Thanks for the advice everyone. I still might just take a break from dating for awhile. Get my head clear and whatnot, if it happens that i meet someone great, but i'm not betting on it
stay positive man.
you can drive yourself crazy putting so much pressure on yourself. i know because i have done it.
it will happen for ya.
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.- Hemingway
Yeah.....I totally get that. And, lot's of alcohol surely made for an interesting night/morning. Two months later and we still talk/text all the time, however distance is rough. He's in Chicago, I'm in LA.........and really, I didn't expect for the "talking" to continue once I came home to LA, but he's super cool..............and kinda like me (not so sure of my 'girlfriend material' status), he is not boyfriend material. I get that vibe from him in kind of the same way I put that vibe out - I'd rather be "friends", I'm not sure if that's a defense mechanism for me? I never put myself out there, just kinda blend in............
So yeah, I was surprised our talking and texting has continued......I don't really think it will ever be a relationship but it's fun and keeps my mind busy.....he has talked about coming out to CA for a visit................lol, weird.
funny, our situations were kind of similar with distance and continuing to text and stuff.
i think that is pretty common in the pearl jam community because all of us are such a passionate, outgoing, and fun group of people.
but in the end mine did not work out.
it is nice to know that someone is thinking about you from that far away, even when they have all of the things in their daily life wherever they are, that are taking up a lot of their time. it is nice to get that text sometimes.
as long as you two are on the same page as to what exactly is the nature of your relationship it can be a good thing for you. be sure you clarify the meaning of "friends" and what you two expect from each other. and if you can do that, then this can be a good thing for you. you can always go back to chicago if you want to, and he can go there if you want him to. we all need an excuse to travel and go someplace new sometimes i think.
He's not a "Pearl Jam" guy :( He just happened to be at Sluggers (lives close to there). He was amazed at how nuts (or your words: passionate, outgoing, and fun group of people) we all are! He did have a ticket to the show (I met him the night before the show) however he didn't get to stay after the storm, he had to go to work.
It's a funny relationship. Nothing serious, not saying I wouldn't like it to go beyond "friends"...we mostly text and actually talk maybe once a week........when we do talk, it's so comfortable that I get the feeling he's uncomfortable with that.....maybe it's the distance, maybe he just hasn't had good girlfriend experiences, we have kinda touched on that. He has 3 brothers that are all married with kids and he seems to want to buck that scenario. Travels a lot, works a lot........girlfriends don't fit in with that, even tho he hasn't actually verbalized that.
Sorry for the hijack.....
The best use of Life is Love.
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
ah ok i see. he is not a pj guy, so that is why he is not boyfriend material, right
yeah we are nuts, as well as what i said, but that is what makes us special to each other. i could walk in a bar and instantly bro down with some strange dude who is wearing a pearl jam shirt. it is just something that we all have in common.
it is hard to have a serious relationship at such a distance. like now, i am so jaded, that i am never ever gonna try it again. i was in one with someone from here for a year and a half and it was just not a healthy thing to be a part of. i tried it again because i liked this person, but it just didn't work out.
if you would like it to be more than friends, just stay in touch with the guy. if he is like me he probably is not going anywhere and he will always welcome your texts or calls. you don't have to text or talk every day, but if you like him, let him know so he doesn't forget about you. the thing with distance is, communication is the biggest thing. just communicate with the guy and he will communicate with you. he probably knows how you feel about him and vice versa, but from experience, it helps the guy to know that you care. so tell him how you feel from time to time. distance has a way of making things weird. it is hard to try to not get attached to this great person you are talking to when you know they are a thousand miles away. so sometimes being comfortable makes people feel uncomfortable. that is the nature of distance relationships.
maybe if you try something like skype from time to time it might help. it always helps to see the person you are talking to. seeing a smile or watching someone laugh is really cool. not quite as good as being in the same room, but you don't feel so far away.
you can make the relationship whatever you want it to be. you don't know that girlfriends don't fit his schedule. he hasnt said that. don't assume that. making assumptions is the biggest hijacker of distance relationships. if he wants to make it work, he will make it work. if you want it to work, you will make it work. it takes effort, but if it is what you both want, then why not try it?
a happy person never ever settles for something less than what or who they really want. if you want the guy, get him. ya know?
just sayin...
i'm terribly sorry for the hijack too.... :fp: :fp:
He's not a "Pearl Jam" guy :( He just happened to be at Sluggers (lives close to there). He was amazed at how nuts (or your words: passionate, outgoing, and fun group of people) we all are! He did have a ticket to the show (I met him the night before the show) however he didn't get to stay after the storm, he had to go to work.
