well there's the problem...i wouldn't want to get to know someone that way unless we lived far apart...since this is not the case, you should probably meet in person...ya know, like humans do!
Well that brings us back to the original question: Is there any point in meeting in person if guys don't want to be just friends and that's what I want?
sure, why not? the fact that guys always want more doesn't mean they are incapable of being good friends. he'll just have to deal, as we all do and have.
yep
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
[
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
REFERENCE HARRY'S RULE #1 :
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
"This here's a REQUEST!"
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
Well that brings us back to the original question: Is there any point in meeting in person if guys don't want to be just friends and that's what I want?
sure, why not? the fact that guys always want more doesn't mean they are incapable of being good friends. he'll just have to deal, as we all do and have.
yep
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
no they wont. they will still think they have a chance and hang around just in case.
[
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
REFERENCE HARRY'S RULE #1 :
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
it's a waste of time. some people are just not smart enough to get it.
Well that brings us back to the original question: Is there any point in meeting in person if guys don't want to be just friends and that's what I want?
sure, why not? the fact that guys always want more doesn't mean they are incapable of being good friends. he'll just have to deal, as we all do and have.
yep
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
no they wont. they will still think they have a chance and hang around just in case.
thats what i've been saying too MrSmith. but these macho types who sling curse words to show they got testosterone (oooh I'm impressed) keep flipping it to the tthought of not trusting the woman. It's just if your in a loving relationship and starting a family and sharing and dedicating your life together......who wants to play around with a horny guy who tries to catch a glimpse down her shirt every chance he gets. Some couples got better things to do than feed these guys their worthless and pointless hopes. If she has class in my opinion she wouldn't want a man friend who would wreck her home if he had a chance. Even though she would never in a million years touch the guy, what woman wants a "FRIEND" who would do that if he could. So if a woman's female friend wanted so bad to fuck her husband would she keep her as a friend or tell her, you got problems, why would you want to sleep with my husband and ruin my marriage (even though the husband wouldn't sleep with the friend) why would anyone want that person around them.
Even though she would never in a million years touch the guy, what woman wants a "FRIEND" who would do that if he could.
That's what I've always said - I wouldn't want a friend like that. But if we assume all guys want to sleep with us, we're being presumptious and full of ourselves and judging/stereotyping nice, innocent guys unfairly. But if we give them the benefit of the doubt, we're accused of being a tease. It's all fucking bullshit if you ask me. And us poor women can't win for losing.
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
no they wont. they will still think they have a chance and hang around just in case.
So are you saying my guy friends are only still friends with me because of some hope that I might someday sleep with them? Is it not possible that they're still around just because I'm an awesome person and a good friend?
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
no they wont. they will still think they have a chance and hang around just in case.
So are you saying my guy friends are only still friends with me because of some hope that I might someday sleep with them? Is it not possible that they're still around just because I'm an awesome person and a good friend?
hmm i need more info. take my patented Love Test:
a: do they NOT find you at all attractive? even a little?
b: are they really your boyfriend's friends and just yours by extension?
c: are they gay?
answering no to all of those, and i'm thinking: yeah they want benefits. dont get me wrong, im sure they like you as a friend somewhat, i'm sure youre cool. but its probably either they think of you more as an aquaintance they wouldnt mind banging or they really like you, in which case they want more and will only settle for less for awhile. or the other option is they are desperate and will settle for any contact with a girl even if its just friends. been there, done that to all of the above!
just call me Dr Love. if anyone else needs advice im here for you.
[quote="Gems and Rhinestones"quote="norm"quote="soulsinging"quote="scb"
Well that brings us back to the original question: Is there any point in meeting in person if guys don't want to be just friends and that's what I want?[/quote]
sure, why not? the fact that guys always want more doesn't mean they are incapable of being good friends. he'll just have to deal, as we all do and have.[/quote]
yep
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
quote="MrSmith"
no they wont. they will still think they have a chance and hang around just in case.
