Sad....

F Me In The Brain

acoustic guy wrote:

Actually I really have tried to explain the issues we are having. I have no problems talking about my feelings. I am badass when I need to be as a man. I am secure with my manhood lol.
She takes it as an insult instead of reflecting on what my issues are with her. We fight and I bring up all the things I do the most partners don't and how I want more affection. Not even talking about sex. Just affection. I know this sounds weird coming from a guy but for some reason its all coming out today haha. Her family are not the type to show much affection, and i was always okay with that but as time goes on it changes. Not trying to be a creep but I can it from a few girls right this second if I so desired. But I am trying to be a better person then that.....its wearing thin though.
She is very insecure with her body and after ten years STILL covers up while changing. Any women here understand that? I tell her daily how beautiful she is but its her own inner problem. She is very jealous also because I have many girl "friends". Just friends.
Life is weird i guess. You never know where or what type of situation you will end up in as an adult.
I even asked her to go to a marriage counselor, I ended up going once alone.
Another big problem is I had many girlfriends before marriage. Long term for a few. HER LONGEST RELATIONSHIP BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED WAS SIX MONTHS!!! And she was raised very spoiled. Always had everyone do things for her. So now she expects it from me. That makes her expect what I do, rather then appreciate it. That fuels my anger. As time goes by it wears on you....

No idea bro, that is tough stuff. If she wont talk about it I would maybe try to find a fulcrum to force the issue. If she can understand the reality of your feelings and what shutting you out means to your relationship maybe she will open up. Sounds like you are trying - also sounds like she has some long term issues. Sorry man, I hope you can work through this.
If not? Hey, you have kids and your wife sounds like she is healthy. Things could be a LOT worse. I am sure it sucks to not feel the love though, sorry for the situation.

ZiggyStar

acoustic guy wrote:

Actually I really have tried to explain the issues we are having. I have no problems talking about my feelings. I am badass when I need to be as a man. I am secure with my manhood lol.
She takes it as an insult instead of reflecting on what my issues are with her. We fight and I bring up all the things I do the most partners don't and how I want more affection. Not even talking about sex. Just affection. I know this sounds weird coming from a guy but for some reason its all coming out today haha. Her family are not the type to show much affection, and i was always okay with that but as time goes on it changes. Not trying to be a creep but I can it from a few girls right this second if I so desired. But I am trying to be a better person then that.....its wearing thin though.
She is very insecure with her body and after ten years STILL covers up while changing. Any women here understand that? I tell her daily how beautiful she is but its her own inner problem. She is very jealous also because I have many girl "friends". Just friends.
Life is weird i guess. You never know where or what type of situation you will end up in as an adult.
I even asked her to go to a marriage counselor, I ended up going once alone.
Another big problem is I had many girlfriends before marriage. Long term for a few. HER LONGEST RELATIONSHIP BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED WAS SIX MONTHS!!! And she was raised very spoiled. Always had everyone do things for her. So now she expects it from me. That makes her expect what I do, rather then appreciate it. That fuels my anger. As time goes by it wears on you....

Is she happy? Have you asked her that?

iluvcats

---

ZiggyStar

....

bionicamy

I am sorry to hear you are struggling. Being in a long term relationship is not easy and marriage certainly has it challenges....I know mine has but it's always been worth the effort and work.

Sometimes a little time and a different perspective helps.....( a good road trip too )

I have stumbbled across articles from this site several times and found them interesting....

http://www.psychologytoday.com/collecti ... h-partners

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the ... uade-touch

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/pea ... lationship

_

acoustic guy wrote:

Been married for almost ten years and have created two beautiful children. I have always been the one to shower my wife with gifts in creative way, cook many meals etc..
She has never ever been the type to do that for me and i never used to care. Until now...

Now I am at the point to where I am not in love anymore. I love her dearly but I dont care to do the romantic things anymore. I dont feel the passion. I dont feel the connection.
Sad....
I read how people evolve for better or worse every 7-10 years. I have changed for the better in 10 years. I am way way way better person now then before, yet she has not. Not with interests, hobbies, needs, desires nothing. I am different now and its a scary thing.

Oh...Happy Valentines day everyone :roll:

I haven't read the whole thread, but... Maybe she would like to grow and improve too, but doesn't feel like the marriage allows her to do that. Maybe she feels stuck in the rut of everyday life. If that's the case, I'd definitely try to get out of the rut before giving up on the marriage.

Good luck.

Hugh Freaking Dillon

comebackgirl wrote:

MedozK wrote:

comebackgirl wrote:

Want a BJ? Clean the bathroom Works every time.

Wait a minute...ive been getting ripped off for years...is this in a marriage rule book or something? :shock:

Yep. The full entry states "BJs will be given on birthdays, anniversaries, valentine's day and after a good & thorough bathroom cleaning"

by my count, my wife owing big time. the only ones i get are the fluff before sex. I say "come on, a bit more?". She says "well isn't that enough? you're ready, aren't you?".

she thinks that's only the appetizer, when sometimes it would be nice if it was the main course.

