Seinfeld "Sufferings"

dcfaithful

I choose not to run.

dcfaithful

A worthy competitor for some of the best dialogue in Seinfeld, ever. Again, I think Jason Alexander's delivery as George in all of his lines are fucking brilliant. It absolutely makes the comedy of the scene for me personally that is.


JERRY: So the roommate laughed at everything I said.

GEORGE: Wow.

JERRY: It was a great sounding laugh too, kind of lilting and feminine--none of

those big coarse "ha's." You know those?

GEORGE: Oh yeah: HA-A-A, HA-A-A.

JERRY: Yeah.

GEORGE: Hate the big coarse "ha." Hate those.

JERRY: And the worst part of course is that she also possessed many of the

other qualities prized by the Superficial Man.

GEORGE: I see.

JERRY: So as you can see, I've got a bit of a problem here.

GEORGE: Well, if I hear you correctly--and I think that I do--my advice to you

is to finish your meal, pay your check, leave here, and never mention

this to anyone again.

JERRY: Can't be done, huh?

GEORGE: The Switch?

JERRY: "The Switch."

GEORGE: Can't be done.

JERRY: I wonder.

GEORGE: Do you realize in the entire history of western civilization no one has

successfully accomplished the Roommate Switch? In the Middle Ages you

could get locked up for even suggesting it!

JERRY: They didn't have roommates in the Middle Ages.

GEORGE: Well, I'm sure at some point between the years 800 and

1200--somewhere--there were two women living together.

JERRY: The point is I intend to undertake this. And I'll do it with or without

you. So if you're scared, if you haven't got the stomach for this, let's

get it out right now! And I'll go on my own. If not, you can get on

board and we can get to work! Now what's it going to be?

GEORGE: All right, dammit, I'm in.

JERRY: I couldn't do it without you.

Newch91

Statue of limitations

Newch91

"The Fire" is one of the best episodes of the series. Some of my favorite dialogue comes from this episode. (sorry for this long post but this is one of my favorite sequences)

New scene - George talking to Eric, the clown at Robin's son's birthday party.

GEORGE: Bozo?

ERIC: No.

GEORGE: B-O-Z-O?

ERIC: Sorry, I...

GEORGE: You've never heard of Bozo the Clown?

ERIC: No!

GEORGE: How could you not know who Bozo the Clown is?

ERIC: I don't know, I just don't.

GEORGE: How can you call yourself a clown and not know who Bozo is?

ERIC: Hey, man - what are you hassling me for? This is just a gig, it's not my life. I don't know who Bozo is, what - is he a clown?

GEORGE: Is he a clown? What, are you kidding me!?

ERIC: Well, what is he?

GEORGE: Yes, he's a clown!

ERIC: Alright, so what's the big deal! There's millions of clowns!

GEORGE: Alright, just forget it.

ERIC: Me forget it? You should forget it! You're livin' in the past, man! You're hung up on some clown from the sixties, man!

GEORGE: Alright, very good, very good...go fold your little balloon animals, Eric. Eric! What kind of name is that for a clown, huh?

ROBIN'S MOTHER: Excuse me...you must be George! I'm Robin's mother. Oh, you seem like such a lovely young man!

GEORGE: Well, I do what I can. <Robin comes over.>

ROBIN: Hi Mom, how's everything?

ROBIN'S MOTHER: Oh, this is just a wonderful party!

ROBIN: The burgers should be ready in a minute.

GEORGE: Ah, great, great. <sniffs> What's that smell? Smoke? <walks to the kitchen> Hey everybody, I think I smell some smoke back here...<smoke boils into the doorway.> FIRE! FIRE! Get out of the way!

<The kids all scream and the party goes crazy. George barrels out of the kitchen, pushing down kids, clowns and old ladies in a mad panic to escape. He runs out the door and leaves everyone behind.>

Cut to George sitting in the back of an ambulance with an oxygen mask on his face.

GEORGE (to the EMTs): It was an inferno in there! An inferno! <Eric, Robin's mother, and all the kids rush at George.>

ERIC: There he is! That's him! <Tries to clobber George with his big shoe.>

ROBIN'S MOTHER: That's the coward that left us to die!

Commercial break.

Cut back to George attempting to explain his cowardly actions to Robin, her mother, Eric and a fireman from the back of the ambulance at the party.

GEORGE (voice is hoarse from screaming): I...was trying to lead the way. We needed a leader! Someone to lead the way to safety.

ROBIN: But you yelled "get out of my way"!

GEORGE: Because! Because, as the leader...if I die...then all hope is lost! Who would lead? The clown? Instead of castigating me, you should all be thanking me. What kind of a topsy-turvy world do we live in, where heroes are cast as villains? Brave men as cowards?

ROBIN: But I saw you push the women and children out of the way in a mad panic! I saw you knock them down! And when you ran out, you left everyone behind!