thats what i've been saying too MrSmith. but these macho types who sling curse words to show they got testosterone (oooh I'm impressed) keep flipping it to the tthought of not trusting the woman. It's just if your in a loving relationship and starting a family and sharing and dedicating your life together......who wants to play around with a horny guy who tries to catch a glimpse down her shirt every chance he gets. Some couples got better things to do than feed these guys their worthless and pointless hopes. If she has class in my opinion she wouldn't want a man friend who would wreck her home if he had a chance. Even though she would never in a million years touch the guy, what woman wants a "FRIEND" who would do that if he could. So if a woman's female friend wanted so bad to fuck her husband would she keep her as a friend or tell her, you got problems, why would you want to sleep with my husband and ruin my marriage (even though the husband wouldn't sleep with the friend) why would anyone want that person around them./quote
Are you talking about your friends hanging out with your wife, or her friends that she may have had a very long time before you ever came into the picture and never slept with before so why would she be sleeping with them now and vice versa. I'm sorry but you have some major issues. I know I have issues with hanging out with women. I just don't trust them. I don't hang out with women other than my sister and daughter who I trust. Past experience has taught me that your friend will always try to sleep with your boyfriend or husband. But their is a difference between guys and girls who have been friends a long time before you were there. Guys can be friends with women and not want to sleep with them. I know if for a fact.
Even though she would never in a million years touch the guy, what woman wants a "FRIEND" who would do that if he could.
That's what I've always said - I wouldn't want a friend like that. But if we assume all guys want to sleep with us, we're being presumptious and full of ourselves and judging/stereotyping nice, innocent guys unfairly. But if we give them the benefit of the doubt, we're accused of being a tease. It's all fucking bullshit if you ask me. And us poor women can't win for losing.
You definitely should judge them. You might possibly have 1 guy friend who wouldn't do that but believe me you don't have 2. So if your friends Rick, Dan, Bob, Carl, Kevin, Brian, Pete were givin the chance to have sex with you, and Brian said I'm sorry I don't have feelings like that towards you(which is a stretch) then Ricky bOY, Big Dan, Slick Bob, Crazy Carl and Pete the Perv all would in a new york minute!
Are you talking about your friends hanging out with your wife, or her friends that she may have had a very long time before you ever came into the picture and never slept with before so why would she be sleeping with them now and vice versa. I'm sorry but you have some major issues. I know I have issues with hanging out with women. I just don't trust them. I don't hang out with women other than my sister and daughter who I trust. Past experience has taught me that your friend will always try to sleep with your boyfriend or husband. But their is a difference between guys and girls who have been friends a long time before you were there. Guys can be friends with women and not want to sleep with them. I know if for a fact.
My wife passed away but they never hang out with her. That stuff to me is wierd and was to her too. We always had "OUR" friends. I never even refered to myself as I, it was always us or we. Idon't have any issues because I don't find it attractive, just like someone might not find someone's farting condition attractive. I am not mean about it. Too many woman out and about want the good stuff out of life not little horn boy games.
Are you talking about your friends hanging out with your wife, or her friends that she may have had a very long time before you ever came into the picture and never slept with before so why would she be sleeping with them now and vice versa. I'm sorry but you have some major issues. I know I have issues with hanging out with women. I just don't trust them. I don't hang out with women other than my sister and daughter who I trust. Past experience has taught me that your friend will always try to sleep with your boyfriend or husband. But their is a difference between guys and girls who have been friends a long time before you were there. Guys can be friends with women and not want to sleep with them. I know if for a fact.
My wife passed away but they never hang out with her. That stuff to me is wierd and was to her too. We always had "OUR" friends. I never even refered to myself as I, it was always us or we. Idon't have any issues because I don't find it attractive, just like someone might not find someone's farting condition attractive. I am not mean about it. Too many woman out and about want the good stuff out of life not little horn boy games.
So are you saying you wouldn't mind if your wife kept the guy friends that she had long before you, knowing that they don't want to sleep with her and she didn't want to sleep with them? Or, is it new friends that she would meet??
"We always had "OUR" friends"
Does that mean you ditched all your guy/girlfriends you had before you met. Or did you just keep the ones that were in relationships? This isn't making sense.
all the girls i was friends with i wanted to sleep with, and they seemed to just want the ego boost or someone to vent to (about other guys naturally ). and when i really needed them, they suddenly have other priotities. so thats a pretty crappy friendship.
there was one exception, since i was not attracted to her and she felt the same, it sort of worked. but then its hard to meet girls when she was around because everyone assumed we were together, and her boyfriends would get jealous anytime i came around, so in the end it wasnt really worth the bullshit. it just doesnt work.
all the girls i was friends with i wanted to sleep with, and they seemed to just want the ego boost or someone to vent to (about other guys naturally ). and when i really needed them, they suddenly have other priotities. so thats a pretty crappy friendsship.
