Please answer my anonymous survey (QUICK SURVEY ONLY 3 QNS) - Should I stay or go?

Thoughts_Arrive

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/3V8K6Z5

I will take the results of this survey as the say of the people and either cancel my membership or stay on.

rgambs

What a terrible idea lol

Count me as a stay if you will.

Thoughts_Arrive

rgambs said:

What a terrible idea lol

Count me as a stay if you will.

Why terrible? This way people can let me know what they think of me without getting in trouble from Kat and Sea.

F Me In The Brain

If you like it here, why wouldn't you stay?

If you don't like it here, why wouldn't you go?

Seems simple, to me.

Thoughts_Arrive

F Me In The Brain said:

If you like it here, why wouldn't you stay?

If you don't like it here, why wouldn't you go?

Seems simple, to me.

Depends on what others think of me.

oftenreading

Thoughts_Arrive said:

F Me In The Brain said:

If you like it here, why wouldn't you stay?

If you don't like it here, why wouldn't you go?

Seems simple, to me.

Depends on what others think of me.

No, actually, it doesn't.  It depends on what you think of it. 

hedonist

Thoughts_Arrive said:

F Me In The Brain said:

If you like it here, why wouldn't you stay?

If you don't like it here, why wouldn't you go?

Seems simple, to me.

Depends on what others think of me.

Maybe don't allow (what you perceive to be) others' opinions of you to dictate your actions.  Not just in this forum but in your life.

Because, it's YOUR life.  Don't put it on others.

If I remember correctly, you're a grown man in your 30s?  If choosing to take action on something based on the criteria of virtual strangers vs your own choice, then - and I would say this to anyone so please don't go the "everyone will decide my choice" - it's on you.  YOU CHOOSE.

It's not a sin to do so.  It's part of your obligation to yourself.

Take charge!  It's liberating.

Thoughts_Arrive

If I am am not wanted here and people hate me then what's the point of sticking around and making threads and PM'ing people.

lastexitlondon

This isn't a good idea for your self confidence. Either way you are caring too much on what others think or what you think they think.!  Take a step back and let this all consuming constant fight go.
Imo i do not care if some don't agree or do not reply or share my view. Why would i ? 
Im sitting in my flat in England how are these far away people in my life? Its nice to share with like minded people. But don't get caught up in this more than it is. Its a fan forum not a popularity competition. We all have issues and some understand and show love. Some don't and laugh theirs off. We are all unique. Be well my friend and please leave this self worth harshness to yourself alone.  I hope you can start to enjoy it here again! Rob

hedonist

If that is what you believe despite others saying the opposite, I'm sorry - yet again, that's on YOU.

Speak your mind, don't continue to pm those who don't meet your (unrealistic?) expectations, and quit assuming the hate aspect.  You're insulting many without basis.

Somehow I think your just taking a break might be helpful.  You're being unfair to yourself and shoveling a shitload of unnecessary judgments on others.

Anyway, I can't offer any more if you're yet again in the unwarranted "I'm hated" mode.  You're a grown man - you owe it to yourself to act like one.

Wish you well and hope you take accountability for yourself.  Putting that on anyone else's shoulders is a coward's way out.  You can do better than that and may you find the fortitude to do so.

kce8

Why do you think you wouldn't be wanted here? Why should somebody hate you at all?
People might have different opinions that doesn't mean to hate somebody.

Don't let others make you feel bad, if that's the problem. If you feel offended just don't answer.
I don't know what you expect to find here but maybe you take it too seriously? 
Stay and give it another try. 

Wobbie

the clash are over rated.

Thoughts_Arrive

kce8 said:

Why do you think you wouldn't be wanted here? Why should somebody hate you at all?
People might have different opinions that doesn't mean to hate somebody.

Don't let others make you feel bad, if that's the problem. If you feel offended just don't answer.
I don't know what you expect to find here but maybe you take it too seriously? 
Stay and give it another try. 

The way people attack me here and how I don't get replies to PM's I sent.

