All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a thousand enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed.
Are you gonna take me home tonight
Ah down beside that red firelight
Are you gonna let it all hang out
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rockin world go round
Hey I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew life before I left my nursery
Left alone with big fat fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Heap big woman you made a bad boy out of me
Hey hey!
Ive been singing with my band
Across the wire across the land
I seen evry blue eyed floozy on the way
But their beauty and their style
Went kind of smooth after a while
Take me to them dirty ladies every time
Oh wont you take me home tonight?
Oh down beside your red firelight
Oh and you give it all you got
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Hey listen here
Now your mortgages and homes
I got stiffness in the bones
Aint no beauty queens in this locality (I tell you)
Oh but I still get my pleasure
Still got my greatest treasure
Heap big woman you gonna make a big man out of me
Now get this
Oh you gonna take me home tonight (please)
Oh down beside your red firelight
Oh you gonna let it all hang out
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
[size=+2]Get on your bikes and ride[/size] > FUNNIEST LINE!!!
I believe that "Tube Snake Boogie" is on the same album.
All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a thousand enemies, and whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you, digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. Be cunning and full of tricks and your people shall never be destroyed.
"And after calming me down
with some orange slices
and some fetal spooning,
E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose.
He said, 'You are the Chosen One,
the One who will deliver the message.
A message of hope for those who choose to hear it
and a warning for those who do not.'
Me. The Chosen One?
They chose me!!!
AND I DIDN'T GRADUATE FROM FUCKIN' HIGH SCHOOL!!!"
Most anything by The Fools.
Life Sucks and Then You Die.
Psycho Chicken.
Bite It.
A Night for Beautiful Girls.
Holy shit! I remember them!
How about "She Makes Me Feel Big"?
It is time to admit that we used to rock like hurricanes. It is time to run for the hills and go round and round. It is time for us to shout at the devil. We've got the right to choose it, there ain't no way we'll lose it, and we're not gonna take it anymore.
- C. Klosterman
When I look out into your eyes out there,
When I look out into your faces,
You know what I see?
I see a little bit of Elvis
In each and every one of you out there.
Lemme tell ya...
Weeeeeeeeeellllllll...
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
Elvis is everywhere, man!
He's in everything.
He's in everybody...
Elvis is in your jeans.
He's in your cheesburgers
Elvis is in Nutty Buddies!
Elvis is in your mom!
He's in everybody.
He's in the young, the old,
the fat, the skinny,
the white, the black
the brown and the blue
people got Elvis in 'em too
Elvis is in everybody out there.
Everybody's got Elvis in them!
Everybody except one person that is...
Yeah, one person!
The evil opposite of Elvis.
The Anti-Elvis
Anti-Elvis got no Elvis in 'em,
lemme tell ya.
Michael J. Fox has no Elvis in him.
And Elvis is in Joan Rivers
but he's trying to get out, man!
He's trying to get out!
Listen up Joanie Baby!
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
Man, there's a lot of unexplained phenomenon
out there in the world.
Lot of things people say
What the heck's going on?
Let me tell ya!
Who built the pyramids?
ELVIS!
Who built Stonehenge?
ELVIS!
Yeah, man you see guys
walking down the street
pushing shopping carts
and you think they're talking to allah,
they're talking to themself.
Man, no they're talking to ELVIS!
ELVIS! ELVIS!
You know whats going on in that Bermuda Triangle?
Down in the Bermuda Traingle
Elvis needs boats.
Elvis needs boats.
Elvis Elvis Elvis
Elvis Elvis Elvis
Elvis needs boats.
Aahh! The Sailing Elvis!
Captain Elvis!
Commodore Elvis it is.
Yeah man, you know people from outer space,
people from outer space they come up to me.
They don't look like like Doctor Spock.
They don't look like Klingons,
all that Star Trek jive.
They look like Elvis.
ELVIS!
Everybody in outer space looks like Elvis.
Cause Elvis is a perfect being.
We are all moving in perfect peace and harmony towards Elvisness
Soon all will become Elvis.
Everything everywhere will be Elvis.
Why do you think they call it evolution anyway?
It's really Elvislution!
Elvislution!
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
That's right ladies and gentlemen,
The time has come!
Time has come to talk
To that little bit of Elvis inside of you.
Talk to it!
Call it up!
Say "Elvis, heal me!"
"Save me, Elvis!"
"Make me be born again
in the perfect Elvis light"
That's right!