So are you saying you wouldn't mind if your wife kept the guy friends that she had long before you, knowing that they don't want to sleep with her and she didn't want to sleep with them? Or, is it new friends that she would meet??
"We always had "OUR" friends"
Does that mean you ditched all your guy/girlfriends you had before you met. Or did you just keep the ones that were in relationships? This isn't making sense.
your making it way harder than it is, read some of my earlier posts. my wife did not have men as friends before we met. don't get the word friends mixed upi with being nice at work or talking to the neighbor. by friends we are talking about someone who you call and go do things with. i actually think most married woman and most married men don't have opposite sex friends. maybe 1 but they really are really friends of both. by "OUR" i mean it was funny, before we even got married i started refering everything as we or our. if someone said congrats on your raise. i would say thank you we are very happy. someone might say who is that and i would say it's our friend brian, even though Stacy only talked to brian a few times. we were really great together. people can try to cheapen what i've said by putting in the typical "issues" and what not but all i can say is when you have what we had it is like living in a fairytale. you know where everything is just perfect and you know you will always be together.
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
no they wont. they will still think they have a chance and hang around just in case.
So are you saying my guy friends are only still friends with me because of some hope that I might someday sleep with them? Is it not possible that they're still around just because I'm an awesome person and a good friend?
you act like they're mutually exclusive possibilities, which is not the case. we can think you're an awesome person and a good friend and still want to sleep with you.
So are you saying you wouldn't mind if your wife kept the guy friends that she had long before you, knowing that they don't want to sleep with her and she didn't want to sleep with them? Or, is it new friends that she would meet??
"We always had "OUR" friends"
Does that mean you ditched all your guy/girlfriends you had before you met. Or did you just keep the ones that were in relationships? This isn't making sense.
your making it way harder than it is, read some of my earlier posts. my wife did not have men as friends before we met. don't get the word friends mixed upi with being nice at work or talking to the neighbor. by friends we are talking about someone who you call and go do things with. i actually think most married woman and most married men don't have opposite sex friends. maybe 1 but they really are really friends of both. by "OUR" i mean it was funny, before we even got married i started refering everything as we or our. if someone said congrats on your raise. i would say thank you we are very happy. someone might say who is that and i would say it's our friend brian, even though Stacy only talked to brian a few times. we were really great together. people can try to cheapen what i've said by putting in the typical "issues" and what not but all i can say is when you have what we had it is like living in a fairytale. you know where everything is just perfect and you know you will always be together.
and that worked for you and your wife which is awesome for you. Not always so for other people. I responded earlier about my friend Steve. I have been friends with him since we met in 7th grade....a mere 27 years ago. Yes, we had our fling in high school, we got over it and moved on with our lives. We still hung out, talked. He had a son with a girlfriend; I got married. He came to my wedding; I was there for him as a friend when he fought for custody of his son (and won it after a hard battle); he's had girlfriends since whom I've met...football games at his house or my house...our respective significant others included. But Steve was always my friend, not Chris'. I was open with Chris about my friendship with Steve...he knew Steve and I had our fling and knew it was over. He liked Steve...of course raised an eyebrow in the beginning, who wouldn't? But Chris knew where I stood.....and that is all that mattered to him, not where Steve stood.
Yes, now...I am divorced and Steve is still my friend. Did I go running to his bed after divorce or between boyfriends? Nope, we were done in high school. I KNOW if I gave him the slightest hint of a green light now, he'd jump on it. But we're both wide open about what we're looking for. Yes, he'd want the sex but he's also looking for the package deal in a woman and he knows my idea of a package deal is not the same as his.
If you and I dated and you wanted me to end my 27 year friendship with him because you don't believe that women and men can be friends outside of a marriage or you don't want some guy friend hanging around trying to nail your girlfriend? I'd say good-bye....to you. I personally would view it as a huge insecurity on your part and if you're not secure enough in yourself to know what you have to offer a woman? I'm not going to end a 27yr friendship to make you feel more secure about yourself.