Hugh Freaking Dillon

justam wrote:

It sounds like she's doing less in the relationship than you are.

so much for two sides to every story.

Hugh Freaking Dillon

marriage is work. it's not romance. my wife doesn't have a creative bone in her body. for birthdays and christmases I go shopping and get nothing on her list. And she loves everything I get her. Because I FEEL what she'd like. She's not wired that way. She gets me what's on my list. Or what she thinks I need. Doesn't stray one bit. Doesn't put a whole lot of thought into it. But that's her personality. She's like an accountant, I'm like an artist. Nothing wrong with either of them.

you seem to be putting yourself above her a bit "I've changed for the better, she hasn't". that's a tad egotistical, isn't it? or maybe judgmental? when you fall in love with someone, it's usually for those core traits that don't change (humour, emotional intelligence), not the things that do change over time (interest in tennis as opposed to moster truck rallies).

if she hasn't changed, wouldn't that mean she's the same person you fell in love with in the first place?

the only way to resolve this, as everyone else has said, is to talk to her, saying you feel disconnected. I do all the fucking housework too, but that's not a deal breaker. She's not your co worker who is slacking off at your expense. She's your wife. if the housework thing is big, then you are actually doing pretty well. just talk to her about it, and I'm sure it will help. I have had to have a discussion or two about my wife doing more around the house, and it helps. if there are bigger issues at play not mentioned, then counselling is a great idea. actually, counselling should be considered in healthy marriages. treat a relationship like you treat your vehicle. do you get an oil change only when the oil is gone, or do you change it when it's a bit old? same thing with a relationship. don't just fix it when it's broken, keep it running healthy.

Lizard

how did your valentine's day go???

justam

Hugh Freaking Dillon wrote:

justam wrote:

It sounds like she's doing less in the relationship than you are.

so much for two sides to every story.

I think it's interesting that you left my first sentence out of the quote. I suggested he talk to her! :P

Wma31394

I suggest a hit of Tab25 while taking a long walk (usually 8-10 hrs) in a big city to re-evaluate your life. My bet is when your all done you will want to give your wife a big hug/kiss and things will be different from that point on.

davidtrios

i like the open and honest approach. tell her before it blows up. and be firm, dont cower...just tell her

JOEJOEJOE

Has your wife ever mentioned any new endeavors in which she may be interested?

Perhaps you could initiate some project she may like, and do it as a team.

iluvcats

n/a

pandora

Hugh Freaking Dillon wrote:

by my count, my wife owing big time. the only ones i get are the fluff before sex. I say "come on, a bit more?". She says "well isn't that enough? you're ready, aren't you?".

she thinks that's only the appetizer, when sometimes it would be nice if it was the main course.

:?

I feel the hurt she could feel if she read this ...

can you?

This emotional betrayal ...

Hugh Freaking Dillon

pandora wrote:

Hugh Freaking Dillon wrote:

by my count, my wife owing big time. the only ones i get are the fluff before sex. I say "come on, a bit more?". She says "well isn't that enough? you're ready, aren't you?".

she thinks that's only the appetizer, when sometimes it would be nice if it was the main course.

:?

I feel the hurt she could feel if she read this ...

can you?

This emotional betrayal ...

you don't know my wife, so you have no fucking clue how she'd react. she and I have the same sense of humour. she'd laugh at this.

you just think you fucking know everything, don't you?

Hugh Freaking Dillon

justam wrote:

Hugh Freaking Dillon wrote:

justam wrote:

It sounds like she's doing less in the relationship than you are.

so much for two sides to every story.

I think it's interesting that you left my first sentence out of the quote. I suggested he talk to her! :P

nothing interesting about it. I know you said that. but you still made a pretty wild assumption based on one person's side of things. and a very condensed version of what's going on, I'm sure.

your move now

This may seem very simplistic, but at the end of the day if one person doesn't really want to be in the relationship then maybe it's just past its use by date, if your wife knew you felt all this then she mightn't want to be in it either deep down. Nobody really wants to be with someone that doesn't want them even if they convince themselves otherwise, maybe she deserves to find someone who does feel that sort of passion for her.

pandora

Hugh Freaking Dillon wrote:

pandora wrote:

Hugh Freaking Dillon wrote:

by my count, my wife owing big time. the only ones i get are the fluff before sex. I say "come on, a bit more?". She says "well isn't that enough? you're ready, aren't you?".

she thinks that's only the appetizer, when sometimes it would be nice if it was the main course.

:?

I feel the hurt she could feel if she read this ...

can you?

This emotional betrayal ...

you don't know my wife, so you have no fucking clue how she'd react. she and I have the same sense of humour. she'd laugh at this.

you just think you fucking know everything, don't you?

laugh :? I did mention could a possibility of

I think about feelings a lot ... which is the key to a lasting relationship
putting your mates feelings first ... is all

I also feel this is not the place for bedroom talk
unless you are building up not tearing down
making someone you love proud of the relationship and having them know you are proud too

I guess to simplify ... a positive loving message

my post here was attempting to give the op that perspective

loyalty the basis of love