A Collective...

Being Enlightened

I've toiled with the idea of just starting a collective thread but just never bothered. Over the past few days I have unleashed a wrath upon this lovely forum and I appologize to anyone that I offended! As the song goes "you start me up, I never stop". So, since I won't stop, I thought I'd at least "control" my urges, purges, thoughts, onslaughts, desires, smutty fires, decayed, splayed...to one place (mostly).

When you pour so much of your self out it's sometimes dark, scary, sad, sexy, horny, silly, stupid, happy, confused, lovely, lonely...but these are feelings we all go through.

I leave my thoughts naked and self-consciously on display for whomever chooses to view them.

Be cruel, be kind, whatever you wish.

"So don't let this smile I wear make you think that I don't care. 'Cause when there's no one else around, I cry the tears of a clown." and "I'm a creep. I'm all alone. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. I don't belong here." But I'm still gonna be here!

And so it goes...

Being Enlightened

You took my love so long ago
And shaped it and disfigured it
And wore it like a crown on your head
To show off for all to see
Pushed my face into the mucky matress
And had your way
Left all my other senses in disarray
In different states of decay
A heated, sweat-drenched, bile-covered mess
On the floor
All alone and unfulfilled
A saturated, master-baited, underrated puke
Now totally naked and vulnerable
I kneel before you
And beg you
To spare me any further suffering
Take your hand and place it on my heaving, bleeding breast
And ask you to plunge your fist within
To rip this heart from out my chest
And throw it to the ground
And stomp all over it
And spit on it, shit on it, burn it
Pulverize the fucking thing
Turn it back to the dust from whence it came
And disperse of the ashes far, far away from me
So that nary a molecule can I breathe in

Being Enlightened

Nice
This is what I try to be
This is what they want from me
Apparently
This is what I was taught
This is why it's my thought
Caught
This is my cage
This is the war I wage
Age
This is my fate
This is why some hate
Irate
This is why some don't understand
This is why some don't take my hand
Stand
This is why I still try
This is why people lie
Die
This is why I bend
This is all my love for my true friends
End

Being Enlightened

Fell out of a cloud
Pissed down like rain
Piss all over me
I am unclean
I am obscene
Got so dizzy
Couldn't stand
Toppled head over foot
Tossed my cookie
Tossed my nookie
Lying on the street
Such a mess
Disgust my own self
Too much to think
Too much stink
Can't even crawl
Barely lift my head
Don't want to be here
Wallow in the muck
Wallow in the luck
Who gives a flying fuck

Being Enlightened

STANDING AT THE EDGE




















I HEAR A VOICE




















IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU





















I THINK I HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYING






















YOU SAID JUMP






















SO I DID

Being Enlightened

It's all okay now
You see it's preventative medicine
It's good for the skin
It helps ward off the evil cancer
It's chalk full of protien
There's no shame
I'll kneel before you
I long for your gift
I'll orally accept it
You're the vessel that has the cure for what ails me
I'll swallow it with pride
Or I'll wear it on my chest like a badge of honour
Just be careful not to get it in my eyes
































("It rubs the lotion on it's skin and puts the lotion in the basket."--that line's for you, Joe, you always did the best impression!!!! And for some reason I thought of it and all the laughs after I wrote this.)

Being Enlightened

I saw a spider
So I sat down beside her
I asked her how her day was
She said "It was dandy."
Seems she was tired
Spinning her web all day
Only to have it demolished
By some unseeing brute
I expressed my sympathy
She laughed and said
"It's all in a day's work,
we all have to work for what we want.
If someone tries to destroy it, we must not give up,
we must just start again."

A wise spider is she.

