
Hopefully something good will happen.
Good luck
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
I took a job back in November which I had to basically build my own business. Make or break time. And I've succeeded. But before I did it, my husband and I talked pretty long and hard about what it meant. Long hours, always on the phone, having to make sacrifices in my personal life, lack of vacation or days off, etc. But the payoff - money, self satisfaction, goals, blah blah blah, seemed to outweigh the negatives. Not to mention, where I live and my age, it's a great opportunity and not many people get to do what I do and are successful.
He said go for it.
Well, now that it's been 7 months things have changed. My husband complains that I'm always on the phone, I'm never home, when I'm home I'm distracted, I can never do anything.
Trust me, it gets old for me too. Case in point - I was on my way to Mansfield yesterday and had to turn around because I couldn't stop the work calls. That's the sacrifices I have to make. (I was NOT happy!).
But it needs to be talked out. She needs to understand that it's not always fun for YOU either. That was how I had to present it to my husband. After listening to him complain for about 5 months, I finally said to him that I get sick of it too, but I'm trying to secure a future for us. I'm taking advantage of an opportunity that not many people get. For US.
I think you need to talk to her. Make her see that it's not just about you. It's for her and your family. We need to grab opportunity while we can. And with that comes sacrifice. It's not easy, it's not fun. But we make the best of it. And it's workable.
Good luck, I feel for you!
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. "
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
I have a friend who was in the same (almost the exact same) situation. New job, three kids (one a baby). Wife started getting restless when his hours went up. He was stressed because of the new responsibilities and the fact that he was supporting everyone on his own. Almost to a tee. I like his wife a lot. She was always very cool and I always thought they had a good relationship.
So his wife moved out a couple months ago, in with her parents, took all 3 kids with her, and he was just served with divorce papers. She is going for full custody plus $6,000 a month in spousal support and child support.
My friend is a very loving father, and of course agrees that the kids need to be taken care of. He never sees them anymore. And he can't afford $6,000 a month (plus her attorney's fees). The wife is now going on extravagent vacations (using the shared credit card), leaving the kids with her parents, and not returning calls.
This is a relationship that was what most would consider a great relationship up to about 6 months ago. So sad.
Good luck to the OP. I really hope this doesn't happen to you. No one deserves that.
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I have a friend who was in the same (almost the exact same) situation. New job, three kids (one a baby). Wife started getting restless when his hours went up. He was stressed because of the new responsibilities and the fact that he was supporting everyone on his own. Almost to a tee. I like his wife a lot. She was always very cool and I always thought they had a good relationship.
So his wife moved out a couple months ago, in with her parents, took all 3 kids with her, and he was just served with divorce papers. She is going for full custody plus $6,000 a month in spousal support and child support.
My friend is a very loving father, and of course agrees that the kids need to be taken care of. He never sees them anymore. And he can't afford $6,000 a month (plus her attorney's fees). The wife is now going on extravagent vacations (using the shared credit card), leaving the kids with her parents, and not returning calls.
This is a relationship that was what most would consider a great relationship up to about 6 months ago. So sad.
Good luck to the OP. I really hope this doesn't happen to you. No one deserves that.
This is just another example of why I always suggest building a premptive War Chest if you feel it's going down that path. Be truthful to yourself. However be open to reconciliation.
You know... I meet a lot of women who are 'separated' or recently divorced and a common thread is a 'stay at home mom'. They feel neglected and not as important to the husband as his job is to him. She can never compete with an occupation or career. and her job never ends. She is always at work and she is always working.
Then, here I come... I bring her flowers and take her out to dinner and we go dancing or to listen to live music. She feels free from her job as housewife/mom.
...
That's what YOU need to do. Well, first off... you need to talk to her... no... you need to LISTEN to her. Mends things.
Then, you need to be her husband... and then, some. You need to do the thing I do for her. Bring her flowers... just for the heck of it. Don't wait for some bullshit occasion... just stop by the supermarket and pick ou a bundle of flowers. Get a sitter for the kids and take her out on a date... doesn't have to be someplace expensive... just someplace nice. And it'd be nice if she gets all dressed up.
