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Seinfeld "Sufferings"

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    dcfaithfuldcfaithful Posts: 13,076
    *George in a meeting at Yankee Stadium*

    George: I believe the doors on the bathroom stalls, here at the stadium, don't offer much by way of privacy. But I was thinking if we extend the doors all the way to the floors.

    Mr. Steinbrenner: All the way to the floor! What are you crazy! You'd suffocate in there. You're lucky you have any doors at all. You know when I was in the army...... Hey Costanza, what's that your eating over there? It looks pretty tasty.

    George: It's a calzone, sir.

    Mr. Steinbrenner: A calzone huh. Pass it down here, let's have a look at it I want a little taste. Come on, come on. Pass it down here. That's a good boy. Okay. What's in this thing?

    George: Uh, cheese, pepperoni, eggplant .

    Mr. Steinbrenner: Eggplant. Yes. That's a hell of a thing. Okay let's get back to business. Okay here you go. Very good, very good. Excellent, excellent calzone you got there Costanza. Okay a little jealous now. Okay lets go. Ok last week ....... You know that eggplant was very good. Everybody out . I got eggplant on my mind . Costanza get me couple of those calzones right now. Pronto. Move out. Big Stein wants an eggplant calzone. Must have one. Everybody out. Out.
    7/2/06 - Denver, CO
    6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
    8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
    9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
    9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
    9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
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    dcfaithfuldcfaithful Posts: 13,076
    Elaine: What kind of a name is Todd Gack anyway?

    Jerry: I think it's Dutch.

    tumblr_lizeu1X62q1qbhcdgo1_500.jpg
    7/2/06 - Denver, CO
    6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
    8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
    9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
    9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
    9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
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    Oh ya, well the jerk store called, they're running out of you!


    what's the difference? you're their all-time best seller!
    Gimli 1993
    Fargo 2003
    Winnipeg 2005
    Winnipeg 2011
    St. Paul 2014
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    GivenToJam88GivenToJam88 NJ Posts: 1,187
    Oh ya, well the jerk store called, they're running out of you!


    what's the difference? you're their all-time best seller!

    :lol:
    2006: 5/28
    2008: 6/19, 6/24, 6/25
    2009: 6/14 (EV), 10/27, 10/28
    2010: 5/17
    2011: 6/21 (EV), 6/22 (EV), 9/11, 9/12
    2012: 9/2
    2013: 10/15, 10/16, 10/19, 10/21, 10/22, 10/27, 11/23, 11/24
    2014: 10/19
    2016: 5/1, 5/2, 5/8
    2018: 8/20, 9/2, 9/4
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    Oh ya, well the jerk store called, they're running out of you!


    what's the difference? you're their all-time best seller!
    Well I had sex with your wife!
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    dcfaithfuldcfaithful Posts: 13,076
    If this weren't my son's wedding I'd know your teeth out you anti-dentite bastard.
    7/2/06 - Denver, CO
    6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
    8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
    9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
    9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
    9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
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    normnorm I'm always home. I'm uncool. Posts: 31,146
    first of all, it's salman not salmon
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    It.. Out..
    None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe that they are free.
    Abrn Hlls '98 - Clarkston 2 '03 - Grd Rpds '06 - Abrn Hlls '06 - Clvd '10 - PJ20 - Berlin 1+2 '12 - Wrigley '13 - Pitt '13- buff '13- Philly 1+2 '13 - Seattle '13
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    [Setting: Hospital room]

    (Estelle is on a hospital bed. George, sitting back in a chair, is visiting her)

    ELAINE: I don't understand you. I really don't. You have nothing better to do at three o' clock in the afternoon? I go out for a quart of milk, I come home, and find my son treating his body like it was an amusement park!

    GEORGE: (Stern, trying to shut her up) Ma.

    ESTELLE: Don't give me "Ma". It's a good thing I didn't hit the table. I could of cracked my head open.

    GEORGE: Ma, people can hear you.

    ESTELLE: (Heavy in sarcasm) Too bad you can't do that for a living. You'd be very successful at it. You could sell out Madison Square Garden. Thousands of people could watch you! You could be a big star!

    GEORGE: (Getting up) Alright, Ma, that's enough!

    ESTELLE: I want you to go see a psychiatrist.

    GEORGE: No! I am not going to see a psychiatrist!

