my wife is pregnant now and to tell you the truth im really not that thrilled about it. . .it was her idea and basically she just wore me down and now here we are. . .i was always up in the air about having kids (mostly leaning towards not having them), and i told her this early in our relationship, and she was upset about it, so after that whenever it came up i kind of just didnt really say alot about it because i really did love her and truthfully i think i was afraid to be alone. . .i was always safe when it came to sex but she wore me down and also gave me the impression it could be a difficult process, but after a long time of hearing about it i caved and all it took was a couple of times unprotected and it happened. . .the sad thing is i really dont feel any attachment to it and i also feel resentful towards her for convincing me to do something i didnt really want to do, and this has really strained what was a great relationship between us. . . the situation often makes me feel depressed, sad, angry, and alone and i feel like people dont understand my point of view and will think im some kind of scumbag or deadbeat so for the most part i keep it to myself. . .im hopeful somehow things will be ok, but i dont know whats going to happen,. . .thanks for listening to me vent needed to get this off my chest and its easier to do with a bunch of strangers
i hope the birth of your child changes your mind. but if it doesnt, dont feel like you have justify your feelings to anyone. your wife knew where you stood on this and she has to know the reason shes pregnant is cause she wouldnt shut up about having a child. also never forget that it was you who chose to relent.
hear my name
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
.i was always up in the air about having kids (mostly leaning towards not having them), and i told her this early in our relationship, and she was upset about it, so after that whenever it came up i kind of just didnt really say alot about it because i really did love her and truthfully i think i was afraid to be alone. . .
First mistake.... you knew how important a child was to her, you were 'up in the air' which means maybe yes - and this is how she would have probably understood it. Wanting kids (or not) is a HUGE thing in a relationship - people have to be clear about their feelings about this.
but after a long time of hearing about it i caved..... and i also feel resentful towards her for convincing me to do something i didnt really want to do...
Caved in???? If you really didn't want to do it, you should have stood your ground. Feeling resentful towards her... you should be looking at yourself. More likely pissed off at yourself for being 'walked over' but not confronting this?
....my point of view and will think im some kind of scumbag or deadbeat
Maybe not quite but.... What you are dealing with now is all your making... If you don't want children, have a vastectomy. Don't blame the fact that you 'relented' on your wife's 'nagging'. Take responsibility. As they say... it takes two to tango.
Hopefully, once the child is born (and hopefuly before as your wife will need support, you will feel the love and amazement for this new life.
my wife is pregnant now and to tell you the truth im really not that thrilled about it. . .it was her idea and basically she just wore me down and now here we are. . .i was always up in the air about having kids (mostly leaning towards not having them), and i told her this early in our relationship, and she was upset about it, so after that whenever it came up i kind of just didnt really say alot about it because i really did love her and truthfully i think i was afraid to be alone. . .i was always safe when it came to sex but she wore me down and also gave me the impression it could be a difficult process, but after a long time of hearing about it i caved and all it took was a couple of times unprotected and it happened. . .the sad thing is i really dont feel any attachment to it and i also feel resentful towards her for convincing me to do something i didnt really want to do, and this has really strained what was a great relationship between us. . . the situation often makes me feel depressed, sad, angry, and alone and i feel like people dont understand my point of view and will think im some kind of scumbag or deadbeat so for the most part i keep it to myself. . .im hopeful somehow things will be ok, but i dont know whats going to happen,. . .thanks for listening to me vent needed to get this off my chest and its easier to do with a bunch of strangers
The really beautiful thing about life here is it's not all about "us". We are each given time to learn, to love, to give of ourselves to others. Now you have been given a new life, you have made a new life. Your love has given you the opportunity to grow as a human being. You are about to enjoy the miracle of life. Don't be frightened. Everything will be ok. Love will make its way.
