I never felt strongly either way about abortion..

Pearl Jam and toast

Until now.

Seventeen years old and my ex girlfriend (whom I broke up with a couple weeks ago) says she thinks she's pregnant. She's on the patch, which means something fucked up big time if it's true. Her mother is the kind of person who would kill the daughter if she found out (and I mean that literally), plus she's a rampid alcoholic which just doesn't help this at all.

My ex has a heart condition which her doctors said prevents her from giving birth because she physically could not handle it (she will die), but her mother still says she cannot have an abortion.

In North Carolina parental consent is required for an abortion unless a judge allows a bypass. If this turns out to be a pregnancy and for some ungodly reason a judge doesn't allow an abortion without parental consent both of our lives are ruined and there will be a newborn baby entering a family that cannot possibly support it or take care of it.

You tell me what "morality" is.

soulsinging

Pearl Jam and toast wrote:

Until now.

Seventeen years old and my ex girlfriend (whom I broke up with a couple weeks ago) says she thinks she's pregnant. She's on the patch, which means something fucked up big time if it's true. Her mother is the kind of person who would kill the daughter if she found out (and I mean that literally), plus she's a rampid alcoholic which just doesn't help this at all.

My ex has a heart condition which her doctors said prevents her from giving birth because she physically could not handle it (she will die), but her mother still says she cannot have an abortion.

In North Carolina parental consent is required for an abortion unless a judge allows a bypass. If this turns out to be a pregnancy and for some ungodly reason a judge doesn't allow an abortion without parental consent both of our lives are ruined and there will be a newborn baby entering a family that cannot possibly support it or take care of it.

You tell me what "morality" is.

if a doctor truly says that a pregnancy would potentially be fatal for the mother, she will have it approved.

Pearl Jam and toast

soulsinging wrote:

if a doctor truly says that a pregnancy would potentially be fatal for the mother, she will have it approved.

That's what I'm hoping. Luckily I have a job and can afford the price.

I'm worried sick... I actually smoked Marlboros tonight to ease the stress (which is like playing russian roulette with cigarettes to me). :(





Does anybody have any information on how long a judicial bypass would take, if the parents have to be notified to obtain one, and how we could go about obtaining it? I've been searching my ass off and haven't found much.

LeilaMoonTurtle

heart condition but on the very high hormone patch?

Pearl Jam and toast wrote:

Until now.

Seventeen years old and my ex girlfriend (whom I broke up with a couple weeks ago) says she thinks she's pregnant. She's on the patch, which means something fucked up big time if it's true. Her mother is the kind of person who would kill the daughter if she found out (and I mean that literally), plus she's a rampid alcoholic which just doesn't help this at all.

My ex has a heart condition which her doctors said prevents her from giving birth because she physically could not handle it (she will die), but her mother still says she cannot have an abortion.

In North Carolina parental consent is required for an abortion unless a judge allows a bypass. If this turns out to be a pregnancy and for some ungodly reason a judge doesn't allow an abortion without parental consent both of our lives are ruined and there will be a newborn baby entering a family that cannot possibly support it or take care of it.

You tell me what "morality" is.

DOSW

Wow. I'm moderately pro-life, but it's always difficult when you know (well, kind of) someone in the position. In this case I do believe that an abortion should be performed if you choose to, because of the case of threatening the mother's life. Best of luck to you and your ex, whatever happens.

But there's a good chance she isn't pregnant. Things like this turn out to be a fluke all the time. Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.

dayan

I don't even know what to say with this. God, good luck man. You've got my best wishes.

jeffbr

Sorry to hear that. My condolences to you and your ex. It is a sad situation for everyone involved.

Pearl Jam and toast

LeilaMoonTurtle wrote:

heart condition but on the very high hormone patch?

It's some genetic heart condition where her valves are too large or something (can't remember the name). She has an artificial one in there now and will be needing a replacement by the time she turns 18 or 19.

She's also got some very odd menstral disorder which is why her mother put her on the patch.. to lower the frequency of her periods I believe.

Will1659

I hate to be the asshole who asks this question, but do you believe her? There's always the chance she is just busting this out now to try and reel you back in since you broke up with her a couple weeks ago.