Granted since you and I have differing views on it, we'd never get to the point of dating any way but...for the sake of argument.
And I do honestly wish your fairytale (with the exception of the end) on everyone. To have a close bond with someone is phenomenal. Yes, I've had it....different from yours but I've had it.
believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
My ex and I also remained friends to this day. We divorced back in 1982. Each of us have had relationships since, but neither remarried. When either of us entered a new relationship, the new person always raised an eyebrow about our relationship, but there was no room for bargaining. Either they accepted it or they could move on. For those who did accept it, it didn't take them long to realize we really were just friends. In every instance, the new person ended up going to family events, etc. with the other ex spouse there. My bf even goes to my ex's family events with me.
One time, my ex's cousin was getting married. We all sat together. It made sense to us.
I know my kids don't have to worry about inviting us to their stuff. Lots of ex couples put their kids through so much crap. Its like, "well we can invite dad to Thanksgiving and then mom to Christmas". Or they have 2 birthday's for their kid, so both sides of the family attend. I think that is so selfish on the divorced couples part.
If you and I dated and you wanted me to end my 27 year friendship with him because you don't believe that women and men can be friends outside of a marriage or you don't want some guy friend hanging around trying to nail your girlfriend? I'd say good-bye....to you. I personally would view it as a huge insecurity on your part and if you're not secure enough in yourself to know what you have to offer a woman? I'm not going to end a 27yr friendship to make you feel more secure about yourself.
Granted since you and I have differing views on it, we'd never get to the point of dating any way but...for the sake of argument.
And I do honestly wish your fairytale (with the exception of the end) on everyone. To have a close bond with someone is phenomenal. Yes, I've had it....different from yours but I've had it.
I totally know what your saying but if you read what I wrote earlier I mentioned I would never ask someone to not be friends with someone, it's not my style. I treated my wife and the woman I have dated since she passed away with great respect, seriously. I believe a man and a woman are total equals, nobody should order anyone to do anything thats why I said in my first post I move on if a woman has guy friends. I just don't find it attractive ( lol nobody seems to get that for some reason). I totally see how some people don't believe in this but tell me this........why are all these "male friends" always single? You would find me totally unattractive (even though I'm cute LOL) because of my beliefs and I would know this and understand it, because I would feel the same way about you for the reasons I have already stated. One last thing.....I did find it a little funny the guy friend your talking about has already been in your bed. I actually think that kind of proves what were all saying, you even said he would have sex with you in a minute.
One thing I'll ask you. If you met a man and fell deeply in love with him. Why would you want the guy friend your talking about around when you know he would want to have sex with you givin the chance and that would ruin your marriage. Would any of your female friends ruin your marriage if they were givin the chance?
One thing I'll ask you. If you met a man and fell deeply in love with him. Why would you want the guy friend your talking about around when you know he would want to have sex with you givin the chance and that would ruin your marriage. Would any of your female friends ruin your marriage if they were givin the chance?
Quick sidebar here:
You can't compare what most MEN would do vs. what most WOMEN would do in the identical scenario...
We MEN are purely motivated by millions of years of evolutionary drive to procreate with as many femailes as possible.. I mean, its a wonder we can concentrate long enough to steer our cars in traffic!
MOST women think about consequences and are complex in their decision making process..
Simple as that ...!
:roll:
"This here's a REQUEST!"
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
I totally know what your saying but if you read what I wrote earlier I mentioned I would never ask someone to not be friends with someone, it's not my style. I treated my wife and the woman I have dated since she passed away with great respect, seriously. I believe a man and a woman are total equals, nobody should order anyone to do anything thats why I said in my first post I move on if a woman has guy friends. I just don't find it attractive ( lol nobody seems to get that for some reason). I totally see how some people don't believe in this but tell me this........why are all these "male friends" always single? You would find me totally unattractive (even though I'm cute LOL) because of my beliefs and I would know this and understand it, because I would feel the same way about you for the reasons I have already stated. One last thing.....I did find it a little funny the guy friend your talking about has already been in your bed. I actually think that kind of proves what were all saying, you even said he would have sex with you in a minute.
