Need Relationship/Female Advice!!!!

AmentsChick

markymark550 wrote:

Most nice guys aren't interested only to score. They want more, like love and a relationship, not just sex.

Which is exactly why I want a nice guy. Contrary to popular thought, not all of us are into the "bad boys".

Pauk

Nice is a terrible terrible word! I dated a girl last week and she told her friends I was a "nice guy". DOOMED!

To me (as a male) nice guy = no defining character, just an alright guy to chat to a bit and then forget.

edvedder913

AmentsChick wrote:

Which is exactly why I want a nice guy. Contrary to popular thought, not all of us are into the "bad boys".

ditto. i never have been either. i always fall for the nice guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. i give the others the boot esp. the arrogant ones.....

Heineken Helen

markymark550 wrote:

Most nice guys aren't interested only to score. They want more, like love and a relationship, not just sex.

Absolutely... there ARE of course nice guys... but when nice guys are used in the context of 'how come nice guys never get the girl' they're usually self titled nice guys.

AmentsChick

edvedder913 wrote:

ditto. i never have been either. i always fall for the nice guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. i give the others the boot esp. the arrogant ones.....

EXACTLY!!!! Arrogance is my biggest turn-off!!!!!

comebackwoman

AmentsChick wrote:

Which is exactly why I want a nice guy. Contrary to popular thought, not all of us are into the "bad boys".

exactly! That is such a fallacy! I've only dated nice guys...well one turned out to be an asshole...but he hid it well at first

decides2dream

fowls wrote:

Nice is a terrible terrible word! I dated a girl last week and she told her friends I was a "nice guy". DOOMED!

To me (as a male) nice guy = no defining character, just an alright guy to chat to a bit and then forget.

*nice* is one of the worst adjectives out there, so horribly non-descript, safe, blase. no one wants to hear that they are nice...nor that they look nice. bleh. the english language is chock-FULL of wonderful, amazing, fantastically descriptive adjectives......we should USE them!




as to the whole 'nice guy' discussion, it's been done...and redone...ad infinitum here. suffice to say, it's just an over-used and often maligned term. also, in the BESt sense....you betcha, i LOVE my nice guy.

edvedder913

comebackgirl wrote:

exactly! That is such a fallacy! I've only dated nice guys...well one turned out to be an asshole...but he hid it well at first

YES!! that happens to the best of us. Maybe I have fallen for some bad boys, it just took me awhile to see that they were b/c they put up a good act!

AmentsChick

comebackgirl wrote:

exactly! That is such a fallacy! I've only dated nice guys...well one turned out to be an asshole...but he hid it well at first

I dated one of those, too.

thunderDAN

AmentsChick wrote:

Which is exactly why I want a nice guy. Contrary to popular thought, not all of us are into the "bad boys".

this statement made me immediatly think of that Seinfeld when George trys to act like a bad boy with his dad's car while he still lived with his parents.

markymark550

Heineken Helen wrote:

Absolutely... there ARE of course nice guys... but when nice guys are used in the context of 'how come nice guys never get the girl' they're usually self titled nice guys.

Sure the self-titled nice guy might not always be innocent and might be out only to score with some girl.

I thought you were making that statement off of a poorly worded sentence/generalization from some frustrated individual. If that person was a nice guy, they wouldn't just be trying to score.

AmentsChick

thunderDAN wrote:

this statement made me immediatly think of that Seinfeld when George trys to act like a bad boy with his dad's car while he still lived with his parents.

HA! That's funny, although I've never seen it.

edvedder913

I find it rather humorous when the self proclaimed "nice guy" posts something ripping the entire female race to shreds. sorry....not a nice guy

It is hard to find the right person. That is what it really boils down to. People take it too personally when things don't work out. You don't get dumped b/c you are the *nice* guy or girl, something just didn't click or wasn't there. feelings can not be explained as an exact science....unfortunately

decides2dream

edvedder913 wrote:

I find it rather humorous when the self proclaimed "nice guy" posts something ripping the entire female race to shreds. sorry....not a nice guy

It is hard to find the right person. That is what it really boils down to. People take it too personally when things don't work out. You don't get dumped b/c you are the *nice* guy or girl, something just didn't click or wasn't there. feelings can not be explained as an exact science....unfortunately

you betcha.
everything you state is true, but i especially like the part i bolded.

edvedder913

decides2dream wrote:

you betcha.
everything you state is true, but i especially like the part i bolded.

what? you didn't like my "unfortunately" clause ?!??!

comebackwoman

edvedder913 wrote:

I find it rather humorous when the self proclaimed "nice guy" posts something ripping the entire female race to shreds. sorry....not a nice guy

It is hard to find the right person. That is what it really boils down to. People take it too personally when things don't work out. You don't get dumped b/c you are the *nice* guy or girl, something just didn't click or wasn't there. feelings can not be explained as an exact science....unfortunately

I agree. Just be who you are. I can't imagine how frustrating life would be if you spent it trying to be someone that you thought someone else would like. I think so often that when relationships don't work, it's not that either person was right or wrong...it just wasn't the right match. Sometimes we know that early on, but we SO want the relationship to work that we keep trying to change...adjust, etc. I'm not saying that a little changing and adjusting isn't necessary, but if you find yourself working TOO hard...it's probably just not the right fit.