Thoughts_Arrive

lastexitlondon said:

This isn't a good idea for your self confidence. Either way you are caring too much on what others think or what you think they think.!  Take a step back and let this all consuming constant fight go.
Imo i do not care if some don't agree or do not reply or share my view. Why would i ? 
Im sitting in my flat in England how are these far away people in my life? Its nice to share with like minded people. But don't get caught up in this more than it is. Its a fan forum not a popularity competition. We all have issues and some understand and show love. Some don't and laugh theirs off. We are all unique. Be well my friend and please leave this self worth harshness to yourself alone.  I hope you can start to enjoy it here again! Rob

It hurts to be disliked and/or hated by the majority.

Thoughts_Arrive

Wobbie said:

the clash are over rated.

point of that comment?

Thoughts_Arrive

hedonist said:

If that is what you believe despite others saying the opposite, I'm sorry - yet again, that's on YOU.

Speak your mind, don't continue to pm those who don't meet your (unrealistic?) expectations, and quit assuming the hate aspect.  You're insulting many without basis.

Somehow I think your just taking a break might be helpful.  You're being unfair to yourself and shoveling a shitload of unnecessary judgments on others.

Anyway, I can't offer any more if you're yet again in the unwarranted "I'm hated" mode.  You're a grown man - you owe it to yourself to act like one.

Wish you well and hope you take accountability for yourself.  Putting that on anyone else's shoulders is a coward's way out.  You can do better than that and may you find the fortitude to do so.

What about severely disliked by the majority?

Thoughts_Arrive

I've only received 2 responses. Thank you those that have responded.
If you have commented here and not responded to the survey please do so. 

lastexitlondon

Don't pm anyone that you are not really friendly with. Pm is private for a reason. Some may not be comfortable with it

jnimhaoileoin

People don't attack you, they disagree with some of your opinions and how you express them. They don't know you or feel that strongly about you to hate you. You're taking things way too personally, this is not a good place to be if you can't accept that people may disagree with you and challenge you. This is a forum for precisely that purpose, discussion and debate, it would be pointless if we all agreed and spent our time telling each other how great we all are.

As for people not answering your PMs, if I disagreed with someone on a thread and they then pursued me in a PM demanding an explanation then I would certainly be likely to ignore it. I would find it intrusive and aggressive, when things are taken private it adds a personal edge to it that does not exist in the public forum.

Basically, as others have said, you need to take responsibility for your own happiness and sense of self-worth here. I'm a people pleaser myself and always want everyone to like me but I also love debate and fully expect people to disagree with me on certain matters, as I disagree with them. I don't take it personally, they don't know me, they only know my opinions. Their problem is not with me but with my opinions. You need to understand that distinction

brianlux

I can understand how it sometimes feels like being attacked on a forum.  I've felt that way before.  I've been around long enough to realize that it's best to ignore those who seem to be attacking or at least keep in mind that it may only seem that way. 

What makes this all difficult is that words are only something like 7% of communication.  All the rest is based on tone of voice, body language and facial expression. 

Here, lets try one.

"Fuck you, Thoughts!"

If I said that to your face with angry eyes, clenched fists, and a growl my my voice, it would most certainly be an attacking statement.  But if you had jokingly said, I'm not sharing my popcorn with you bubba, and I knew you were teasing, I might say, "Fuck you, Thoughts", with a bit of laughter in my voice, a twinkle in my eye, and then put my hand on your should and whine, "pleeeeeese, sir, just one!" and you would laugh.  Totally not an attack.

But on a computer screen, what does "Fuck you, Thoughts" mean?  Could be hard to say.

Stick around, my friend.  We can make this thing work. 

Thoughts_Arrive

jnimhaoileoin said:

As for people not answering your PMs, if I disagreed with someone on a thread and they then pursued me in a PM demanding an explanation then I would certainly be likely to ignore it. I would find it intrusive and aggressive, when things are taken private it adds a personal edge to it that does not exist in the public forum.