One thing I'll ask you. If you met a man and fell deeply in love with him. Why would you want the guy friend your talking about around when you know he would want to have sex with you givin the chance and that would ruin your marriage. Would any of your female friends ruin your marriage if they were givin the chance?
My friend Steve isn't single but I am. He was around the entire time I was married - sometimes single and sometimes not. We've both kept in contact as friends and included the other in our lives over time. Every weekend? No. But he'd invite US to his house and I'd invite him & his S.O. to my house for parties over the years. We both still do.
We're both secure in the fact it's been over for a long time between us....and really, it was a high school romance. Even still, it certainly isn't something as friends that we've swept under the carpet and pretend it didn't happen, a topic we've discussed at length. With Steve, it wouldn't stop at just sex.....he wants the package deal with a woman. I am not that woman for him and he knows it. As a guy, it still wouldn't stop him from hopping in the sack. As a friend, he's got a heart to protect....perhaps the most important is that he knows that, as do I.
I am agreeing that men wait around for the potential to have sex but they don't want to be just friends...they stick around just in case though. There are are men on this thread that agreed it is easier to be "friends" with a woman they've already had sex with....still hoping for it to happen again but the mystery is gone. One of my points is that women throw it out that they want to be just friends with a guy because they're not attracted to them. Others do it because it leaves the options open in case they find themselves alone.
I did get married, loved Chris and Steve came to the wedding. I didn't tell Chris he had no choice, we discussed it and he was completely comfortable with it...because he got to know Steve. Not once outside of our relationship, did Steve try to ruin my relationships or my marriage. I wouldn't be friends with him if he did.....nor would I be friends with my other best friend Beth if she tried to ruin my marriage/relationships. Incidentally, my marriage didn't die because of my friendship with Steve. It died because Chris and I ignored our marriage.
Women having male friends is not something you find attractive. That works for you. I would find it unattractive in a guy if he couldn't respect a friendship of mine...male or female (there have been men I've dated who didn't like women friends of mine).
believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
Not once outside of our relationship, did Steve try to ruin my relationships or my marriage. I wouldn't be friends with him if he did.....nor would I be friends with my other best friend Beth if she tried to ruin my marriage/relationships.
I know but you said if givin the chance he would sleep with you in a second. Wouldn't that ruin your marriage? Friends are supposed to help you see something like that would ruin your marriage. Your girlfriends if asked to do something that would ruin your marriage I'm sure would say"no way that would ruin your marriage, you need to think this through, you need to not do this honey". But your male friend would sleep with you in a second. hmmmmmm sounds like a true friend.
Not once outside of our relationship, did Steve try to ruin my relationships or my marriage. I wouldn't be friends with him if he did.....nor would I be friends with my other best friend Beth if she tried to ruin my marriage/relationships.
I know but you said if givin the chance he would sleep with you in a second. Wouldn't that ruin your marriage? Friends are supposed to help you see something like that would ruin your marriage. Your girlfriends if asked to do something that would ruin your marriage I'm sure would say"no way that would ruin your marriage, you need to think this through, you need to not do this honey". But your male friend would sleep with you in a second. hmmmmmm sounds like a true friend.
I have lots of friends and buddies but I can count on one hand the number of real friends I have. Over the course of nearly 3 decades, only one of them is a man. Within that circle of friends is a woman is who bi who would sleep with me in a second if I gave her the green light. Think the same way about my friendship with her? Or because she's a woman and lots of guys dig the thought of girl on girl, that friendship is ok? Lots of guys claim women are 2 drinks away from being bi. If that is the case, damn I shouldn't drink around any of my friends since I might lose control over my decision making capabilities and start randomly fucking them all.
My closest friends, including Steve, were supportive through out the downfall of my marriage and it's ultimate death. He was around as my friend. If there was a time to give the green light or for him to take advantage of the situation, that would have been it. Steve knows where we each stand. I know where we each stand. Just because he knows and I know doesn't mean 1) he's not a guy and doesn't think about sex and 2)I'm dumb enough to believe he doesn't think about sex.
