...
The worst is playing the 'Death Card'. I mean, we've all known someone who had died... and even the loss of a beloved pet... it rips at our souls. Pretending to be dead... for what? Sympathy? Attention? Goes to show what a lack of character can do for a person.
...
But.. i'm glad he is still alive. Life is a good thing and should NEVER be taken for granted.
Did he ever send you his medical file? I recall you calling bullshit on this early on (in fact calling bullshit about every one of his stories from being a rock star to being a lawyer to being a fugitive from the feds to tax evading!). He was going to scan and send you some medical reports.
I was shocked when I read Angelica's post this morning. Now I'm coming to the realization that we've been played.
"I'll use the magic word - let's just shut the fuck up, please." EV, 04/13/08
it is sad how many over the years have felt the need/desire to *cry wolf* here. deaths, attempted suicides, bizaree life stories later disproved, etc. sad. all i can say/think is that if someone is THAT desperate for attention, while upsetting to think one purposely duped a great many of us....i'd say he/she is in GREAt need of attention/validation to go to such lengths to get it.
I agree. The most obnoxious actions come from people in the most amount of pain.
"The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth." ~ Niels Bohr
:
I agree. The most obnoxious actions come from people in the most amount of pain.
The trick involves finding a way to support that person and empathize with their pain, without also reinforcing inappropriate behavior. Honestly? It may sound heartless, but this thread should probably be locked and/or deleted. Everyone has a right to receive sympathy and support, but not in this fashion. They are more adaptive ways to get help.
I know many of you had extensively debated and online-interacted with fellow Jammer onelongsong. In January, Jeanie - his girlfriend - posted the devastating news that he had passed away. I, for one, experienced the mourning of a one-time close friend.
Today I received this email. Two summers ago, Allen (onelongsong) and I had corresponded via email, from the same email address I received this letter from today. The email I received today is entitled "it's really me":
"the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. i came back from brain surgery and coma to find that i'm forever banned because i'm dead and kat won't reinstate me because her not verifying the information would be an embarrassment. i don't know if a 'bring back onelongsong' thread would help; but i miss all my friends on the board. especially now that i'm bedridden and have no one to talk to. i was in a coma when all that went on in early january so i couldn't intervene; and now it's too late. i still read the board but i can't respond. thank you for being good friends.
sincerely
allen
ols"
I thought it was important that all of you who had been touched by his "death" be privy to this information. I am curious what you, my friends, think/feel about this situation. Please share.
strangely enough soulsinging and I used to pm each other about OLS... soulsinging didnt believe any of his stories at all... OLS once threatened to shoot me and send me and my family home in a box if we visited the States..
I like the guy
oh scary... 40000 morbidly obese christians wearing fanny packs invading europe is probably the least scariest thing since I watched an edited version of The Care Bears movie in an extremely brightly lit cinema.
The trick involves finding a way to support that person and empathize with their pain, without also reinforcing inappropriate behavior. Honestly? It may sound heartless, but this thread should probably be locked and/or deleted. Everyone has a right to receive sympathy and support, but not in this fashion. They are more adaptive ways to get help.
I'm here because the truth needs to come out, and accountability be had. We were all given a horrific false impression and we deserve to know the truth. And to express our feelings on such a betrayal. I'm grateful that the mods are letting this thread stay.
There is absolutely no justification or support for this kind of thing. And frankly, I'm definitely not up for compassion either. I mourned Laura's death, ols', and my friends precious 16 year old son's death over a short period. To toy with people in such a way is inexcusable. There is accountability to be had, for sure.
Hopefully ols will find the support and help he needs.
"The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth." ~ Niels Bohr
Did he ever send you his medical file? I recall you calling bullshit on this early on (in fact calling bullshit about every one of his stories from being a rock star to being a lawyer to being a fugitive from the feds to tax evading!). He was going to scan and send you some medical reports.
I was shocked when I read Angelica's post this morning. Now I'm coming to the realization that we've been played.
...
Nothing was ever sent.
And I did have my suspecions... like, aren't you 'Admitted' to an Intensive Care Unit... instead of going down to the hospitals and 'Checking In' to one? I know that 'round here it works that way... you usually arrive (barely consceious, if that) by ambulance with light an sirens and the doctors place the worst cases in there and it is not usually your choice to snag one of those beds.