    ESTELLE: Why? Why not?! Why won't you go?

    GEORGE: (Like a kid) Because I don't want to.

    ESTELLE: I want you to go see somebody.

    GEORGE: Well, I am not going.

    ESTELLE: It's a good thing your father's in Chicago.

    (George's cousin, Shelly, enters)

    SHELLY: Hello, Aunt Estelle. Look at you - how did this happen?

    GEORGE: (Snapping) Is that important, really? What is this, a police investigation? The woman's been through enough. She has to relive the experience now?!

    (On the other side of a curtain divider, the silhouette of a shapely nurse can be seen entering)

    NURSE: Hi, Denise. Six-thirty, time for your sponge bath.

    (The shadow of a patient awakening can be seen)

    DENISE: Mmm.. is it six-thirty already? I fell asleep.

    (The two women go about preparing the sponge bath. George is visibly affected - breathing heavily, and staring at them through the curtain)

    SHELLY: (Seems not to notice what's going on beyond the divider) So, George, what are you doing now? I hear you got some kinda television, writing - thing?

    GEORGE: (Slowly backing away, he's not at all committed to the conversation) Yeah.. television.

    (The patient, Denise, is trying to get her gown off)

    NURSE: Let me help you out with that. Here, just slip it over your head..

    DENISE: Oh.. thank you.

    SHELLY: (Nodding) Well, it's about time. We thought you were gonna wind up on the street. (As the bath is going on, George is now completely mesmerized) What is it you're doing, exactly?

    (A moment passes. George seems not to have heard his cousin)

    ESTELLE: George, you're cousin, Shelly, is talking to you!
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    Firestorm, now that's a hell of a picture.
    2000: Camden 1, 2003: Philly, State College, Camden 1, MSG 2, Hershey, 2004: Reading, 2005: Philly, 2006: Camden 1, 2, East Rutherford 1, 2007: Lollapalooza, 2008: Camden 1, Washington D.C., MSG 1, 2, 2009: Philly 1, 2, 3, 4, 2010: Bristol, MSG 2, 2011: PJ20 1, 2, 2012: Made In America, 2013: Brooklyn 2, Philly 2, 2014: Denver, 2015: Global Citizen Festival, 2016: Philly 2, Fenway 1, 2018: Fenway 1, 2, 2021: Sea. Hear. Now. 2022: Camden

    Pearl Jam bootlegs:
    http://wegotshit.blogspot.com
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    HeisenbergHeisenberg Los Pollos Hermanos Posts: 4,957
    Mendy's Jerry...Mendy's!
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    Glamor?
    Gimli 1993
    Fargo 2003
    Winnipeg 2005
    Winnipeg 2011
    St. Paul 2014
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    mfc2006mfc2006 HTOWN Posts: 37,385
    dcfaithful wrote:
    If this weren't my son's wedding I'd know your teeth out you anti-dentite bastard.

    :lol::lol:
    I LOVE MUSIC.
    www.cluthelee.com
    www.cluthe.com
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    Small conversations like this epitomize the show. Also, their conversation is very true.

    Kramer: What's today?

    Newman: It's Thursday.

    Kramer: Really? Feels like Tuesday.

    Newman: Tuesday has no feel. Monday has a feel, Friday has a feel, Sunday has a feel....

    Kramer: I feel Tuesday and Wednesday...

    Jerry: All right, shut up the both of you!
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    normnorm I'm always home. I'm uncool. Posts: 31,146
    it's guys and dolls, not guys and guys
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    norm wrote:
    it's guys and dolls, not guys and guys
    :lol:

    Jerry: I know plenty of gay people.
    George: My father's gay!
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    vant0037vant0037 Posts: 6,077
    The second TBS episode today had one of my all-time favorite Kramer lines:

    Elaine: "Here's to Peggy, on her first week of being germ-free, free."
    [all four make toast]
    Kramer: "Yeah. And here's to David Puddy for helping me install a much needed
    and much appreciated garbage disposal in my bathtub."
    [all four make another toast]
    Peggy: "You have a garbage disposal in your bathtub?"
    Kramer: "Oh, yeah, and I use it all the time. Yeah, I made this whole meal in
    there."
    Elaine: "This food was in the shower with you?"
    Kramer: "Mm-hmm. I prepared it as I bathed."
    [Peggy, Elaine, and Puddy all gag and wretch]
    Puddy: "Oh, germs. Germs. Germs!"

