Just as when people presume to know somebody and what experiences they've had based on the facts they choose to reveal about themselves, which is all we can do online, but don't assume that because somebody has not experienced something, they know nothing about it or have an invalid opinion.
Anyway I've made my points... think what you like
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
I think it's possible to relate to someone else's experience even if you haven't experienced something similar yourself, as long as you give the other person the the opportunity to tell you what the experience was like for them...and then you can pull upon similar emotions/reactions/etc that you have had in other situations to develop an understanding. You will never really *know* what it was like for them...but you can absolutely relate and empathize.
Likewise, I think 2 people could have very similar experiences (going through a divorce/being an addict/losing a child) and your experience is going to still be very different from the other person's because there are so many other factors that affect these situations and the way they effect us...so again...even if you've gone through it yourself, you'll never really *know* what it was like for someone else, although you certainly may have a bit more insight, etc. My mother and I have both gone through divorces...our experiences of these situations could not be more different...we can both relate to some of the elements, but on others we are worlds apart.
I agree - all opinions are welcome...a lot of times they give me an opportunity to think about something in a way I haven't considered...and I'm always open to hearing other people's perspectives...it helps me understand them and the world better....but yeah...when it comes off as the *only* way or the way it *should* be done then it's really annoying. It's also interesting to note that some people who are the first to come off as an *expert* are also quick to dismiss everyone else's advice and opinions when offered.
well said
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Just as when people presume to know somebody and what experiences they've had based on the facts they choose to reveal about themselves, which is all we can do online, but don't assume that because somebody has not experienced something, they know nothing about it or have an invalid opinion.
Anyway I've made my points... think what you like
I agree with this too...we all choose what we want to reveal about ourselves...both online and in real life...so sometimes people don't have the full picture about us or our experiences...Some people may be comfortable being really open and painting a complete picture...and others may choose just to give little glimpses. Naturally people's perecptions are going to be based on what they DO know about us...but that may not always be accurate.
You know what really annoys me? People who think that they have the right to determine the validity of another's opinion and think that they have the right to restrict who responds to posts in a public message board. Seeing as how this entire forum has become about marriage and parenting (lame!), under your rules, oh Great Righteous Leader, no one else would ever be allowed to post.
By the way, Your Holiness, I am 30, and I have been in several romantic relationships, probably a lot more than you, and yes, they have been longer than six-months, [insert name calling]. And let's see, hmm, I also LIVE ON THIS PLANET and have the same experiences as anyone else. Furthermore, I have NEVER ONCE purported to be an "expert" on anything. And guess what? NEITHER ARE YOU. Just because one is married does not make them an expert on marriage, sorry to pop your little bubble. In a legal sense, an expert usually has a PhD on the topic and over 10 years experience. Therefore, if we all follow Your Holiness' rules here that only "experts" can post, then we'd have about 2 threads going with no responses. GET OVER IT- my opinion is as valid as your's. And you know what???? It's an f-ing message board. We're killing time here...WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE???
funny you think this thread is dedicated to you. i wonder why? it is in fact not. sure some of your posts may fall under this imo.....but plenty of others do too. believe me, i would NOT start a thread about you. so perhaps you should ge tover yourself there? this was a civil and interesting discussion for many, and it was NEVER *personal* towards anyone.....you chose to make it so. perhaps if you stopped thinking the world is focused on YOU...might serve you well. believe me, i am well aware it 'aint' all about me'...it's a good way to think, or not...all choice eh?
i am discussing a topic of interest to ME.
i have never said i am an *expert* on ANYthing...and i have never told anyone here how to go about living their lives, etc. if someone asks for advice, i may or may not offer it.....based on my personal perspective. and obviously, you've missed my points entirely, so it's a fruitless discussion. i did NOT say only *experts* should post, not at ALL. i just DISLIKE when some come off AS 'experts'...when clearly they are not, most of us are not....but some do not even possess the first-hand perspective of cetain topics.
agree, disagree.....it's all good.
do not mistake interest for 'caring'...tis not the same.
this place interests me, how and why people chose to post and share what they do, interests me. i also find it VERy interesting when threads are directed at a specific demographic and more outside that demographic chime in than not. *I* find it interesting.
helen, i agree with you. however, for certain things....doesn't matter WHAt one may choose to share or not, b/c unless they are outright LYING....as i said, for certain things, one just can't *know* without firsthand knowledge. we all can have opinions, even WELL informed opinions...but we cannot 100% fully know something we hav never fully experienced, such as what it's like to lose your spouse after 30 years, what it's like to lose a child, what it feels like to use heroin, what it's like to BE an addict, what it's like to be rped, etc, etc. yes...we all can know lots and lots.....but for somethings, 'knowing' and experiencing...not the same.