And his daughter... well, I suppose it Is possible to inheirit your parent's puncutation and grammer... but, it is rare in most cases.
I felt bad because what if he WERE dead? I'd feel terrible... I'd BE terrible. But... there was just... something.
Allen Fieldhouse, home of the 2008 NCAA men's Basketball Champions! Go Jayhawks!
Hail, Hail!!!
I'm here because the truth needs to come out, and accountability be had. We were all given a horrific false impression and we deserve to know the truth. And to express our feelings on such a betrayal. I'm grateful that the mods are letting this thread stay.
There is absolutely no justification or support for this kind of thing. And frankly, I'm definitely not up for compassion either. I mourned Laura's death, ols', and my friends precious 16 year old son's death over a short period. To toy with people in such a way is inexcusable. There is accountability to be had, for sure.
Hopefully ols will find the support and help he needs.
Fair enough. I was just wondering if this very thread was another possible source of drama and negative attention getting ... Obviously this was not your intent. I agree, though, people deserve to know the truth.
It's still nighttime in the land of Oz...as a matter of fact, it's tomorrow, too...
I don't even know how to feel about this news. My initial reaction was to be glad he's not dead. For some reason that seems to trump the possibility of being misled in this situation. I dunno...maybe that's weird.
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
Fair enough. I was just wondering if this very thread was another possible source of drama and negative attention getting ... Obviously this was not your intent. I agree, though, people deserve to know the truth.
onelongsong is nothing if not controversial!!
Yes, it's a source of drama for him - I do hear your point...more attention, and who wants to indulge that?? Ultimately, though, it allows the rest of us to fully get the picture, and to heal in the truth, and to eventually fully move on.
As we know, the mods are not letting him come back. There's closure to be had.
And if he comes back on with a new identity, I'll recognize his rampant and overt misuse of the semi-colon a mile away!!
"The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth." ~ Niels Bohr
I don't even know how to feel about this news. My initial reaction was to be glad he's not dead. For some reason that seems to trump the possibility of being misled in this situation. I dunno...maybe that's weird.
I don't think that is weird at all. If all of this is true, and it sounds like it is, I am still glad he's not dead, but at the same time a bit angry that he could play with people's emotions like he did.
"I'll use the magic word - let's just shut the fuck up, please." EV, 04/13/08
Well if Allen did report his own "false" death here on the pit then that is pretty fucked. Considering that most of us where still mourning over Laura's death it was a pretty stupid and selfish act. I hope that our assumptions are wrong and that someone other than OLS put the story out there incorrectly. I guess we have to wait till jeanie comes on and straightens this whole thing out for us.
"When one gets in bed with government, one must expect the diseases it spreads." - Ron Paul
I don't even know how to feel about this news. My initial reaction was to be glad he's not dead. For some reason that seems to trump the possibility of being misled in this situation. I dunno...maybe that's weird.
Of course it's not weird! It's your natural reaction!
I, on the other hand am very angry. After he told me he was dying, he chose not to respond to my pms. He then "died", with me knowing my "last" interaction with him was confrontational...
Then, when he's looking for a "bring back ols thread" and when he's apparently burned some very important bridges and feels alone he emails me??? And all this after he's used illness as a way to toy with the emotions of many on the board over and over.
yeah.....I'm a lot incensed. For me being happy that he's alive doesn't enter into the equation, because any sadness I felt at him not being here was an illusion to begin with - a product of deliberate manipulation.
"The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth." ~ Niels Bohr
Well if Allen did report his own "false" death here on the pit then that is pretty fucked. Considering that most of us where still mourning over Laura's death it was a pretty stupid and selfish act. I hope that our assumptions are wrong and that someone other than OLS put the story out there incorrectly. I guess we have to wait till jeanie comes on and straightens this whole thing out for us.
Yes...I also don't claim to know the truth...all I know is what I've read, and that based on how it looks, I feel hurt and betrayed, big time.
I only hope we can find out what's really happened. It was Jeanie who reported his death. I don't for a minute think she deliberately falsified something like that. She's way too compassionate.
"The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth." ~ Niels Bohr
Of course it's not weird! It's your natural reaction!