Jeremy1012

thunderDAN wrote:

I was in a similar situation once but it was actually more sexual, but I'll give you some advice for what I think might be going on and hopefully it turns out better for you than it did for me..

I really think that women seek attachment elsewhere when they arn't getting it from the person they seek it from. It sounds like with all her griping about her ex that deep down she knows he is no good for her, but she still wants it because it has been evading her. This might explain why she has self esteem issues. She gets bummed about her ex not paying attention to her, and not having emotion towards her and she isn't able to move on from it. Now I know you don't want to hear this because I was in the same boat you were in- but she is using you for the emotional aspects she doesn't get from her ex and she is trying to fill that void through you. Now I know that sucks that she says you guys are 'just friends' because you both know you arn't, but she isn't comfortable with herself because of the situation her BF put her in which limits her ability to move on. By her telling you things and complimenting you she is indeed flirting, but I think its just for attention. Women want the guys that don't pay attention to them to pay attention to them, and the guys that do pay attention to them they take for granted. I just think she is keeping herself ready hoping he will comeback to her, and that by dating you she loses that chance and your friendship that is more than a normal friendship

I don't know, see I did the wrong thing when I was in this situation- I was unable to look outside the situation and get away from my feelings I had for a girl and it screwed everything up. I would suggest playing it cool and just doing your best to still talk and all that because she knows your feelings now, so if something happens it happens.

Good luck to you though

My thoughts exactly and I had a situation which sounds identical to yours. Looking back I feel like, even though technically I'm the one who fucked things up by telling her how I felt and stuff, it was as much her fault as mine. Whether she was vulnerable or not and needed a friend for comfort, she used me and then when the situation got to a stage she hadn't counted on, she ran away and couldn't deal with it, wouldn't talk to me for months, broke my heart, yadda yadda. Point is to the OP, don't take her hints or anything to mean too much. Sorry to say it but even if she seems attracted to you now and may even push for things to happen, don't expect it to mean anything. In my case I would never have tried anything with my friend so soon after her breakup if it wasn't for the fact that she was the one who kept coming onto me but as soon as I indicated feelings were involved, she didn't want to know and made out like I'd used HER. Fact is, and no offence to Helen or the other women here , trying to find rationality in a woman soon after a break up is not always easy. I'm not saying it's the case for all women, that's just sexist and stupid but in my experience, whatever you think is the situation is probably totally different to her take on it.

Take it from me. You want to back off now so that a) your feelings don't increase because, trust me, it hurts like a bitch if it's not reciprocated, especially if b) happens. is that if you don't back off, you'll screw up your whole friendship and trust me again, a year down the line, THAT is the thing you'll regret, not the loss of any romantic prospects. That shit fades but if you genuinely like this girl as a PERSON, it's not worth it all going wrong.

decides2dream

edvedder913 wrote:

what? you didn't like my "unfortunately" clause ?!??!

i was merely trying to focus on the meat of the post.

comebackgirl wrote:

agree. Just be who you are. I can't imagine how frustrating life would be if you spent it trying to be someone that you thought someone else would like. I think so often that when relationships don't work, it's not that either person was right or wrong...it just wasn't the right match. Sometimes we know that early on, but we SO want the relationship to work that we keep trying to change...adjust, etc. I'm not saying that a little changing and adjusting isn't necessary, but if you find yourself working TOO hard...it's probably just not the right fit.

that really is IT, isn't it? figuring out when 'enough is enough' or conversely, when giving up too soon...ain't always an easy task either.

norm

decides2dream wrote:

*nice* is one of the worst adjectives out there, so horribly non-descript, safe, blase. no one wants to hear that they are nice...nor that they look nice. bleh. the english language is chock-FULL of wonderful, amazing, fantastically descriptive adjectives......we should USE them!




as to the whole 'nice guy' discussion, it's been done...and redone...ad infinitum here. suffice to say, it's just an over-used and often maligned term. also, in the BESt sense....you betcha, i LOVE my nice guy.

nice

Pauk

decides2dream wrote:

*nice* is one of the worst adjectives out there, so horribly non-descript, safe, blase. no one wants to hear that they are nice...nor that they look nice. bleh. the english language is chock-FULL of wonderful, amazing, fantastically descriptive adjectives......we should USE them!




as to the whole 'nice guy' discussion, it's been done...and redone...ad infinitum here. suffice to say, it's just an over-used and often maligned term. also, in the BESt sense....you betcha, i LOVE my nice guy.

Totally agree! I'm downright offended if someone calls me nice. I'd like to think I've made enough of an impression to deserve a better description.