To spank or not to spank...

ThumbingMyWay32

Spank.

Ahnimus

Ahnimus wrote:

Thanks

My guess is this other child saying the slurs has some problems with home. Poor parenting it sounds like, too much negative attention. Perhaps his father is bigoted and that's where he's learned it from. Can't really blame the kid though. Kids are kids.

Wrong thread I guess eh, lol.

angelica

Ahnimus wrote:

Wrong thread I guess eh, lol.

The "Thanks" works.

ThumbingMyWay32

Ahnimus wrote:

Wrong thread I guess eh, lol.

lol Was hoping you would come back to that.

Ahnimus

ThumbingMyWay32 wrote:

lol Was hoping you would come back to that.

Hah, I haven't slept for like 3 days.

tara

ok, i have no attention span right now, so i didn't get through all 4 pages of this, but you can always count on me to give my opinion so here it is

i was spanked once as a kid, and for damn good reason, i was about 5, my bro 6, some kid said that there was some lady who gave them cookies, we all went over there, i didn't even go in, but my dad spanked me (not hard) to let me know that i shouldn't go over to strangers houses.

now when i was a teenager my dad slapped the living shit out of me, on at least a weekly basis, if not more, chased me around the house, etc, etc. now that seriously fucked me up (i moved out about a year ago, and it took me about 9 months for my nerves to calm, and to stop jumping at every noise). my mom did too, she's 5'3, i'm 5'10 and pretty athletic, i could kick the shit out of her in a fair fight, but i had to stand there and let her slap me etc, my point is that it's also a mind fuck 'i control you, you can't do shit without me, so you're going to be the person that i tell you to be (or whatever the arguement is about), and take my slap and whatever else i dish out'. i don't know when they decided that hitting my face was ok. i don't remember the time that i decided to fight back either. so yeah, i'm against that

alright, i've been sitting here for 10 minutes deciding whether to post this because i can never tell how things will be taken in writting

tara

even flow? wrote:

I know that there is. But when I watch kids at my bud's houses go out of control all weekend long. And I am getting sick of hearing, "stop that". There has to be another way and I agree that it may not be spanking. But then again, it could be.

hate to say it, but maybe it's the parenting. i'm not a parent, so maybe i don't know, but i've worked with kids since i was 13, and think that i may have some insight so here goes, kids are acting out because they want attention, plain and simple, and the parent shouldn't react by yelling at the kid to stop it, maybe they could explain to the kid why what they're doing is wrong, or play with the kid, show them that you love them, and wear them out so they'll calm down at the same time

ThumbingMyWay32

tara wrote:

ok, i have no attention span right now, so i didn't get through all 4 pages of this, but you can always count on me to give my opinion so here it is

i was spanked once as a kid, and for damn good reason, i was about 5, my bro 6, some kid said that there was some lady who gave them cookies, we all went over there, i didn't even go in, but my dad spanked me (not hard) to let me know that i shouldn't go over to strangers houses.

now when i was a teenager my dad slapped the living shit out of me, on at least a weekly basis, if not more, chased me around the house, etc, etc. now that seriously fucked me up (i moved out about a year ago, and it took me about 9 months for my nerves to calm, and to stop jumping at every noise). my mom did too, she's 5'3, i'm 5'10 and pretty athletic, i could kick the shit out of her in a fair fight, but i had to stand there and let her slap me etc, my point is that it's also a mind fuck 'i control you, you can't do shit without me, so you're going to be the person that i tell you to be (or whatever the arguement is about), and take my slap and whatever else i dish out'. i don't know when they decided that hitting my face was ok. i don't remember the time that i decided to fight back either. so yeah, i'm against that

alright, i've been sitting here for 10 minutes deciding whether to post this because i can never tell how things will be taken in writting

You defined abuse. Not spanking.

tara

ThumbingMyWay32 wrote:

You defined abuse. Not spanking.

yeah, see, that's why i didn't want to post it, i knew someone would say that, but it wasn't abuse

fanch75

some chicks like it

deadmosquito

i would say, depends on the kid and the circumstance... but i am definitely for spanking kids if they misbehave badly, especially if they are acting out in public. the spanking should not take place there, but kids need to learn to behave themselves in public and respect other people. personally, i find misbehaving/ crying/ whining kids at a restaurant more offensive than any amount of cigarette smoke. people with children who can't behave should have their own glassed-in section where they have to live in all the noise pollution they've created.

ok sorry i got on a tangent there. but you get my point. it's cool to spank if it works as discipline. it's also cool not to spank. whatever works.

wavescamecrashing

it depends on the child, situation, etc im the eldest of a huge family, so ive seen plenty of kids grow up, smacked and not smacked.

i was hit as a kid. i think its just an adult temper tantrum. they cant deal with the situation so they whack the kid out of frustration, which probably makes the kid more angry and wound up, causing more prob for the parent.

