"Bullied"

Hugh Freaking Dillon

he didn't JUSt pick on me, but there was a few. I happened to be one of them. Completely random.

His age was 17. He wasn't a child, nor an adult. He knew what he was doing. He was being a dick because, in my opinion, probably felt inadequate in other ways I did not know about, and he lashed out at me for it. Maybe cause he had a crush on my sister and she didn't reciprocate (which was true). Who knows.

FiveB247x wrote:

Fair enough, but it seems more from your description there was a real unknown or somewhat muddled reason why that guy picked on you. If it you want to chalk it up as "self-esteem", when you're that age, do you even recognize why you act out? I don't think so. Perhaps my prior possibilities were a bit generic or off the cuff, but I think rushing to the other end of the spectrum as Scb did in regards to power and control is over the top and much further from the truth than anything you or I said.

Paul David wrote:

I would have to disagree with this FiveB247X. I was a semi-popular kid who fit into none of your categories. I was not weak, I had lots of friends, etc etc. I confronted a high school bully at the bar in my late 20's, and he apologized to me for all the mean shit he pulled, and I asked him why he did it, and he said he honestly didn't really know.

I know. It was his own lack of self-esteem that he felt he needed to prop himself up. He saw a nice person (me) and wanted, needed, some type of control over someone, so he picked me. It worked for a while. Then I stood up to the fucker and he head-butted me in the hallway after class (I sat in "his" seat in History and refused to move) and told me if I ever did that again I'd be sorry. I honestly think he was shit scared that I challenged his "authority" and stood my ground in front of the entire class. My teacher just stood there and let it go. Maybe it was good that he did that, maybe it wasn't. But he should have probably checked in with me after the fact, which he never did.

I fail to see, catefrances, how this makes me "weak" or unable to stand up for myself. I don't like that you seem to have almost put the onus of taking care of bullying on the weak, like it's their problem for not being able to deal with it. I dealt with it, and was further intimidated.

Just to clarify, cate, what was weak about me, or anyone else that gets bullied?

DreamOfAngels

Paul David's post reminded me of a situation from high school my junior and senior year. A football player that was taking steroids was best friends with my boyfriend at the time. His father was the assistant principal... he verbally abused me and threatened me for a long ... At one point I stood up to him and suggested he might want to back off or his dad might find out about his steroid use... wrong thing to say. At that point teachers would line up in the hall to keep an eye on him because they feared for my safety because the jerk was threatening to take me out.. The teachers advised me to stay clear and not communicate with him at all... So bully or not, maybe it was drugs, who knows... Either way, he was intimidating and I lived in fear for several years. So I stood up to him and that just made it worse. I think trying to paint anyone as weak or deserving of this shit has got to stop.

No one deserves to be treated this way. No reason for "why" someone is picked on makes it okay or justifiable. People deserve to be treated with respect regardless of anything else... living in fear can be mentally torturous no matter the age. I think the biggest problem is that you don't know who will be a bully for a small period of time doing minimal types of bullying things that people can tolerate at some level and which bullies will progress into much more harmful behavior - therefore solution is to not allow it instead of the wait and see approach. I believe some of the tragedies are a result of wait and see.

catefrances

Paul David wrote:

I read them all, cate, quite carefully. you said you should stand up to bullies if you are strong enough, then those who can't aren't strong enough, ie: weak. my apologies if you felt that was a stretch, but that's how I took it.

bullies should be dealt with the same way as criminals, the governing body over that situation, be it a principal, the police, a parent, whathaveyou. my point is that if you put the onus on the person to take care of the job, you are putting them in harm's way.

the guy from high school I spoke about was a mean muthafucka and could kick anyone's ass that stood in his way.

taking the situation into your own hands, or encouraging others to do so, sets a dangerous precedent in basically encouraging violence.

catefrances wrote:

Paul David wrote:

I fail to see, catefrances, how this makes me "weak" or unable to stand up for myself. I don't like that you seem to have almost put the onus of taking care of bullying on the weak, like it's their problem for not being able to deal with it. I dealt with it, and was further intimidated.