I, on the other hand am very angry. After he told me he was dying, he chose not to respond to my pms. He then "died", with me knowing my "last" interaction with him was confrontational...
Then, when he's looking for a "bring back ols thread" and when he's apparently burned some very important bridges and feels alone he emails me??? And all this after he's used illness as a way to toy with the emotions of many on the board over and over.
yeah.....I'm a lot incensed. For me being happy that he's alive doesn't enter into the equation, because any sadness I felt at him not being here was an illusion to begin with - a product of deliberate manipulation.
Yes, I definitely can understand your feelings on this matter, Angelica. I wasn't trying to say that anyone should push these kind of emotions aside by any means. My reply was more to address my own lack of anger not to question anyone else's very much justified responses in this thread.
If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
Dying for attention: Why people are killing themselves online
By Howard Swains
One morning in January, members of the cozy online community TheCatSite.com received some devastating news. Their fellow cat lover Amber, known to the busy discussion forum as 4crazycats, had died during emergency surgery to deliver a baby daughter.
"I feel like I'm in some horrible nightmare and just want to wake up but I can't," wrote Amber's fiance, John, on a board usually reserved for the lighthearted exchange of anecdotes and welfare tips on all matters feline.
As more than 150 condolence messages flooded in, some members were suspicious. People familiar with John and Amber from their five months on the site knew that Amber's death was just the latest in a long series of acute misfortunes: John had been involved in a car crash; one of their cats had died; and Amber had suffered from depression and a fall during her pregnancy.
Their story was almost too tragic to be true.
After members were unable to verify the death by contacting hospitals and morgues, the site's owner, Anne Moss, grew concerned that the cat lovers had fallen victim to a peculiar variety of online fraud: Amber may not have died because she may never have existed. John, it seemed, had been creating five months of disaster-filled fiction.
"I think we'll never know for sure one way or the other," Moss said. "Maybe some of it was true, maybe all of it was true, maybe none of it is true. This is the Internet, and I have no way of finding out."
The unique freedom offered by online anonymity is increasingly being abused. As people share their innermost thoughts in blogs, journals, chat rooms and discussion forums, some writers are muscling their way to the center of attention by artificially manufacturing tragedy. When an online friend gets sick or dies, things aren't always what they seem.
Tragic online deaths have become common. After discovering a number of fabricated deaths on the LiveJournal social-networking site, a group of users established a community named "fake lj deaths" in 2004 to investigate suspicious ends to journals. Only about 10 percent of the hundreds of deaths investigated by fake lj deaths have turned out to be real, according to the community's administrators.
Recently, more than 50 people replied to a query posted on a community bulletin board asking for examples of such fraudulent claims. While their stories cannot be verified, respondents detailed ruses of varying sophistication dating back to 1998. Some were sick jokes. Others had financial motives or malicious intent. The majority, however, fit a clear pattern designed simply to garner maximum attention: a feigned illness or brooding melancholy leads to progressive deterioration and then a family member, with surprising access to the password-protected sites, announces the tragic end.
Whatever the method, duped online friends are left feeling used, maligned and baffled.
"Part of me wants it to be proven to be a hoax, for that way nobody will have died," said one member of TheCatSite.com in the wake of John's story. "But if this isn't real, what kind of confused, messed-up mind could fabricate a story as elaborate and awful as this?"
Dr. Marc Feldman, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Alabama, has investigated such minds for 15 years, usually in the "off line" world. Feldman is an expert in factitious illnesses, including Munchausen syndrome, in which sufferers feign the symptoms of an illness, usually in order to get attention.
Feldman has coined the term "Munchausen by Internet" to describe the online version, where it is possible to take the fabrication all the way to the grave.
"The Internet is the perfect medium," Feldman said. "One can claim to be anyone or anything."
At age 16, Rebecca Kent, from Fullerton, Calif., was desperate for proof that her virtual friends genuinely cared for her. So she posed online as her sister and told readers that she had been injured in a car accident. When she "died" after a 48-hour struggle, the initial shock among her online friends became genuine grief and mourning.
"It sounds odd, but you feel loved," said Kent, who is now 24 and bitterly regrets her deception. "There are people who don't know you from Adam but they show you they still care."