    Kramer+shower.jpg
    1998-06-30 Minneapolis
    2003-06-16 St. Paul
    2006-06-26 St. Paul
    2007-08-05 Chicago
    2009-08-23 Chicago
    2009-08-28 San Francisco
    2010-05-01 NOLA (Jazz Fest)
    2011-07-02 EV Minneapolis
    2011-09-03 PJ20
    2011-09-04 PJ20
    2011-09-17 Winnipeg
    2012-06-26 Amsterdam
    2012-06-27 Amsterdam
    2013-07-19 Wrigley
    2013-11-21 San Diego
    2013-11-23 Los Angeles
    2013-11-24 Los Angeles
    2014-07-08 Leeds, UK
    2014-07-11 Milton Keynes, UK
    2014-10-09 Lincoln
    2014-10-19 St. Paul
    2014-10-20 Milwaukee
    2016-08-20 Wrigley 1
    2016-08-22 Wrigley 2
    2018-06-18 London 1
    2018-08-18 Wrigley 1
    2018-08-20 Wrigley 2
    2022-09-16 Nashville
    2023-08-31 St. Paul
    2023-09-02 St. Paul
    2023-09-05 Chicago 1
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    LloydXmasLloydXmas Posts: 7,539
    GEORGE: Why do I get pesto? Why do I think I'll like it? I keep trying to like it, like I have to like it.

    JERRY: Who said you have to like it?

    GEORGE: Everybody likes pesto. You walk into a restaurant, that's all you hear - pesto, pesto, pesto.

    JERRY: I don't like pesto.

    GEORGE: Where was pesto 10 years ago?

    JERRY: (Gesturing to a man) Look at that guy. (Elaine starts to look, but Jerry stops her) I'll bet you he's gettin' hair transplants. Any time you see a guy that age wearing a baseball cap, ten to one - plugs.
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    That's GOTTA HURT!
    2000: Camden 1, 2003: Philly, State College, Camden 1, MSG 2, Hershey, 2004: Reading, 2005: Philly, 2006: Camden 1, 2, East Rutherford 1, 2007: Lollapalooza, 2008: Camden 1, Washington D.C., MSG 1, 2, 2009: Philly 1, 2, 3, 4, 2010: Bristol, MSG 2, 2011: PJ20 1, 2, 2012: Made In America, 2013: Brooklyn 2, Philly 2, 2014: Denver, 2015: Global Citizen Festival, 2016: Philly 2, Fenway 1, 2018: Fenway 1, 2, 2021: Sea. Hear. Now. 2022: Camden

    Pearl Jam bootlegs:
    http://wegotshit.blogspot.com
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    Newch91Newch91 Posts: 17,560
    Did anyone see the Michael Richards episode of Jerry's web show?
    Shows: 6.27.08 Hartford, CT/5.15.10 Hartford, CT/6.18.2011 Hartford, CT (EV Solo)/10.19.13 Brooklyn/10.25.13 Hartford
    "Becoming a Bruce fan is like hitting puberty as a musical fan. It's inevitable." - dcfaithful
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    vant0037vant0037 Posts: 6,077
    ESTELLE: Who told you you could have sex in our bed?

    GEORGE: (pleading) Well, my bed is too small.

    FRANK: Your bed is too small? I'm gone two weeks and you turn our house into,
    into Bourbon Street!

    ESTELLE: Where am I going to sleep?

    GEORGE: What're you talking about?

    ESTELLE: I can't sleep in there!

    GEORGE: Of course you can.

    ESTELLE: I can't! (screams) I can't!

    FRANK: That's it! You're grounded!

    GEORGE: (incredulous) You can't ground me, I'm a grown man.

