Are people generally becoming more rude/ less courteous?

brianlux

HughFreakingDillon said:

hedonist said:

It's funny, I've found that lack of courtesy spans across all ages, races, genders.  People are more and more in their own bubbles, mostly digital ones at that, and leaves them self-absorbed and unaware (or unwilling to see) other drivers, fellow shoppers, people who may need a door held for them, and on.

Agreed that LA drivers can be utter assholes, but all I can do is be considerate and drive defensively, eyes wide open.

i find that there are certain cultures that SEEM rude, but i think, from numerous observations, that it is a cultural difference perceived as rudeness by the culture i was raised in. if one culture acts in a certain way, even to each other, it's not considered rude. but to a different culture, it can be anger inducing. i am sure there are things that other cultures think are rude the way i act, but most or all of my peers act the same way. 

i'm not sure if society is getting ruder. i think it's a general observation as one gets older that you perceive that to be the case. i am like george costanza, to be honest. i find the slightest human transgression maddening. not moving to the back of the bus because they are scared they'll never make it out alive; honking at someone moving too slowly on a crosswalk, that sort of thing. i don't get it. everyone needs to calm the fuck down. 

i don't think it's the digital age either. people our age tend to rag on kids on the bus or walking down the street as being buried in their phones. i saw a pic somewhere on the web that countered that: it was a commuter train FULL of men buried in the daily news, not talking to each other. our tendencies are the same, just different technology. 

This reminds of something I experienced that seems contradictory, but not really.  Here in California where I grew up (and live now), people are generally, "Hey groovy, nice to meet you give me a hug, let's be friends."  Yet during the two years I lived in rural western New York State people seemed much more stand-offish, wary,  rather stiff and definitely more reserved.  And yet when you win the trust of an east-coaster and show that you can be trusted and loyal, you will receive the same in return.  Of course I'm generalizing but what seems more easy going here is often really more shallow and what seems almost rude back east is actually more about expecting people to prove themselves to be worthy.  Once that happen, the bond is lasting and strong. 

F Me In The Brain

brianlux said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

hedonist said:

It's funny, I've found that lack of courtesy spans across all ages, races, genders.  People are more and more in their own bubbles, mostly digital ones at that, and leaves them self-absorbed and unaware (or unwilling to see) other drivers, fellow shoppers, people who may need a door held for them, and on.

Agreed that LA drivers can be utter assholes, but all I can do is be considerate and drive defensively, eyes wide open.

i find that there are certain cultures that SEEM rude, but i think, from numerous observations, that it is a cultural difference perceived as rudeness by the culture i was raised in. if one culture acts in a certain way, even to each other, it's not considered rude. but to a different culture, it can be anger inducing. i am sure there are things that other cultures think are rude the way i act, but most or all of my peers act the same way. 

i'm not sure if society is getting ruder. i think it's a general observation as one gets older that you perceive that to be the case. i am like george costanza, to be honest. i find the slightest human transgression maddening. not moving to the back of the bus because they are scared they'll never make it out alive; honking at someone moving too slowly on a crosswalk, that sort of thing. i don't get it. everyone needs to calm the fuck down. 

i don't think it's the digital age either. people our age tend to rag on kids on the bus or walking down the street as being buried in their phones. i saw a pic somewhere on the web that countered that: it was a commuter train FULL of men buried in the daily news, not talking to each other. our tendencies are the same, just different technology. 

This reminds of something I experienced that seems contradictory, but not really.  Here in California where I grew up (and live now), people are generally, "Hey groovy, nice to meet you give me a hug, let's be friends."  Yet during the two years I lived in rural western New York State people seemed much more stand-offish, wary,  rather stiff and definitely more reserved.  And yet when you win the trust of an east-coaster and show that you can be trusted and loyal, you will receive the same in return.  Of course I'm generalizing but what seems more easy going here is often really more shallow and what seems almost rude back east is actually more about expecting people to prove themselves to be worthy.  Once that happen, the bond is lasting and strong. 

People can say what they want about folks from the Northeast, but I agree with you Brian.
Spent first 18 years in New England.
Moved to CA for almost 20 years.
Came back to Northeast (New Jersey, in a Philly 'burb) 5 years ago. 
The  issue I had with LA and Orange counties was that (especially in LA) people are very often transplants.  This erodes the sense of community I feel and caused people to be much more insincere in general.  There also was more of an emphasis (in my experience) on where you were from and what you drove and stuff like that.
 