Some of Kent's friends were suspicious, however, and she felt a dreadful sense of shame at having duped them. Eventually she admitted the hoax and battled, successfully, to salvage the friendships.
Kent now fully understands how her friends suffered. Last December, a close online confidant, who Kent had even met once in person, faked her death on LiveJournal. The woman stopped updating her journal for two weeks before her "husband" posted a notice that she had died in a fire just before Christmas. Remembering the gaps in her own fiction, Kent investigated and discovered no news coverage or obituaries. When she confronted the suspected fraudster via e-mail, she was immediately removed from the list of friends with access to the journal.
Kent later discovered through mutual friends that her suspicions were well-founded.
As Internet users become more sophisticated, fewer "deaths" are likely to go unquestioned. Already, crude fakes can be easy to detect. A poster might somehow continue to update his or her journal despite suffering from a debilitating illness. In the event of death, the supposed relative often becomes defensive when friends seek funeral information. When confronted, perpetrators of the fraud sometimes vanish. Other times they reappear with a new identity. Some even die again under another name.
In John's case on TheCatSite, he went so far as to ask members for music suggestions for Amber's funeral and for contributions to animal shelters in Amber's name. When questioned, he disappeared and has not been heard from again. He could not be contacted for this article.
"I really have no idea why he did it," Moss said. "I don't even know yet if he did it. I don't even know if there ever was a John."
The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance,
but the illusion of knowledge.
~Daniel Boorstin
Only a life lived for others is worth living.
~Albert Einstein
Yes, I definitely can understand your feelings on this matter, Angelica. I wasn't trying to say that anyone should push these kind of emotions aside by any means. My reply was more to address my own lack of anger not to question anyone else's very much justified responses in this thread.
I understand.
"The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth." ~ Niels Bohr
Dying for attention: Why people are killing themselves online
By Howard Swains
One morning in January, members of the cozy online community TheCatSite.com received some devastating news. Their fellow cat lover Amber, known to the busy discussion forum as 4crazycats, had died during emergency surgery to deliver a baby daughter.
"I feel like I'm in some horrible nightmare and just want to wake up but I can't," wrote Amber's fiance, John, on a board usually reserved for the lighthearted exchange of anecdotes and welfare tips on all matters feline.
As more than 150 condolence messages flooded in, some members were suspicious. People familiar with John and Amber from their five months on the site knew that Amber's death was just the latest in a long series of acute misfortunes: John had been involved in a car crash; one of their cats had died; and Amber had suffered from depression and a fall during her pregnancy.
Their story was almost too tragic to be true.
After members were unable to verify the death by contacting hospitals and morgues, the site's owner, Anne Moss, grew concerned that the cat lovers had fallen victim to a peculiar variety of online fraud: Amber may not have died because she may never have existed. John, it seemed, had been creating five months of disaster-filled fiction.
"I think we'll never know for sure one way or the other," Moss said. "Maybe some of it was true, maybe all of it was true, maybe none of it is true. This is the Internet, and I have no way of finding out."
The unique freedom offered by online anonymity is increasingly being abused. As people share their innermost thoughts in blogs, journals, chat rooms and discussion forums, some writers are muscling their way to the center of attention by artificially manufacturing tragedy. When an online friend gets sick or dies, things aren't always what they seem.
Tragic online deaths have become common. After discovering a number of fabricated deaths on the LiveJournal social-networking site, a group of users established a community named "fake lj deaths" in 2004 to investigate suspicious ends to journals. Only about 10 percent of the hundreds of deaths investigated by fake lj deaths have turned out to be real, according to the community's administrators.
Recently, more than 50 people replied to a query posted on a community bulletin board asking for examples of such fraudulent claims. While their stories cannot be verified, respondents detailed ruses of varying sophistication dating back to 1998. Some were sick jokes. Others had financial motives or malicious intent. The majority, however, fit a clear pattern designed simply to garner maximum attention: a feigned illness or brooding melancholy leads to progressive deterioration and then a family member, with surprising access to the password-protected sites, announces the tragic end.
Whatever the method, duped online friends are left feeling used, maligned and baffled.