You've got that Elvis inside of ya
and he's talkin to ya
He says he wants you to sing!
Everybody's got to sing like the king!
Like the king
Get that leg going now
Get your lip too.
Not no fool Billy Idol lip either
Everybody!
Yeah, we're rockin now!
Elvis is with us.
He's with us and he's speaking to us.
He says "Peoples!"
"Peoples!"
"Everybody!"
"Everybody got to sing!"
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
Intro:
I'm gonna do just one more song and then I'm gonna go in the back and take a real short break. And hopefully you'll take a break too and then you'll come back and you'll sit back down and I got more instruments to play as you can see behind me so, I know it's a school night and it's a work day and all that and you probably want to go home and if you do I understand. I'm probably the same way when I got to a show too, but if you're not, please hang out with me.
This is a novelty song
It's the kind of song that means absolutely nothing at all.
Please take my advice; tune out the words
And focus on the bass
It's a really bad, ignorant song
And you know, probably should have never seen the light of day at all, but it did
May I suggest go check out the t-shirts and CDs
Or just focus on the bass
While I play my novelty song
Y'all will probably shout out the names of other songs
In hope that I will stop what I am doing and play but I won't
Because I'm focusing on the bass
It's not a song that the label will push
The radio it speaks to me and tells me that it's mush
And it tells me to go back, go back into the woods and so I do
And I focus on the bass
When is it going to end is what you're thinking
Don't you hate the way that I get up inside your head?
And sing about all them things that you're thinking
Well I can do this because I focus on the bass
So while you ask, does it continue to go on?
Sounds like you're making it up as you go along
Well because I did and I should probably give more of a shit, but I don't
So I focus on the bass
I don't care it was a novelty song
But don't you wish you listened when I said tune out the words, but you didn't
And now we've gotten this far
Simply because we've focused on the bass
So if there is a next time you come to my show
And you hear me start this song and then
You will surely know not to listen to the words
And focus on the bass
The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, "Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, "Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever. Because this is just a ride." And we...kill those people. "Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok? But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.
--Bill Hicks
Wynona's got herself a big brown beaver
and she shows it off to all her friends.
One day, you know, that beaver tried to leave her,
So she caged him up with cyclone fence.
Along came Lou with the old baboon
And said "Recognize that smell?"
"Smells like seven layers,
That beaver eats Taco Bell."
Now Rex was a Texan out of New Orleans
And he travelled with the carnival shows.
He ran bumper cars, sucked cheap cigars
And he candied up his nose.
He got wind of the big brown beaver
So he though he'd take himself a peek,
But the beaver was quick
And grabbed him by the kiwis.
Now he ain't pissed for a week.
(And a half!)
Now Wynona took her big brown beaver,
And she stuck him up in the air.
Said "I sure do love this big brown beaver
And I wish I did have a pair."
Now the beaver once slept for seven days
And it gave us all an awful fright.
So I tickled his chin and I gave him a pinch
And the bastard tried to bite me.
Wynona loved her big brown beaver
And she stroked him all the time.
She pricked her finger one day and it
Occurred to her she might have a porcupine.
"PC Load Letter?! What the fuck does that mean?"
~Michael Bolton
Presidents of the USA - We Are Not Going To Make It
We're not gonna make it
Oh, no!
We're not gonna make it
Cause there's a million better bands
with a million better songs
Singers who can drum
Singers who can sing
Deep in my heart,
I do believe
We're not gonna make it
Oh, no!
We're not gonna make it
Cause we don't have the talent
And we don't have the time
We don't have the patience
And we don't know how to rhyme
No, no, no
We're not gonna make it!
“Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — ‘God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.’” - Kurt Vonnegut
tonadax
Posts: 594
Comments
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
"God is in the House" by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds is funny is a tongue-in-cheek way.. not laugh out loud funny.
A large amount of Dylan songs...
http://www.wishlistfoundation.org
Oh my, they dropped the leash.
Morgan Freeman/Clint Eastwood 08' for President!
"Make our day"
Summerfest 2006
"Why would they come to our concert just to boo us?" -Lisa Simpson
http://www.myspace.com/byproduct
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
Big Bottom is one of the greatest songs ever made...
The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin'
That's what I said
The looser the waistband, the deeper the quicksand
Or so I have read
My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I'd like to sink her with my pink torpedo
Big bottom, big bottom
Talk about bum cakes, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?