Took 2 weeks of being in Jersey to have met a bunch of people who were genuine and to realize how much of a difference there was.
Get past the gruff image (when presented) and get to the solid neighbor type of person....still can be a rude bunch, but I think that is the case most places.

rgambs

Here in the Midwest it is a typically mixed bag.

hedonist

The transplant theory is a good one - makes sense.

With love,
a native Angelena

brianlux

Native California.Bay Area dude here.  My mother was a native Californian as well, so that takes us back to the 1920's (and her folks only migrated across the border from Nevada).  But then my father is originally from Pennsylvania so if he hadn't  been a transplant, I wouldn't be here.  The biggest problem (as I see it) with transplanting here on the west coast has been the sheer numbers.  HUGE numbers!

F Me In The Brain

hedonist said:

The transplant theory is a good one - makes sense.

With love,
a native Angelena

You know I love ya! 
How many people in your building do you know?  (First/Last names, know their kids or where they are from?)
I lived in a number of places out there, including a spot in Marina del Rey for 7 years. 

hedonist

F Me In The Brain said:

hedonist said:

The transplant theory is a good one - makes sense.

With love,
a native Angelena

You know I love ya! 
How many people in your building do you know?  (First/Last names, know their kids or where they are from?)
I lived in a number of places out there, including a spot in Marina del Rey for 7 years. 

Maybe three people  I mean, our paths cross here and there and chitchat is made but aside from a couple of folks I interact with more than others, I do not know my 400+ neighbors very well.

Perhaps it was growing up in a home vs. our condo that more-easily lent itself to the sense of community and neighbors.  Different times, too.

But always usually courteous!

HughFreakingDillon

hedonist said:

F Me In The Brain said:

hedonist said:

The transplant theory is a good one - makes sense.

With love,
a native Angelena

You know I love ya! 
How many people in your building do you know?  (First/Last names, know their kids or where they are from?)
I lived in a number of places out there, including a spot in Marina del Rey for 7 years. 

Maybe three people  I mean, our paths cross here and there and chitchat is made but aside from a couple of folks I interact with more than others, I do not know my 400+ neighbors very well.

Perhaps it was growing up in a home vs. our condo that more-easily lent itself to the sense of community and neighbors.  Different times, too.

But always usually courteous!

do you have a wall in the lobby with pictures and names of everyone who lives there?

that would be my own personal hell. 

hedonist

HughFreakingDillon said:

hedonist said:

F Me In The Brain said:

hedonist said:

The transplant theory is a good one - makes sense.

With love,
a native Angelena

You know I love ya! 
How many people in your building do you know?  (First/Last names, know their kids or where they are from?)
I lived in a number of places out there, including a spot in Marina del Rey for 7 years. 

Maybe three people  I mean, our paths cross here and there and chitchat is made but aside from a couple of folks I interact with more than others, I do not know my 400+ neighbors very well.

Perhaps it was growing up in a home vs. our condo that more-easily lent itself to the sense of community and neighbors.  Different times, too.

But always usually courteous!

do you have a wall in the lobby with pictures and names of everyone who lives there?

that would be my own personal hell. 

No...and no kissing hello either!

Zod

I try to be courteous and most of the time I think I am, but I do have a theory.

Where I live (and I'm guess many other places) the population keeps growing and growing.   I think the more crowded it gets the more frustrated people get, and the lack of courtesy it's one of those things.    Any time I'm in small towns, it always feels a little oldschool.    The polite factor always seems way up.  People aren't as stressed out and way more calm.    That's my thought's anyways.   Humans probably aren't meant to be sardined into cities the way we are now.    Everyone's in your way, and you're in everyone else's way (the walmart/costco dilemma).   Everyone gets frustrated, and sometimes they can't bottle it in.

HughFreakingDillon

Zod said:

I try to be courteous and most of the time I think I am, but I do have a theory.

Where I live (and I'm guess many other places) the population keeps growing and growing.   I think the more crowded it gets the more frustrated people get, and the lack of courtesy it's one of those things.    Any time I'm in small towns, it always feels a little oldschool.    The polite factor always seems way up.  People aren't as stressed out and way more calm.    That's my thought's anyways.   Humans probably aren't meant to be sardined into cities the way we are now.    Everyone's in your way, and you're in everyone else's way (the walmart/costco dilemma).   Everyone gets frustrated, and sometimes they can't bottle it in.

i would say that theory is damn near factual. sure, there are negatives in all walks of life, but basically the smaller the center, the more relaxed the populace. you go to a small town and strangers smile at you, say good morning, shit like that.  you don't see that in big cities much. it's just a completely different mindset. 

oftenreading

HughFreakingDillon said:

Zod said:

I try to be courteous and most of the time I think I am, but I do have a theory.