Just as when people presume to know somebody and what experiences they've had based on the facts they choose to reveal about themselves, which is all we can do online, but don't assume that because somebody has not experienced something, they know nothing about it or have an invalid opinion.
Anyway I've made my points... think what you like
spot on.
and conversely, just because someone HAS experienced something, you can't assume they know all about it.
and it ain't just 'young and bulletproff'...hahaha......but sure, i think that does come into play. haha.
and the young
they cannot see beyond...today
the wisdom the old can't give away
again tho, don't want to make this 'ageist'...b/c really that is NOT what it's about. there could be a 50 year old on here, no long-term relationships...no kids....no experience with LOTs of things, and still be the personality to *lecture* us/others on HOW 'things should be'...how to live our lives, conduct our relationships, raise children, etc. and sure...well within their 'rights' to say as they please. i just also reserve the right to find it annoying.
just like i take no issue with those who find my long posts annoying. it's all good.
obviously, i can't know for EVERYthing, but for certain subjects...it's kinda obvious. if a person asks 'who has been divorced'....and then a bunch of 22 year olds, never married all post...kinda know they're not *experts* eh? even if they are children of divorce, they do not have first-hand knowledge of what it is like to BE divorced. it's a different perspective. just one example. dunky's example of people looking for advice from PARENTS, and then those who are NOT parents, even with LOTS of life experience with children....still not quite the same as BEING a parent. also, usually, if someone DOES possess some expertise, they usually will say something like....oh i have studied X for X amount of years......or i have lived like that, etc, etc. again, dosn't make them *expert* necessarily......but it does give em a bit *more*...than someone who admits they have no experience at all, no? sorry, i just don't think a single 20 year old can really be an *expert* on what it's LIKE to be married for 20 years. EVEN if said 20 year old is in the midst of psych study of such a topic....just sayin'. i cannot know what it's like to lose a child, to give birth, to be an alcoholic, etc, etc...i have NO life experience. do i know people who have lost a child, given birth, are alcoholics, lost spouses, etc? sure. but that doesn't make me an *expert*...that's all.
Well expertise is subjective anyway. Even the experts don't agree.
Good, bad or just plain annoying I reckon we can all learn something from everyone because we're all unique. Like you said it's all good.
And if I'm annoyed or irritated I just say so, but only with what is said and not with the person so much. Granted some folk annoy me more than others, but I find that a bit of a challenge anyway. Forces me to try to think outside the box, try to see where someone is coming from and that's not a bad thing. Of course I figure I'm old enough now to be cranky when I damn well feel like and folks should be able to accept it for what it is and not get all caught up in a feud mentality but that's for them to decide. There will be people in this life of mine that get me, that challenge me to think and that understand that I may not always like what they've got to say and there are those who won't. Most days I just let it wash over me but I don't mind debating when I'm in the mood. I guess bottom line nobody likes a know it all, constantly lecturing but one would have to wonder what's missing in their life that they feel the need anyway.
I agree with this too...we all choose what we want to reveal about ourselves...both online and in real life...so sometimes people don't have the full picture about us or our experiences...Some people may be comfortable being really open and painting a complete picture...and others may choose just to give little glimpses. Naturally people's perecptions are going to be based on what they DO know about us...but that may not always be accurate.
In the japanese tradition of Bushido, it is said that a person has seven faces and three hearts. The heart they show to the world, the heart they show to their family, and the heart that is shared with no one.
To pie I will reply
But mr. justam
is who I am
"That's a repulsive combination of horrible information and bad breath."-Pickles
"Remember, death is a natural part of the workplace. So, when you see a dead body at work, don't freak out, just ring your death bell." "ting"-Toki Wartooth
I'm one of the oldest people on the Board...and I can honestly tell you the older I get....the less I know! I only know what I'm living and have lived...that is it. Until I walk in someone elses shoes....I will never judge another human being.
Luv you D2D, you always have interesting takes on life.
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
I agree with this too...we all choose what we want to reveal about ourselves...both online and in real life...so sometimes people don't have the full picture about us or our experiences...Some people may be comfortable being really open and painting a complete picture...and others may choose just to give little glimpses. Naturally people's perecptions are going to be based on what they DO know about us...but that may not always be accurate.