This doesn't have to be every night... more like on a regular basis. Budget it into your household expenses.
Don't make her go out with a dirty old tomcat like me... treat her like a lady.
Allen Fieldhouse, home of the 2008 NCAA men's Basketball Champions! Go Jayhawks!
Hail, Hail!!!
hmmm... I hope the 'little better' outweighs the 'worse'
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
She could be suffering from post partum depression. You may want to look at a list of the symptoms, and possibly give her Gynecologist a call. Also in all marriages things go up and down many many times, believe me....I've been married 26 years and have almost raised four sons(not done quite yet 14 & 17 year olds). It is especially hard when you have so many needy little kids, they tend to wear you out if your hubby isn't around a lot. You might want to give her a bit to cool off and see if she comes to her senses. In the meantime....you should check into getting someone to talk to for yourself. I wish you luck.
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
You know... I meet a lot of women who are 'separated' or recently divorced and a common thread is a 'stay at home mom'. They feel neglected and not as important to the husband as his job is to him. She can never compete with an occupation or career. and her job never ends. She is always at work and she is always working.
Then, here I come... I bring her flowers and take her out to dinner and we go dancing or to listen to live music. She feels free from her job as housewife/mom.
...
That's what YOU need to do. Well, first off... you need to talk to her... no... you need to LISTEN to her. Mends things.
Then, you need to be her husband... and then, some. You need to do the thing I do for her. Bring her flowers... just for the heck of it. Don't wait for some bullshit occasion... just stop by the supermarket and pick ou a bundle of flowers. Get a sitter for the kids and take her out on a date... doesn't have to be someplace expensive... just someplace nice. And it'd be nice if she gets all dressed up.
This doesn't have to be every night... more like on a regular basis. Budget it into your household expenses.
Don't make her go out with a dirty old tomcat like me... treat her like a lady.
WOW Truly awesome advice!!! My hubby always brought me flowers the entire time the kids were little!!!
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
I am truly appreciative of all of the comments and advice that has been forthcoming over the past couple of days. I didn't expect that.
I have also received numerous PM's from quite a few people and the amount of support and kindness on this Website is not something that should be taken for granted. This is a special place indeed.
I am also happy that almost no one (and the one who did HAS apologized) has insulted my wife. I am not here to complain about her.
I should Respond to a couple of suggestions:
* I litterally bring home flowers - or dinner - or gifts once a week to show my appreciation.
* There was a suggestion that this is related to being a stay at home mom. She is currently on Mat leave for year. She is a nurse and loves her job - but also loves being away for a year - paid.
* to the girl who turned down Camden I for work - that's fucking crazy:)
So......
The last two days have been a roller coaster for the two of us.
Things continued on the same path Monday night but were much more animated and extreme. By the time I went to bed on Monday - I was numb and quite sure that there was nothing I could do to turn this around.
My best option - and was emphasized by almost everyone who responded here - was some sort of professional help. This was violently turned down.
Moving and or changing jobs - again turned down.
Literally everything I said was met with a negative response - even when my entire tone was all about being supportive.
On Tuesday morning, things started off bad again - but at some point things turned a touch. We actually ended up having an OK day in the sun with the kids. By Sundown I thought we were making some progress. Then - It went south AGAIN. More of the same, and I went to bed. I was awoken at about midnight and things were much better - and today - even better than that.
I did promise to:
* learn to delegate a bit better - I tend to protect those who report to me from work.
* Strategically book our vacation throughout the year
* I suggested that we sign ourselves up to a Golf League and Gourmet Cooking lessons - time for us, and away from the kids.
* I promised to get home before 6pm once a week.
At first - she liked it -then she said it was stupid
I now truly beleive that I am dealing with some form of depression or massive mood swing. I have never seen anything like it. 3 days ago we were best friends, 2 days ago she hated me and all that I stood for.
Everyone has mood swings - and honestly - I am used to getting in trouble from time to time - and usually once a month so to speak. But this was entirely different.
I think this thread (and topic) has moved from - "Help me understand my wife" - to "Help me understand Depression". Where did this come from? What do I do?
she really needs to see her doctor if it is PPD, depression, or whatever. she may just need to be on meds temporarily to get herself back to normal. talk to her doctor and maybe the doctor will know how to approach this situation.