my wife is pregnant now and to tell you the truth im really not that thrilled about it. . .it was her idea and basically she just wore me down and now here we are. . .i was always up in the air about having kids (mostly leaning towards not having them), and i told her this early in our relationship, and she was upset about it, so after that whenever it came up i kind of just didnt really say alot about it because i really did love her and truthfully i think i was afraid to be alone. . .i was always safe when it came to sex but she wore me down and also gave me the impression it could be a difficult process, but after a long time of hearing about it i caved and all it took was a couple of times unprotected and it happened. . .the sad thing is i really dont feel any attachment to it and i also feel resentful towards her for convincing me to do something i didnt really want to do, and this has really strained what was a great relationship between us. . . the situation often makes me feel depressed, sad, angry, and alone and i feel like people dont understand my point of view and will think im some kind of scumbag or deadbeat so for the most part i keep it to myself. . .im hopeful somehow things will be ok, but i dont know whats going to happen,. . .thanks for listening to me vent needed to get this off my chest and its easier to do with a bunch of strangers
All those feeling are very normal considering the situation you're in. The anger and resentment and the lack of attachment...all totally normal.
I didn't want kids. I got pregnant so I had to adjust my thinking. I HAD to. Unfortunately, you did cave and now your girl is having your baby. And even though it isn't something you wanted, there is so much potential for it to be a beautiful experience.
To be totally honest I still feel resentment sometimes, toward my kids father, and even sometimes toward my kids. I'm not proud of the feelings, but I can't ignore them. I do know that it's not something I should beat myself up about. I just look at my kids and realize that this is their only shot at a healthy upbringing...and I'm their only hope of that. So I swallow that resentment and pocket that selfish thought. Because that's what it is...it's a selfish thought.
Anyway, my point was to let you know that you're not the only one feeling this way, but your only option is to put the feelings into perspective.
Oh, also, don't expect that instant connection with the baby. I did expect it and was scared to death when I was handed my baby for the first time and had none of those "feelings" I was expecting. Sometimes the connection needs to grows.
my wife is pregnant now and to tell you the truth im really not that thrilled about it. . .it was her idea and basically she just wore me down and now here we are. . .i was always up in the air about having kids (mostly leaning towards not having them), and i told her this early in our relationship, and she was upset about it, so after that whenever it came up i kind of just didnt really say alot about it because i really did love her and truthfully i think i was afraid to be alone. . .i was always safe when it came to sex but she wore me down and also gave me the impression it could be a difficult process, but after a long time of hearing about it i caved and all it took was a couple of times unprotected and it happened. . .the sad thing is i really dont feel any attachment to it and i also feel resentful towards her for convincing me to do something i didnt really want to do, and this has really strained what was a great relationship between us. . . the situation often makes me feel depressed, sad, angry, and alone and i feel like people dont understand my point of view and will think im some kind of scumbag or deadbeat so for the most part i keep it to myself. . .im hopeful somehow things will be ok, but i dont know whats going to happen,. . .thanks for listening to me vent needed to get this off my chest and its easier to do with a bunch of strangers
This is very difficult to quote on for me. I have always been ready to be a father when I was "old enough" to have them. Kids can be difficult I have a almost 13 and a 10 year old. They are the joys of my life althought sometimes I want to ring their necks. angryyoungman I am not sure what I can say to you here. Yes you caved on your feelings to make your wife happy, something has to be said for that. marriage sometimes means sacrificing stuff. However, that's a HUGE sacrifice!! Like someone else said here. I hope, I REALLY hope that for your sake and your new family's sake that once your child is born you will feel differently. Clearly you love your wife. The only thing I can say is try, in some way to find joy in the pregnancy with her. It will make it all easier in the end. Good Luck...we're here for ya!
"...And I fight back in my mind. Never lets me be right.
I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
thanks for all the responses from my fellow jamily members, they all have merit and it helps to here an outside opinion
I was in your shoes once. Needless to say, for the sake of all humanity, I had to kill my wife at the time. There was no way I was going to unleash that devil-spawn on the world. I will accept everyone's gratitude in the form of cash please.