It's a funny relationship. Nothing serious, not saying I wouldn't like it to go beyond "friends"...we mostly text and actually talk maybe once a week........when we do talk, it's so comfortable that I get the feeling he's uncomfortable with that.....maybe it's the distance, maybe he just hasn't had good girlfriend experiences, we have kinda touched on that. He has 3 brothers that are all married with kids and he seems to want to buck that scenario. Travels a lot, works a lot........girlfriends don't fit in with that, even tho he hasn't actually verbalized that.
Sorry for the hijack.....
There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.- Hemingway
Not to hijack this thread in another direction, but has anyone tried speed dating?
Yep, I've done that many times. Not for a few years now but definitely done it. It's a great night out, chatting with random people, even if you don't get any 'mactches'(ie they tick that they want to see you again/have their number/e-mail given to you).
<hr>
PJ - Auckland 2009; Alpine Valley1&2 2011; Man1, Am'dam1&2, Berlin1&2, Stockholm, Oslo & Copenhagen 2012; LA, Oakland, Portland, Spokane, Calgary, Vancouver, Seattle 2013; Auckland 2014
EV - Canberra, Newcastle & Sydney 1&2 2011
I tried online dating for a while a few years back and at the time I thought it was pretty intimidating. As I get older, I've realized it's not really intimidating; I just don't know how to talk to women anymore. :-B
I tried online dating for a while a few years back and at the time I thought it was pretty intimidating. As I get older, I've realized it's not really intimidating; I just don't know how to talk to women anymore. :-B
She is probably just as shy as you are, talk about whatever. When meeting a new person there must be tons of questions you can ask. Like have you been here before? What do work with? Where are you from? Do you have any plans for your life? Special interests, hobbies? What kind of food do you like? Have you owned many cars? TV shows you like? movies, theater ?
It's probably better to listen more than to talk though, it's always very lovely when someone is interested in what you have to say. good luck !
Done it PC was hacked as well as some other guy and his and my id kept knocking on mine so we got together year later were engaged few months later he died, I'm against online dating in this world unless your in a club
I tried it once in the infancy of online dating, when people knew even less about how to go about it, lol - back in 2000. It was a shitty date because the guy was a loser. But i know people who have met through dating websites and it worked out. Seems like a good way to meet people if you want to date. Good as any other way IMO. Maybe better. Just as long as you play it safe. I.e. meet in public and stay in public, don't ever get in their car, etc. Not for at least a couple dates until you know him (or her) better.
Post edited by PJ_Soul on
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
I tried online dating for a while a few years back and at the time I thought it was pretty intimidating. As I get older, I've realized it's not really intimidating; I just don't know how to talk to women anymore. :-B
Yeah I understand how you feel. My favourite yet is an attractive lady that used the 'meet me' feature to show interest, and then hasn't been online for 5 days lol (and also has an age filter that excludes my age so I can't message her first anyway!). Sigh.
I think i've given up on online dating and dating in general. Was chatting with this one girl and we seemed to get along fine decided to meet and everything went well. she said she wanted to meet again and so i text and call her and no response back. It has to be me. I tend to give off weird/awkward vibes when I meet people in person. I'm fine online but in person I guess not :( . That's about the 5th time online that this has happened. Also has happened on the boards as well. Met 3 women from here (just as friends) and everyhting seemed to go ok but when i tried to contact them again they ignored me. :roll: Must be me.
Man, dont get those personally. Women live by the moment and they have large swings of changing mood. You talk about no responses from women or they seem to ignore you. Do you think they do these only to you?
I always see it with my wife, one of her best friends would call and she wouldnt pick up. She wouldnt want to talk about one subject and wouldnt answer a friend's messages, at all. And next time they meet, they would hug each other like they didnt see each other in years.