Being Enlightened

It's a very comfy bus
Lots of cushy seats
I was listening to the radio
Reading a book
We stopped at the stops
People got off, people got on
Well, at one stop
An older lady fell getting off the bus
A young man and a middle aged lady
helped the fallen woman to her feet
Helped her over to a bench
The bus driver checked on the hurt woman
Then came back on the bus
And informed us that we'd be delayed
Some lady yelled out
"When will this bus be getting to my stop?"
All she cared about was herself
And then it spread like wildfire
All these people were complaining and bitching
And it donned on me
Ignorance is very contagious
I got off that bus and made my way to the next one
The fallen one was doing okay, she had a hurt ankle
I got on the next bus and turned my walkman way up
I didn't want to catch anything

Being Enlightened

poesy - mostly
po-faced - motherfucker
pogrom - massacre
poke - meat
polecat - musk
polyp - mucas membrane
ponce - money
popgun - mannish?
popinjay - Madonna
poof - Michael
poor - mangy
politician - moron
pollard - miracle
polymer - molecular
poach - manipulate
polychromatic - multicoloured
pollinate - mate
pop - masturbate
portend - manifestation
portentous - manna
poser - mannequin
poison - murder
pooh - manure

Being Enlightened

Such a sweet smile
Such a sweet child
You had such smarts too
As life moved on
And security gone
Being taken advantaged of
And learned that those who are
supposed to love you, aren't there for you
You acquired this hard edge
You started rebelling
But it only hurt you
Hanging out with the wrong crowd
Dreadfully, horribly mislead
Started to phase into a haze
I was still there for you
And sometimes that was enough
Sometimes it wasn't
There was too much to take
We started talking less
You were getting too far gone
To escape an old hell, you welcomed a new one
Then you only started calling when you & yours
needed money for more
I hated not giving it but I couldn't contribute to that
You chose what appeared to be an easy way
But it's only easy if you act like you are too
You were abused, too abused
You were really not caring anymore
Your path took you to an even darker place
You probably would have died
But then you told me you felt like you
may have a new life inside you
Then you tried to deny it
Didn't want to face it, you were scared
But you looked deep inside yourself
You found such courage
You started to care, just a little
This new life saved your life
Little by little
You wised up to your surroundings
It's was slow process
Other loved ones hurt you again
But it only made you stronger
I was still threre for you
More and more that was becoming enough
You got out on your own
To leave another hell behind
You and your sunshine
Your life still not perfect
Still to immersed in the easy way
Some sweetness came to you
You held on to it
It was good for a while
Until it became yet another hell
More shit for you to take
But at least you still called this time
So it didn't take as long to realize
you needed out again
At least you have your head on straighter
I feel bad that you had to head back to old haunts
Deal with old ghosts
You got so ill
Nearly lost you
I can't describe how elated I am that you recovered
You are so used to your lifestyle
That you think you can't change it
You've realized it's not the best choice
But it's what you know and you're used to it
For all you've been through, you've been a rock
You are trying
I'm still there for you
I love you
I know that you now know that, that can be enough

Being Enlightened

You smiled at me so lovingly
I melted in your arms
I didn't know you were strangling me
Choking my thoughts
You whispered so sweetly in my ear
As you put the cloth over my eyes
Sent shivers up my spine
I let you take my hands
Let you guide me to the unknown
I trusted you, loved you, listened to you
Let you lay me down
Felt your lips cover mine
Tongue so hungry
Felt your blade on my thigh
Felt myself blushing
Your hand on my breast
The cold steel
Entering, exiting, entering, exciting
Breathing so heavy
Juices intermingling, divine
Never had so good
Never came so hard
Never will again

Being Enlightened

Oh boy
More blah, blah, blah
To waste my precious time
Man, I could actually be working
BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
You have to make me sit in a room
With a bunch of my "peers"
And fill our heads full of corporate BS
And I haven't even got there yet
And I already feel the bile tickling
And prickling the back of my throat
Here I go

---

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Being Enlightened

I used to go walking in the rain
It was always something I enjoyed
I'd just let it pour on me
I'd ponder
I'd wander
Until I was soaked
And chilled to the bone
And my head hurt
And my feet hurt
And my heart hurt
And I was too tired to go on
Then I'd return home
Only then did your embrace almost feel warm

Being Enlightened

I

Awoken from a dream
A scream on my lips
Cold sweat covering me
Shaking violently
Uneasy
Tears in my eyes
Why can't I remember?
What was it all about?

II

Pull the cover over my head
Try to breathe quietly
So the evil will not hear me
Try to stop shivering
So the evil will not feel me
Try to hear it coming
Was that a noise?
Breath caught in my throat
Still as a statue
Where is it?
Why cant' I hear it?
Should I peek over the sheet?
Do I have the nerve?