I can understand the warning smack for young children doing silly things (going near a fire, running out in the road) because they remember the pain, but physically removing them from the situation quite briskly and with words would prob have same effect without the child developing an unhealthy fear of the parent.

For a tantruming child,Chuck em in a cold shower, shocks em, but you yourself arent hurting them. i try to ignore it and keep calm.

Also, i can agree with the people who see parents unable to control their children getting extremely frustrated and wishing they would smack the child. been there. I have seen a punishment that consisted of the child eating a ham sandwich and drinking a glass of milk.9this was after they spat and hit at their elder cousins) wtf? the same parents do that "reasoning" with a two year old thing..please. just walk away if its safe to do so, the one fear we are born with is that of being abandoned, the rest we learn.

the person who said we need to praise and enourage more than hit and curse makes me think its a good idea.

anyone watch supernanny? she gets a child behaving without hitting them...

angelica

clairenordon wrote:

i think its just an adult temper tantrum. they cant deal with the situation so they whack the kid out of frustration, which probably makes the kid more angry and wound up, causing more prob for the parent.

I agree. I have yet to see a calm and rational parent hit their child. I've seen children hit over and over in my life, and the parent was always upset and out of control.

anyone watch supernanny? she gets a child behaving without hitting them...

Again, I agree. It goes to show that children can be effectively taught without hitting. However when we give ourselves permission to hit, we stunt our own growth and our learning to find healthy and effective ways to discipline. It's those who believe in hitting that can't seem to imagine better ways.

JaneNY

angelica wrote:

I agree. I have yet to see a calm and rational parent hit their child. I've seen children hit over and over in my life, and the parent was always upset and out of control.

Yes, its as if the parent has become a toddler and having a tantrum too.

know1

The issue isn't spanking. The issue is for parents to be clear and consistent. They need to set boundaries that are understandable for their children and enforce those boundaries consistently without exception.

Then, whether you spank or whatever, you only have to do it one or two times.

It's when the boundaries aren't understood that discipline is lost.

angelica

know1 wrote:

The issue isn't spanking. The issue is for parents to be clear and consistent. They need to set boundaries that are understandable for their children and enforce those boundaries consistently without exception.

Then, whether you spank or whatever, you only have to do it one or two times.

It's when the boundaries aren't understood that discipline is lost.

I agree that this is very much a key issue: firm boundaries and consistency. When we as parents understand how to effectively implement boundaries and are consistent, we have the basics down. If we understand our own child's development including what they are and are not capable at that age and create healthy boundaries that are enforced with consistency, we don't need to have adult temper tantrums displaying our own low frustration tolerance. Instead we'll have a healthy plan for teaching our children, based on understanding.

trappedinmyradio

jeffbr wrote:

Absolutely not. To the contrary I think she's one of the most reasonable people on the board. BUT you are using the present tense. When she smacked her kid (past tense) I do think she was being unreasonable. And if you notice, it sounds like it was a very rare event, indeed. Everyone has their moments.



You are correct. Not every kid who is spanked is going to become a sociopath. But every kid who is spanked will learn to fear the person who hit them. And every kid who is hit will see that authority figure validate hitting as a solution to a problem. I don't need my children to fear me.

i love sweeping generalizations based on isolated experience.

jeffbr

trappedinmyradio wrote:

i love sweeping generalizations based on isolated experience.

That's what keeps this message board chugging along. And you're right, my experiences are definitely isolated to what I've experienced in my current life. I unfortunately don't have any recollection or knowlege of events in any past lives.

decides2dream

trappedinmyradio wrote:

i love sweeping generalizations based on isolated experience.

jeffbr wrote:

That's what keeps this message board chugging along. And you're right, my experiences are definitely isolated to what I've experienced in my current life. I unfortunately don't have any recollection or knowlege of events in any past lives.

sometimes it's good to realize, our personal experience and perception, very different from others. doesn't make one better or worse, just different. i know i oftentimes fail at it, but i do try to keep that perspective...especially to avoid judging other's behaviors/choices. as long as we are not talking 'extrmes'...abuse...real harm, etc...i do prefer allowing the freedom, even from judgement, for others to live as they choose.

angelica

trappedinmyradio wrote:

i love sweeping generalizations based on isolated experience.

What exactly was the sweeping generalisation you observed?