No need to be void, or save up on life...
You got to spend it all
After reading this update, and your feelings on the issue of possible depression...
I think that if I were in your position, I would contact her OB-GYN. I know it probably seems weird, going behind her back like that, but it might be your best option right now. Like Helen said, there is a huge stigma about asking for help with PPD, and a lot of women try really hard to hide it. Also, like I said before, it's entirely possible that she is being a bit more candid with her doctor (if she has a good relationship with the doctor) and that the doctor might already have some clues as to what's going on with your wife's state of mind.
I hope you get some answers soon, and I wish you the best.
After reading this update, and your feelings on the issue of possible depression...
I think that if I were in your position, I would contact her OB-GYN. I know it probably seems weird, going behind her back like that, but it might be your best option right now. Like Helen said, there is a huge stigma about asking for help with PPD, and a lot of women try really hard to hide it. Also, like I said before, it's entirely possible that she is being a bit more candid with her doctor (if she has a good relationship with the doctor) and that the doctor might already have some clues as to what's going on with your wife's state of mind.
I hope you get some answers soon, and I wish you the best.
Yeah - I am so used to being 100% honest with her - that would seem very strange. This is so out of charactor.
I forgot to mention - with no offense to everyone here (becuase there is great advice here)- I am going to sit down with a counsellor just myself this week. I don't think I can handle this on my own.
wow, I really feel for you. You sound like a great guy & husband/father. I think she is overwhelmed with having to adjust with the last 4 months. Perhaps a bit of post-partim is there too, although she will never admit it. (had it myself after my first) Sounds like you are doing everything right. I would suggest seeking a counselor for yourself. Sometimes you need to know how to deal with someone. Its easier to modify your behavior instead of trying to change someone else's behavior for now. You may just need to tell her that love her more than anything else and you want to help her when she's ready. I'm sure you've done that already but just one quick, stare into her sole sentence that will maybe make her realize how lucky she is. She may like watching you squirm in a way too. She may be trying to get your attention in a different way and since you already give her positive attention she may not be phased by that anymore and sees it as part of her norm. She could be VERY TIRED too and that's making her moody. My kids are 16 mos apart and I swear I recently caught up on all the hours of lost sleep.
I truly hope this all work out for you. Best wishes to you both.
i haven't read all the responses, just a few. i gotta agree with PPD. i wouldn't do anything rash, like moving out or anything. just keep talking with her, maybe get her to see a doctor. one thing i strongly suggest, is keep her off any anti depressants. my wife went on paxil after our first child was born and it turned her into a fucking zombie. she wasn't sad anymore, but she also didn't give a shit about anything. all she wanted to do was sleep. it also made her mind wander like a mofo. while she was on that shit, she was in 3 different car accidents.
i haven't read all the responses, just a few. i gotta agree with PPD. i wouldn't do anything rash, like moving out or anything. just keep talking with her, maybe get her to see a doctor. one thing i strongly suggest, is keep her off any anti depressants. my wife went on paxil after our first child was born and it turned her into a fucking zombie. she wasn't sad anymore, but she also didn't give a shit about anything. all she wanted to do was sleep. it also made her mind wander like a mofo. while she was on that shit, she was in 3 different car accidents.
well, if you get on the right medicine and the right dose then you shouldn't be like a zombie. i'm just saying that because i can't function normally without my meds and i don't feel drugged at all. i did have to go through a few different prescriptions first, but i finally got it figured out and it's changed my life in a good way. i feel like i'm finally who i'm supposed to be.
No need to be void, or save up on life...
You got to spend it all
Yeah - I am so used to being 100% honest with her - that would seem very strange. This is so out of charactor.
I forgot to mention - with no offense to everyone here (becuase there is great advice here)- I am going to sit down with a counsellor just myself this week. I don't think I can handle this on my own.
You are a wise man. Good luck. Good vibes coming your way . . .
"What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
Comments
I don't think calling a woman a c*** is a "plausible" reason for
her behaviour.
