A safe place for anxiety sufferers to share.

lastexitlondon

Thank you

lastexitlondon

Well im back here again. 
Are any of my old friends around?

lastexitlondon

Basically  ive been off of any substance  for 5 days and each and every day ive been in such panic i can only lay down. I took half a valium first morning  then i had to take half a quetiapine knocked me out. But last 3 days ive tried to ride it out. The problem  im having is even before i wake im waking  with panic symptoms.  Heart fast. Empty gutless feeling  and whimpering. Im embarrassed  by this so please be kind. 
But im gonna be very honest here. 
The anxiety  symptoms  are so so strong i cannot live. I do want it to stop but it doesn't. 
Dr said no point in ssri because i tried loads (not often sober) drink  i have no love for and i wasnt drinking much at all but pot i got addicted to .  Its easy to be addicted  to no matter what anyone says.
It fucks my confusion badly but it gave me a few  hours of joy sometimes. Then it became habit and need.  So i stopped sunday cold turkey. 
I am in hell

lastexitlondon

Im forcing myself to my allotment  garden  in 1 hours  time. If want to or not. Only thing is i used to smoke a joint and drift away there. But now sober i get there and come back home i genuinely  feel like ending it all when im alone there.  Fuck i reached out to mental services  and they said have afucking cup pf tea. I am on a waiting  list ,have been a year.
This for me can only end in addiction  or death 

Loujoe

Please take care. Thank you for opening up. Sounds like it's an unimaginably hard time you are going through.

a5pj

This thread has helped me a ton, all the stories, and ppl helping each other. 
Anxiety sucks, I've come to learn I've lived with it for 36 years, now I think I'm getting better.
Thinking of you @lastexitlondon

Loujoe

Just read something interesting things from an article.
"New things are happening very quietly inside of me." 
 "We are trying to flourish in terrible conditions."
 "gardening situates you in a different kind of time, the antithesis of the agitating present of social media. Time becomes circular, not chronological; minutes stretch into hours; some actions don't bear fruit for decades."
"To every thing there is a season...a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up..."

Gern Blansten

I'm thinking about asking my Dr to go back on Paxil.  That really helped me about 20 years ago.  

I went off of it because it seemed like I learned how to live with it.  Also because it sterilized me.  As soon as I went off Paxil we had two more kids.  Then I got a vasectomy.  Good times.

I think I need it again to get my confidence back.

Matts3221

lastexitlondon said:

Basically  ive been off of any substance  for 5 days and each and every day ive been in such panic i can only lay down. I took half a valium first morning  then i had to take half a quetiapine knocked me out. But last 3 days ive tried to ride it out. The problem  im having is even before i wake im waking  with panic symptoms.  Heart fast. Empty gutless feeling  and whimpering. Im embarrassed  by this so please be kind. 
But im gonna be very honest here. 
The anxiety  symptoms  are so so strong i cannot live. I do want it to stop but it doesn't. 
Dr said no point in ssri because i tried loads (not often sober) drink  i have no love for and i wasnt drinking much at all but pot i got addicted to .  Its easy to be addicted  to no matter what anyone says.
It fucks my confusion badly but it gave me a few  hours of joy sometimes. Then it became habit and need.  So i stopped sunday cold turkey. 
I am in hell

Nothing to be embarrassed about , we have all shared stories about when we are at lows. Stopping something cold turkey can really be hell. The panic is not even controllable so that is what makes it such a vicious cycle. When I have moments of panic attacks I start to only think when the next one is going to come on and by thinking about it so much they keep happing.

I wish I had advice on how to deal , breath some fresh air , lay down , take naps. The waves are high and then go low. All the love to you Rob.   

Gern Blansten

lastexitlondon said:

Basically  ive been off of any substance  for 5 days and each and every day ive been in such panic i can only lay down. I took half a valium first morning  then i had to take half a quetiapine knocked me out. But last 3 days ive tried to ride it out. The problem  im having is even before i wake im waking  with panic symptoms.  Heart fast. Empty gutless feeling  and whimpering. Im embarrassed  by this so please be kind. 
But im gonna be very honest here. 
The anxiety  symptoms  are so so strong i cannot live. I do want it to stop but it doesn't. 
Dr said no point in ssri because i tried loads (not often sober) drink  i have no love for and i wasnt drinking much at all but pot i got addicted to .  Its easy to be addicted  to no matter what anyone says.
It fucks my confusion badly but it gave me a few  hours of joy sometimes. Then it became habit and need.  So i stopped sunday cold turkey. 
I am in hell

Have you received a second opinion regarding SSRIs?  If not do so ASAP.  

hedonist

Wishing you well as always, Rob. 

lastexitlondon

Thank you all my friends 

Purple Fairy Tree

I've found this really helpful - 10 min meditation for stress 
https://youtu.be/z6X5oEIg6Ak

Fifthelement

Sending love and light to all in this thread who need it, especially you Rob.  @lastexitlondon

lastexitlondon

Ive nothing else to try. Nowhere else to go.
Alone in myself.

Fifthelement

@lastexitlondon

I'm here if you want to talk Rob.

If you want to talk to someone closer to home via telephone or chat:

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

lastexitlondon

I Just  dont have anything  left. Im in such a poor state . I need a way out.  I dont want to moan and expose myself on a public forum. I have said so much and been open but i just have come to a point where im clinging on to my kids in my head . I want this to stop so much

lastexitlondon

Im making  judgement and decisions  i cant trust anymore. Im now having  symptoms  i cant know are me-anxiety or vaccine. Or illness. I just want it all to stop. Facing this  sober makes me feel like i want out

Purple Fairy Tree

Rob I'm sure there are people/organisationa out there that can help you. It sounds like you are suffering a lot very intensely, most moments of the day which sounds really unpleasant. It also sounds like you dont have much control about how you feel which also cant feel good. It sounds like there are physical and psychological elements to your pain. I can recommend someone for you to speak to but it sounds like you need support with the physical side of what you are going through too.
.
I wouldnt worry to much about what you have shared on here as people want to help give support. If it helps you that is the main thing. Please don't feel ashamed, particularly if it helps.  I often find writing things down helps to process it. It's difficult to know what to advise as I'm not medically trained. At some point I usually try to read up on what's going on, to understand it in context.  I'm going through some shit right now so I'm having to research what's going on and it is all there in black and white which is empowering.

Mental health, suffering, pain, it's all worth fighting for. I hate to see anyone suffer, and I'd hate to think I've caused that to anyone even unintentionally. You can PM me anytime and I'd be happy to listen or on here you can recieve more support from lots of people. It's good to not feel alone whatever you are going through.  Misery loves company etc.. please stay strong, things will improve, you'll get through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

You have a beautiful baby girl who is adorable, not everyone has that, you are very lucky. Kids/animals usually pick up on vibes. You should see how many times a day my dog wants to take me for a walk! X

Fifthelement

Great thoughts and advice WCD.  I, too, feel your pain and desperation Rob.  I wish more than anything that I could wave a magic wand and make things better for you. Please know that we are sending our thoughts your way 💕💕💕