Exactly! I'm pretty open about talking about myself and my experiences here... but I will not mention any experiences that may put a loved one in a bad light or simply reveal something about somebody else. For this reason, you may not always have the full picture. And yes, all we CAN do is judge somebody on the information they share with us... and I'm as guilty of that as anyone... but it's not necessarily the right thing to do.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
helen, i agree with you. however, for certain things....doesn't matter WHAt one may choose to share or not, b/c unless they are outright LYING....as i said, for certain things, one just can't *know* without firsthand knowledge. we all can have opinions, even WELL informed opinions...but we cannot 100% fully know something we hav never fully experienced, such as what it's like to lose your spouse after 30 years, what it's like to lose a child, what it feels like to use heroin, what it's like to BE an addict, what it's like to be rped, etc, etc. yes...we all can know lots and lots.....but for somethings, 'knowing' and experiencing...not the same.
I can tell you I have never lied here... I just haven't revealed the FULL truth about many things, which I'm sure is true of most people here! Most of it I would tell you if we were face to face... but certainly not online... and not when it reveals stuff about other people who may not want it to be revealed.
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
In the japanese tradition of Bushido, it is said that a person has seven faces and three hearts. The heart they show to the world, the heart they show to their family, and the heart that is shared with no one.
Exactly! I'm pretty open about talking about myself and my experiences here... but I will not mention any experiences that may put a loved one in a bad light or simply reveal something about somebody else. For this reason, you may not always have the full picture. And yes, all we CAN do is judge somebody on the information they share with us... and I'm as guilty of that as anyone... but it's not necessarily the right thing to do.
I'm really open about some things...and really closed about others...I know I don't always give people a full picture...but sometimes that's just good judgment.
I'm really open about some things...and really closed about others...I know I don't always give people a full picture...but sometimes that's just good judgment.
Exactly! You never know who's reading this... there are some things best not said on an internet message board read by thousands of people :eek:
The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
and conversely, just because someone HAS experienced something, you can't assume they know all about it.
I agree. No 2 people's experiences are ever the same...no matter how similar...there are so many details that make them different...and while you may be able to relate on some levels you can't really *know* what it was like for someone else.
Exactly! I'm pretty open about talking about myself and my experiences here... but I will not mention any experiences that may put a loved one in a bad light or simply reveal something about somebody else.
me too. I have mentioned a few nameless friends, but I feel pretty bad that when it slips out- I enjoy telling stories and sometimes that gets the better of me. However I draw the line at discussing anything important about my close family and friends- I NEVER will discuss things like illness or death...it just doesn't seem right to me to put things as serious as that down on a place like this, and to discuss other people that far in depth. Other people are fine with that, so that's fine. Most of us have a line we draw.
I'm one of the oldest people on the Board...and I can honestly tell you the older I get....the less I know! I only know what I'm living and have lived...that is it. Until I walk in someone elses shoes....I will never judge another human being.
Luv you D2D, you always have interesting takes on life.
oxc
thanks pj.
i don't know how 'interesting' my thought process is, it's just *is* my thought process, and i can't help but wonder about a lot of things. i actualy really ENJOY my wonderment...and sure...this board is GREAT for sharing/discussing such eh? for better or for worse.....haha.
and i agree! the older i get, the less i feel 'certain' about things. i think jeanie touched upon that as well. tis so true. i have found i am a lot more 'open' to different ways of thought, living, choices, etc.
funny you think this thread is dedicated to you. i wonder why? it is in fact not. sure some of your posts may fall under this imo.....but plenty of others do too. believe me, i would NOT start a thread about you. so perhaps you should ge tover yourself there?
yeah right, how stupid do you think I am? I saw exactly when this thread appeared yesterday. and a bunch of people responded by referring directly to me. You're just covering your ass so you don't get banned. I love when people start threads for the purpose of bashing someone else in the third person. It's so mature and sophisticated. takes me right back to the fourth grade school yard.
Well expertise is subjective anyway. Even the experts don't agree.
Good, bad or just plain annoying I reckon we can all learn something from everyone because we're all unique. Like you said it's all good.
And if I'm annoyed or irritated I just say so, but only with what is said and not with the person so much. Granted some folk annoy me more than others, but I find that a bit of a challenge anyway. Forces me to try to think outside the box, try to see where someone is coming from and that's not a bad thing. Of course I figure I'm old enough now to be cranky when I damn well feel like and folks should be able to accept it for what it is and not get all caught up in a feud mentality but that's for them to decide. There will be people in this life of mine that get me, that challenge me to think and that understand that I may not always like what they've got to say and there are those who won't. Most days I just let it wash over me but I don't mind debating when I'm in the mood. I guess bottom line nobody likes a know it all, constantly lecturing but one would have to wonder what's missing in their life that they feel the need anyway.