You cannot even know how many times they cancel at each other. Like in last minute. Like for no reason, at all. MAny other stuff like these. Women like roller-coaster kinds of relationships. Good friends, best friends, they still give each other presents like every month. Do you remember the last time you bought a present to your buddy?
What I mean is, dont take these things personally, like there should be smtg wrong with you. Women do these do their friends, their families, they'll easily do these things to some person from the net. It is just women nature. Nothing to do about it.
Wow, it seems you made bad experiences but I´m really sure not all the women are like this! If I was a man you do seriously fear me with stuff like that. I would say that I couldn´t be with someone like this. Sorry for that but that´s exat the problem with online dating and the reason why I wouldn´t even think about trying it ! People can tell you the blue from the sky by dating online. They can tell you what they think you want to hear so that you will like them, you know what I mean - that´s a fact. So you speak about the bad women nature - I will tell you that: Men often don´t look twice and take what they can get. Men will catch you just before they know who you are...seems like it´s not so relevant to them who you are or what you think...I think you will not agree, but that´s my experience ...
BUT NOT EVERY WOMAN OR MAN do things like THAT.
And it feels like most of the PJ Fan guys here are speaking with love and respect about their women...that´s really one point that makes me proud to be part of this membership.
So again, I don´t like people who tell things only to please me and people who change their minds just like their moods... So I am a woman too and it´s not very nice to say that this behavior is just women nature - sorry...I don´t agree !!! I really got shit in my life and choosed to be alone for a long time but it would never change my way to treat others like I would like to be treat by them...
And to get back to this online thing...it´s surely not important how we met your love one (for some it will work online for others not - so if it feels good try it) it´s important how we treat yourselves and the ones we love and to be true and honest never mind the expense and if this is not enough for the one we choose, then it´s better to let them go...
And to be hopeful... at the right time we all will find someone who loves and cares...and if we are very lucky - someone who loves PJ too.....
Unless you know them its silly to online date, as it is you dont even know the people your posting in these forums, I dont pm anybody unless its business, and in other forums i go to, i mainly only get pmd about my dog or religious questions and theres only one person i speak to about personal stuff and they are long time old fans which i have interacted with a long time and we just have a love for music and hit it off right and i just only told this one person about my hassles otherwise i chat to nobody else because you really dont know whom your chatting with, people sometimes have dark secrets or skeletons in the closet :-S
Didnt work for me, i found only liars and creeps and the one nice guy i did meet whom became my fiance, died, so im against it unless you know the person somehow first or through a friend
Didnt work for me, i found only liars and creeps and the one nice guy i did meet whom became my fiance, died, so im against it unless you know the person somehow first or through a friend
You mean you don't want to do it yourself, not that you're against others doing it, right? Because since you know that people actually have found love this way (or have just made good friends this way!), surely you couldn't be against that. A lot of people have developed lifelong relationships with people they met online (now actually carrying out a relationship exclusively online is another story).... you do have to be cautious and smart about it of course, just like with people you meet anywhere else. Everyone was a stranger you didn't know at some point, so not knowing someone can't be a reason not to ever get to know them...
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy. ~ Desiderata
yes I don't like it for myself unless I know the person or if they are the same club as me you could say, others can do what they like, it's not like I can't find out about a person...but it's more that the person can change because there are no friendly bonds surrounding yourselves and I don't really like that
I think online dating is as hit and miss as everything else, so why not?
I know a few couples who met online, most of them married with children by now. One friend who met her hubby through an online dating site always says 'Girls, buy yourselves a guy, I can only recommend it'. My experiences are a bit different unfortunately.
I had the brilliant idea of registering at OK Cupid. When I met up with a guy from there, I got the impression that he had a ghost writer. No trace of the funny guy I chatted with for 2 months and he was really rude to the waiter in the Irish pub we agreed to meet in after we were unable to find a sports bar where we could watch my Blue Jays beat his Orioles. After lecturing me on the importance of Excel pivot tables and how music, movies and especially exercise were unnecessary and should best be disposed of, he decided what we would do for our second date next Sunday. We had to work on the comprehension of 'there will be no second date' for a few minutes after that which still didn't keep him from sending messages and calling.
I deleted my profile after that. Que sera, sera and all that jazz.