Just to clarify, cate, what was weak about me, or anyone else that gets bullied?

this is what i said:

if you can stand up to bullies then you absolutely should. however not everyone is strong enough to do that and thats when others need to step in and tell bullies their behaviour is not acceptable.

where have i put the onus on the bullied?? and where did i call you, or anyone else weak?

have you read any of my previous posts?

if you can encompasses if you think you can. or you know youre capable of it. if you feel you can stop it before it even has a chance to start then by all means do it. im not encouraging anyone to stand up to someone they feel is dangerous. all im doing is legitimising someone right to deal with it themselves if they feel they can.

when i say not strong i mean not strong... i dont mean weak. clearly you see weak as derogatory. please dont put words in my mouth.

_

catefrances wrote:

if you can encompasses if you think you can. or you know youre capable of it. if you feel you can stop it before it even has a chance to start then by all means do it. im not encouraging anyone to stand up to someone they feel is dangerous. all im doing is legitimising someone right to deal with it themselves if they feel they can.

when i say not strong i mean not strong... i dont mean weak. clearly you see weak as derogatory. please dont put words in my mouth.

For the record, I took your posts the same way as Paul David did. Thanks for the clarification.

catefrances

scb wrote:

catefrances wrote:

if you can encompasses if you think you can. or you know youre capable of it. if you feel you can stop it before it even has a chance to start then by all means do it. im not encouraging anyone to stand up to someone they feel is dangerous. all im doing is legitimising someone right to deal with it themselves if they feel they can.

when i say not strong i mean not strong... i dont mean weak. clearly you see weak as derogatory. please dont put words in my mouth.

For the record, I took your posts the same way as Paul David did. Thanks for the clarification.

what? that people who asked for help with bullies were weak??

_

catefrances wrote:

scb wrote:

catefrances wrote:

if you can encompasses if you think you can. or you know youre capable of it. if you feel you can stop it before it even has a chance to start then by all means do it. im not encouraging anyone to stand up to someone they feel is dangerous. all im doing is legitimising someone right to deal with it themselves if they feel they can.

when i say not strong i mean not strong... i dont mean weak. clearly you see weak as derogatory. please dont put words in my mouth.

For the record, I took your posts the same way as Paul David did. Thanks for the clarification.

what? that people who asked for help with bullies were weak??

Something like that, yeah.

catefrances

scb wrote:

catefrances wrote:

scb wrote:

For the record, I took your posts the same way as Paul David did. Thanks for the clarification.

what? that people who asked for help with bullies were weak??

Something like that, yeah.

hmm well all i can say is your supposition doesnt equal my intent, nor do any of my previous posts support it. so next time if you have a query, feel free to ask.

Hugh Freaking Dillon

this happens all the time. I'm not going to query every time I read something thinking I may not have taken it correctly! come on, cate, it's clarified, don't take it so personally.

catefrances wrote:

hmm well all i can say is your supposition doesnt equal my intent, nor do any of my previous posts support it. so next time if you have a query, feel free to ask.

catefrances

Paul David wrote:

this happens all the time. I'm not going to query every time I read something thinking I may not have taken it correctly! come on, cate, it's clarified, don't take it so personally.

catefrances wrote:

hmm well all i can say is your supposition doesnt equal my intent, nor do any of my previous posts support it. so next time if you have a query, feel free to ask.

you had a go at something i said paul. and you did so misinterpretting what it was i said. how am i not to take that personally on some level??? anyways youre right its now clarified so thats the end of it. dont expect me to act any differently the next time it happens. :P

Hugh Freaking Dillon

catefrances wrote:

you had a go at something i said paul. and you did so misinterpretting what it was i said. how am i not to take that personally on some level???

because misunderstandings aren't personal. at least not to me. luv ya cate!

catefrances

Paul David wrote:

catefrances wrote:

you had a go at something i said paul. and you did so misinterpretting what it was i said. how am i not to take that personally on some level???

because misunderstandings aren't personal. at least not to me. luv ya cate!

perhaps i expected you to know better.

a question usually clears up misunderstanding dont you think??


bite me. :P

Hugh Freaking Dillon

I did ask.

Paul David wrote:

Just to clarify, cate, what was weak about me, or anyone else that gets bullied?

And you answered. No problem.

catefrances

Paul David wrote:

I did ask.

Paul David wrote:

Just to clarify, cate, what was weak about me, or anyone else that gets bullied?

And you answered. No problem.

never thought there`was. :P