'hey doc, my wife is having some emotional problems, what's your
diagnosis"
"hmmm, I don't know, maybe she's just a c***"
sorry, not buying it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm a number that doesn't count
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the nothing ventured - the nothing feigned
You probably never had a relationship with anyone who did hardcore drugs. Trust me, sometime there is no hope in sight when it crosses a line.
okay, thats different, i didnt hear him say one thing about his wife having a harcore drug addiction. lol. so in his case, to say ""no hope in sight" is ........silly.
how you can bring that into this shows that you are talking from a bad experience in you're own life and not really offering advice relitave to his problem.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
i didn't say in this case it was a bs made up reason - it may or may not be ppd - but it also may or may not be what i said.
i apologize for saying what i said because it was stupid to bring it up in this forum. i realize that now.
its all good.
"To question your government is not unpatriotic --
to not question your government is unpatriotic."
-- Sen. Chuck Hagel
come on some people are just bad people - it is a plausible possible reason - or are you one of these people who thinks every bad thing someone does is blamed on something else?
and I never said PPD was a made up bs reason. i said it could be what i said or some made u bs reason - never equating PPD with a made up reason. Maybe I just wrote it wrong.
see my post above where I apologized for my original post - clearly this was not a forum to make that comment regardless if that is what my initial thoughts on the situation were.
I commend you on your apology for saying his wife is a c***.
I never commented on any of the other stuff you just wrote.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm a number that doesn't count
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the nothing ventured - the nothing feigned
It sounds to me like this could be one of several things. First, it could be that she's been feeling like this for a while and this was the last straw. Second, it could be that she's just using this as an excuse because she really wants to end it for some other reason.
You probably need to talk to her to find out what the truth really is. If it's the first thought, you have a chance. If it's the second, there's probably not much you can do to work it out.
Either way, I'm sorry for ya. :(
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
I took a job back in November which I had to basically build my own business. Make or break time. And I've succeeded. But before I did it, my husband and I talked pretty long and hard about what it meant. Long hours, always on the phone, having to make sacrifices in my personal life, lack of vacation or days off, etc. But the payoff - money, self satisfaction, goals, blah blah blah, seemed to outweigh the negatives. Not to mention, where I live and my age, it's a great opportunity and not many people get to do what I do and are successful.
He said go for it.
Well, now that it's been 7 months things have changed. My husband complains that I'm always on the phone, I'm never home, when I'm home I'm distracted, I can never do anything.
Trust me, it gets old for me too. Case in point - I was on my way to Mansfield yesterday and had to turn around because I couldn't stop the work calls. That's the sacrifices I have to make. (I was NOT happy!).
But it needs to be talked out. She needs to understand that it's not always fun for YOU either. That was how I had to present it to my husband. After listening to him complain for about 5 months, I finally said to him that I get sick of it too, but I'm trying to secure a future for us. I'm taking advantage of an opportunity that not many people get. For US.
I think you need to talk to her. Make her see that it's not just about you. It's for her and your family. We need to grab opportunity while we can. And with that comes sacrifice. It's not easy, it's not fun. But we make the best of it. And it's workable.
Good luck, I feel for you!
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
I saw Hard To Imagine LIVE at MSG!
no, he took the day off, we should hear something tomorrow and hopefully it will be positive.
You got to spend it all
So his wife moved out a couple months ago, in with her parents, took all 3 kids with her, and he was just served with divorce papers. She is going for full custody plus $6,000 a month in spousal support and child support.
My friend is a very loving father, and of course agrees that the kids need to be taken care of. He never sees them anymore. And he can't afford $6,000 a month (plus her attorney's fees). The wife is now going on extravagent vacations (using the shared credit card), leaving the kids with her parents, and not returning calls.
This is a relationship that was what most would consider a great relationship up to about 6 months ago. So sad.
Good luck to the OP. I really hope this doesn't happen to you. No one deserves that.
This is just another example of why I always suggest building a premptive War Chest if you feel it's going down that path. Be truthful to yourself. However be open to reconciliation.
Today a little better
can't talk now...thanks for thinking of me.
Then, here I come... I bring her flowers and take her out to dinner and we go dancing or to listen to live music. She feels free from her job as housewife/mom.