You can tell a man from what he has to say - Neil & Tim Finn
They love you so badly for sharing their sorrow, so pick up that guitar and go break a heart - Kris Kristofferson
As someone with no cards in the game, I would say it is asinine for someone single and looking to "not" have some irons in the fire online... Are you kidding me? You have a vetting process, you get to have a little banter where you send electronic messages with little to no pressure, then you get to meet with a bit of a head start.
Way better than just the traditional way. like 1,000,000 better.
I tried online dating for a while a few years back and at the time I thought it was pretty intimidating. As I get older, I've realized it's not really intimidating; I just don't know how to talk to women anymore. :-B
She is probably just as shy as you are, talk about whatever. When meeting a new person there must be tons of questions you can ask. Like have you been here before? What do work with? Where are you from? Do you have any plans for your life? Special interests, hobbies? What kind of food do you like? Have you owned many cars? TV shows you like? movies, theater ?
It's probably better to listen more than to talk though, it's always very lovely when someone is interested in what you have to say. good luck !
I'm an excellent listener, the problem is they don't talk. And I don't know how to talk to people that don't communicate. It's kinda like that Weezer song, the world has turned and left me here. I just really don't know how to connect to people anymore. The last two girls I dated broke up with me by text message. Text message! I go on dates and sit there and watch them check their phones every 45 seconds. Actual face to face communication just doesn't seem to happen much anymore, and when I attempt it, they look at me like I'm some weirdo. I don't have much in common with people like that, which is pretty much everyone here in the States nowadays.
I'm an excellent listener, the problem is they don't talk. And I don't know how to talk to people that don't communicate. It's kinda like that Weezer song, the world has turned and left me here. I just really don't know how to connect to people anymore. The last two girls I dated broke up with me by text message. Text message! I go on dates and sit there and watch them check their phones every 45 seconds. Actual face to face communication just doesn't seem to happen much anymore, and when I attempt it, they look at me like I'm some weirdo. I don't have much in common with people like that, which is pretty much everyone here in the States nowadays.
Go to a pre-party (and a post-party, if there is one). It is very easy to talk with people at these things. I'm a socially-awkward introvert, and even I found it easy.
I tried online dating for a while a few years back and at the time I thought it was pretty intimidating. As I get older, I've realized it's not really intimidating; I just don't know how to talk to women anymore. :-B
She is probably just as shy as you are, talk about whatever. When meeting a new person there must be tons of questions you can ask. Like have you been here before? What do work with? Where are you from? Do you have any plans for your life? Special interests, hobbies? What kind of food do you like? Have you owned many cars? TV shows you like? movies, theater ?
It's probably better to listen more than to talk though, it's always very lovely when someone is interested in what you have to say. good luck !
I'm an excellent listener, the problem is they don't talk. And I don't know how to talk to people that don't communicate. It's kinda like that Weezer song, the world has turned and left me here. I just really don't know how to connect to people anymore. The last two girls I dated broke up with me by text message. Text message! I go on dates and sit there and watch them check their phones every 45 seconds. Actual face to face communication just doesn't seem to happen much anymore, and when I attempt it, they look at me like I'm some weirdo. I don't have much in common with people like that, which is pretty much everyone here in the States nowadays.
I think that girl was acting very rude looking at the phone on a date, don't seem like a nice person. I wonder where the best chances of meeting someone could be...couples I know have met their partner; On a massage course (many couples apparently met on that course) School reunion party Music festival (easy to find cool relaxed people) Online At work Through friends At a party A patient at work told me the cutest story, after a bus ride he helped a girl with her baggage from the bus he actually carried it all the way to her home, they had a nice walk and they actually ended up getting married later on. (This was about 70 years ago)
Maybe it's a strange question but I wonder what do you normally do on a date? Do you only go out on restaurants or do you do any fun activitys, like miniature golf, bowling, laser dome, horse back riding etc.? I guess it's easier to make conversation depending on the circumstances.
OK so I feel like I messed up a little. I don't come here for advice much, if at all (and I mean PJ forums in general, not this thread). Anyway, is it right that I feel guilty for having a first date with two different ladies this week? It's not my normal MOA, I prefer dealing with one person at a time but ended up talking to two at once and figured I may as well see it through.. I am seriously uncomfortable about it though lol.