But honestly, I would be the shitty friend if I gave him the green light....not him.
believe it or not, we don't "need" anything. that is only the spoiled brat in us trying to fill some temporary solution to an emptyness that does not exist.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
Respect for what? If a guy can't be cool with his girl having guy friends than yea its jealousy. I dare you to find one girl that doesn't have at least 5 guy friends
hi. :wave:
sometimes you say the stupidest things mets...
says the woman whose a friend of mine
:wave:
Ron: I just don't feel like going out tonight
Sammi: Wanna just break up?
But honestly, I would be the shitty friend if I gave him the green light....not him.
i agree with that but it was just to show the difference between what your male friend would do and your female friends would do, putting the "you giving the green light was just to show the capability of them". It would actually be you ruining your own marriage but I was just giving an example of capabilities.
Comments
Spoken like someone who has NEVER been married or had an incredible bond with a classy woman.
yep
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
REFERENCE HARRY'S RULE #1 :
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
it's a waste of time. some people are just not smart enough to get it.
thats what i've been saying too MrSmith. but these macho types who sling curse words to show they got testosterone (oooh I'm impressed) keep flipping it to the tthought of not trusting the woman. It's just if your in a loving relationship and starting a family and sharing and dedicating your life together......who wants to play around with a horny guy who tries to catch a glimpse down her shirt every chance he gets. Some couples got better things to do than feed these guys their worthless and pointless hopes. If she has class in my opinion she wouldn't want a man friend who would wreck her home if he had a chance. Even though she would never in a million years touch the guy, what woman wants a "FRIEND" who would do that if he could. So if a woman's female friend wanted so bad to fuck her husband would she keep her as a friend or tell her, you got problems, why would you want to sleep with my husband and ruin my marriage (even though the husband wouldn't sleep with the friend) why would anyone want that person around them.
That's what I've always said - I wouldn't want a friend like that. But if we assume all guys want to sleep with us, we're being presumptious and full of ourselves and judging/stereotyping nice, innocent guys unfairly. But if we give them the benefit of the doubt, we're accused of being a tease. It's all fucking bullshit if you ask me. And us poor women can't win for losing.
So are you saying my guy friends are only still friends with me because of some hope that I might someday sleep with them? Is it not possible that they're still around just because I'm an awesome person and a good friend?
a: do they NOT find you at all attractive? even a little?
b: are they really your boyfriend's friends and just yours by extension?
c: are they gay?
answering no to all of those, and i'm thinking: yeah they want benefits. dont get me wrong, im sure they like you as a friend somewhat, i'm sure youre cool. but its probably either they think of you more as an aquaintance they wouldnt mind banging or they really like you, in which case they want more and will only settle for less for awhile. or the other option is they are desperate and will settle for any contact with a girl even if its just friends. been there, done that to all of the above!
just call me Dr Love. if anyone else needs advice im here for you.
Well that brings us back to the original question: Is there any point in meeting in person if guys don't want to be just friends and that's what I want?[/quote]
sure, why not? the fact that guys always want more doesn't mean they are incapable of being good friends. he'll just have to deal, as we all do and have.[/quote]
yep
as long as you tell him up front that you just want friendship (at least in the beginning) then a lot of guys will be cool with that...but once again, it goes back to the maturity of the guy
quote="MrSmith"
no they wont. they will still think they have a chance and hang around just in case.
thats what i've been saying too MrSmith. but these macho types who sling curse words to show they got testosterone (oooh I'm impressed) keep flipping it to the tthought of not trusting the woman. It's just if your in a loving relationship and starting a family and sharing and dedicating your life together......who wants to play around with a horny guy who tries to catch a glimpse down her shirt every chance he gets. Some couples got better things to do than feed these guys their worthless and pointless hopes. If she has class in my opinion she wouldn't want a man friend who would wreck her home if he had a chance. Even though she would never in a million years touch the guy, what woman wants a "FRIEND" who would do that if he could. So if a woman's female friend wanted so bad to fuck her husband would she keep her as a friend or tell her, you got problems, why would you want to sleep with my husband and ruin my marriage (even though the husband wouldn't sleep with the friend) why would anyone want that person around them./quote
Are you talking about your friends hanging out with your wife, or her friends that she may have had a very long time before you ever came into the picture and never slept with before so why would she be sleeping with them now and vice versa. I'm sorry but you have some major issues. I know I have issues with hanging out with women. I just don't trust them. I don't hang out with women other than my sister and daughter who I trust. Past experience has taught me that your friend will always try to sleep with your boyfriend or husband. But their is a difference between guys and girls who have been friends a long time before you were there. Guys can be friends with women and not want to sleep with them. I know if for a fact.