Idaho's Premier Outdoor Writer
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
thanks for all the responses from my fellow jamily members, they all have merit and it helps to here an outside opinion
I was in your shoes once. Needless to say, for the sake of all humanity, I had to kill my wife at the time. There was no way I was going to unleash that devil-spawn on the world. I will accept everyone's gratitude in the form of cash please.
thanks for all the responses from my fellow jamily members, they all have merit and it helps to here an outside opinion
I was in your shoes once. Needless to say, for the sake of all humanity, I had to kill my wife at the time. There was no way I was going to unleash that devil-spawn on the world. I will accept everyone's gratitude in the form of cash please.
hopefully it doesnt come to that for me. . .and thanks. . .i think
i have wished for so long, how i wish for you today
JEFFREY ROSS ROGERS 1975-2002
my wife is pregnant now and to tell you the truth im really not that thrilled about it. . .it was her idea and basically she just wore me down and now here we are. . .i was always up in the air about having kids (mostly leaning towards not having them), and i told her this early in our relationship, and she was upset about it, so after that whenever it came up i kind of just didnt really say alot about it because i really did love her and truthfully i think i was afraid to be alone. . .i was always safe when it came to sex but she wore me down and also gave me the impression it could be a difficult process, but after a long time of hearing about it i caved and all it took was a couple of times unprotected and it happened. . .the sad thing is i really dont feel any attachment to it and i also feel resentful towards her for convincing me to do something i didnt really want to do, and this has really strained what was a great relationship between us. . . the situation often makes me feel depressed, sad, angry, and alone and i feel like people dont understand my point of view and will think im some kind of scumbag or deadbeat so for the most part i keep it to myself. . .im hopeful somehow things will be ok, but i dont know whats going to happen,. . .thanks for listening to me vent needed to get this off my chest and its easier to do with a bunch of strangers
It can be very hard for a dad to connect with their baby until they are born. I know my partner felt pretty overwhelmed when I was pregnant (we were young and broke) but as soon as our daughter was born a switch flicked on in him and they have an amazing bond. With our second however, I noticed that the bound took longer to form - it took about a year for him to truely enjoy our son, and thats okay.
Nobody can make you love your baby - and it may take a while, but if you are open to it and try to be positive about it you might just be blown away with just how much this little person ends up meaning to you.
That is so sad. My sons are the best thing that has ever happened to me besides their dad. I am truly blessed to have them in my life.
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Sometimes it not the kids who are horrid it's the freakin parents! This morning walked into my sons class and here is the sibling of one the kids with the BIGGEST egg in the dead-centre of his forehead, I have ever seen. It was all blue and like he had a third eye, he also had a black eye and a swollen nose. He had tripped over mum's slipper this morning and crashed striaght into the wall of an entranceway to another room! He wasn't feeling well and he said that himself, and his mother REFUSED to take him to the doctor. Seriously, this kid was not behaving as he would normally and I was in pain just looking at the little guy. Stupid mullet of a mother that one. :roll: She also finds it amusing when her daughter (the one in my sons class) punches kids in the face for no reason. :? Some people shouldn't have kids.
Sometimes it not the kids who are horrid it's the freakin parents! This morning walked into my sons class and here is the sibling of one the kids with the BIGGEST egg in the dead-centre of his forehead, I have ever seen. It was all blue and like he had a third eye, he also had a black eye and a swollen nose. He had tripped over mum's slipper this morning and crashed striaght into the wall of an entranceway to another room! He wasn't feeling well and he said that himself, and his mother REFUSED to take him to the doctor. Seriously, this kid was not behaving as he would normally and I was in pain just looking at the little guy. Stupid mullet of a mother that one. :roll: She also finds it amusing when her daughter (the one in my sons class) punches kids in the face for no reason. :? Some people shouldn't have kids.
There are parents like this at my kid's school, and honestly, it shits me to tears. Everyone has lives to live, but seriously, is it that hard to drop what you are doing and attend to your kids for a little bit, when they so obviously need it?