...
That's what YOU need to do. Well, first off... you need to talk to her... no... you need to LISTEN to her. Mends things.
Then, you need to be her husband... and then, some. You need to do the thing I do for her. Bring her flowers... just for the heck of it. Don't wait for some bullshit occasion... just stop by the supermarket and pick ou a bundle of flowers. Get a sitter for the kids and take her out on a date... doesn't have to be someplace expensive... just someplace nice. And it'd be nice if she gets all dressed up.
This doesn't have to be every night... more like on a regular basis. Budget it into your household expenses.
Don't make her go out with a dirty old tomcat like me... treat her like a lady.
Hail, Hail!!!
Great. Let's throw some dishonesty into the mix.
Some people believe money is not the most important thing in life.
Hail, Hail!!!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
WOW
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
I am truly appreciative of all of the comments and advice that has been forthcoming over the past couple of days. I didn't expect that.
I have also received numerous PM's from quite a few people and the amount of support and kindness on this Website is not something that should be taken for granted. This is a special place indeed.
I am also happy that almost no one (and the one who did HAS apologized) has insulted my wife. I am not here to complain about her.
I should Respond to a couple of suggestions:
* I litterally bring home flowers - or dinner - or gifts once a week to show my appreciation.
* There was a suggestion that this is related to being a stay at home mom. She is currently on Mat leave for year. She is a nurse and loves her job - but also loves being away for a year - paid.
* to the girl who turned down Camden I for work - that's fucking crazy:)
So......
The last two days have been a roller coaster for the two of us.
Things continued on the same path Monday night but were much more animated and extreme. By the time I went to bed on Monday - I was numb and quite sure that there was nothing I could do to turn this around.
My best option - and was emphasized by almost everyone who responded here - was some sort of professional help. This was violently turned down.
Moving and or changing jobs - again turned down.
Literally everything I said was met with a negative response - even when my entire tone was all about being supportive.
On Tuesday morning, things started off bad again - but at some point things turned a touch. We actually ended up having an OK day in the sun with the kids. By Sundown I thought we were making some progress. Then - It went south AGAIN. More of the same, and I went to bed. I was awoken at about midnight and things were much better - and today - even better than that.
I did promise to:
* learn to delegate a bit better - I tend to protect those who report to me from work.
* Strategically book our vacation throughout the year
* I suggested that we sign ourselves up to a Golf League and Gourmet Cooking lessons - time for us, and away from the kids.
* I promised to get home before 6pm once a week.
At first - she liked it -then she said it was stupid
I now truly beleive that I am dealing with some form of depression or massive mood swing. I have never seen anything like it. 3 days ago we were best friends, 2 days ago she hated me and all that I stood for.
Everyone has mood swings - and honestly - I am used to getting in trouble from time to time - and usually once a month so to speak. But this was entirely different.
I think this thread (and topic) has moved from - "Help me understand my wife" - to "Help me understand Depression". Where did this come from? What do I do?
Thanks again
You got to spend it all
I think that if I were in your position, I would contact her OB-GYN. I know it probably seems weird, going behind her back like that, but it might be your best option right now. Like Helen said, there is a huge stigma about asking for help with PPD, and a lot of women try really hard to hide it. Also, like I said before, it's entirely possible that she is being a bit more candid with her doctor (if she has a good relationship with the doctor) and that the doctor might already have some clues as to what's going on with your wife's state of mind.
I hope you get some answers soon, and I wish you the best.
I forgot to mention - with no offense to everyone here (becuase there is great advice here)- I am going to sit down with a counsellor just myself this week. I don't think I can handle this on my own.
I truly hope this all work out for you. Best wishes to you both.
~D.K.S.
well, if you get on the right medicine and the right dose then you shouldn't be like a zombie. i'm just saying that because i can't function normally without my meds and i don't feel drugged at all. i did have to go through a few different prescriptions first, but i finally got it figured out and it's changed my life in a good way. i feel like i'm finally who i'm supposed to be.
You got to spend it all
You are a wise man. Good luck. Good vibes coming your way . . .
when should I break it to her That Eddie's Toronto date is on her birthday?