absolutely.
i think because this 'place' is read...it's all typed out...we read, can refer back, etc. and also b/c there is some degree of anonimity for many here....it IS just a fascinating thing! i truly DO find it bizarre in many ways...but obviously, for the internet it is NOT bizarre, at all.
i've said it numerous times, some psych major should do their dissertation on board dynamics, b/c they seem to be eerily similar from one community to the next.....different personalities and how they interact, and it is *different* from the real world, for lack of a better term....b/c it is NOT face to face, many don't know each other, etc. it really is amazing........or maybe it just is to me. haha. dunno.
but man, from the FIRST post onwards, NOT once did i EVEr say people should be experts...or who should/shouldn't post. damn, i was really careful with the wording! beyond all that, i ALSO made it VERY clear, it's JUST MY OPINION! people can and should feel free to disagree, agree and anything inbetween. that's the whole POINT!
btw - i am not 'covering my ass'.....there is nothing to 'cover' in here. there is no name-calling, rudeness, disrespect, etc here. open to ALL. one can believe what they want.....but my reasons for starting this thread, yesterday, exactly when i did, were NUMEROUS...and not just ANY ONE poster or thread. it was cumulative, after reading quite a few things on the board...got the idea in my head, and i felt like 'putting it out there'...how anyone ELSe perceives it, is their OWN.
I think if this thread was truly malicious and dedicated to one person then it would have been closed or deleted already.
really? I don't think so. D2d posted it, and she would NEVER do that. Plus, it's all so well covered up in the wording...for example, she uses the word "people" instead of "person." You can't crack code like that.
really? I don't think so. D2d posted it, and she would NEVER do that. Plus, it's all so well covered up in the wording...for example, she uses the word "people" instead of "person." You can't crack code like that.
There is a huge list of people that do exactly what the OP described.
really? I don't think so. D2d posted it, and she would NEVER do that. Plus, it's all so well covered up in the wording...for example, she uses the word "people" instead of "person." You can't crack code like that.
I honestly think you're reading to much into it. It would be a lot of effort and frankly weird, to try so hard to get the wording so perfect just to call out one person. I truly believe that she was making a general statement. And if you follow the trend of the board lately, I totally agree with the general statement. There are plenty of examples of the integrity of this thread on numerous other threads. I don't think it was a big conspiracy theory, but an observation of someone's frustrations.
I think it's possible to relate to someone else's experience even if you haven't experienced something similar yourself, as long as you give the other person the the opportunity to tell you what the experience was like for them...and then you can pull upon similar emotions/reactions/etc that you have had in other situations to develop an understanding. You will never really *know* what it was like for them...but you can absolutely relate and empathize.
Likewise, I think 2 people could have very similar experiences (going through a divorce/being an addict/losing a child) and your experience is going to still be very different from the other person's because there are so many other factors that affect these situations and the way they effect us...so again...even if you've gone through it yourself, you'll never really *know* what it was like for someone else, although you certainly may have a bit more insight, etc. My mother and I have both gone through divorces...our experiences of these situations could not be more different...we can both relate to some of the elements, but on others we are worlds apart.
I agree - all opinions are welcome...a lot of times they give me an opportunity to think about something in a way I haven't considered...and I'm always open to hearing other people's perspectives...it helps me understand them and the world better....but yeah...when it comes off as the *only* way or the way it *should* be done then it's really annoying. It's also interesting to note that some people who are the first to come off as an *expert* are also quick to dismiss everyone else's advice and opinions when offered.
thank you, i agree with ALL your post...but i think the last paragraph really is *it* as to what i was thinking about. absolutely, differing povs AND life experiences DO give you a wider view. i was in NO way trying to dismiss that. i was simply asking WHY one might think some might be like that? or just the bizarre phenomena of a thread entitled 'if you're divorced raise your hand'....and soooo many of the posts are from people CLEARLY not divorced? again, i am NOT saying they don't have a RIGHT to post...of course they do....i just think it's odd? maybe.....unsure. i just know i read the thread b/c i was interested....but yea, i personally wouldn't have thought to post b/c yea, i am not divorced. and there are COUNTLESS topics like that, and same thing....etc. i am not 'picking on' any one thread or poster....it's ALL of it, collectively...and i guess yesterday it was just that much more *clear* in my mind....thus why i asked.....
i think because this 'place' is read...it's all typed out...we read, can refer back, etc. and also b/c there is some degree of anonimity for many here....it IS just a fascinating thing! i truly DO find it bizarre in many ways...but obviously, for the internet it is NOT bizarre, at all.
