Please answer my anonymous survey (QUICK SURVEY ONLY 3 QNS) - Should I stay or go?

Thoughts_Arrive

brianlux said:

I can understand how it sometimes feels like being attacked on a forum.  I've felt that way before.  I've been around long enough to realize that it's best to ignore those who seem to be attacking or at least keep in mind that it may only seem that way. 

What makes this all difficult is that words are only something like 7% of communication.  All the rest is based on tone of voice, body language and facial expression. 

Here, lets try one.

"Fuck you, Thoughts!"

If I said that to your face with angry eyes, clenched fists, and a growl my my voice, it would most certainly be an attacking statement.  But if you had jokingly said, I'm not sharing my popcorn with you bubba, and I knew you were teasing, I might say, "Fuck you, Thoughts", with a bit of laughter in my voice, a twinkle in my eye, and then put my hand on your should and whine, "pleeeeeese, sir, just one!" and you would laugh.  Totally not an attack.

But on a computer screen, what does "Fuck you, Thoughts" mean?  Could be hard to say.

Stick around, my friend.  We can make this thing work. 

Yeah I understand. Thanks Brian.

F Me In The Brain

I think that frequently you don't understand what people here seem to be trying to share with you

Take things at face value, perhaps.  I agree that it is aggressive to force your agenda on people through PM, or asking people to fill out a survey answering questions you want them to answer.  

Thoughts_Arrive

F Me In The Brain said:

I think that frequently you don't understand what people here seem to be trying to share with you

Take things at face value, perhaps.  I agree that it is aggressive to force your agenda on people through PM, or asking people to fill out a survey answering questions you want them to answer.  

I never said or ever have forced my agenda via PM. How is this aggressive? It's anonymous.

F Me In The Brain

By agenda I meant what worked for you.  

I return to my original response....if you like it here you should stay

If you don't like it here you should go.

josevolution

Wobbie said:

the clash are over rated.

I see what you did there , still Jones & Strummers great writing duo The Clash were a fantastic band live @ Bond st still one of the best weeks of my concert experience!! He should stay !

Thoughts_Arrive

F Me In The Brain said:

By agenda I meant what worked for you.  

I return to my original response....if you like it here you should stay

If you don't like it here you should go.

I may like it but if I am not liked by the majority then what's the point. I wouldn't feel welcome which would mean what's the point in posting?

Thoughts_Arrive

josevolution said:

Wobbie said:

the clash are over rated.

I see what you did there , still Jones & Strummers great writing duo The Clash were a fantastic band live @ Bond st still one of the best weeks of my concert experience!! He should stay !

I get it now. That song.

Annafalk

I can relate to your feelings. And I think everyone can feel like this sometimes. You write that if you are not liked by the majority, I don’t think that’s possible. I think you are liked by the majority. Try to focus on positivity, think others think good thoughts about you. I try to do it myself even if I may be fooling myself, at least I feel better. I think it’s more fun if you stay TA, it would be a loss if you leave.

lastexitlondon

Anna you are always so kind to everyone. 

HughFreakingDillon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

jnimhaoileoin said:

As for people not answering your PMs, if I disagreed with someone on a thread and they then pursued me in a PM demanding an explanation then I would certainly be likely to ignore it. I would find it intrusive and aggressive, when things are taken private it adds a personal edge to it that does not exist in the public forum.

My PMs were not related to any thread or disagreement or argument but just to connect and say hello in a friendly way.

when people have randomly pm'd me (which has happened a few times), I usually don't respond either. I don't pm anyone I don't have a previous established online relationship with, and usually it's for a reason, not just to say "hi". people assume (rightly or wrongly) that is some ulterior motive there. 

that would be the same as going up to someone on the street and reaching out your hand and saying 'hi, I'm TA, how are you?" and then wondering why they look at you funny and walk away. 

disagreeing with someone on a forum is not the same as attacking. you seem to think any time you are in the minority of opinion that it's because people don't like you. no, it's just because people disagree. I have been on that end. don't take it personally. 

elvistheking44

Thoughts_Arrive said:

F Me In The Brain said:

If you like it here, why wouldn't you stay?

If you don't like it here, why wouldn't you go?

Seems simple, to me.

Depends on what others think of me.

One of the best things I learned at a young age is to not give a fuck what other people think of me.  I teach this to my kids non stop.  

HughFreakingDillon

elvistheking44 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

F Me In The Brain said:

If you like it here, why wouldn't you stay?

