"What we're supposed to do"

hedonist

catefrances wrote:

*sigh* mickey I don't know. I guess when I ask a question I somehow expect it to be answered. call it manners. but it is also how I seek knowledge. I ask a question, it is answered and I take one step closer to understanding. if it remains unanswered then my mind starts to wonder.. considering all the possibilities yet not knowing what the answer is.

I like your honesty, cate.

My question (not sure if there is an answer :P ) is when you ask a question and it's answered - and while I agree that it all helps to understand even in some small way - who says that answer is...THE answer?

Maybe no answers spurs the need to find them, or at least sift through it all and come to our own conclusions.

Maybe with a sprinkling of what we've picked up from others on the way.

Jeanwah

catefrances wrote:

*sigh* mickey I don't know. I guess when I ask a question I somehow expect it to be answered. call it manners. but it is also how I seek knowledge. I ask a question, it is answered and I take one step closer to understanding. if it remains unanswered then my mind starts to wonder.. considering all the possibilities yet not knowing what the answer is.

"And that's the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too. -K. Hosseini The Kite Runner

I'm the same way Cate.

Jeanwah

redrock wrote:

Lots of Jim being quoted in this thread!

Too bad he was such a drunk, he was quite the intellectual and poet. If anyone pushed boundaries it was him.

pandora

mickeyrat wrote:

catefrances wrote:

pandora wrote:

Fifty years ago I think you might know what women were expected to do.

I had in my parents the most wonderful example of lifetime love, friendship, partnership.
What they instilled helped me know what I wanted and needed.
Thankfully JB had the same examples. Thankfully we met and made a grand life...
lifetime love, children, business.
This what I thought I was supposed to do and incredibly it worked out.

50 years ago I wasn't even born so how would I know?? come on Pandora you know your vagueness doesn't fly with me... you've not said what it is you thought you were suppose to do. youve simply danced around giving no specifics. I don't ask question simply to amuse myself. I ask to seek answers and as usual you give none.

so why continue to ask?

They say, to keep doing the same thing over and over , expecting a different result is a definition of insanity.

It was answered... Cate just didn't read maybe or didn't like the answer.
It was right there in black and white which I now made red .

I thought back over the combativeness and truly had to wonder why :?

Personal happiness and fulfillment is just that, very personal.
Our fulfillment we learn from small on by watching our role models.
Who is to question what we find happiness and fulfillment in during our lives.

Everyone is different and I have found some people can not be satisfied
nor can not find peace. I have been fortunate to find those important ingredients to happiness.
Letting go of anger, resentment, negativity, disappointment and envy is freeing.
Forgiving myself and others all important in personal happiness and success.

pandora

Jeanwah wrote:

pandora wrote:

catefrances wrote:

don't get on your high horse with me pandora. you dont intimidate me nor do i think cause youre older youre the font of all knowledge and reason. I asked you a question, one of many and one finally youve felt the need to answer.. and yet you do so with some sort of superior attitude. are you fuckin' kidding me? lifetime love, children and business?? that's your specifics??? your parents instilled on you a need for children, lifetime love and business??? but what is it they said about those things? did they tell you that business was something that was expected of you? that love and children were what was required of you in this life? or did they say that these things would form the basis of a long and fruitful life? what was the advice they gave you? what was theyre expectation for you in relation to what society expected? you say you thought that this is what was expected of you, but what was it that you wanted? and did you ever think, even once, that this was the 'wrong' course? and did you think because it all worked out for you that it was the right thing? do/did you ever think there could be more?

Intimidate with lifetime love, children and business ... really ?
did I strike some sort of chord in you...
could that be disappointment or jealousy? or you could admit it you didn't listen to my post
at all, more like it.

That was what I learned I wanted in life, expected in life and got in life.
Don't think I could have been any clearer.

My parents showed me all of the above ...
they showed me lifetime love, showed me how to nurture family life
and how to run a successful business ... that's what good parents do...
they live the example and the cycle continues.

More of what ... the important stuff? Love is the important stuff to me.
And no never questioned just how lucky I was to find lasting love with an amazing life partner.
Always live by time will tell and keep the faith baby. Happiness is a personal place,
a place some never find.

Keep the personal comments out of this thoughtful thread. It will not be locked due to the need to get snarky.

take your own advice for once ...

Its pretty obvious I answered the question at hand with what I thought I should do in life...
have a loving lasting relationship, raise children nurture a family and own a business.
I was fortunate to find a man who had the same examples in his life and together we worked
to make all three a success. By the grace of God we were blessed with health, love and happiness.