i've said it numerous times, some psych major should do their dissertation on board dynamics, b/c they seem to be eerily similar from one community to the next.....different personalities and how they interact, and it is *different* from the real world, for lack of a better term....b/c it is NOT face to face, many don't know each other, etc. it really is amazing........or maybe it just is to me. haha. dunno.
but man, from the FIRST post onwards, NOT once did i EVEr say people should be experts...or who should/shouldn't post. damn, i was really careful with the wording! beyond all that, i ALSO made it VERY clear, it's JUST MY OPINION! people can and should feel free to disagree, agree and anything inbetween. that's the whole POINT!
btw - i am not 'covering my ass'.....there is nothing to 'cover' in here. there is no name-calling, rudeness, disrespect, etc here. open to ALL. one can believe what they want.....but my reasons for starting this thread, yesterday, exactly when i did, were NUMEROUS...and not just ANY ONE poster or thread. it was cumulative, after reading quite a few things on the board...got the idea in my head, and i felt like 'putting it out there'...how anyone ELSe perceives it, is their OWN.
Yes, I think a study on the dynamics of this stuff would make an excellent sociology paper. I don't think things are that different here to other places on the internets in terms of dynamics no matter how many attempts they make on other forums to limit language and extend the time between posts and pms. (please! please! Don't get any ideas mods! ) I do find I can be more relaxed here than on other forums, I'm much more comfortable despite some people's best efforts to make it otherwise but I also feel a greater responsibility to communicate in a more consillatory fashion here. In other words I don't wanna shit where I eat.
It's an interesting discussion you got going here d2d.
Certainly some very interesting points of view to consider.
There is a huge list of people that do exactly what the OP described.
yes, I do agree with that. but I also believe this thread was started in direct response to me. I mean, it appeared RIGHT as everyone was bashing me for being in a thread "where I dont belong." (how people cannot belong in threads is beyond).
There is a huge list of people that do exactly what the OP described.
yes.
and that's the TOPIC. why is it....b/c i truly do wonder?
obviously, it IS some combination of simply human nature.....personality......and i personally believe, most definitely ALSO internet culture. thus i was, and still am, curious if others think the same as to the whys of it.
sure, it happens out in the 'real world' too, absolutely. i just think t's even more prevalent in internet communities....or that may simply be my own, personal perspective.
Yes, I think a study on the dynamics of this stuff would make an excellent sociology paper. I don't think things are that different here to other places on the internets in terms of dynamics no matter how many attempts they make on other forums to limit language and extend the time between posts and pms. (please! please! Don't get any ideas mods! : ) I do find I can be more relaxed here than on other forums, I'm much more comfortable despite some people's best efforts to make it otherwise but I also feel a greater responsibility to communicate in a more consillatory fashion here. In other words I don't wanna shit where I eat.
It's an interesting discussion you got going here d2d.
Certainly some very interesting points of view to consider.
exactly.
and it doesn't matter how much i 'expect' it...or come to 'know' it to some degree....it STILL absolutely fascinates me. then again, i have ALWAYS been such a 'people-watcher.' perhaps i should've gone for the psych degree rather than the arts and education....some might thinbk it would've been more useful - but that's another discussion. altho i will say i think arts and education HAs contributed to my overall curiosity of it all, any maybe too many psych classes in any case...so if i took more? :eek:
exactly.
and it doesn't matter how much i 'expect' it...or come to 'know' it to some degree....it STILL absolutely fascinates me. then again, i have ALWAYS been such a 'people-watcher.' perhaps i should've gone for the psych degree rather than the arts and education....some might thinbk it would've been more useful - but that's another discussion. ; ) altho i will say i think arts and education HAs contributed to my overall curiosity of it all, any maybe too many psych classes in any case...so if i took more? :eek:
it's a bizarre fecking world.......: D
You're preaching to the choir sister!
I love watching it all unfold here, seeing the different perspectives and personalities come into play and not so much now but I remember earlier on having to clarify my point of view over and over because folk didn't really understand where I was coming from. Not so much now though.
And some folk it took me ages to get a sense of them. It's a very fascinating thing to watch indeed. I think arts and education is probably better in that it allows you to observe and interpret in your own way, as opposed to psych where the onus would be on you to observe, interpret and SOLVE.
Yes, people watching, well people in general have always been a fascinating subject to study. Interaction is a very complicated process but so amazing to see when it's successful.
I love watching it all unfold here, seeing the different perspectives and personalities come into play and not so much now but I remember earlier on having to clarify my point of view over and over because folk didn't really understand where I was coming from. Not so much now though.