OK so I feel like I messed up a little. I don't come here for advice much, if at all (and I mean PJ forums in general, not this thread). Anyway, is it right that I feel guilty for having a first date with two different ladies this week? It's not my normal MOA, I prefer dealing with one person at a time but ended up talking to two at once and figured I may as well see it through.. I am seriously uncomfortable about it though lol.
No harm In that rygar. Not like kreids running price or anything like that. Hahaha. Good luck!
Comments
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
you can drive yourself crazy putting so much pressure on yourself. i know because i have done it.
it will happen for ya.
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
He's not a "Pearl Jam" guy :( He just happened to be at Sluggers (lives close to there). He was amazed at how nuts (or your words: passionate, outgoing, and fun group of people) we all are! He did have a ticket to the show (I met him the night before the show) however he didn't get to stay after the storm, he had to go to work.
It's a funny relationship. Nothing serious, not saying I wouldn't like it to go beyond "friends"...we mostly text and actually talk maybe once a week........when we do talk, it's so comfortable that I get the feeling he's uncomfortable with that.....maybe it's the distance, maybe he just hasn't had good girlfriend experiences, we have kinda touched on that. He has 3 brothers that are all married with kids and he seems to want to buck that scenario. Travels a lot, works a lot........girlfriends don't fit in with that, even tho he hasn't actually verbalized that.
Sorry for the hijack.....
The best expression of Love is Time.
The best time to Love is Now.
I'm never as good as when you're there.........
yeah we are nuts, as well as what i said, but that is what makes us special to each other. i could walk in a bar and instantly bro down with some strange dude who is wearing a pearl jam shirt. it is just something that we all have in common.
it is hard to have a serious relationship at such a distance. like now, i am so jaded, that i am never ever gonna try it again. i was in one with someone from here for a year and a half and it was just not a healthy thing to be a part of. i tried it again because i liked this person, but it just didn't work out.
if you would like it to be more than friends, just stay in touch with the guy. if he is like me he probably is not going anywhere and he will always welcome your texts or calls. you don't have to text or talk every day, but if you like him, let him know so he doesn't forget about you. the thing with distance is, communication is the biggest thing. just communicate with the guy and he will communicate with you. he probably knows how you feel about him and vice versa, but from experience, it helps the guy to know that you care. so tell him how you feel from time to time. distance has a way of making things weird. it is hard to try to not get attached to this great person you are talking to when you know they are a thousand miles away. so sometimes being comfortable makes people feel uncomfortable. that is the nature of distance relationships.
maybe if you try something like skype from time to time it might help. it always helps to see the person you are talking to. seeing a smile or watching someone laugh is really cool. not quite as good as being in the same room, but you don't feel so far away.
you can make the relationship whatever you want it to be. you don't know that girlfriends don't fit his schedule. he hasnt said that. don't assume that. making assumptions is the biggest hijacker of distance relationships. if he wants to make it work, he will make it work. if you want it to work, you will make it work. it takes effort, but if it is what you both want, then why not try it?
a happy person never ever settles for something less than what or who they really want. if you want the guy, get him. ya know?
just sayin...
i'm terribly sorry for the hijack too.... :fp: :fp:
"Well, you tell him that I don't talk to suckas."
PJ - Auckland 2009; Alpine Valley1&2 2011; Man1, Am'dam1&2, Berlin1&2, Stockholm, Oslo & Copenhagen 2012; LA, Oakland, Portland, Spokane, Calgary, Vancouver, Seattle 2013; Auckland 2014
EV - Canberra, Newcastle & Sydney 1&2 2011
Just revisiting online dating myself, fun!
Like have you been here before? What do work with? Where are you from? Do you have any plans for your life? Special interests, hobbies? What kind of food do you like? Have you owned many cars? TV shows you like? movies, theater ?
It's probably better to listen more than to talk though, it's always very lovely when someone is interested in
what you have to say.
My favourite yet is an attractive lady that used the 'meet me' feature to show interest, and then hasn't been online for 5 days lol (and also has an age filter that excludes my age so I can't message her first anyway!).
Sigh.
I always see it with my wife, one of her best friends would call and she wouldnt pick up. She wouldnt want to talk about one subject and wouldnt answer a friend's messages, at all. And next time they meet, they would hug each other like they didnt see each other in years.
