Why I will never go to Australia!
Comments
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Cree Nations wrote:There are two things....only two things in this world I am scared.
1 zombies
2 spiders
Some of them are more scared of you.
NOPE!!!
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift0 -
Personally, I would love to go there. I dream I'll grow old there, I love the thought of it.I came, I saw, I concurred.....0
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theres some song over here - i think a comedy group sing it - the chorus has the line :
'come to Australia - you might accidently get killed!'
and really the spiders are not all that bad - hell i had a redback in my shoe earlier this year - it only bit me a few times - the pain only kept me up all night and was akin to childbirth and tattooing - but hey im still alive
impatience is a gift ........0 -
Just yesterday a guy got bitten on the arse by a shark when he was out surfing North of Newcastle. Had to take out 2 black snakes that got too close to the house at Oberon on the weekend. But the scariest by far is the Blue Ringed Octopus. These little bastards latch on you've got a couple of minutes of excruciating pain before you drop dead of Heart failure, you'll be looking for a shark to bite you on the arse to take the edge off! Watch out around the rockpools, thats their favourite place to hang out.
Ohh but you were talking about spiders wern't ya. No need to fear them we have much more dangerous animals than that!!
Some advice from the Australian Tourisim Department:
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
__________________________________________________
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville andHervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not .... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? ( USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? ( France)
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.I can't go the library anymore, everyone STINKS!!0 -
I hate spiders too...I mean REALLY arachnophobic!Heineken Helen wrote:I like Australians, I love the Ozzies on the board here, I'm sure it's a wonderful beautiful country full of all things... great! But here's the thing, I hate spiders, little ones, big ones, whatever! But here they can't kill ya
I watched a documentary last night called 'backyard killers' about all the stuff in Oz that can kill ya funnel web spiders, snakes, crocodiles, even BEES and I didn't watch the rest. Anyway those spiders fucking freaked me out. It was like watching a horror film as the woman took the clothes off the line, put them in the basket, then it showed the spider crawl down into the clothes, she brought the basket into the house and threw the clothes on the floor as most people don't do. It then showed the spider crawl out of the clothes and into the little girls boot . Then she put her foot in and I'm screaming at the telly 'somebody tell her' . But it's ok, they called someone to sort it out: a spider expert whose job it is to remove the venom... so it zoomed in on the spider as he prodded it with tweezers to get it angry... and it JUMPED up with its fangs in the air FANGS :eek: .
Any country where the spiders have fangs, I'm sorry, but it's just not for me
Don't even try making jokes about it, like bringing me a little one..I'll whack your head off I'm so fucking scared (I'm the fight side of the 'fight or flight' survival team
)!
i lived 20 months in Oz.
Only time I saw anything worse than what we get here is taking a night tour in the jungle (near Cape Tribulation) to be shown the wildlife..there was a biggish (not tarantula or that size...more like a really big spider here) ..the tour guy said it was deadly but not dangerous (as in, if it bites you, you're dead in minutes..but you'd have to really look for it to bite you..like try to squash it with your bare hands..)...I still took a few steps back..
on the other hand in Thailand, Kho Phi Phi to be exact, I found a (small) snake on the top of the mosquito net in my hut...took a couple of twigs and carried it way out...didn't mind too much (except not knowing if it was venomous).
oh, and I helped catch a salty crocodile whilst there (Darwin).. about 8 feet long! they trap them in cages in the river (there's people living around), then we had to haul it onto the barge whilst tying it up..then we transported it to a farm/refuge. I got photos of it
only time I saw sharks was whilst diving..but they were small..and they don't bother divers normally anyway..only surfers (because sharks are stupid and a surfer looks a bit like a turtle from underneath ..divers make lots of bubbles (especially when seeing a shark!) and sharks don't like them apparently) 0 -
Austicman wrote:Just yesterday a guy got bitten on the arse by a shark when he was out surfing North of Newcastle. Had to take out 2 black snakes that got too close to the house at Oberon on the weekend. But the scariest by far is the Blue Ringed Octopus. These little bastards latch on you've got a couple of minutes of excruciating pain before you drop dead of Heart failure, you'll be looking for a shark to bite you on the arse to take the edge off! Watch out around the rockpools, thats their favourite place to hang out.
Ohh but you were talking about spiders wern't ya. No need to fear them we have much more dangerous animals than that!!
Some advice from the Australian Tourisim Department:
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
__________________________________________________
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville andHervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not .... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? ( USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? ( France)
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
That was piss funny !!
BTW, great whites are nothing to be scared of. One tried attacking a 50 yr old woman at Byron BAy recently. She beat the shit out of it and it changed it's mind.Music is not a competetion.0 -
jamie uk wrote:Personally, I would love to go there. I dream I'll grow old there, I love the thought of it.
i dream of growing old in australia too.
dont forget to bring a hat....oh and some fresh water would be nice too, thanks. hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say0 -
Jeanie wrote: Hels! Not a spider I know, but I did wander out the back last week and discover this green grocer cicada on the side of the house.