Pearl Jam and toast

DOSW wrote:

Wow. I'm moderately pro-life, but it's always difficult when you know (well, kind of) someone in the position. In this case I do believe that an abortion should be performed if you choose to, because of the case of threatening the mother's life. Best of luck to you and your ex, whatever happens.

But there's a good chance she isn't pregnant. Things like this turn out to be a fluke all the time. Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.

Thank you, that's what I'm trying to do. I've asked her to keep taking tests. She says she's had morning sickness, weird cravings, etc.

Pearl Jam and toast

Will1659 wrote:

I hate to be the asshole who asks this question, but do you believe her? There's always the chance she is just busting this out now to try and reel you back in since you broke up with her a couple weeks ago.

I've kept that in mind and I've actually spent the last 6 hours trying to convince myself of it, but I don't see it as likely knowing her so well.

soulsinging

Pearl Jam and toast wrote:

That's what I'm hoping. Luckily I have a job and can afford the price.

I'm worried sick... I actually smoked Marlboros tonight to ease the stress (which is like playing russian roulette with cigarettes to me). :(

Does anybody have any information on how long a judicial bypass would take, if the parents have to be notified to obtain one, and how we could go about obtaining it? I've been searching my ass off and haven't found much.

where dyou live? id say check the county courthouse. you could probably go in there and ask for a hearing with the magistrate. your gf is going to have to go with you im sure. and you might want to speak with the doctor first. do it asap. get him to write a letter testifying to this and notarizing it, cos you're going to need that. i dont think the judge/magistrate will notify the parents. that's kinda the point of the whole process.

however, you say she thinks. has she taken a pregnancy test? start there. funky things can happen with women's systems and you want to be sure. but tell her to make that doctor's (gynecologist) appt asap.

most importantly, does she want an abortion?

soulsinging

Pearl Jam and toast wrote:

Thank you, that's what I'm trying to do. I've asked her to keep taking tests. She says she's had morning sickness, weird cravings, etc.

you've asked, but has she taken one?

Pearl Jam and toast

soulsinging wrote:

where dyou live? id say check the county courthouse. you could probably go in there and ask for a hearing with the magistrate. your gf is going to have to go with you im sure. and you might want to speak with the doctor first. do it asap. get him to write a letter testifying to this and notarizing it, cos you're going to need that. i dont think the judge/magistrate will notify the parents. that's kinda the point of the whole process.

however, you say she thinks. has she taken a pregnancy test? start there. funky things can happen with women's systems and you want to be sure. but tell her to make that doctor's (gynecologist) appt asap.

most importantly, does she want an abortion?

I live in North Carolina.

She's taken 3 or 4 tests, all positive, but I'm still hoping for a fluke. She wants the abortion as well.

VictoryGin

Does she have a father in the house? She would only need one parent to consent, so maybe that's an option? Also, you might not need to take this to a judge. In NC the attending physician can waive that if there is a health emergency that complicates a pregnancy and would necessitate an immediate procedure. Ask a clinic about that. Sadly all your surrounding states require consent or notification in the case of Georgia. You can also check to see if NC clinics have payment support.

I hope this works out for everyone. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

sonicreducer

i once had an ex-girlfriend who claimed to be pregnant. luckily, she wasn't and either she was full of shit or .01% happened to her. anyhow, me and my roommate were joking about it (to ease the worry) and i decided to name it sleater mckinney. my name is stephen mckinney and sleater kinney,... well, anyhow, it was funny then.

good luck to you bro. im sorry it ended up this way, but make the best of it,...

soulsinging

Pearl Jam and toast wrote:

I live in North Carolina.

She's taken 3 or 4 tests, all positive, but I'm still hoping for a fluke. She wants the abortion as well.

have you seen these tests?

Pearl Jam and toast

VictoryGin wrote:

Does she have a father in the house? She would only need one parent to consent, so maybe that's an option? Also, you might not need to take this to a judge. In NC the attending physician can waive that if there is a health emergency that complicates a pregnancy and would necessitate an immediate procedure. Ask a clinic about that. Sadly all your surrounding states require consent or notification in the case of Georgia. You can also check to see if NC clinics have payment support.

I hope this works out for everyone. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Father was a heroin addict who died 6 or 7 years back so I don't think that's much help.

I'll check about the physician thing, I read that somewhere today.

Pearl Jam and toast

soulsinging wrote:

have you seen these tests?