    FRANK: You wanna live here? You respect the rules of our house. (yells) You're
    grounded!
    1998-06-30 Minneapolis
    2003-06-16 St. Paul
    2006-06-26 St. Paul
    2007-08-05 Chicago
    2009-08-23 Chicago
    2009-08-28 San Francisco
    2010-05-01 NOLA (Jazz Fest)
    2011-07-02 EV Minneapolis
    2011-09-03 PJ20
    2011-09-04 PJ20
    2011-09-17 Winnipeg
    2012-06-26 Amsterdam
    2012-06-27 Amsterdam
    2013-07-19 Wrigley
    2013-11-21 San Diego
    2013-11-23 Los Angeles
    2013-11-24 Los Angeles
    2014-07-08 Leeds, UK
    2014-07-11 Milton Keynes, UK
    2014-10-09 Lincoln
    2014-10-19 St. Paul
    2014-10-20 Milwaukee
    2016-08-20 Wrigley 1
    2016-08-22 Wrigley 2
    2018-06-18 London 1
    2018-08-18 Wrigley 1
    2018-08-20 Wrigley 2
    2022-09-16 Nashville
    2023-08-31 St. Paul
    2023-09-02 St. Paul
    2023-09-05 Chicago 1
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    vant0037vant0037 Posts: 6,077
    I know this isn't Seinfeld the show related, but this Friday, we're heading to Duluth, MN (about 2.5 hours north of Minneapolis-St. Paul) to see this guy perform...

    ap12070103407-69702a92ef1e5c9f8b63a1886d255adf4cf084a3-s2.jpg

    Because this is partly in celebration of our anniversary, we're doing it up, and staying right on Lake Superior, and spent a fortune on 2nd row seats!

    I've always been too poor or otherwise unavailable to see Jerry when he comes through the Twin Cities, so we're going all out on this one. Can't wait! Any one else catching Jerry on this tour?
    1998-06-30 Minneapolis
    2003-06-16 St. Paul
    2006-06-26 St. Paul
    2007-08-05 Chicago
    2009-08-23 Chicago
    2009-08-28 San Francisco
    2010-05-01 NOLA (Jazz Fest)
    2011-07-02 EV Minneapolis
    2011-09-03 PJ20
    2011-09-04 PJ20
    2011-09-17 Winnipeg
    2012-06-26 Amsterdam
    2012-06-27 Amsterdam
    2013-07-19 Wrigley
    2013-11-21 San Diego
    2013-11-23 Los Angeles
    2013-11-24 Los Angeles
    2014-07-08 Leeds, UK
    2014-07-11 Milton Keynes, UK
    2014-10-09 Lincoln
    2014-10-19 St. Paul
    2014-10-20 Milwaukee
    2016-08-20 Wrigley 1
    2016-08-22 Wrigley 2
    2018-06-18 London 1
    2018-08-18 Wrigley 1
    2018-08-20 Wrigley 2
    2022-09-16 Nashville
    2023-08-31 St. Paul
    2023-09-02 St. Paul
    2023-09-05 Chicago 1
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    dcfaithfuldcfaithful Posts: 13,076
    vant0037 wrote:
    I know this isn't Seinfeld the show related, but this Friday, we're heading to Duluth, MN (about 2.5 hours north of Minneapolis-St. Paul) to see this guy perform...

    ap12070103407-69702a92ef1e5c9f8b63a1886d255adf4cf084a3-s2.jpg

    Because this is partly in celebration of our anniversary, we're doing it up, and staying right on Lake Superior, and spent a fortune on 2nd row seats!

    I've always been too poor or otherwise unavailable to see Jerry when he comes through the Twin Cities, so we're going all out on this one. Can't wait! Any one else catching Jerry on this tour?

    Have a great time, and happy anniversary! I wish he were stopping in Utah again on this tour, because I would highly consider getting tickets.
    7/2/06 - Denver, CO
    6/12/08 - Tampa, FL
    8/23/09 - Chicago, IL
    9/28/09 - Salt Lake City, UT (11 years too long!!!)
    9/03/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 1
    9/04/11 - East Troy, WI - PJ20 - Night 2
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    vant0037vant0037 Posts: 6,077
    dcfaithful wrote:
    Have a great time, and happy anniversary! I wish he were stopping in Utah again on this tour, because I would highly consider getting tickets.