I met her on Monday, twas my lucky bun day
You know what I mean
I love her each weekday, each velvety cheek day
You know what I mean
My love gun's loaded and she's in my sights
Big game is waiting there inside her tights, yeah
Big bottom, big bottom
Talk about mud flaps, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?
I mean come on, even Soundgarden did live covers of it!
"No, don't worry, everything's clean,
Road worthy, hungry and meeeaaannnn..
http://www.wishlistfoundation.org
Oh my, they dropped the leash.
Morgan Freeman/Clint Eastwood 08' for President!
"Make our day"
Are you gonna take me home tonight
Ah down beside that red firelight
Are you gonna let it all hang out
Fat bottomed girls
You make the rockin world go round
Hey I was just a skinny lad
Never knew no good from bad
But I knew life before I left my nursery
Left alone with big fat fanny
She was such a naughty nanny
Heap big woman you made a bad boy out of me
Hey hey!
Ive been singing with my band
Across the wire across the land
I seen evry blue eyed floozy on the way
But their beauty and their style
Went kind of smooth after a while
Take me to them dirty ladies every time
Oh wont you take me home tonight?
Oh down beside your red firelight
Oh and you give it all you got
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Hey listen here
Now your mortgages and homes
I got stiffness in the bones
Aint no beauty queens in this locality (I tell you)
Oh but I still get my pleasure
Still got my greatest treasure
Heap big woman you gonna make a big man out of me
Now get this
Oh you gonna take me home tonight (please)
Oh down beside your red firelight
Oh you gonna let it all hang out
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin world go round
[size=+2]Get on your bikes and ride[/size] > FUNNIEST LINE!!!
Oooh yeah them fat bottomed girls
Fat bottomed girls
Yeah yeah yeah
Fat bottomed girls
Yes yes
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
There's so many to pick from with Tenacious D. Master Exploder is my fav.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=FmMM_FWX7gA
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
Life Sucks and Then You Die.
Psycho Chicken.
Bite It.
A Night for Beautiful Girls.
'Mongoloid' - DEVO
'We're A Happy Family' - The Ramones
'Tattoo' - The Who
Hail, Hail!!!
http://toolshed.down.net/lyrics/10kdayslyrics.php#08
"And after calming me down
with some orange slices
and some fetal spooning,
E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose.
He said, 'You are the Chosen One,
the One who will deliver the message.
A message of hope for those who choose to hear it
and a warning for those who do not.'
Me. The Chosen One?
They chose me!!!
AND I DIDN'T GRADUATE FROM FUCKIN' HIGH SCHOOL!!!"
How about "She Makes Me Feel Big"?
- C. Klosterman
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
-Oscar Wilde
Stroke!
Stroke!
Stroke!
"I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions." - George Carlin
http://youtube.com/watch?v=16LI4TUucW4
When I look out into your eyes out there,
When I look out into your faces,
You know what I see?
I see a little bit of Elvis
In each and every one of you out there.
Lemme tell ya...
Weeeeeeeeeellllllll...
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
Elvis is everywhere, man!
He's in everything.
He's in everybody...
Elvis is in your jeans.
He's in your cheesburgers
Elvis is in Nutty Buddies!
Elvis is in your mom!
He's in everybody.
He's in the young, the old,
the fat, the skinny,
the white, the black
the brown and the blue
people got Elvis in 'em too
Elvis is in everybody out there.
Everybody's got Elvis in them!
Everybody except one person that is...
Yeah, one person!
The evil opposite of Elvis.
The Anti-Elvis
Anti-Elvis got no Elvis in 'em,
lemme tell ya.
Michael J. Fox has no Elvis in him.
And Elvis is in Joan Rivers
but he's trying to get out, man!
He's trying to get out!
Listen up Joanie Baby!
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
Man, there's a lot of unexplained phenomenon
out there in the world.
Lot of things people say
What the heck's going on?
Let me tell ya!
Who built the pyramids?
ELVIS!
Who built Stonehenge?
ELVIS!
Yeah, man you see guys
walking down the street
pushing shopping carts
and you think they're talking to allah,
they're talking to themself.
Man, no they're talking to ELVIS!
ELVIS! ELVIS!
You know whats going on in that Bermuda Triangle?
Down in the Bermuda Traingle
Elvis needs boats.
Elvis needs boats.
Elvis Elvis Elvis
Elvis Elvis Elvis
Elvis needs boats.
Aahh! The Sailing Elvis!
Captain Elvis!
Commodore Elvis it is.
Yeah man, you know people from outer space,
people from outer space they come up to me.
They don't look like like Doctor Spock.
They don't look like Klingons,
all that Star Trek jive.
They look like Elvis.
ELVIS!
Everybody in outer space looks like Elvis.
Cause Elvis is a perfect being.
We are all moving in perfect peace and harmony towards Elvisness
Soon all will become Elvis.
Everything everywhere will be Elvis.
Why do you think they call it evolution anyway?
It's really Elvislution!
Elvislution!
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
That's right ladies and gentlemen,
The time has come!
Time has come to talk
To that little bit of Elvis inside of you.
Talk to it!
Call it up!
Say "Elvis, heal me!"
"Save me, Elvis!"
"Make me be born again
in the perfect Elvis light"
That's right!
You've got that Elvis inside of ya
and he's talkin to ya
He says he wants you to sing!
Everybody's got to sing like the king!
Like the king
Get that leg going now
Get your lip too.
Not no fool Billy Idol lip either
Everybody!
Yeah, we're rockin now!
Elvis is with us.
He's with us and he's speaking to us.
He says "Peoples!"
"Peoples!"
"Everybody!"
"Everybody got to sing!"
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
Elvis is everywhere
Elvis is everything
Elvis is everybody
Elvis is still the king
Man o man
What I want you to see
Is that the big E's
Inside of you and me
Elvis!
Intro:
I'm gonna do just one more song and then I'm gonna go in the back and take a real short break. And hopefully you'll take a break too and then you'll come back and you'll sit back down and I got more instruments to play as you can see behind me so, I know it's a school night and it's a work day and all that and you probably want to go home and if you do I understand. I'm probably the same way when I got to a show too, but if you're not, please hang out with me.
This is a novelty song
It's the kind of song that means absolutely nothing at all.
Please take my advice; tune out the words
And focus on the bass
It's a really bad, ignorant song
And you know, probably should have never seen the light of day at all, but it did
May I suggest go check out the t-shirts and CDs
Or just focus on the bass
While I play my novelty song
Y'all will probably shout out the names of other songs
In hope that I will stop what I am doing and play but I won't
Because I'm focusing on the bass
It's not a song that the label will push
The radio it speaks to me and tells me that it's mush
And it tells me to go back, go back into the woods and so I do
And I focus on the bass
When is it going to end is what you're thinking
Don't you hate the way that I get up inside your head?
And sing about all them things that you're thinking
Well I can do this because I focus on the bass
So while you ask, does it continue to go on?
Sounds like you're making it up as you go along
Well because I did and I should probably give more of a shit, but I don't
So I focus on the bass
I don't care it was a novelty song
But don't you wish you listened when I said tune out the words, but you didn't
And now we've gotten this far
Simply because we've focused on the bass
So if there is a next time you come to my show
And you hear me start this song and then
You will surely know not to listen to the words
And focus on the bass
--Bill Hicks
maybe more annoying than funny...
i know those dudes!!!!.....from where i grew up....:)
that's my ringtone.
Wynona's got herself a big brown beaver
and she shows it off to all her friends.
One day, you know, that beaver tried to leave her,
So she caged him up with cyclone fence.
Along came Lou with the old baboon
And said "Recognize that smell?"
"Smells like seven layers,
That beaver eats Taco Bell."
Now Rex was a Texan out of New Orleans
And he travelled with the carnival shows.
He ran bumper cars, sucked cheap cigars
And he candied up his nose.
He got wind of the big brown beaver
So he though he'd take himself a peek,
But the beaver was quick
And grabbed him by the kiwis.
Now he ain't pissed for a week.
(And a half!)
Now Wynona took her big brown beaver,
And she stuck him up in the air.
Said "I sure do love this big brown beaver
And I wish I did have a pair."
Now the beaver once slept for seven days
And it gave us all an awful fright.
So I tickled his chin and I gave him a pinch
And the bastard tried to bite me.
Wynona loved her big brown beaver
And she stroked him all the time.
She pricked her finger one day and it
Occurred to her she might have a porcupine.
~Michael Bolton
Quality!!!
We're not gonna make it
Oh, no!
We're not gonna make it
Cause there's a million better bands
with a million better songs
Singers who can drum
Singers who can sing
Deep in my heart,
I do believe
We're not gonna make it
Oh, no!
We're not gonna make it
Cause we don't have the talent
And we don't have the time
We don't have the patience
And we don't know how to rhyme
No, no, no
We're not gonna make it!