Tips for surviving in office environment

Dissidentman

Telling me that the problem is not with the work you did, assures me that it's actually the work you did that is the problem.

dankind

rick1zoo2 wrote:

don't become the office burper

At my last two jobs, the office burper has been a woman.

rival.

do not deliver bad news to me past 4pm monday-thursday, and no bad news past 3pm on fridays.

rick1zoo2

stop hovering around her office door. It's been 20 minutes, she's not going to ask you in

rick1zoo2

dankind wrote:

rick1zoo2 wrote:

don't become the office burper

At my last two jobs, the office burper has been a woman.

was she hot?

kw18

rival. wrote:

do not deliver bad news to me past 4pm monday-thursday, and no bad news past 3pm on fridays.

Along those lines, do not give me additional work to do at those same times/days.

mickeyrat

heres my tip for surviving in office environment, DONT WORK IN AN OFFICE!!!!

rick1zoo2

don't eat anything from the cafeteria again.....

Hugh Freaking Dillon

put a hit on your boss.

Hugh Freaking Dillon

1. When walking the halls, always have a piece of paper in your hand - It makes it look like you are on a mission. For added effect, have an "angry look" on your face, so you look pissed off at some incompetent fool - but don't look too angry, or you may be labeled the office psycho.
2. It good to keep your desk a bit messy. Scattered papers, or uneven piles give the impression that you just don't have any time to file them, thus you are working to your full potential - but again don't overdo it, or you may be labeled the office slob, or if you will, psycho slob.
3. When someone comes to see you, ignore them for the first 3-4 seconds, even if you are playing solitaire, or looking at nekked ladies. Then apologize, and ask them what they need to talk to you about - makes you look deep in concentration. If you ignore them too long, you may be labeled brain-dead psycho slob.
4. Always show up to meeting late. (jeeze that guy must be busy, if he can never make it to a meeting on time!) And always leave a meeting on a high note - That's it for me, I'm outta here!!
5. Keep a big bottle of antacids on your desk - If you are developing an ulcer, you must be working your ass off.
6. Always check your daily planner before agreeing to go to a meeting, or even lunch (hmm lunch Wednesday... let me check my schedule) You can get out of meetings that way, too. ( ooo sorry, I'm already going to a meeting on the Penski file.....)
7. Wear the same clothes to work - but get there extra early so everyone thinks you were there all night long.
8. Get a good office nickname (T-bone comes to mind) It give the impression that you are well liked by your peers, even if you are a total ass.
9. Bring in various electronic gadgets (like cell phones, electronic organizers, laptops) And use them in front of your co-workers. If asked about them, respond that they were given to you by your boss "What this? Joan said I needed it.... Didn't you get one?" You can bring them back to the store the next day.
10. When someone comes to see you, pretend you are having an important conversation on the phone, and gesture them to hold on for a minute. Then make an important decision, and hang up. " Uh-hmm... yes.... no.... nooo..... Listen, that is just not acceptable... I don't care if you've always done it that way, it's wrong. What would mister Penski think about that? ... I thought so. Bye. Sorry about that - you wanted to see me?" You can talk to the dial tone, or call a pizza place.... it doesn't matter.
11. Get a few good inside jokes with the boss, don't share them with ANYBODY else, and always bring them back up during meetings. " Hey, maybe Pete needs a "pickle slicer" hahaha..... never mind."

If you follow these tips, you will likely never have to do any work.

FrankieG

I feel like my boss could potentially find me in this thread... so I will stick to just reading.

supadupa

We're getting the carpet replaced today, so I've been without an office all day. I hate being the weird nomadic girl wandering around this place with my laptop, just trying to find somewhere quiet to work. I've been passing time by taking frequent breaks to go sit outside in the sunshine.

cubBEE_girl

If you have an office and are listening to a conference call on speakerphone shut your fucking door.





i love the packers.

FrankieG

cubBEE_girl wrote:

i love the packers.

Is this a confession?

rival.

if you don't play the weekly office football pool you are a commi.

Vitalogensia

Hugh Freaking Dillon wrote:

1. When walking the halls, always have a piece of paper in your hand - It makes it look like you are on a mission. For added effect, have an "angry look" on your face, so you look pissed off at some incompetent fool - but don't look too angry, or you may be labeled the office psycho.
2. It good to keep your desk a bit messy. Scattered papers, or uneven piles give the impression that you just don't have any time to file them, thus you are working to your full potential - but again don't overdo it, or you may be labeled the office slob, or if you will, psycho slob.
3. When someone comes to see you, ignore them for the first 3-4 seconds, even if you are playing solitaire, or looking at nekked ladies. Then apologize, and ask them what they need to talk to you about - makes you look deep in concentration. If you ignore them too long, you may be labeled brain-dead psycho slob.
4. Always show up to meeting late. (jeeze that guy must be busy, if he can never make it to a meeting on time!) And always leave a meeting on a high note - That's it for me, I'm outta here!!
5. Keep a big bottle of antacids on your desk - If you are developing an ulcer, you must be working your ass off.
6. Always check your daily planner before agreeing to go to a meeting, or even lunch (hmm lunch Wednesday... let me check my schedule) You can get out of meetings that way, too. ( ooo sorry, I'm already going to a meeting on the Penski file.....)
7. Wear the same clothes to work - but get there extra early so everyone thinks you were there all night long.
8. Get a good office nickname (T-bone comes to mind) It give the impression that you are well liked by your peers, even if you are a total ass.
9. Bring in various electronic gadgets (like cell phones, electronic organizers, laptops) And use them in front of your co-workers. If asked about them, respond that they were given to you by your boss "What this? Joan said I needed it.... Didn't you get one?" You can bring them back to the store the next day.
10. When someone comes to see you, pretend you are having an important conversation on the phone, and gesture them to hold on for a minute. Then make an important decision, and hang up. " Uh-hmm... yes.... no.... nooo..... Listen, that is just not acceptable... I don't care if you've always done it that way, it's wrong. What would mister Penski think about that? ... I thought so. Bye. Sorry about that - you wanted to see me?" You can talk to the dial tone, or call a pizza place.... it doesn't matter.
11. Get a few good inside jokes with the boss, don't share them with ANYBODY else, and always bring them back up during meetings. " Hey, maybe Pete needs a "pickle slicer" hahaha..... never mind."

If you follow these tips, you will likely never have to do any work.

Besides being dead-on...love the Sein!

LloydXmas

Work from home days a week

rick1zoo2

you do realize that there is a volume control on the phone ringer?? You are the only one that needs to hear it ring, not everyone within a 5 mile radius.

Mamasan23

don't run around the office waving your Packers flag when you work with a bunch of Bears fans.

Oh wait...I did that.

kw18

Try your best not to scream at your boss about their ridiculousness.

"Oh, the review is due by the end of the month, but you want it by the end of the day, and this is the first you've mentioned that. OK, sure."

Sometimes I feel like I'm working in Office Space, I swear.

http://youtu.be/U5YClmS3umk