Totally with you on this one - some people just shouldn't have kids. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent - it's the greatest thing in the world, but not for everyone.
Sometimes it not the kids who are horrid it's the freakin parents! This morning walked into my sons class and here is the sibling of one the kids with the BIGGEST egg in the dead-centre of his forehead, I have ever seen. It was all blue and like he had a third eye, he also had a black eye and a swollen nose. He had tripped over mum's slipper this morning and crashed striaght into the wall of an entranceway to another room! He wasn't feeling well and he said that himself, and his mother REFUSED to take him to the doctor. Seriously, this kid was not behaving as he would normally and I was in pain just looking at the little guy. Stupid mullet of a mother that one. :roll: She also finds it amusing when her daughter (the one in my sons class) punches kids in the face for no reason. :? Some people shouldn't have kids.
There are parents like this at my kid's school, and honestly, it shits me to tears. Everyone has lives to live, but seriously, is it that hard to drop what you are doing and attend to your kids for a little bit, when they so obviously need it?
Totally with you on this one - some people just shouldn't have kids. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent - it's the greatest thing in the world, but not for everyone.
Too damned true! Unfortunately for the kids it's too late for the parents to discover they aren't fit for the job. So many kids with screwed up parents and in foster care too, and so many couples who can't have kids who would love them to bits.....the world is really fucked up sometimes.
There are parents like this at my kid's school, and honestly, it shits me to tears. Everyone has lives to live, but seriously, is it that hard to drop what you are doing and attend to your kids for a little bit, when they so obviously need it?
Totally with you on this one - some people just shouldn't have kids. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent - it's the greatest thing in the world, but not for everyone.
Too damned true! Unfortunately for the kids it's too late for the parents to discover they aren't fit for the job. So many kids with screwed up parents and in foster care too, and so many couples who can't have kids who would love them to bits.....the world is really fucked up sometimes.[/quote]
I don't think you need to be a bad or neglectful person to be someone who shouldn't have kids either. I don't think I should have kids, and I'm responsible, trustworthy, caring, smart, etc. But that doesn't make me parent-material. In fact, I'm not really sure who IS parent material. Unfortunately it seems like in many cases, unless they ARE horrible people, there's no way of knowing until they are parents and then it's too late!
I have two girls 16 & 13 (awesome kids who never get in trouble and do great in school) and here's my only thought on the topic -
I'm so fucking tired!!!! Kids suck the life out of you.
I feel like I've been running a marathon for 17 years. I love these guys but it will be nice when my wife and I can just worry about ourselves.
Well, sorry but I don't think that ever happens for a parent. Yes, you become empty nesters and there is more time for yourself and marriage, it's wonderful. But that worry or concern stays. Whatever your adult child goes through your heart goes too. The joys and sorrows and the consequences of their choices. I look at my mother in law now in her mid eighties. She still worries about us in our 50's. What we go through she goes through. But no parent would want it any other way. That's the beauty of it. That's a lifetime of love.
PS.... you are a lucky father, your young teen girls are not causing you much worry, you better rest up just in case
Truer words have never been spoken. I'm 30 (for the next six weeks anyway ) and am blessed with the most wonderful, caring, loving parents ever. And I will say, they are 'bleeding hearts'. In the past year I have gone through a terrible divorce. And watching my parents, as supportive of me as they are, is almost worse than the pain that I feel, because I know they feel the same pain. Cliche? Maybe. But they honestly do. Whenever anything is hard for me, or for my sister, they literally are right there with us.
One of our good family friends' son and his wife lost a baby at 22 weeks. I cannot imagine how hard it was for them. And the dad, my dad's best friend, said to my father, "You know, you can only be as happy as your saddest child". And I think that is so true. Granted, I am not a parent myself, but I hope to be. One of the hardest things about the divorce. I have always wanted to be a mom, just one of those things. I love children and have always wanted a couple of my own. I want to be able to show and give my own children the love and devotion that my parents have given me. Hopefully I will have that chance in the future. And under much better circumstances than my failed marriage provided. Sorry, not a whole lot to contribuute here, and I don't know why I'm posting stuff all of the sudden...maybe I just feel the need to be closer to my PJ family too. But, I will say for everyone, I hope all works out for the best.