My PMs were not related to any thread or disagreement or argument but just to connect and say hello in a friendly way.

Thoughts_Arrive

brianlux said:

I can understand how it sometimes feels like being attacked on a forum.  I've felt that way before.  I've been around long enough to realize that it's best to ignore those who seem to be attacking or at least keep in mind that it may only seem that way. 

What makes this all difficult is that words are only something like 7% of communication.  All the rest is based on tone of voice, body language and facial expression. 

Here, lets try one.

"Fuck you, Thoughts!"

If I said that to your face with angry eyes, clenched fists, and a growl my my voice, it would most certainly be an attacking statement.  But if you had jokingly said, I'm not sharing my popcorn with you bubba, and I knew you were teasing, I might say, "Fuck you, Thoughts", with a bit of laughter in my voice, a twinkle in my eye, and then put my hand on your should and whine, "pleeeeeese, sir, just one!" and you would laugh.  Totally not an attack.

But on a computer screen, what does "Fuck you, Thoughts" mean?  Could be hard to say.

Stick around, my friend.  We can make this thing work. 

Yeah I understand. Thanks Brian.

F Me In The Brain

I think that frequently you don't understand what people here seem to be trying to share with you

Take things at face value, perhaps.  I agree that it is aggressive to force your agenda on people through PM, or asking people to fill out a survey answering questions you want them to answer.  

Thoughts_Arrive

F Me In The Brain said:

I think that frequently you don't understand what people here seem to be trying to share with you

Take things at face value, perhaps.  I agree that it is aggressive to force your agenda on people through PM, or asking people to fill out a survey answering questions you want them to answer.  

I never said or ever have forced my agenda via PM. How is this aggressive? It's anonymous.

F Me In The Brain

By agenda I meant what worked for you.  

I return to my original response....if you like it here you should stay

If you don't like it here you should go.

josevolution

Wobbie said:

the clash are over rated.

I see what you did there , still Jones & Strummers great writing duo The Clash were a fantastic band live @ Bond st still one of the best weeks of my concert experience!! He should stay !

Thoughts_Arrive

F Me In The Brain said:

By agenda I meant what worked for you.  

I return to my original response....if you like it here you should stay

If you don't like it here you should go.

I may like it but if I am not liked by the majority then what's the point. I wouldn't feel welcome which would mean what's the point in posting?

Thoughts_Arrive

josevolution said:

Wobbie said:

the clash are over rated.

I see what you did there , still Jones & Strummers great writing duo The Clash were a fantastic band live @ Bond st still one of the best weeks of my concert experience!! He should stay !

I get it now. That song.

Annafalk

I can relate to your feelings. And I think everyone can feel like this sometimes. You write that if you are not liked by the majority, I don’t think that’s possible. I think you are liked by the majority. Try to focus on positivity, think others think good thoughts about you. I try to do it myself even if I may be fooling myself, at least I feel better. I think it’s more fun if you stay TA, it would be a loss if you leave.

lastexitlondon

Anna you are always so kind to everyone. 

HughFreakingDillon

Thoughts_Arrive said:

jnimhaoileoin said:

As for people not answering your PMs, if I disagreed with someone on a thread and they then pursued me in a PM demanding an explanation then I would certainly be likely to ignore it. I would find it intrusive and aggressive, when things are taken private it adds a personal edge to it that does not exist in the public forum.

My PMs were not related to any thread or disagreement or argument but just to connect and say hello in a friendly way.

when people have randomly pm'd me (which has happened a few times), I usually don't respond either. I don't pm anyone I don't have a previous established online relationship with, and usually it's for a reason, not just to say "hi". people assume (rightly or wrongly) that is some ulterior motive there. 

that would be the same as going up to someone on the street and reaching out your hand and saying 'hi, I'm TA, how are you?" and then wondering why they look at you funny and walk away. 

disagreeing with someone on a forum is not the same as attacking. you seem to think any time you are in the minority of opinion that it's because people don't like you. no, it's just because people disagree. I have been on that end. don't take it personally.