Where I live (and I'm guess many other places) the population keeps growing and growing.   I think the more crowded it gets the more frustrated people get, and the lack of courtesy it's one of those things.    Any time I'm in small towns, it always feels a little oldschool.    The polite factor always seems way up.  People aren't as stressed out and way more calm.    That's my thought's anyways.   Humans probably aren't meant to be sardined into cities the way we are now.    Everyone's in your way, and you're in everyone else's way (the walmart/costco dilemma).   Everyone gets frustrated, and sometimes they can't bottle it in.

i would say that theory is damn near factual. sure, there are negatives in all walks of life, but basically the smaller the center, the more relaxed the populace. you go to a small town and strangers smile at you, say good morning, shit like that.  you don't see that in big cities much. it's just a completely different mindset. 

I think it also depends on how the society has developed. The USA is a big country and people have traditionally had a lot of space, so they're not used to having to deal with close quarters. The Japanese, in contrast, have always been aware of their tiny and non-expandable landmass and their culture has developed ways to deal with this, with a lack of expectation of privacy, a tolerance for minimal personal space (for instance, standing in line), and a high premium put on social politeness.

brianlux

oftenreading said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Zod said:

I try to be courteous and most of the time I think I am, but I do have a theory.

Where I live (and I'm guess many other places) the population keeps growing and growing.   I think the more crowded it gets the more frustrated people get, and the lack of courtesy it's one of those things.    Any time I'm in small towns, it always feels a little oldschool.    The polite factor always seems way up.  People aren't as stressed out and way more calm.    That's my thought's anyways.   Humans probably aren't meant to be sardined into cities the way we are now.    Everyone's in your way, and you're in everyone else's way (the walmart/costco dilemma).   Everyone gets frustrated, and sometimes they can't bottle it in.

i would say that theory is damn near factual. sure, there are negatives in all walks of life, but basically the smaller the center, the more relaxed the populace. you go to a small town and strangers smile at you, say good morning, shit like that.  you don't see that in big cities much. it's just a completely different mindset. 

I think it also depends on how the society has developed. The USA is a big country and people have traditionally had a lot of space, so they're not used to having to deal with close quarters. The Japanese, in contrast, have always been aware of their tiny and non-expandable landmass and their culture has developed ways to deal with this, with a lack of expectation of privacy, a tolerance for minimal personal space (for instance, standing in line), and a high premium put on social politeness.

If they were as environmentally conscious as they are polite, it would be heaven on earth.  Though touted as being a progressively "green" country, sadly, they have major transgressions regarding ocean wildlife and are dead set on keeping their nuclear power plants threatening their own country, the Pacific Ocean and beyond. 

RogueStoner

I try hard to not be rude and sometimes go out of my way but that came with age and experience. I know how much it sucks to be in line forever so I'll let someone in. I know how difficult it is to grocery shop with small kids so I'll help with bags. I know what it's like to stand on my feet for hours so I'm pleasant to the cashier or make her laugh. 
But I do a lot of dumb and inconsiderate things when I'm focused completely on something else. I hope those around me can get past it and I try to remember not to get too angry at others for unintentional mistakes. 

The ones that are rude on purpose can go F themselves. 

brianlux

RogueStoner said:

I try hard to not be rude and sometimes go out of my way but that came with age and experience. I know how much it sucks to be in line forever so I'll let someone in. I know how difficult it is to grocery shop with small kids so I'll help with bags. I know what it's like to stand on my feet for hours so I'm pleasant to the cashier or make her laugh. 
But I do a lot of dumb and inconsiderate things when I'm focused completely on something else. I hope those around me can get past it and I try to remember not to get too angry at others for unintentional mistakes. 

The ones that are rude on purpose can go F themselves. 