Truer words have never been spoken. I'm 30 (for the next six weeks anyway ) and am blessed with the most wonderful, caring, loving parents ever. And I will say, they are 'bleeding hearts'. In the past year I have gone through a terrible divorce. And watching my parents, as supportive of me as they are, is almost worse than the pain that I feel, because I know they feel the same pain. Cliche? Maybe. But they honestly do. Whenever anything is hard for me, or for my sister, they literally are right there with us.
One of our good family friends' son and his wife lost a baby at 22 weeks. I cannot imagine how hard it was for them. And the dad, my dad's best friend, said to my father, "You know, you can only be as happy as your saddest child". And I think that is so true. Granted, I am not a parent myself, but I hope to be. One of the hardest things about the divorce. I have always wanted to be a mom, just one of those things. I love children and have always wanted a couple of my own. I want to be able to show and give my own children the love and devotion that my parents have given me. Hopefully I will have that chance in the future. And under much better circumstances than my failed marriage provided. Sorry, not a whole lot to contribuute here, and I don't know why I'm posting stuff all of the sudden...maybe I just feel the need to be closer to my PJ family too. But, I will say for everyone, I hope all works out for the best.
Sorry that you are going through such a hard time!! Big Jamily hug to you
I don't think you need to be a bad or neglectful person to be someone who shouldn't have kids either. I don't think I should have kids, and I'm responsible, trustworthy, caring, smart, etc. But that doesn't make me parent-material. In fact, I'm not really sure who IS parent material. Unfortunately it seems like in many cases, unless they ARE horrible people, there's no way of knowing until they are parents and then it's too late!
I see you are coming from the point of view we all are flawed, true, but flawed doesn't mean we shouldn't reproduce.
Parenting is a learning, growing process. Overtime the self centered become selfless. Of course not all parents will, but flawed people do. Everyone is imperfect and makes mistakes, all people, all parents.
I think you miss the love factor involved. A lifetime of love. That is what a good parent gives and in giving we receive ten fold. My kids now in their 20's are very happy I chose to be a Mom. That my husband chose to be a Dad. Not only for the life we were blessed to give them but for the love we share. It is a blessing to be given a child. It is a blessing to have a Mom and Dad.
And it is a blessing to be able to forgive imperfections and disappointments of others and give of yourself.
I have no idea what to say on here. I have read quite a bit and there seems to be negative feelings toward children. Positive as well. I have (2) children - 12 and 8 yrs old. They both are the best kids and I feel I'm a great parent.
Yes, there are days - I'm tired and have no energy. There is also quite a bit, I have given up - but I guess its been my choice. Maybe thats the difference.
Raising kids, is one of the toughest jobs out there, but rewarding for me.
Comments
i hope the birth of your child changes your mind. but if it doesnt, dont feel like you have justify your feelings to anyone. your wife knew where you stood on this and she has to know the reason shes pregnant is cause she wouldnt shut up about having a child. also never forget that it was you who chose to relent.
take a good look
this could be the day
hold my hand
lie beside me
i just need to say
First mistake.... you knew how important a child was to her, you were 'up in the air' which means maybe yes - and this is how she would have probably understood it. Wanting kids (or not) is a HUGE thing in a relationship - people have to be clear about their feelings about this.
You were afraid to be alone.....
Caved in???? If you really didn't want to do it, you should have stood your ground. Feeling resentful towards her... you should be looking at yourself. More likely pissed off at yourself for being 'walked over' but not confronting this?
Quite a common state of mind. Usually the moment the child is born, all that goes away.
Maybe not quite but.... What you are dealing with now is all your making... If you don't want children, have a vastectomy. Don't blame the fact that you 'relented' on your wife's 'nagging'. Take responsibility. As they say... it takes two to tango.