And some folk it took me ages to get a sense of them. It's a very fascinating thing to watch indeed. I think arts and education is probably better in that it allows you to observe and interpret in your own way, as opposed to psych where the onus would be on you to observe, interpret and SOLVE.
Yes, people watching, well people in general have always been a fascinating subject to study. Interaction is a very complicated process but so amazing to see when it's successful.
i don't wanna think, i wanna feel.....
i was just thinking about that....and yes, i think it comes down to feelings. no matter WHAT we *know*....we just can't *feel* everything if we don't actually experience it. i will NEVER know what it's like to get high on heroin. ever. people can explain it, doctors and experts study it, 'know' so much about it....but the ONLY people who can KNOW what it FEELS like, are those with DIRECT experience. so yes, it is NOT to discount the validity of opinions, but just that sometimes...i think people want to directly relate to people who HAVE experienced what they have experienced. almost all support groups are based on such thinking...so yes, i guess that's really where my mind is at. sometimes people just want to identify/share with people who DO know, first-hand.....what they too know first-hand..compare and contrast...and just share that SHARED experience....whether it be a pearl jam concert, marriage, being single, having children, visiting paris, surviving cancer, losing a spouse/child, quitting smoking, etc....without EVER being 'in their shoes'...cannot FULLY share that ALL. just my own thoughts on it.....and i personally respect that fine line....and whateva.......:p haha.
i was just thinking about that....and yes, i think it comes down to feelings. no matter WHAT we *know*....we just can't *feel* everything if we don't actually experience it. i will NEVER know what it's like to get high on heroin. ever. people can explain it, doctors and experts study it, 'know' so much about it....but the ONLY people who can KNOW what it FEELS like, are those with DIRECT experience. so yes, it is NOT to discount the validity of opinions, but just that sometimes...i think people want to directly relate to people who HAVE experienced what they have experienced. almost all support groups are based on such thinking...so yes, i guess that's really where my mind is at. sometimes people just want to identify/share with people who DO know, first-hand.....what they too know first-hand..compare and contrast...and just share that SHARED experience....whether it be a pearl jam concert, marriage, being single, having children, visiting paris, surviving cancer, losing a spouse/child, quitting smoking, etc....without EVER being 'in their shoes'...cannot FULLY share that ALL. just my own thoughts on it.....and i personally respect that fine line....and whateva.......:p haha.
Well even with people sharing an identical experience their interpretation of said experience will vary. You've only got to look at eye witness statements to see just how much they can vary! I think perhaps even if you've not experienced something that someone is talking about there still may be elements of the situation that resonate and could apply to your own experience. It's possible depending on how you interpret and communicate you could offer something very helpful to a person. That's the beauty of communication and connection it's as individual as the individuals involved and the circumstances. I've noticed myself that even on some very dark days, others that haven't experienced what I am going through can offer some really amazing help simply by being more detached from the situation than me. I've come to trust in those people and welcome their counsel because it has proven to be such a blessing. The support they give, the hand holding, the shoulder to cry on, well those things are invaluable. I don't know dream, I suppose I've been referred to support groups on numerous occasions but I'm really not comfortable seeing others suffer the same as me. I guess you can't undo what you know if that makes sense? So yes, I think sometimes it's really helpful to have people with similar experience to bounce things off but other times you really want to be with someone who's just a good listener and supports you and can offer an unbiased opinion.
i was just thinking about that....and yes, i think it comes down to feelings. no matter WHAT we *know*....we just can't *feel* everything if we don't actually experience it. i will NEVER know what it's like to get high on heroin. ever. people can explain it, doctors and experts study it, 'know' so much about it....but the ONLY people who can KNOW what it FEELS like, are those with DIRECT experience. so yes, it is NOT to discount the validity of opinions, but just that sometimes...i think people want to directly relate to people who HAVE experienced what they have experienced. almost all support groups are based on such thinking...so yes, i guess that's really where my mind is at. sometimes people just want to identify/share with people who DO know, first-hand.....what they too know first-hand..compare and contrast...and just share that SHARED experience....whether it be a pearl jam concert, marriage, being single, having children, visiting paris, surviving cancer, losing a spouse/child, quitting smoking, etc....without EVER being 'in their shoes'...cannot FULLY share that ALL. just my own thoughts on it.....and i personally respect that fine line....and whateva.......:p haha.