If you don't like it here, why wouldn't you go?

Seems simple, to me.

Depends on what others think of me.

One of the best things I learned at a young age is to not give a fuck what other people think of me.  I teach this to my kids non stop.  

I didn't learn this until much later, probably my mid 20's, but yes, this all day. I try to teach my girls the same thing. be nice, treat people with respect, and if they don't respond in kind, that reflects their character, not yours. 

brianlux

HughFreakingDillon said:

elvistheking44 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

F Me In The Brain said:

If you like it here, why wouldn't you stay?

If you don't like it here, why wouldn't you go?

Seems simple, to me.

Depends on what others think of me.

One of the best things I learned at a young age is to not give a fuck what other people think of me.  I teach this to my kids non stop.  

I didn't learn this until much later, probably my mid 20's, but yes, this all day. I try to teach my girls the same thing. be nice, treat people with respect, and if they don't respond in kind, that reflects their character, not yours. 

You guys are good for doing that for your kids.  I wish my parents had.  I had to learn the hard way.  I still care too much at times what others think of me (or what I think they think of me).  Better to just hold your head up and be yourself.

oftenreading

brianlux said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

elvistheking44 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

F Me In The Brain said:

If you like it here, why wouldn't you stay?

If you don't like it here, why wouldn't you go?

Seems simple, to me.

Depends on what others think of me.

One of the best things I learned at a young age is to not give a fuck what other people think of me.  I teach this to my kids non stop.  

I didn't learn this until much later, probably my mid 20's, but yes, this all day. I try to teach my girls the same thing. be nice, treat people with respect, and if they don't respond in kind, that reflects their character, not yours. 

You guys are good for doing that for your kids.  I wish my parents had.  I had to learn the hard way.  I still care too much at times what others think of me (or what I think they think of me).  Better to just hold your head up and be yourself.

I did not want to post in this thread at all, because I disagree with the premise of it, but thought I would just add that I read a quote the other day that I think is both simple and accurate. 

“Don’t worry about what others think about you. They aren’t actually thinking about you at all”. 

brianlux

oftenreading said:

brianlux said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

elvistheking44 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

F Me In The Brain said:

If you like it here, why wouldn't you stay?

If you don't like it here, why wouldn't you go?

Seems simple, to me.

Depends on what others think of me.

One of the best things I learned at a young age is to not give a fuck what other people think of me.  I teach this to my kids non stop.  

I didn't learn this until much later, probably my mid 20's, but yes, this all day. I try to teach my girls the same thing. be nice, treat people with respect, and if they don't respond in kind, that reflects their character, not yours. 

You guys are good for doing that for your kids.  I wish my parents had.  I had to learn the hard way.  I still care too much at times what others think of me (or what I think they think of me).  Better to just hold your head up and be yourself.

I did not want to post in this thread at all, because I disagree with the premise of it, but thought I would just add that I read a quote the other day that I think is both simple and accurate. 

“Don’t worry about what others think about you. They aren’t actually thinking about you at all”. 

I read a very similar quote in a book not all that long ago.  It basically said, when you worry about what someone else is thinking about you, remember that they are more concerned about themselves- or something to that effect.

Of course, now I will spend the rest of the day trying to remember what book that was.  So many books!

jnimhaoileoin

oftenreading said:

brianlux said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

elvistheking44 said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

F Me In The Brain said:

If you like it here, why wouldn't you stay?

If you don't like it here, why wouldn't you go?

Seems simple, to me.

Depends on what others think of me.

One of the best things I learned at a young age is to not give a fuck what other people think of me.  I teach this to my kids non stop.  

I didn't learn this until much later, probably my mid 20's, but yes, this all day. I try to teach my girls the same thing. be nice, treat people with respect, and if they don't respond in kind, that reflects their character, not yours. 

You guys are good for doing that for your kids.  I wish my parents had.  I had to learn the hard way.  I still care too much at times what others think of me (or what I think they think of me).  Better to just hold your head up and be yourself.

I did not want to post in this thread at all, because I disagree with the premise of it, but thought I would just add that I read a quote the other day that I think is both simple and accurate. 

“Don’t worry about what others think about you. They aren’t actually thinking about you at all”. 

This is exactly what I wanted to say too! Was just trying to think of a polite way to say it

stuckinline

Meltdown99

I vote that you stay...

stuckinline

Stay

dankind

https://youtu.be/i9HGwRbMiVY