Hopefully, once the child is born (and hopefuly before as your wife will need support, you will feel the love and amazement for this new life.
All those feeling are very normal considering the situation you're in. The anger and resentment and the lack of attachment...all totally normal.
I didn't want kids. I got pregnant so I had to adjust my thinking. I HAD to. Unfortunately, you did cave and now your girl is having your baby. And even though it isn't something you wanted, there is so much potential for it to be a beautiful experience.
To be totally honest I still feel resentment sometimes, toward my kids father, and even sometimes toward my kids. I'm not proud of the feelings, but I can't ignore them. I do know that it's not something I should beat myself up about. I just look at my kids and realize that this is their only shot at a healthy upbringing...and I'm their only hope of that. So I swallow that resentment and pocket that selfish thought. Because that's what it is...it's a selfish thought.
Anyway, my point was to let you know that you're not the only one feeling this way, but your only option is to put the feelings into perspective.
Oh, also, don't expect that instant connection with the baby. I did expect it and was scared to death when I was handed my baby for the first time and had none of those "feelings" I was expecting. Sometimes the connection needs to grows.
Good luck to you.
This is very difficult to quote on for me. I have always been ready to be a father when I was "old enough" to have them. Kids can be difficult I have a almost 13 and a 10 year old. They are the joys of my life althought sometimes I want to ring their necks. angryyoungman I am not sure what I can say to you here. Yes you caved on your feelings to make your wife happy, something has to be said for that. marriage sometimes means sacrificing stuff. However, that's a HUGE sacrifice!! Like someone else said here. I hope, I REALLY hope that for your sake and your new family's sake that once your child is born you will feel differently. Clearly you love your wife. The only thing I can say is try, in some way to find joy in the pregnancy with her. It will make it all easier in the end. Good Luck...we're here for ya!
I got memories. I got shit so much it don't show."
JEFFREY ROSS ROGERS 1975-2002
9.10.98 NYC / 8.23.00 JONES BEACH /4.30.03 UNIONDALE / 7.9.03 NYC /5.12.06 ALBANY/ 6.1.06 E.RUTHEFORD/ 6.3.06 E. RUTHEFORD/ CAMDEN 6.19.08/ NYC 6.24.08/ NYC 6.25.08/ HARTFORD 6.27.08/ CHICAGO 8.24.09/ PHILLY 10.31.09/ HARTFORD 5.15.10/ NEWARK 5.18.10/ NYC 5.20.10/ CHICAGO 7.19.13/ BROOKLYN 10.18.13/ BROOKLYN 10.19.13/ HARTFORD 10.25.13/ NYC 9.26.15/ 4.8.16 FT. LAUDERDALE/ 4.9.16 MIAMI / 5.1.16 NYC/ 5.2.16 NYC / 8.5.16 BOSTON / 8.7.16 BOSTON/ 8.20.18 CHICAGO/ 9.2.18 BOSTON/ 9.4.18 BOSTON/ 9.18.21 ASBURY PARK
finally, FUCK TICKETMASTER
I was in your shoes once. Needless to say, for the sake of all humanity, I had to kill my wife at the time. There was no way I was going to unleash that devil-spawn on the world. I will accept everyone's gratitude in the form of cash please.
Please Support My Writing Habit By Purchasing A Book:
https://www.createspace.com/3437020
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000663025696
http://earthtremors.blogspot.com/
Sincerely.
Where I'm not ugly and you're lookin' at me
she died...the baby didn't
next time, get it right!