"Part of me wants it to be proven to be a hoax, for that way nobody will have died," said one member of TheCatSite.com in the wake of John's story. "But if this isn't real, what kind of confused, messed-up mind could fabricate a story as elaborate and awful as this?"
Dr. Marc Feldman, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Alabama, has investigated such minds for 15 years, usually in the "off line" world. Feldman is an expert in factitious illnesses, including Munchausen syndrome, in which sufferers feign the symptoms of an illness, usually in order to get attention.
Feldman has coined the term "Munchausen by Internet" to describe the online version, where it is possible to take the fabrication all the way to the grave.
"The Internet is the perfect medium," Feldman said. "One can claim to be anyone or anything."
At age 16, Rebecca Kent, from Fullerton, Calif., was desperate for proof that her virtual friends genuinely cared for her. So she posed online as her sister and told readers that she had been injured in a car accident. When she "died" after a 48-hour struggle, the initial shock among her online friends became genuine grief and mourning.
"It sounds odd, but you feel loved," said Kent, who is now 24 and bitterly regrets her deception. "There are people who don't know you from Adam but they show you they still care."
Some of Kent's friends were suspicious, however, and she felt a dreadful sense of shame at having duped them. Eventually she admitted the hoax and battled, successfully, to salvage the friendships.
Kent now fully understands how her friends suffered. Last December, a close online confidant, who Kent had even met once in person, faked her death on LiveJournal. The woman stopped updating her journal for two weeks before her "husband" posted a notice that she had died in a fire just before Christmas. Remembering the gaps in her own fiction, Kent investigated and discovered no news coverage or obituaries. When she confronted the suspected fraudster via e-mail, she was immediately removed from the list of friends with access to the journal.
Kent later discovered through mutual friends that her suspicions were well-founded.
As Internet users become more sophisticated, fewer "deaths" are likely to go unquestioned. Already, crude fakes can be easy to detect. A poster might somehow continue to update his or her journal despite suffering from a debilitating illness. In the event of death, the supposed relative often becomes defensive when friends seek funeral information. When confronted, perpetrators of the fraud sometimes vanish. Other times they reappear with a new identity. Some even die again under another name.
In John's case on TheCatSite, he went so far as to ask members for music suggestions for Amber's funeral and for contributions to animal shelters in Amber's name. When questioned, he disappeared and has not been heard from again. He could not be contacted for this article.
"I really have no idea why he did it," Moss said. "I don't even know yet if he did it. I don't even know if there ever was a John."
words of wisdom:
"The Internet is the perfect medium," Feldman said. "One can claim to be anyone or anything."
Ok... none of this makes sense. Allen, if you're still with us (fucking hell does that sound weird), please shoot me a PM.
Jeanie, if you read this, what the hell is going on?
"I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
J, I know why you're asking, but I don't think it's Jeanie's place to answer this.
She's been as fooled as everyone. It's not her job.
I know, I know but Jean was closer to Allen than anyone and I have spoken to her a fair bit since this all happened and none of it makes any sense
and to angelica, I know this but he could create a new username.
"I remember one night at Muzdalifa with nothing but the sky overhead, I lay awake amid sleeping Muslim brothers and I learned that pilgrims from every land — every colour, and class, and rank; high officials and the beggar alike — all snored in the same language"
Comments
Did he ever send you his medical file? I recall you calling bullshit on this early on (in fact calling bullshit about every one of his stories from being a rock star to being a lawyer to being a fugitive from the feds to tax evading!). He was going to scan and send you some medical reports.
I was shocked when I read Angelica's post this morning. Now I'm coming to the realization that we've been played.
This is extremely odd.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
I agree. The most obnoxious actions come from people in the most amount of pain.
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
The trick involves finding a way to support that person and empathize with their pain, without also reinforcing inappropriate behavior. Honestly? It may sound heartless, but this thread should probably be locked and/or deleted. Everyone has a right to receive sympathy and support, but not in this fashion. They are more adaptive ways to get help.
strangely enough soulsinging and I used to pm each other about OLS... soulsinging didnt believe any of his stories at all... OLS once threatened to shoot me and send me and my family home in a box if we visited the States..
I like the guy
There is absolutely no justification or support for this kind of thing. And frankly, I'm definitely not up for compassion either. I mourned Laura's death, ols', and my friends precious 16 year old son's death over a short period. To toy with people in such a way is inexcusable. There is accountability to be had, for sure.