Now I snapped away planning to share the pics with you but seems my camera couldn't cope with the dark and just didn't do him justice. Plus I didn't wanna get too close in case he jumped into my face or hair or something equally scream worthy. :eek: Anyhoo, he was this beautiful vibrant sparkling green color and about the length of a standard bic cigarette lighter and probably twice as wide. Anyway, here's the pic I took AND a link to a better pic so you get a better idea. He was pretty and completely non threatening. So we do have lovely bugs here too!
http://s163.photobucket.com/albums/t312/Piesnsauce/?action=view¤t=100_1726.jpg
http://s163.photobucket.com/albums/t312/Piesnsauce/?action=view¤t=100_1730.jpg
http://www.anhs.com.au/cicada.htm
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :eek:
*hides under the desk*The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you0 -
Hahahahahahahahaaaaaaa...Austicman wrote:Just yesterday a guy got bitten on the arse by a shark when he was out surfing North of Newcastle. Had to take out 2 black snakes that got too close to the house at Oberon on the weekend. But the scariest by far is the Blue Ringed Octopus. These little bastards latch on you've got a couple of minutes of excruciating pain before you drop dead of Heart failure, you'll be looking for a shark to bite you on the arse to take the edge off! Watch out around the rockpools, thats their favourite place to hang out.
Ohh but you were talking about spiders wern't ya. No need to fear them we have much more dangerous animals than that!!
Some advice from the Australian Tourisim Department:
These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
__________________________________________________
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns,Townsville andHervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not .... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? ( USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? ( France)
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross*. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first. excellent post! The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you0 -
Pegasus wrote:
oh, and I helped catch a salty crocodile whilst there (Darwin).. about 8 feet long! they trap them in cages in the river (there's people living around), then we had to haul it onto the barge whilst tying it up..then we transported it to a farm/refuge. I got photos of it that sounds fun... there's a program you can do in South Africa where you can help catch, tag and release great whites and if you're comfortable enough you can swim with them... I'd LOVE to do something like that. The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you0 -
lucylespian wrote:That was piss funny !!
BTW, great whites are nothing to be scared of. One tried attacking a 50 yr old woman at Byron BAy recently. She beat the shit out of it and it changed it's mind. poke them in the eye... that's all ya have to do... or in the gills. The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you0 -
GreenTeaDisease wrote:hey, when I was in Ireland a SNAIL went in my shoe and then I put my foot in there. that was no picnic either!
haha. OH NO! Not a snail!
I think you've seen this before Helen but, here you go anyway. *Shudders*
http://www.fazed.org/blog/view/1/clock-spider/0 -
Heineken Helen wrote: poke them in the eye... that's all ya have to do... or in the gills.
That's also what you do with those killer snails. :eek: 0 -
:eek: why oh why oh why????MattCameronKicksButt wrote:haha. OH NO! Not a snail!
I think you've seen this before Helen but, here you go anyway. *Shudders*
http://www.fazed.org/blog/view/1/clock-spider/
I love the first reply:
'I woulda removed the clock.. not by taking it off the wall, but by setting my house on fire and never living anywhere near that location ever ever again.' Not a chance in hell would I go near that thing. The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you0 -
Heineken Helen wrote::eek: why oh why oh why????
I love the first reply:
'I woulda removed the clock.. not by taking it off the wall, but by setting my house on fire and never living anywhere near that location ever ever again.' Not a chance in hell would I go near that thing.
Yeah that one made me laugh. They said it's not poisonous though. You could keep it as a pet Helen.
My friend used to keep tarantula's. She bought the skin it shed (sp)? into work one day and everyone just legged it out of the building. The desks went flying! 0 -
Helen, you left out wasps, stingrays, stonefish, scorpion fish, box jellyfish, blue-ringed octopus, platypus, and white pointer sharks.Binary solo..0000001000001111000011100
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that's just evil!MattCameronKicksButt wrote:Yeah that one made me laugh. They said it's not poisonous though. You could keep it as a pet Helen.
My friend used to keep tarantula's. She bought the skin it shed (sp)? into work one day and everyone just legged it out of the building. The desks went flying!
well hinny, we have ticks and wasps here but the rest hmmmmm... The Astoria??? Orgazmic!
Verona??? it's all surmountable
Dublin 23.08.06 "The beauty of Ireland, right there!"
Wembley? We all believe!
Copenhagen?? your light made us stars
Chicago 07? And love
What a different life
Had I not found this love with you0 -
http://usydedu.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=31117473&l=d139c&id=219000017
My mate Megan was captured by a drop bear, in Bundaberg, Queensland.Binary solo..0000001000001111000011100 -
Heineken Helen wrote: poke them in the eye... that's all ya have to do... or in the gills.
See, nothing to be scared of. I f you can deal with a great white, a little old funnelweb spider is nothing.
Actually, paralysis ticks are ways more dangerous than both. WE get em here regularly, which is why our horses are so tame. We have to check them top to bottom,earholes, bumholes, testicles and all.Music is not a competetion.0 -
Heineken Helen wrote:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :eek:
*hides under the desk*
Hels he was really pretty! All shiny like he had sequins on.
And I admit he scared the shit out of me at first but only because he was in shadow and I thought it was a spider. But he let me photograph him for you and everything and he even smiled! NOPE!!!
*~You're IT Bert!~*
Hold on to the thread
The currents will shift0
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