And this success came from the examples both JB and I had growing up.
That inspired and instilled in us the need. This seems so very basic to me, for the life of me
I can not understand the reaction.

Who would have thought my answer could rouse so much combativeness.
Why :?

Jeanwah

brianlux wrote:

Also, we're a society that worships it's stars to the point that sometimes we forget that ordinary people also have extraordinary moments. We're taught to expect to either be extraordinary in the public eye or just be another peon. That's nonsense. Every one of can do something remarkable and if we gave more support and encouragement to those around us and received some of that vibe back, we would all be better off.

One day about 10 years ago I must have been having a good hair day and had on the right threads and shades because this kid came up to me and asked if I was someone famous. I said, "No, I'm just me." He said, "Well, I think you're cool anyway," and I smiled and said, "Hey, thanks, man, I think you're cool too," and he got a big old grin on his face and said, "Thanks!" and for a minute or two we were both the coolest people in the world. Maybe that's all we need- just some shared confidence and support.

Great story Brian. Support and encouragement. Hell, simply giving a stranger a compliment can change their (and your) day. So, really, every moment can be extraordinary.

Jeanwah

Maybe this will help in attempting to break the mold of doing what we're supposed to.

The Top 5 Regrets of The Dying

A palliative nurse recorded the most common regrets of the dying and put her findings into a book called ‘The Top Five Regrets of The Dying.’ It’s not surprising to see what made the list as they are all things that touch each of our lives as we struggle to pay attention to and make time for things that we truly love. Below is the list of each regret along with an excerpt from the book. At the bottom is also a link to the book for anyone interested in checking it out.

One thing on regret before we get to the list. It’s important to remember that whatever stage we are at in life, there is no need for regret. The process of regret is one that provides nothing but suffering for ourselves as we begin to allow the past to dictate how we should feel now. Instead, we can use the past as a reference point to understand what adjustments we would like to make moving forward. The adjustments do not have to come out of pain, sorrow, regret or judgment, but simply a choice to do things in a different way. We are learning all the time, we can very quickly slow that learning process down by getting stuck in the idea of regret. When it comes to making changes, be at peace with the past and remember that each moment is a new choice.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
“This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.”

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
“Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
”This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.”

http://www.collective-evolution.com/201 ... the-dying/

hedonist

Powerful post there, Jeanwah, especially the second paragraph about regrets. In a way, it's comforting to me.

If I'm honest with myself (try to be), number 4 probably hits closest to home in ways...although if those are the top regrets, I'd say I'm doing alright

*edited TWICE - cat #1 thinks smack-dab in front of the monitor is a fine place to chill.

catefrances

pandora wrote:

Fifty years ago I think you might know what women were expected to do.

I had in my parents the most wonderful example of lifetime love, friendship, partnership.
What they instilled helped me know what I wanted and needed.
Thankfully JB had the same examples. Thankfully we met and made a grand life...
lifetime love, children, business.
This what I thought I was supposed to do and incredibly it worked out.

pandora wrote:

It was answered... Cate just didn't read maybe or didn't like the answer.
It was right there in black and white which I now made red .

I thought back over the combativeness and truly had to wonder why :?

Personal happiness and fulfillment is just that, very personal.
Our fulfillment we learn from small on by watching our role models.
Who is to question what we find happiness and fulfillment in during our lives.

Everyone is different and I have found some people can not be satisfied
nor can not find peace. I have been fortunate to find those important ingredients to happiness.
Letting go of anger, resentment, negativity, disappointment and envy is freeing.
Forgiving myself and others all important in personal happiness and success.

you say this is what you thought you were suppose to do... did you ever question it? or were you simply happy to follow the path someone told you was the one to follow? or did you watch your parents and see the path theyd taken was very appealing to you and so that was the example you decided to follow? it is awesome that you had strong parents but my question is was there a time when you felt the need to deviate from what theyd instilled in you. what I find the most interesting is the need to own/run a business. that's the part im thinking most about. did your parents ever say baby that's great but you know what we want for you is for you to be happy.. in whatever you choose to do? and we will be there to support you whatever you decide oh and did you choose to go into the same kind of business as your parents or choose something wildly different?

I don't ask these questions to be combative Pandora. I ask them cause I have a difficult time dealing with life at times and im trying to keep that away from the decisions I make in regards to my children. im also incredibly curious about what makes people tick.