Hopefully ols will find the support and help he needs.
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
Nothing was ever sent.
And I did have my suspecions... like, aren't you 'Admitted' to an Intensive Care Unit... instead of going down to the hospitals and 'Checking In' to one? I know that 'round here it works that way... you usually arrive (barely consceious, if that) by ambulance with light an sirens and the doctors place the worst cases in there and it is not usually your choice to snag one of those beds.
And his daughter... well, I suppose it Is possible to inheirit your parent's puncutation and grammer... but, it is rare in most cases.
I felt bad because what if he WERE dead? I'd feel terrible... I'd BE terrible. But... there was just... something.
Hail, Hail!!!
Fair enough. I was just wondering if this very thread was another possible source of drama and negative attention getting ... Obviously this was not your intent. I agree, though, people deserve to know the truth.
Ultimately, to act in such a manner is clearly about the person who does it.
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
It's pretty childish, to say the least.
Not something you'd expect from a 50someThing year old man. You're supposed to know better by that age.
Hail, Hail!!!
I don't even know how to feel about this news. My initial reaction was to be glad he's not dead. For some reason that seems to trump the possibility of being misled in this situation. I dunno...maybe that's weird.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
Yes, it's a source of drama for him - I do hear your point...more attention, and who wants to indulge that?? Ultimately, though, it allows the rest of us to fully get the picture, and to heal in the truth, and to eventually fully move on.
As we know, the mods are not letting him come back. There's closure to be had.
And if he comes back on with a new identity, I'll recognize his rampant and overt misuse of the semi-colon a mile away!!
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
I don't think that is weird at all. If all of this is true, and it sounds like it is, I am still glad he's not dead, but at the same time a bit angry that he could play with people's emotions like he did.
I, on the other hand am very angry. After he told me he was dying, he chose not to respond to my pms. He then "died", with me knowing my "last" interaction with him was confrontational...
Then, when he's looking for a "bring back ols thread" and when he's apparently burned some very important bridges and feels alone he emails me??? And all this after he's used illness as a way to toy with the emotions of many on the board over and over.
yeah.....I'm a lot incensed. For me being happy that he's alive doesn't enter into the equation, because any sadness I felt at him not being here was an illusion to begin with - a product of deliberate manipulation.
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
I only hope we can find out what's really happened. It was Jeanie who reported his death. I don't for a minute think she deliberately falsified something like that. She's way too compassionate.
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
Yes, I definitely can understand your feelings on this matter, Angelica. I wasn't trying to say that anyone should push these kind of emotions aside by any means. My reply was more to address my own lack of anger not to question anyone else's very much justified responses in this thread.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
http://jscms.jrn.columbia.edu/cns/2007-02-27/swains-fakingdeath
Dying for attention: Why people are killing themselves online
By Howard Swains
One morning in January, members of the cozy online community TheCatSite.com received some devastating news. Their fellow cat lover Amber, known to the busy discussion forum as 4crazycats, had died during emergency surgery to deliver a baby daughter.
"I feel like I'm in some horrible nightmare and just want to wake up but I can't," wrote Amber's fiance, John, on a board usually reserved for the lighthearted exchange of anecdotes and welfare tips on all matters feline.
As more than 150 condolence messages flooded in, some members were suspicious. People familiar with John and Amber from their five months on the site knew that Amber's death was just the latest in a long series of acute misfortunes: John had been involved in a car crash; one of their cats had died; and Amber had suffered from depression and a fall during her pregnancy.
Their story was almost too tragic to be true.
After members were unable to verify the death by contacting hospitals and morgues, the site's owner, Anne Moss, grew concerned that the cat lovers had fallen victim to a peculiar variety of online fraud: Amber may not have died because she may never have existed. John, it seemed, had been creating five months of disaster-filled fiction.
"I think we'll never know for sure one way or the other," Moss said. "Maybe some of it was true, maybe all of it was true, maybe none of it is true. This is the Internet, and I have no way of finding out."