want to be enlightened"
You definitely should judge them. You might possibly have 1 guy friend who wouldn't do that but believe me you don't have 2. So if your friends Rick, Dan, Bob, Carl, Kevin, Brian, Pete were givin the chance to have sex with you, and Brian said I'm sorry I don't have feelings like that towards you(which is a stretch) then Ricky bOY, Big Dan, Slick Bob, Crazy Carl and Pete the Perv all would in a new york minute!
My wife passed away but they never hang out with her. That stuff to me is wierd and was to her too. We always had "OUR" friends. I never even refered to myself as I, it was always us or we. Idon't have any issues because I don't find it attractive, just like someone might not find someone's farting condition attractive. I am not mean about it. Too many woman out and about want the good stuff out of life not little horn boy games.
"We always had "OUR" friends"
Does that mean you ditched all your guy/girlfriends you had before you met. Or did you just keep the ones that were in relationships? This isn't making sense.
want to be enlightened"
there was one exception, since i was not attracted to her and she felt the same, it sort of worked. but then its hard to meet girls when she was around because everyone assumed we were together, and her boyfriends would get jealous anytime i came around, so in the end it wasnt really worth the bullshit. it just doesnt work.
Yep, that sums it up nicely. +1
A friend in need's a friend indeed,
A friend with weed is better,
A friend with breasts and all the rest,
A friend who's dressed in leather
your making it way harder than it is, read some of my earlier posts. my wife did not have men as friends before we met. don't get the word friends mixed upi with being nice at work or talking to the neighbor. by friends we are talking about someone who you call and go do things with. i actually think most married woman and most married men don't have opposite sex friends. maybe 1 but they really are really friends of both. by "OUR" i mean it was funny, before we even got married i started refering everything as we or our. if someone said congrats on your raise. i would say thank you we are very happy. someone might say who is that and i would say it's our friend brian, even though Stacy only talked to brian a few times. we were really great together. people can try to cheapen what i've said by putting in the typical "issues" and what not but all i can say is when you have what we had it is like living in a fairytale. you know where everything is just perfect and you know you will always be together.
you act like they're mutually exclusive possibilities, which is not the case. we can think you're an awesome person and a good friend and still want to sleep with you.
and that worked for you and your wife which is awesome for you. Not always so for other people. I responded earlier about my friend Steve. I have been friends with him since we met in 7th grade....a mere 27 years ago. Yes, we had our fling in high school, we got over it and moved on with our lives. We still hung out, talked. He had a son with a girlfriend; I got married. He came to my wedding; I was there for him as a friend when he fought for custody of his son (and won it after a hard battle); he's had girlfriends since whom I've met...football games at his house or my house...our respective significant others included. But Steve was always my friend, not Chris'. I was open with Chris about my friendship with Steve...he knew Steve and I had our fling and knew it was over. He liked Steve...of course raised an eyebrow in the beginning, who wouldn't? But Chris knew where I stood.....and that is all that mattered to him, not where Steve stood.
Yes, now...I am divorced and Steve is still my friend. Did I go running to his bed after divorce or between boyfriends? Nope, we were done in high school. I KNOW if I gave him the slightest hint of a green light now, he'd jump on it. But we're both wide open about what we're looking for. Yes, he'd want the sex but he's also looking for the package deal in a woman and he knows my idea of a package deal is not the same as his.
If you and I dated and you wanted me to end my 27 year friendship with him because you don't believe that women and men can be friends outside of a marriage or you don't want some guy friend hanging around trying to nail your girlfriend? I'd say good-bye....to you. I personally would view it as a huge insecurity on your part and if you're not secure enough in yourself to know what you have to offer a woman? I'm not going to end a 27yr friendship to make you feel more secure about yourself.
Granted since you and I have differing views on it, we'd never get to the point of dating any way but...for the sake of argument.
And I do honestly wish your fairytale (with the exception of the end) on everyone. To have a close bond with someone is phenomenal. Yes, I've had it....different from yours but I've had it.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
One time, my ex's cousin was getting married. We all sat together. It made sense to us.
