My Grandmother's Funeral

Ahnimus

So, during my Grandmother's funeral the priest? asked everyone to pray. I could see all but two heads go down, mine and my Dad's GF, she is an atheist as well. Following the prayer the priest? repeated several times passages from the Bible about life after death. But he didn't seem to be trying to convince any of us that Grandma is in heaven, rather he seemed to be trying to convince us that if we accept Jesus as our savior we will also go to Heaven.

First, I think most of the people there, except the two that didn't pray have accepted Jesus as their savior. Secondly, it doesn't matter how many times you read Bible passages to me, I'm not going to buy it and neither is my Dad's GF.

Why can't funerals be priestless? Why they got to talk religion at a funeral? The last one I went to was a young girl I knew that committed suicide. The priest kept talking about suicide being the one unforgivable sin and basically said the girl was going to hell. When I die, there better not be a priest there or I come back from the dead to kick his ass!

Commy

Ahnimus wrote:

So, during my Grandmother's funeral the priest? asked everyone to pray. I could see all but two heads go down, mine and my Dad's GF, she is an atheist as well. Following the prayer the priest? repeated several times passages from the Bible about life after death. But he didn't seem to be trying to convince any of us that Grandma is in heaven, rather he seemed to be trying to convince us that if we accept Jesus as our savior we will also go to Heaven.

First, I think most of the people there, except the two that didn't pray have accepted Jesus as their savior. Secondly, it doesn't matter how many times you read Bible passages to me, I'm not going to buy it and neither is my Dad's GF.

Why can't funerals be priestless? Why they got to talk religion at a funeral? The last one I went to was a young girl I knew that committed suicide. The priest kept talking about suicide being the one unforgivable sin and basically said the girl was going to hell. When I die, there better not be a priest there or I come back from the dead to kick his ass!

sucks about your gandma dude, i just went through the same thing...

funerals should be more about the community coming together and remembering the good things the deceased has done rather than about preaching, imo.

norm

To each his own I suppose. Let people grieve they way the want to. I assuming your grandmother was religious it seems ok to me.

Sorry about your grandmother, Ryan. :(

Ahnimus

Commy wrote:

sucks about your gandma dude, i just went through the same thing...

funerals should be more about the community coming together and remembering the good things the deceased has done rather than about preaching, imo.

No Prob

Well, I expected there to be a priest and some passages from the bible read. Because my Grandmother was very religious, my whole extended family is very very religious. I just thought it sounded like he was trying to convert non-believers rather than say anything about my grandmother. The guy that married my grandparents, my parents and saw my grandfather to the grave died a few years ago. If he was still around he'd have said something a lot different.

jlew24asu

Sorry about your grandma dude. I recently lost my grandfather. there isnt anything to say but i'm sorry for your loss.

I hear what you are saying about the priest. but at my grandpa's funeral the priest personally knew him so he talked about my grandpa alot. priests are all different, some good some not so much.

Ahnimus

jlew24asu wrote:

Sorry about your grandma dude. I recently lost my grandfather. there isnt anything to say but i'm sorry for your loss.

Man, I'm so not sorry for my loss. My loss doesn't really matter to me. I'm just happy that my grandma didn't suffer a lot and this is what she wanted. She wanted to be with her husband, and now she is, even though maybe not what she had in mind. Doesn't matter, we all gotta die, she was 76 with cancer, an aneurysm and a crashed liver. She was doomed to death and I'm happy she didn't suffer too much. I was surprised to see that just as many people were laughing as were crying. My aunt and uncle said some words to the effect "She would want us to stand at her grave and laugh, not cry." and in-fact someone read a poem to that effect that was found in her apartment. It's what she would have wanted and I was happy to do that.

jlew24asu

Ahnimus wrote:

Man, I'm so not sorry for my loss. My loss doesn't really matter to me. I'm just happy that my grandma didn't suffer a lot and this is what she wanted. She wanted to be with her husband, and now she is, even though maybe not what she had in mind. Doesn't matter, we all gotta die, she was 76 with cancer, an aneurysm and a crashed liver. She was doomed to death and I'm happy she didn't suffer too much. I was surprised to see that just as many people were laughing as were crying. My aunt and uncle said some words to the effect "She would want us to stand at her grave and laugh, not cry." and in-fact someone read a poem to that effect that was found in her apartment. It's what she would have wanted and I was happy to do that.

cool. no need to suffer. so you believe she is now with her husband? interesting

sourdough

Sorry to hear about the bad news. My dad died not long ago and he was very religious. Although he was religious and I'm sure he wished that I was although he never put any pressure on me, he wanted his service to be about God and not about him. Church in general is about conversion along with worship, so I think its difficult for some priests to separate the two.

Ahnimus

jlew24asu wrote:

cool. no need to suffer. so you believe she is now with her husband? interesting

Well not exactly, they are both in non-existence, so in that sense they are "together".

Abookamongstthemany

Clean up your PMs, Ahnimus.

Ahnimus

Abookamongstthemany wrote:

Clean up your PMs, Ahnimus.

I deleted some, I still have a bunch to reply to though. I'm just tired and lazy lately. 100 message limit sucks

bigmuzz

funerals dont HAVE to be religious, it all depends on the person whose funeral it actually is.

and if you do go to a funeral and it is ultra religious, its probably polite not to sit and whinge and complain about it (especially if its someone in your own family!!!) but rather just show your respects by being there. its not about you, its about the deceased.

i mean sorry to hear about your loss and all, but personally im not religious or anything, but i can sit still in a church for an hour or so and not complain.