No, and I'm still holding on to that chance that she's the most malevolent person in the world, but I'd like to prepare for it if it's real.

soulsinging

Pearl Jam and toast wrote:

No, and I'm still holding on to that chance that she's the most malevolent person in the world, but I'd like to prepare for it if it's real.

id go over there and have her take one in front of you.

VictoryGin

Pearl Jam and toast wrote:

Father was a heroin addict who died 6 or 7 years back so I don't think that's much help.

I'll check about the physician thing, I read that somewhere today.

Ask the clinic about it--it seems the law means the physician there, not her own physician. That would be a faster way to do this, and if she's already taken multiple tests then it seems she might want to get on this. My guess is that there aren't many providers in your state--the pp in chapel hill is provides both medical and surgical options though. You'll want an appointment before it gets too far. In states with few providers, it can be difficult to get an appt. And she could always change her mind there if she wants.

Pearl Jam and toast

soulsinging wrote:

id go over there and have her take one in front of you.

I'm planning on it.

She says that her patch should basically kill the zygote (is it a zygote or an embryo? I forget which is first..). This has happened before in small doses... she becomes pregnant but the patch kills it which just results in a lot of sickness and pregnancy symptoms.

- Someone back that up because I'm mostly taking her word for it - but I trust her.

Pearl Jam and toast

VictoryGin wrote:

Ask the clinic about it--it seems the law means the physician there, not her own physician. That would be a faster way to do this, and if she's already taken multiple tests then it seems she might want to get on this. My guess is that there aren't many providers in your state--the pp in chapel hill is provides both medical and surgical options though. You'll want an appointment before it gets too far. In states with few providers, it can be difficult to get an appt. And she could always change her mind there if she wants.

There are 2 or 3 reliable ones no farther than 3 hours away.

VictoryGin

Pearl Jam and toast wrote:

I'm planning on it.

She says that her patch should basically kill the zygote (is it a zygote or an embryo? I forget which is first..). This has happened before in small doses... she becomes pregnant but the patch kills it which just results in a lot of sickness and pregnancy symptoms.

- Someone back that up because I'm mostly taking her word for it - but I trust her.

What?! oh god, she told you that?

Pearl Jam and toast

VictoryGin wrote:

What?! oh god, she told you that?

mhmm..
something like that - don't take it word for word.

It happened a few months ago.. she got the symptoms. We attributed it to wild hormonal effects.. I don't know about any tests done then though.

BTW THIS is a fucking perfect reason why abstinance only health classes are total bullshit. This stuff happens and we're left to fend for ourselves for information about it.

sonicreducer

given the state of the mother, there has to be a loophole or legality in making her own decision,...

soulsinging

Pearl Jam and toast wrote:

I'm planning on it.

She says that her patch should basically kill the zygote (is it a zygote or an embryo? I forget which is first..). This has happened before in small doses... she becomes pregnant but the patch kills it which just results in a lot of sickness and pregnancy symptoms.

- Someone back that up because I'm mostly taking her word for it - but I trust her.

ive never heard of anything like this. it sounds like pure bullshit to me honestly. VG?

Pearl Jam and toast

sonicreducer wrote:

given the state of the mother, there has to be a loophole or legality in making her own decision,...

That's the one thing I'm not worried about is the judical bypass... It should be pretty in the bag for us considering so many different things.

Speaking of her mother..

- She drank and smoked (weed and cigs) heavily during her pregnancy AND her recent pregnancy (she has a 1 year old also).

- She's been arrested for assault on her daughter (my ex) and committed to an asylum for a period of time.

I really despise that woman.

Pearl Jam and toast

soulsinging wrote:

ive never heard of anything like this. it sounds like pure bullshit to me honestly. VG?

I wouldn't call it bullshit but more of a real lack of understanding about what happened.

soulsinging

Pearl Jam and toast wrote:

I wouldn't call it bullshit but more of a real lack of understanding about what happened.

perhaps. but it doesn't sound like she's playing it straight with you.

yosi1

Pearl Jam and toast wrote:

I wouldn't call it bullshit but more of a real lack of understanding about what happened.

That's what it sounds like. I'm really sorry about your situation. Please take care, and make sure your ex is being honest with you. Also, it sounds like she (and her sibling) really need to be distanced from their mother.