JEFFREY ROSS ROGERS 1975-2002
9.10.98 NYC / 8.23.00 JONES BEACH /4.30.03 UNIONDALE / 7.9.03 NYC /5.12.06 ALBANY/ 6.1.06 E.RUTHEFORD/ 6.3.06 E. RUTHEFORD/ CAMDEN 6.19.08/ NYC 6.24.08/ NYC 6.25.08/ HARTFORD 6.27.08/ CHICAGO 8.24.09/ PHILLY 10.31.09/ HARTFORD 5.15.10/ NEWARK 5.18.10/ NYC 5.20.10/ CHICAGO 7.19.13/ BROOKLYN 10.18.13/ BROOKLYN 10.19.13/ HARTFORD 10.25.13/ NYC 9.26.15/ 4.8.16 FT. LAUDERDALE/ 4.9.16 MIAMI / 5.1.16 NYC/ 5.2.16 NYC / 8.5.16 BOSTON / 8.7.16 BOSTON/ 8.20.18 CHICAGO/ 9.2.18 BOSTON/ 9.4.18 BOSTON/ 9.18.21 ASBURY PARK
finally, FUCK TICKETMASTER
It can be very hard for a dad to connect with their baby until they are born. I know my partner felt pretty overwhelmed when I was pregnant (we were young and broke) but as soon as our daughter was born a switch flicked on in him and they have an amazing bond. With our second however, I noticed that the bound took longer to form - it took about a year for him to truely enjoy our son, and thats okay.
Nobody can make you love your baby - and it may take a while, but if you are open to it and try to be positive about it you might just be blown away with just how much this little person ends up meaning to you.
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
There are parents like this at my kid's school, and honestly, it shits me to tears. Everyone has lives to live, but seriously, is it that hard to drop what you are doing and attend to your kids for a little bit, when they so obviously need it?
Totally with you on this one - some people just shouldn't have kids. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent - it's the greatest thing in the world, but not for everyone.
Too damned true! Unfortunately for the kids it's too late for the parents to discover they aren't fit for the job. So many kids with screwed up parents and in foster care too, and so many couples who can't have kids who would love them to bits.....the world is really fucked up sometimes.
Too damned true! Unfortunately for the kids it's too late for the parents to discover they aren't fit for the job. So many kids with screwed up parents and in foster care too, and so many couples who can't have kids who would love them to bits.....the world is really fucked up sometimes.[/quote]
I don't think you need to be a bad or neglectful person to be someone who shouldn't have kids either. I don't think I should have kids, and I'm responsible, trustworthy, caring, smart, etc. But that doesn't make me parent-material. In fact, I'm not really sure who IS parent material. Unfortunately it seems like in many cases, unless they ARE horrible people, there's no way of knowing until they are parents and then it's too late!
Sammi: Wanna just break up?
Truer words have never been spoken. I'm 30 (for the next six weeks anyway
One of our good family friends' son and his wife lost a baby at 22 weeks. I cannot imagine how hard it was for them. And the dad, my dad's best friend, said to my father, "You know, you can only be as happy as your saddest child". And I think that is so true. Granted, I am not a parent myself, but I hope to be. One of the hardest things about the divorce. I have always wanted to be a mom, just one of those things. I love children and have always wanted a couple of my own. I want to be able to show and give my own children the love and devotion that my parents have given me. Hopefully I will have that chance in the future. And under much better circumstances than my failed marriage provided. Sorry, not a whole lot to contribuute here, and I don't know why I'm posting stuff all of the sudden...maybe I just feel the need to be closer to my PJ family too.
Sorry that you are going through such a hard time!! Big Jamily hug to you
Parenting is a learning, growing process. Overtime the self centered become selfless. Of course not all parents will, but flawed people do. Everyone is imperfect and makes mistakes, all people, all parents.
I think you miss the love factor involved. A lifetime of love. That is what a good parent gives and in giving we receive ten fold. My kids now in their 20's are very happy I chose to be a Mom. That my husband chose to be a Dad. Not only for the life we were blessed to give them but for the love we share. It is a blessing to be given a child. It is a blessing to have a Mom and Dad.
And it is a blessing to be able to forgive imperfections and disappointments of others and give of yourself.
Yes, there are days - I'm tired and have no energy. There is also quite a bit, I have given up - but I guess its been my choice. Maybe thats the difference.
Raising kids, is one of the toughest jobs out there, but rewarding for me.
I wish everyone the very best. Take care