Speaking of being in ones shoes, this is the one I've had to deal with the most over the last few years, I love it when people who only have little children think they know it all about how to parent....especially about parenting teens....I just and think.......just wait, your fun has yet to begin! You can read all about it, and you were a teen yourself...but until you experience it with your own children....you really have no clue as to how you will parent them. My kids are the oldest of all our friends children...so it has been fun watching just how humble everyone becomes when it is their turn! I've never said a word to anyone when they have tried to tell me what I was doing wrong, or what they would do...... now they come to me...and ask for help!
oxc
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Comments
Anyway I've made my points... think what you like
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
funny you think this thread is dedicated to you.
i am discussing a topic of interest to ME.
i have never said i am an *expert* on ANYthing...and i have never told anyone here how to go about living their lives, etc. if someone asks for advice, i may or may not offer it.....based on my personal perspective. and obviously, you've missed my points entirely, so it's a fruitless discussion. i did NOT say only *experts* should post, not at ALL. i just DISLIKE when some come off AS 'experts'...when clearly they are not, most of us are not....but some do not even possess the first-hand perspective of cetain topics.
agree, disagree.....it's all good.
do not mistake interest for 'caring'...tis not the same.
this place interests me, how and why people chose to post and share what they do, interests me. i also find it VERy interesting when threads are directed at a specific demographic and more outside that demographic chime in than not. *I* find it interesting.
helen, i agree with you. however, for certain things....doesn't matter WHAt one may choose to share or not, b/c unless they are outright LYING....as i said, for certain things, one just can't *know* without firsthand knowledge. we all can have opinions, even WELL informed opinions...but we cannot 100% fully know something we hav never fully experienced, such as what it's like to lose your spouse after 30 years, what it's like to lose a child, what it feels like to use heroin, what it's like to BE an addict, what it's like to be rped, etc, etc. yes...we all can know lots and lots.....but for somethings, 'knowing' and experiencing...not the same.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
spot on.
and conversely, just because someone HAS experienced something, you can't assume they know all about it.
Well expertise is subjective anyway. Even the experts don't agree.
Good, bad or just plain annoying I reckon we can all learn something from everyone because we're all unique. Like you said it's all good.
And if I'm annoyed or irritated I just say so, but only with what is said and not with the person so much. Granted some folk annoy me more than others, but I find that a bit of a challenge anyway.
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
In the japanese tradition of Bushido, it is said that a person has seven faces and three hearts. The heart they show to the world, the heart they show to their family, and the heart that is shared with no one.
But mr. justam
is who I am
"That's a repulsive combination of horrible information and bad breath."-Pickles
"Remember, death is a natural part of the workplace. So, when you see a dead body at work, don't freak out, just ring your death bell." "ting"-Toki Wartooth
Luv you D2D, you always have interesting takes on life.
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
I like that - I think that's pretty accurate.
I'm really open about some things...and really closed about others...I know I don't always give people a full picture...but sometimes that's just good judgment.
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you
me too. I have mentioned a few nameless friends, but I feel pretty bad that when it slips out- I enjoy telling stories and sometimes that gets the better of me. However I draw the line at discussing anything important about my close family and friends- I NEVER will discuss things like illness or death...it just doesn't seem right to me to put things as serious as that down on a place like this, and to discuss other people that far in depth. Other people are fine with that, so that's fine. Most of us have a line we draw.
thanks pj.
i don't know how 'interesting' my thought process is, it's just *is* my thought process, and i can't help but wonder about a lot of things. i actualy really ENJOY my wonderment...and sure...this board is GREAT for sharing/discussing such eh?
and i agree! the older i get, the less i feel 'certain' about things. i think jeanie touched upon that as well. tis so true. i have found i am a lot more 'open' to different ways of thought, living, choices, etc.
luv ya too!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
yeah right, how stupid do you think I am? I saw exactly when this thread appeared yesterday. and a bunch of people responded by referring directly to me. You're just covering your ass so you don't get banned. I love when people start threads for the purpose of bashing someone else in the third person. It's so mature and sophisticated. takes me right back to the fourth grade school yard.
absolutely.
i think because this 'place' is read...it's all typed out...we read, can refer back, etc. and also b/c there is some degree of anonimity for many here....it IS just a fascinating thing! i truly DO find it bizarre in many ways...but obviously, for the internet it is NOT bizarre, at all.
i've said it numerous times, some psych major should do their dissertation on board dynamics, b/c they seem to be eerily similar from one community to the next.....different personalities and how they interact, and it is *different* from the real world, for lack of a better term....b/c it is NOT face to face, many don't know each other, etc. it really is amazing........or maybe it just is to me.
but man, from the FIRST post onwards, NOT once did i EVEr say people should be experts...or who should/shouldn't post. damn, i was really careful with the wording!
btw - i am not 'covering my ass'.....there is nothing to 'cover' in here. there is no name-calling, rudeness, disrespect, etc here. open to ALL. one can believe what they want.....but my reasons for starting this thread, yesterday, exactly when i did, were NUMEROUS...and not just ANY ONE poster or thread. it was cumulative, after reading quite a few things on the board...got the idea in my head, and i felt like 'putting it out there'...how anyone ELSe perceives it, is their OWN.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
really? I don't think so. D2d posted it, and she would NEVER do that. Plus, it's all so well covered up in the wording...for example, she uses the word "people" instead of "person." You can't crack code like that.