Ahnimus

bigmuzz wrote:

funerals dont HAVE to be religious, it all depends on the person whose funeral it actually is.

and if you do go to a funeral and it is ultra religious, its probably polite not to sit and whinge and complain about it (especially if its someone in your own family!!!) but rather just show your respects by being there. its not about you, its about the deceased.

i mean sorry to hear about your loss and all, but personally im not religious or anything, but i can sit still in a church for an hour or so and not complain.

No one is complaining or was complaining at the funeral. I'm pointing out that the priest was directing his words at non-believers or seemed to, rather than saying words about the deceased.

StupidHumanBeings

Ahnimus wrote:

So, during my Grandmother's funeral the priest? asked everyone to pray. I could see all but two heads go down, mine and my Dad's GF, she is an atheist as well. Following the prayer the priest? repeated several times passages from the Bible about life after death. But he didn't seem to be trying to convince any of us that Grandma is in heaven, rather he seemed to be trying to convince us that if we accept Jesus as our savior we will also go to Heaven.

First, I think most of the people there, except the two that didn't pray have accepted Jesus as their savior. Secondly, it doesn't matter how many times you read Bible passages to me, I'm not going to buy it and neither is my Dad's GF.

Why can't funerals be priestless? Why they got to talk religion at a funeral? The last one I went to was a young girl I knew that committed suicide. The priest kept talking about suicide being the one unforgivable sin and basically said the girl was going to hell. When I die, there better not be a priest there or I come back from the dead to kick his ass!

Sorry about your grandmother and the girl. Religion is not always the best vehicle to understand the weight on one's shoulders. Religion is like politics, a vehicle to an ideal....I always thought the best part of any trip was getting there. So when you let someone off on a trip, whatever vehicle you're on remember that good did exist in that person. In death one is worth the best judgement not the worst.

bookmuse

Ahnimus wrote:

No one is complaining or was complaining at the funeral. I'm pointing out that the priest was directing his words at non-believers or seemed to, rather than saying words about the deceased.

Ahh - Better to convert during times of sadness...$$$

I see what you mean, I've been to some funerals where I've sat there thinking this should be about the person gone not about religious dogma. Condolences Ahnimus and glad she didn't suffer like you said.

catefrances

sorry to hear about your grandma ryan. my thoughts are with you and your family.

but you know not only do you not need to have a priest at your funeral, you don't actually even need to have a funeral if you don't want one. i'm not planning on one.

JaneNY

Ahnimus wrote:

No one is complaining or was complaining at the funeral. I'm pointing out that the priest was directing his words at non-believers or seemed to, rather than saying words about the deceased.

Was it a Catholic funeral? My daughter attended some evangelistic Christian denomination funeral last year and she got that impression (they invited those who were 'unsaved' to 'come up' and receive you know who....), but I've not gotten that impression at Catholic funerals, but I've only been to a couple - my grandfather's and my mother's, so I wasn't paying too much attention to the words at the time.

Jeanwah

Sorry about your Grandmother. Try not to take anything at the funeral too personally; your grandmother and her family is very religious, you mentioned, so it was in comfort and relation to her. It seems all religious leaders do that: assume that everyone needs to be saved and to believe in their beliefs. It seems to be everywhere.

I was raised a strict Catholic, but I'm letting everyone know now (because I don't have a will yet) that I want a Green Burial. I expect my family to respect my wishes, as I will always respect theirs.

PaperPlates

Jeanwah wrote:

Sorry about your Grandmother. Try not to take anything at the funeral too personally; your grandmother and her family is very religious, you mentioned, so it was in comfort and relation to her. It seems all religious leaders do that: assume that everyone needs to be saved and to believe in their beliefs. It seems to be everywhere.

I was raised a strict Catholic, but I'm letting everyone know now (because I don't have a will yet) that I want a Green Burial. I expect my family to respect my wishes, as I will always respect theirs.

What may I ask, is a green burial?

hippiemom

Jeanwah wrote:

Sorry about your Grandmother. Try not to take anything at the funeral too personally; your grandmother and her family is very religious, you mentioned, so it was in comfort and relation to her. It seems all religious leaders do that: assume that everyone needs to be saved and to believe in their beliefs. It seems to be everywhere.

I was raised a strict Catholic, but I'm letting everyone know now (because I don't have a will yet) that I want a Green Burial. I expect my family to respect my wishes, as I will always respect theirs.

Do NOT put your funeral instructions in a will. Formal will readings are typically not held until after the funeral. The best way to see to it that your wishes are carried out is a pre-paid burial or cremation. You meet with the funeral director and choose everything, pay for it up front, and make sure your closest relations have copies of the paperwork. It takes an enormous amount of stress off of your family and guarantees that things will be done in exactly as you wanted. It's also a good protection against cost increases if you're not planning to die any time soon.

Heatherj43

Sorry about your garndmother. I hope you are okay.
At my niece's funeral, which was held at the funeral home, without any church, the priest started reading from something and it sounded like something religious or biblical...but upon listening...he was speaking the words from Stairway To Heaven. It took me a few moments to realize it cuz he was saying the words juts like he would speak some religious passage. I kinda shut him out, then I realized...and was like...wow!!! He didn't get all religious and all that. I have been to a funeral of a suicide victim where the priest went on and on about it being a sin. I've been to some where addicts have died and it was pretty much the same thing.