    Thanks! We're really excited (although its supposed to be 41F and -gasp- snowy in Duluth on Friday). We've never seen him live before, probably because he always seems to play Duluth and not the Twin Cities.
    1998-06-30 Minneapolis
    2003-06-16 St. Paul
    2006-06-26 St. Paul
    2007-08-05 Chicago
    2009-08-23 Chicago
    2009-08-28 San Francisco
    2010-05-01 NOLA (Jazz Fest)
    2011-07-02 EV Minneapolis
    2011-09-03 PJ20
    2011-09-04 PJ20
    2011-09-17 Winnipeg
    2012-06-26 Amsterdam
    2012-06-27 Amsterdam
    2013-07-19 Wrigley
    2013-11-21 San Diego
    2013-11-23 Los Angeles
    2013-11-24 Los Angeles
    2014-07-08 Leeds, UK
    2014-07-11 Milton Keynes, UK
    2014-10-09 Lincoln
    2014-10-19 St. Paul
    2014-10-20 Milwaukee
    2016-08-20 Wrigley 1
    2016-08-22 Wrigley 2
    2018-06-18 London 1
    2018-08-18 Wrigley 1
    2018-08-20 Wrigley 2
    2022-09-16 Nashville
    2023-08-31 St. Paul
    2023-09-02 St. Paul
    2023-09-05 Chicago 1
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    vant0037 wrote:
    Kramer: "Mm-hmm. I prepared it as I bathed."

    that is so bizarre! I was just coming to this thread to post that very line! :o
    Gimli 1993
    Fargo 2003
    Winnipeg 2005
    Winnipeg 2011
    St. Paul 2014
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    LloydXmas wrote:
    GEORGE: Why do I get pesto? Why do I think I'll like it? I keep trying to like it, like I have to like it.

    JERRY: Who said you have to like it?

    GEORGE: Everybody likes pesto. You walk into a restaurant, that's all you hear - pesto, pesto, pesto.

    JERRY: I don't like pesto.

    GEORGE: Where was pesto 10 years ago?

    JERRY: (Gesturing to a man) Look at that guy. (Elaine starts to look, but Jerry stops her) I'll bet you he's gettin' hair transplants. Any time you see a guy that age wearing a baseball cap, ten to one - plugs.

    now, the thing about that painting is.......oh yeah, plug-ola.
    Gimli 1993
    Fargo 2003
    Winnipeg 2005
    Winnipeg 2011
    St. Paul 2014
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    He took *ha* *ha* it out.
    2000: Camden 1, 2003: Philly, State College, Camden 1, MSG 2, Hershey, 2004: Reading, 2005: Philly, 2006: Camden 1, 2, East Rutherford 1, 2007: Lollapalooza, 2008: Camden 1, Washington D.C., MSG 1, 2, 2009: Philly 1, 2, 3, 4, 2010: Bristol, MSG 2, 2011: PJ20 1, 2, 2012: Made In America, 2013: Brooklyn 2, Philly 2, 2014: Denver, 2015: Global Citizen Festival, 2016: Philly 2, Fenway 1, 2018: Fenway 1, 2, 2021: Sea. Hear. Now. 2022: Camden

    Pearl Jam bootlegs:
    http://wegotshit.blogspot.com
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    normnorm I'm always home. I'm uncool. Posts: 31,146
    lois loan
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    vant0037vant0037 Posts: 6,077
    Just got back from seeing Jerry. That guy is unreal. Not only is he hilarious, but he is a true, true professional. Handles the crowd well, just rolls from one topic to another. Easily the best stand-up performer I've seen, and we've seen lots.
    1998-06-30 Minneapolis
    2003-06-16 St. Paul
    2006-06-26 St. Paul
    2007-08-05 Chicago
    2009-08-23 Chicago
    2009-08-28 San Francisco
    2010-05-01 NOLA (Jazz Fest)
    2011-07-02 EV Minneapolis
    2011-09-03 PJ20
    2011-09-04 PJ20
    2011-09-17 Winnipeg
    2012-06-26 Amsterdam
    2012-06-27 Amsterdam
    2013-07-19 Wrigley
    2013-11-21 San Diego
    2013-11-23 Los Angeles
    2013-11-24 Los Angeles
    2014-07-08 Leeds, UK
    2014-07-11 Milton Keynes, UK
    2014-10-09 Lincoln
    2014-10-19 St. Paul
    2014-10-20 Milwaukee
    2016-08-20 Wrigley 1
    2016-08-22 Wrigley 2
    2018-06-18 London 1
    2018-08-18 Wrigley 1
    2018-08-20 Wrigley 2
    2022-09-16 Nashville
    2023-08-31 St. Paul
    2023-09-02 St. Paul
    2023-09-05 Chicago 1
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