There is a huge list of people that do exactly what the OP described.
I honestly think you're reading to much into it. It would be a lot of effort and frankly weird, to try so hard to get the wording so perfect just to call out one person. I truly believe that she was making a general statement. And if you follow the trend of the board lately, I totally agree with the general statement. There are plenty of examples of the integrity of this thread on numerous other threads. I don't think it was a big conspiracy theory, but an observation of someone's frustrations.
thank you, i agree with ALL your post...but i think the last paragraph really is *it* as to what i was thinking about. absolutely, differing povs AND life experiences DO give you a wider view. i was in NO way trying to dismiss that. i was simply asking WHY one might think some might be like that? or just the bizarre phenomena of a thread entitled 'if you're divorced raise your hand'....and soooo many of the posts are from people CLEARLY not divorced?
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Yes, I think a study on the dynamics of this stuff would make an excellent sociology paper. I don't think things are that different here to other places on the internets in terms of dynamics no matter how many attempts they make on other forums to limit language and extend the time between posts and pms. (please! please! Don't get any ideas mods!
It's an interesting discussion you got going here d2d.
Certainly some very interesting points of view to consider.
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
yes, I do agree with that. but I also believe this thread was started in direct response to me. I mean, it appeared RIGHT as everyone was bashing me for being in a thread "where I dont belong." (how people cannot belong in threads is beyond).
yes.
and that's the TOPIC. why is it....b/c i truly do wonder?
obviously, it IS some combination of simply human nature.....personality......and i personally believe, most definitely ALSO internet culture. thus i was, and still am, curious if others think the same as to the whys of it.
sure, it happens out in the 'real world' too, absolutely. i just think t's even more prevalent in internet communities....or that may simply be my own, personal perspective.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
exactly.
and it doesn't matter how much i 'expect' it...or come to 'know' it to some degree....it STILL absolutely fascinates me. then again, i have ALWAYS been such a 'people-watcher.' perhaps i should've gone for the psych degree rather than the arts and education....some might thinbk it would've been more useful - but that's another discussion.
it's a bizarre fecking world.......:D
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
You're preaching to the choir sister!
I love watching it all unfold here, seeing the different perspectives and personalities come into play and not so much now but I remember earlier on having to clarify my point of view over and over because folk didn't really understand where I was coming from. Not so much now though.
And some folk it took me ages to get a sense of them. It's a very fascinating thing to watch indeed. I think arts and education is probably better in that it allows you to observe and interpret in your own way, as opposed to psych where the onus would be on you to observe, interpret and SOLVE.
Yes, people watching, well people in general have always been a fascinating subject to study. Interaction is a very complicated process but so amazing to see when it's successful.
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
i don't wanna think, i wanna feel.....
i was just thinking about that....and yes, i think it comes down to feelings. no matter WHAT we *know*....we just can't *feel* everything if we don't actually experience it. i will NEVER know what it's like to get high on heroin. ever. people can explain it, doctors and experts study it, 'know' so much about it....but the ONLY people who can KNOW what it FEELS like, are those with DIRECT experience. so yes, it is NOT to discount the validity of opinions, but just that sometimes...i think people want to directly relate to people who HAVE experienced what they have experienced. almost all support groups are based on such thinking...so yes, i guess that's really where my mind is at. sometimes people just want to identify/share with people who DO know, first-hand.....what they too know first-hand..compare and contrast...and just share that SHARED experience....whether it be a pearl jam concert, marriage, being single, having children, visiting paris, surviving cancer, losing a spouse/child, quitting smoking, etc....without EVER being 'in their shoes'...cannot FULLY share that ALL. just my own thoughts on it.....and i personally respect that fine line....and whateva.......:p haha.
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
Well even with people sharing an identical experience their interpretation of said experience will vary. You've only got to look at eye witness statements to see just how much they can vary!
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift
Speaking of being in ones shoes, this is the one I've had to deal with the most over the last few years, I love it when people who only have little children think they know it all about how to parent....especially about parenting teens....I just
oxc
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown