Having Kids. Selfish Act?

pearljammr78

With the world in straight chaos. Climate change starting to ramp up to unseen levels. Pollution of the air and seas at all time highs. Corrupt Governments on the brink of war for the limited resources and power that is left.  And the world already at an unsustainable population level and growing. Is it a selfish act to bring kids in this world? What kind of world are they going to inherit and why would you want someone you love to go through what’s coming? 

Full disclosure. I have a 17 year old daughter who I love more than anything (besides my wife) in this world. But as a parent, I am terrified at what my daughter is going to have to deal with sooner than later. I always try to talk her out of having kids when she gets older. And my daughter is adopted. I met her when she was two. My wife had her before we met. I see her as only my daughter and get offended when someone calls me her step dad. I’m her dad. Bottom line. 

I would love to hear what others think. Have a great day. 

dankind

Yes, children are selfish assholes. 

cincybearcat

No. But having more than 1 per person (2 for married couple but no more if divorced) is selfish and killing the planet faster than anything else 

PJ_Soul

I wouldn't call it selfish... I might call it irresponsible though. Not that I expect everyone to stop having kids. I don't have any, largely for the reasons the OP is talking about, but I know that others just have a really deep and undeniable need to procreate. It's not really their fault. It's a combination of socialization and instinct for some people. That said, I think people should have as few kids as they can possible stand - if that number is zero, that's ideal.

I think this is kind of funny, because up until very recently, it was more commonly said that people who DON'T have kids are the selfish ones, lol.

Spiritual_Chaos

Sad we couldn't make ourselves a world where having kids would not bring a negative impact. 

mcgruff10

dankind said:

Yes, children are selfish assholes. 

Sooo true lol.  

hedonist

PJ_Soul said:

I wouldn't call it selfish... I might call it irresponsible though. Not that I expect everyone to stop having kids. I don't have any, largely for the reasons the OP is talking about, but I know that others just have a really deep and undeniable need to procreate. It's not really their fault. It's a combination of socialization and instinct for some people. That said, I think people should have as few kids as they can possible stand - if that number is zero, that's ideal.

I think this is kind of funny, because up until very recently, it was more commonly said that people who DON'T have kids are the selfish ones, lol.

I am selfish - which is why I chose not to have / adopt children.  I simply don't have what (I believe) it takes to be a good parent.

(And after DK's comment, that is hereby cemented!)

PJ_Soul

hedonist said:

PJ_Soul said:

I wouldn't call it selfish... I might call it irresponsible though. Not that I expect everyone to stop having kids. I don't have any, largely for the reasons the OP is talking about, but I know that others just have a really deep and undeniable need to procreate. It's not really their fault. It's a combination of socialization and instinct for some people. That said, I think people should have as few kids as they can possible stand - if that number is zero, that's ideal.

I think this is kind of funny, because up until very recently, it was more commonly said that people who DON'T have kids are the selfish ones, lol.

I am selfish - which is why I chose not to have / adopt children.  I simply don't have what (I believe) it takes to be a good parent.

(And after DK's comment, that is hereby cemented!)

I don't understand how that makes you selfish. You simply don't believe you have what it takes to be a good parent... That doesn't equal selfishness IMO. On the contrary. If you felt that and had kids anyway, that would be closer to selfish that what you've done!

F Me In The Brain

pearljammr78 said:

With the world in straight chaos. Climate change starting to ramp up to unseen levels. Pollution of the air and seas at all time highs. Corrupt Governments on the brink of war for the limited resources and power that is left.  And the world already at an unsustainable population level and growing. Is it a selfish act to bring kids in this world? What kind of world are they going to inherit and why would you want someone you love to go through what’s coming? 

Full disclosure. I have a 17 year old daughter who I love more than anything (besides my wife) in this world. But as a parent, I am terrified at what my daughter is going to have to deal with sooner than later. I always try to talk her out of having kids when she gets older. And my daughter is adopted. I met her when she was two. My wife had her before we met. I see her as only my daughter and get offended when someone calls me her step dad. I’m her dad. Bottom line. 

I would love to hear what others think. Have a great day. 

I say no

Also, I love our son more than anyone, even my wife.  

F Me In The Brain

I do agree with Dankind, though.

pearljammr78

Dankind is speaking truth. 

Having a kid is is the most rewarding and special relationship ever. It’s also the hardest thing ever. To do it right, that is. 

But, I do find it selfish. Your not going to be around forever and don’t have to live in the world when your gone. 

And yes, I’m sorry but there should be a limit to how many kids you can have. These people with 10 kids. Ridiculous. 2 and done. Worldwide mandate. If you have more then you pay extremely more on your taxes instead of a tax break. Something. 

Meltdown99

pearljammr78 said:

Dankind is speaking truth. 

Having a kid is is the most rewarding and special relationship ever. It’s also the hardest thing ever. To do it right, that is. 

But, I do find it selfish. Your not going to be around forever and don’t have to live in the world when your gone. 

And yes, I’m sorry but there should be a limit to how many kids you can have. These people with 10 kids. Ridiculous. 2 and done. Worldwide mandate. If you have more then you pay extremely more on your taxes instead of a tax break. Something. 

I would not go as far as limiting the number of kids people have.  But I would not reward people financially for having kids.  In Canada, we have the most ridiculous child benefit...and we have accepted a lot of Syrian refugees and many of those families are 4 plus kids with some 8-9 kids.  

I do think having kids is extremely selfish.  

F Me In The Brain

That is your opinion, but I think it is wrong.
Having kids that are brought up the right way is the best way to try and impact this fucked up world.
That is my opinion.

F Me In The Brain

(of course, the idea that most people are morons (which I believe) means that their kids are not likely to be brought up the right way.  You have some juice there!)

Jason P

having kids and leaving them to be raised by others is a selfish act.  raising a kid isn't selfish at all, probably the opposite of selfish.

F Me In The Brain

Yeah, as I think about this thread I scratch my head.
Having kids is our biological reason for being.
The instinct is to have them
How is this selfish?
I tried for years (and years) and finally got one.  FSM finally blessed me.
Is he a jackass who runs around and makes my life difficult?
Yeah.
Would I fucking chop down anyone who wanted to harm him?
Oh, hell yeah.
He is the best thing I could hope to come out of my being on this planet.
I make no judgement on those who don't want to have kids.
I get it.
However, saying, in general, that wanting to have kids is selfish?
Jeebus.  That makes no sense to me.

F Me In The Brain

Btw, I also raised someone else's kid for 7 years and want to raise others.  
As stated earlier, the best way to try and influence this world, in my opinion, is to try and populate it with more people who believe that doing right by others is the way to love and to live.

pearljammr78

I agree with you on a lot of it. But this planet cannot sustain the amount of people it has now. What I meant by selfish was bringing kids into a world that is not on the right course in many many ways. But is raising a kid super rewarding. No one doing it the best they can can argue that. It’s amazing. 

hedonist

F Me In The Brain said:

Btw, I also raised someone else's kid for 7 years and want to raise others.  
As stated earlier, the best way to try and influence this world, in my opinion, is to try and populate it with more people who believe that doing right by others is the way to love and to live.

Yeah, you and others in your situation - plus those who are doing their best (and well), as pj78 said above - have my utmost respect.

I just know it's not for me; never has been.  Thank whatever that my husband and I think alike on this.

Smellyman

Ha.  I have been told many times I am selfish for not having kids.

There is a biological need to screw, but not the 'need' to have kids.  We have enough reason to do both if we want to.

When I was born there were 3.7 billion people on the planet.  Now there is 7.8 billion.  We are fucking our way to destroying the only planet we can live on.

goldrush

I have a 5 year old, and he’s cool as hell. We would have liked a second, but it looks like that’s not meant to be. Do I worry what state the world is going to be in when he grows up? Of course I do. 

But the only way to get the planet out of this mess is for the next generation to solve the problems we have caused. Is that selfish? Probably. But our generation (and the ones before it) are the ones that fucked the planet up, so there’s no way in hell we’ll be the ones that are able to save it. 

Meltdown99

If your hope for saving the planet is to wait the next...then it’s to late.  

goldrush

It’s probably already too late. But our generation aren’t going to be the ones to solve this. We have to hope that the following generations can do better than we are, or else it’s all over. Of course that’s not a reason to have kids, but I would like to believe that they can find a way to fix our mistakes.

rgambs

I have to be around Catholics because of my in-laws so that poisons me towards the idea of having more than 1 or 2 kids.

Like, seriously, you've got one in college and one in preschool and 3 in between?  Jeebus H, how about take on a foster or adopt. 
Nah, just pump out more members for your cult lol

cincybearcat

Jason P said:

having kids and leaving them to be raised by others is a selfish act.  raising a kid isn't selfish at all, probably the opposite of selfish.

What do you consider "leaving them to be raised by others"?

cincybearcat

rgambs said:

I have to be around Catholics because of my in-laws so that poisons me towards the idea of having more than 1 or 2 kids.

Like, seriously, you've got one in college and one in preschool and 3 in between?  Jeebus H, how about take on a foster or adopt. 
Nah, just pump out more members for your cult lol

It's really funny to me that they don't see the real reason for a stupid policy towards birth control.  The machine just wants more people to give it more $.

Meltdown99

rgambs said:

I have to be around Catholics because of my in-laws so that poisons me towards the idea of having more than 1 or 2 kids.

Like, seriously, you've got one in college and one in preschool and 3 in between?  Jeebus H, how about take on a foster or adopt. 
Nah, just pump out more members for your cult lol

I agree its a cult...

Meltdown99

rgambs said:

I have to be around Catholics because of my in-laws so that poisons me towards the idea of having more than 1 or 2 kids.

Like, seriously, you've got one in college and one in preschool and 3 in between?  Jeebus H, how about take on a foster or adopt. 
Nah, just pump out more members for your cult lol

I worked with a teacher who was catholic...he had 8 kids, the oldest was in his last on University and they had a toddler at home...he did this with basic teaching salary ... he never had time to take the courses required that would have brought him to the top pay scale...

cp3iverson

Wtf

If you want five kids then have five kids.  As long as you take care of them it’s fine with me.  I only get upset when kids are abused or you see the mom walking ten feet in front of their 3 year old in the Target parking lot.  

Being a dad is the best thing to ever happen to me.  Crafting a responsible human being is your duty once you become a parent. 

rgambs

cp3iverson said:

Wtf

If you want five kids then have five kids.  As long as you take care of them it’s fine with me.  I only get upset when kids are abused or you see the mom walking ten feet in front of their 3 year old in the Target parking lot.  

Being a dad is the best thing to ever happen to me.  Crafting a responsible human being is your duty once you become a parent. 

I couldn't look myself in the mirror if I had 5 privileged kids eating mini pizzas and Twix bars every day while millions of kids starve around the world.

mickeyrat

at one time I wanted kids. then I started drinking. into alcoholism. then crack and booze. then just crack.

have had gratitude since I got sober I never did have kids.

now I am uncle to two nieces. great uncle to two great nieces and a couple step great nieces. "uncle" to several cousins .

I'm good with that...