You cannot even know how many times they cancel at each other. Like in last minute. Like for no reason, at all. MAny other stuff like these. Women like roller-coaster kinds of relationships. Good friends, best friends, they still give each other presents like every month. Do you remember the last time you bought a present to your buddy?
What I mean is, dont take these things personally, like there should be smtg wrong with you. Women do these do their friends, their families, they'll easily do these things to some person from the net. It is just women nature. Nothing to do about it.
Wow, it seems you made bad experiences but I´m really sure not all the women are like this!
If I was a man you do seriously fear me with stuff like that.
I would say that I couldn´t be with someone like this. Sorry for that but that´s exat the problem with online dating and the reason why I wouldn´t even think about trying it ! People can tell you the blue from the sky by dating online. They can tell you what they think you want to hear so that you will like them, you know what I mean - that´s a fact. So you speak about the bad women nature - I will tell you that:
Men often don´t look twice and take what they can get. Men will catch you just before they know who you are...seems like it´s not so relevant to them who you are or what you think...I think you will not agree, but that´s my experience ...
BUT NOT EVERY WOMAN OR MAN do things like THAT.
And it feels like most of the PJ Fan guys here are speaking with love and respect about their women...that´s really one point that makes me proud to be part of this membership.
So again, I don´t like people who tell things only to please me and people who change their minds just like their moods... So I am a woman too and it´s not very nice to say that this behavior is just women nature - sorry...I don´t agree !!!
I really got shit in my life and choosed to be alone for a long time but it would never change my way to treat others like I would like to be treat by them...
And to get back to this online thing...it´s surely not important how we met your love one (for some it will work online for others not - so if it feels good try it) it´s important how we treat yourselves and the ones we love and to be true and honest never mind the expense and if this is not enough for the one we choose, then it´s better to let them go...
And to be hopeful... at the right time we all will find someone who loves and cares...and if we are very lucky - someone who loves PJ too.....
and starts with "Wow, it seems..."
Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
Typo Man: "Thanks kidz, but remembir, stay in skool!"
Tattooed Dissident!
A lot of people have developed lifelong relationships with people they met online (now actually carrying out a relationship exclusively online is another story).... you do have to be cautious and smart about it of course, just like with people you meet anywhere else. Everyone was a stranger you didn't know at some point, so not knowing someone can't be a reason not to ever get to know them...
I know a few couples who met online, most of them married with children by now. One friend who met her hubby through an online dating site always says 'Girls, buy yourselves a guy, I can only recommend it'. My experiences are a bit different unfortunately.
I had the brilliant idea of registering at OK Cupid. When I met up with a guy from there, I got the impression that he had a ghost writer. No trace of the funny guy I chatted with for 2 months and he was really rude to the waiter in the Irish pub we agreed to meet in after we were unable to find a sports bar where we could watch my Blue Jays beat his Orioles. After lecturing me on the importance of Excel pivot tables and how music, movies and especially exercise were unnecessary and should best be disposed of, he decided what we would do for our second date next Sunday. We had to work on the comprehension of 'there will be no second date' for a few minutes after that which still didn't keep him from sending messages and calling.
I deleted my profile after that. Que sera, sera and all that jazz.
They love you so badly for sharing their sorrow, so pick up that guitar and go break a heart - Kris Kristofferson
Way better than just the traditional way. like 1,000,000 better.
I wonder where the best chances of meeting someone could be...couples I know have met their partner;
On a massage course (many couples apparently met on that course)
School reunion party
Music festival (easy to find cool relaxed people)
Online
At work
Through friends
At a party
A patient at work told me the cutest story, after a bus ride he helped a girl with her baggage from the bus he actually carried it all the way to her home, they had a nice walk and they actually ended up getting married later on. (This was about 70 years ago)
Maybe it's a strange question but I wonder what do you normally do on a date?
Do you only go out on restaurants or do you do any fun activitys, like miniature golf, bowling, laser dome, horse back riding etc.? I guess it's easier to make conversation depending on the circumstances.
I really hope you find someone nice
Be honest, pick a picture that is recent and accurate, and be yourself.
I am seriously uncomfortable about it though lol.