III

I slide the sheet down
Just under my eyes
I open my eyes
All I can see is darkness
But I sense something
In that dark
Makes me fear
I'm afraid to step on the floor
What's lurking underneath the bed
What if it grabs my ankle
And pulls me down
Into oblivion
But I must
I can't be like this
I start to let the cover go
Sit on the edge of the bed
Ankles hanging over the side
Hey, nobody's grabbed them
I lean over slightly
And that's when I felt the push
From behind me
And I realized
That my bed was floating in oblivion
And now I'm falling, falling, falling
Calling...

Being Enlightened

The total unfairness of things
Is something we all must face
"The unbearable lightness of being"
Just being
Can sometimes be too much
And when you feel you can take no more
And life has beat you down
You got to stand up straight
You got to stand up tall
You got to keep on, keeping on
Because to the universe, we are small
But to me, you are all
Never want to see you fall

Being Enlightened

No tears on these cheeks
Just a smile
Big and bright
For all those
Who bring a little joy
A little gladness
A little tenderness
A little light to the day
I bid you ado
Until we meet again




....upon my return


I wished you all well

Then it all went to hell

Where's my hand basket?

I have bones to collect

And dust to sort through

And I need my basket back!

Who the fuck would have taken it?

What could they possibly need it for?

And where the fuck did they go?

HEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOO-OOOOOOOOO!

Being Enlightened

Words you spoke
Whispered in my ear
Can't be unspoken
Head full of echoes
Reaching out to my heart
Stirring up those emotions
Call out for you
Need to hear them
All in vain
Room full of echoes
Reaching out to no one

Being Enlightened

if I say something you don't want to hear
Yeah, fuck me!
You heard me!
Fuck me!
At least I had the nerve to say it!

And fuck you for closing your mind,
And fuck you for closing your eyes,
And fuck you for muting the truth,
And fuck you for passing judgement,
And fuck you for hurting so many,
And fuck you for hating what you don't understand,
And fuck you for stealing what you want,

And fuck me,
For still thinking there's hope for you!

Being Enlightened

A warm smile
Arms open wide
Awaiting myself
Move together
Our heads on eachothers shoulders
Arms encircling one another
Feeling eachothers warmth
Exchanging so very much
Without even so much as a word
Oh so comforting
Oh so welcomed
Wish we could all feel this
Forever

Being Enlightened

So far away
Yet so close
Touched with words
The touch of a ghost
Brings back all the old haunts
Fills me up with thoughts
Lives past, loved ones lost
Some smiles, some tears
Some anger, some fears
Reaching out to my heart
Embracing my mind
Thought I'd left it all behind

Being Enlightened

You walk past me everyday
without so much as a second glance.
Guess what?
We both shit and it stinks!
But you'd never admit to that.
NO.
So prim, so proper, so perfect(?),
always dressed in the finest threads.
You drive one of those big SUV's.
You don't really care about pollution,
you just pretend to, it's politically correct!
You sell the lie wearing a cheshire grin.
To my shagrin.
When I say hello to you in the elevator
you don't meet my eyes, afraid of what?
The fact that I have different opinions?
That I get along with "the peasants" beneath you?
That I can still smile at you?
That I do my job really fucking well,
so well, that you just can't get rid of me?
I think you know that I hate what you stand for,
here.
But that I'd be the first to help you personally.
Coming here has changed me, I'm more bitchy.
We all do our best and you want more,
but give us so little.
We only want a little respect, appreciation.
We could be very happy here, really!
If you could let us be people, not machines.
If we felt less like numbers, real
to you.
I've spent a brain-draining amount of time here,
Some days bring tears to my eyes.
This clickety-clacking bullshit, debiting.
This arguing about money on the phone all day.
This accounting and general ledgers.
This putting small businessman out of business
and writing letters.
I hate it all!
It makes me feel not like me,
like an extention of you!
My head and back ache from stress
but I rise above, laugh with my friends.
At least I can say that I met good friends here!
I wonder how many here are really your friends?