GEORGE: Seemingly. Seemingly, to the untrained eye, I can fully understand how you got that impression. What looked like pushing...what looked like knocking down...was a safety precaution! In a fire, you stay close to the ground, am I right? And when I ran out that door, I was not leaving anyone behind! Oh, quite the contrary! I risked my life making sure that exit was clear. Any other questions?

FIREMAN: How do you live with yourself?

GEORGE: Its not easy.

New scene - George and Jerry at the coffee shop.

GEORGE: So she doesn't want to see me anymore.

JERRY: Did you knock her over too, or just the kids?

GEORGE: No, her too. And her mother.

JERRY: Really? Her mother.

GEORGE: Yeah. I may have stepped on her arm, too, I don't know.

JERRY: You probably couldn't see because of the smoke.

GEORGE: Yeah. But it was somebody's arm.

JERRY: So you feel "women and children first," in this day and age, is somewhat of an antiquated notion.

GEORGE: To some degree.

JERRY: So basically, it's every man, woman, child, and invalid for themselves.

GEORGE: In a manner of speaking.

JERRY: Well, it's honest.

GEORGE: Yeah. She should be commending me for treating everyone like equals.

JERRY: Well, perhaps when she's released from the burn center, she'll see things differently.

GEORGE: Perhaps.

JERRY: So, what was the fire? Just a couple of greasy hamburgers?

GEORGE: Yeah. Eric the Clown put it out with his big shoe.

JERRY: By the way, did you see this? <Hands George a magazine>

GEORGE: What's that?

JERRY: It's the Leonard Christian article about my show. Plus my gig in Miami got cancelled, I betcha it's because of the article.

GEORGE: Wow, he really does a number on you. <reads> "Seinfeld froze like a deer in the headlights in the face of incessant heckling."

JERRY: I should have let her have it! I held back because of Kramer.

GEORGE: You know what you oughta do. You should go to her office and heckle her.

JERRY: Yeah, right.

GEORGE: You know, like all the comedians always say, 'How would you like it if I came to where you work and heckled you?'

JERRY: Yeah, that'd be something.

GEORGE: I'm not kidding, you should do it.

JERRY: But wouldn't that be the ultimate comedian's revenge? I've always had a fantasy about doing that.

GEORGE: Well, go ahead! Do it!

JERRY: Why can't I?

GEORGE: No reason!

JERRY: You know what? I think I'm gonna do that! She came down to where I work, I'll go down to where she works!

GEORGE: This is unprecedented!

JERRY: There's no precedent, baby!

GEORGE: What...are you using my babies now?

LloydXmas

It was not the snooze maaan.


Jean Paul episode is in the top 5

Bastard child
Hot tub
Sons of bitches

Ledbetterman10

BabaBooey1979 wrote:

It was not the snooze maaan.


Jean Paul episode is in the top 5

Bastard child
Hot tub
Sons of bitches

You tell that son of a bitch, no Yankee is ever coming to Houston! Not while you bastards are running things!

Ledbetterman10

See that's how they talk in the major leagues.

Hugh Freaking Dillon

Newch91 wrote:

Statue of limitations

alright, Kramer, you're right, it's a sculpture of limitations!

Hugh Freaking Dillon

Jerry to George: I think she's using her speed dial as some type of relationship barometer

Kramer: it's pronounced "thermometer"

*PAUSE*

George: anyway.....

Hugh Freaking Dillon

is it my dead tooth?

mouthwash burns my cankers

thanks Elaine, you're such a super lady

more wine and heavy gravy?

Newch91

Hugh Freaking Dillon wrote:

Jerry to George: I think she's using her speed dial as some type of relationship barometer

Kramer: it's pronounced "thermometer"

*PAUSE*

George: anyway.....

wsten

about George's gortex coat:

Kramer: You better be careful with that thing...........you'll start a war.

Newch91

wsten wrote:

about George's gortex coat:

Kramer: You better be careful with that thing...........you'll start a war.

LloydXmas

Ramon the pool boy!

Newch91

YOU'RE NOT GIVING AWAY OUR WATER PICK!!

dcfaithful

Newch91 wrote:

YOU'RE NOT GIVING AWAY OUR WATER PICK!!

Serenity now!
Serenity now!
SERENITY NOW!!!

Newch91

The opening of "The Serenity Now". Frank is by far the best parent in television history.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auNAvO4NQnY

Newch91

Elaine: Sienna?
Jerry: Yeah, he's dating a crayon.

Hugh Freaking Dillon

Elaine: just get my chart
Kramer: Bennet, right?
Elaine: it's Benes, you jackass!

Hugh Freaking Dillon

Kramer: yeah, Bally's, Jerry Seinfeld's room please.....well I think you're wrong...........S-E-I-N-V-
Mrs Seinfeld: F....F-E-L-D
Kramer: F-E-L-D.....well you have a lucky day too. *click*
Mrs Seinfeld: well?
Kramer: yeah, they've never heard of him