Yes, and with experience comes self restraint.  That doesn't mean you'll never think about doing something rude.  Like today, I was in a grocery store and really had to take a leak and knew exactly where the men's room was and made a bee-line to it.  I got there and a woman in one of those you-drive-em shopping carts was blocking the entire entrance to both bathrooms and was just yacking away with someone, seemingly oblivious to everyone else around her.  A scene flashed through my head wherein I climbing up and over her motorized shopping cart, accidentally stepping on her head in order to make it, just  in the nick of time, to the men's room.  Obviously, I practiced restraint in not doing that but also some restraint in not letting my bladder get the best of me, haha!

RogueStoner

^^^
Oh I'm no angel, I do get some wicked thoughts. But in the end, I tend to choose the good. Unless someone needs to be taught a lesson...then I have no problem confronting them. Also if I'm PMSing. 

F Me In The Brain

RogueStoner said:

I try hard to not be rude and sometimes go out of my way but that came with age and experience. I know how much it sucks to be in line forever so I'll let someone in. I know how difficult it is to grocery shop with small kids so I'll help with bags. I know what it's like to stand on my feet for hours so I'm pleasant to the cashier or make her laugh. 
But I do a lot of dumb and inconsiderate things when I'm focused completely on something else. I hope those around me can get past it and I try to remember not to get too angry at others for unintentional mistakes. 

The ones that are rude on purpose can go F themselves. 

I always tried to help people with children in tow -- but after traveling with a baby and all the fucking gear (with a wife who can't really carry her share of things) I am super empathetic now and will go completely out of my way to help.  [Especially if it is a parent trying to do it solo.]

We were flying back home this weekend and the woman behind us in security had twins and a big ass cart for the kids.  She was taking them out and prepping to go through the line and I stepped back and asked her if she could use help.  You would have thought I asked her if she would toss my salad, right there in front of her children & my wife.  She looked at me with great shock that I would ask her and was pretty rude about telling me 'No.'  I said 'OK' and kinda grinned at my wife and we continued through the machine/line.
9 times out of 10 I get an enthusiastic 'Yes, thanks!' or 'Thanks, but I am used to it by now, I have it...' but that 10th time can always make me chuckle.

Good luck to those babies who grow up with a Current for a mother!

Degeneratefk

I didnt read through the thread so I'm sure I'm not the only one to have this opinion. But I think social media has turned keyboard warriors into overall assholes in real life. 

Annafalk

  F Me In The Brain said:

RogueStoner said:

I try hard to not be rude and sometimes go out of my way but that came with age and experience. I know how much it sucks to be in line forever so I'll let someone in. I know how difficult it is to grocery shop with small kids so I'll help with bags. I know what it's like to stand on my feet for hours so I'm pleasant to the cashier or make her laugh. 
But I do a lot of dumb and inconsiderate things when I'm focused completely on something else. I hope those around me can get past it and I try to remember not to get too angry at others for unintentional mistakes. 

The ones that are rude on purpose can go F themselves. 

I always tried to help people with children in tow -- but after traveling with a baby and all the fucking gear (with a wife who can't really carry her share of things) I am super empathetic now and will go completely out of my way to help.  [Especially if it is a parent trying to do it solo.]

We were flying back home this weekend and the woman behind us in security had twins and a big ass cart for the kids.  She was taking them out and prepping to go through the line and I stepped back and asked her if she could use help.  You would have thought I asked her if she would toss my salad, right there in front of her children & my wife.  She looked at me with great shock that I would ask her and was pretty rude about telling me 'No.'  I said 'OK' and kinda grinned at my wife and we continued through the machine/line.
9 times out of 10 I get an enthusiastic 'Yes, thanks!' or 'Thanks, but I am used to it by now, I have it...' but that 10th time can always make me chuckle.

Good luck to those babies who grow up with a Current for a mother!

That's so sad when you were being kind and people respond rude like that. At least it doesn't take away that you did a good deed.
I always try to help elderly and parents with strollers on and of busses etc., I also hold up doors. I try to be respectful in general.

F Me In The Brain

Degeneratefk said:

I didnt read through the thread so I'm sure I'm not the only one to have this opinion. But I think social media has turned keyboard warriors into overall assholes in real life. 

Agree 100%.  I attribute this to the foolish belief generated by Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/SnapChat, etc., that people actually give two shits about what a person has to say.  Used to be that idiots knew they were idiots - now that they have access to the opinions of so many other idiots to validate or inspire their shitty takes on things that they feel comfortable acting that way in public.
I do not have any of those services but laugh daily at stuff my wife reads me.