The unique freedom offered by online anonymity is increasingly being abused. As people share their innermost thoughts in blogs, journals, chat rooms and discussion forums, some writers are muscling their way to the center of attention by artificially manufacturing tragedy. When an online friend gets sick or dies, things aren't always what they seem.
Tragic online deaths have become common. After discovering a number of fabricated deaths on the LiveJournal social-networking site, a group of users established a community named "fake lj deaths" in 2004 to investigate suspicious ends to journals. Only about 10 percent of the hundreds of deaths investigated by fake lj deaths have turned out to be real, according to the community's administrators.
Recently, more than 50 people replied to a query posted on a community bulletin board asking for examples of such fraudulent claims. While their stories cannot be verified, respondents detailed ruses of varying sophistication dating back to 1998. Some were sick jokes. Others had financial motives or malicious intent. The majority, however, fit a clear pattern designed simply to garner maximum attention: a feigned illness or brooding melancholy leads to progressive deterioration and then a family member, with surprising access to the password-protected sites, announces the tragic end.
Whatever the method, duped online friends are left feeling used, maligned and baffled.
"Part of me wants it to be proven to be a hoax, for that way nobody will have died," said one member of TheCatSite.com in the wake of John's story. "But if this isn't real, what kind of confused, messed-up mind could fabricate a story as elaborate and awful as this?"
Dr. Marc Feldman, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Alabama, has investigated such minds for 15 years, usually in the "off line" world. Feldman is an expert in factitious illnesses, including Munchausen syndrome, in which sufferers feign the symptoms of an illness, usually in order to get attention.
Feldman has coined the term "Munchausen by Internet" to describe the online version, where it is possible to take the fabrication all the way to the grave.
"The Internet is the perfect medium," Feldman said. "One can claim to be anyone or anything."
At age 16, Rebecca Kent, from Fullerton, Calif., was desperate for proof that her virtual friends genuinely cared for her. So she posed online as her sister and told readers that she had been injured in a car accident. When she "died" after a 48-hour struggle, the initial shock among her online friends became genuine grief and mourning.
"It sounds odd, but you feel loved," said Kent, who is now 24 and bitterly regrets her deception. "There are people who don't know you from Adam but they show you they still care."
Some of Kent's friends were suspicious, however, and she felt a dreadful sense of shame at having duped them. Eventually she admitted the hoax and battled, successfully, to salvage the friendships.
Kent now fully understands how her friends suffered. Last December, a close online confidant, who Kent had even met once in person, faked her death on LiveJournal. The woman stopped updating her journal for two weeks before her "husband" posted a notice that she had died in a fire just before Christmas. Remembering the gaps in her own fiction, Kent investigated and discovered no news coverage or obituaries. When she confronted the suspected fraudster via e-mail, she was immediately removed from the list of friends with access to the journal.
Kent later discovered through mutual friends that her suspicions were well-founded.
As Internet users become more sophisticated, fewer "deaths" are likely to go unquestioned. Already, crude fakes can be easy to detect. A poster might somehow continue to update his or her journal despite suffering from a debilitating illness. In the event of death, the supposed relative often becomes defensive when friends seek funeral information. When confronted, perpetrators of the fraud sometimes vanish. Other times they reappear with a new identity. Some even die again under another name.
In John's case on TheCatSite, he went so far as to ask members for music suggestions for Amber's funeral and for contributions to animal shelters in Amber's name. When questioned, he disappeared and has not been heard from again. He could not be contacted for this article.
"I really have no idea why he did it," Moss said. "I don't even know yet if he did it. I don't even know if there ever was a John."
but the illusion of knowledge.
~Daniel Boorstin
Only a life lived for others is worth living.
~Albert Einstein
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
Maybe I have too many other things angering me these days.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
or wait....
:(
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
words of wisdom:
"The Internet is the perfect medium," Feldman said. "One can claim to be anyone or anything."
All of those could work.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
Ok... none of this makes sense. Allen, if you're still with us (fucking hell does that sound weird), please shoot me a PM.
Jeanie, if you read this, what the hell is going on?
http://www.myspace.com/illuminatta
Rhinocerous Surprise '08!!!
She's been as fooled as everyone. It's not her job.
Wembley 18/06/07
If there was a reason, it was you.
O2 Arena 18/09/09
and to angelica, I know this but he could create a new username.