I know my kids don't have to worry about inviting us to their stuff. Lots of ex couples put their kids through so much crap. Its like, "well we can invite dad to Thanksgiving and then mom to Christmas". Or they have 2 birthday's for their kid, so both sides of the family attend. I think that is so selfish on the divorced couples part.
I totally know what your saying but if you read what I wrote earlier I mentioned I would never ask someone to not be friends with someone, it's not my style. I treated my wife and the woman I have dated since she passed away with great respect, seriously. I believe a man and a woman are total equals, nobody should order anyone to do anything thats why I said in my first post I move on if a woman has guy friends. I just don't find it attractive ( lol nobody seems to get that for some reason). I totally see how some people don't believe in this but tell me this........why are all these "male friends" always single? You would find me totally unattractive (even though I'm cute LOL) because of my beliefs and I would know this and understand it, because I would feel the same way about you for the reasons I have already stated. One last thing.....I did find it a little funny the guy friend your talking about has already been in your bed. I actually think that kind of proves what were all saying, you even said he would have sex with you in a minute.
One thing I'll ask you. If you met a man and fell deeply in love with him. Why would you want the guy friend your talking about around when you know he would want to have sex with you givin the chance and that would ruin your marriage. Would any of your female friends ruin your marriage if they were givin the chance?
Quick sidebar here:
You can't compare what most MEN would do vs. what most WOMEN would do in the identical scenario...
We MEN are purely motivated by millions of years of evolutionary drive to procreate with as many femailes as possible.. I mean, its a wonder we can concentrate long enough to steer our cars in traffic!
MOST women think about consequences and are complex in their decision making process..
Simple as that ...!
:roll:
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
My friend Steve isn't single but I am. He was around the entire time I was married - sometimes single and sometimes not. We've both kept in contact as friends and included the other in our lives over time. Every weekend? No. But he'd invite US to his house and I'd invite him & his S.O. to my house for parties over the years. We both still do.
We're both secure in the fact it's been over for a long time between us....and really, it was a high school romance. Even still, it certainly isn't something as friends that we've swept under the carpet and pretend it didn't happen, a topic we've discussed at length. With Steve, it wouldn't stop at just sex.....he wants the package deal with a woman. I am not that woman for him and he knows it. As a guy, it still wouldn't stop him from hopping in the sack. As a friend, he's got a heart to protect....perhaps the most important is that he knows that, as do I.
I am agreeing that men wait around for the potential to have sex but they don't want to be just friends...they stick around just in case though. There are are men on this thread that agreed it is easier to be "friends" with a woman they've already had sex with....still hoping for it to happen again but the mystery is gone. One of my points is that women throw it out that they want to be just friends with a guy because they're not attracted to them. Others do it because it leaves the options open in case they find themselves alone.
I did get married, loved Chris and Steve came to the wedding. I didn't tell Chris he had no choice, we discussed it and he was completely comfortable with it...because he got to know Steve. Not once outside of our relationship, did Steve try to ruin my relationships or my marriage. I wouldn't be friends with him if he did.....nor would I be friends with my other best friend Beth if she tried to ruin my marriage/relationships. Incidentally, my marriage didn't die because of my friendship with Steve. It died because Chris and I ignored our marriage.
Women having male friends is not something you find attractive. That works for you. I would find it unattractive in a guy if he couldn't respect a friendship of mine...male or female (there have been men I've dated who didn't like women friends of mine).
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
I know but you said if givin the chance he would sleep with you in a second. Wouldn't that ruin your marriage? Friends are supposed to help you see something like that would ruin your marriage. Your girlfriends if asked to do something that would ruin your marriage I'm sure would say"no way that would ruin your marriage, you need to think this through, you need to not do this honey". But your male friend would sleep with you in a second. hmmmmmm sounds like a true friend.
I have lots of friends and buddies but I can count on one hand the number of real friends I have. Over the course of nearly 3 decades, only one of them is a man. Within that circle of friends is a woman is who bi who would sleep with me in a second if I gave her the green light. Think the same way about my friendship with her? Or because she's a woman and lots of guys dig the thought of girl on girl, that friendship is ok? Lots of guys claim women are 2 drinks away from being bi. If that is the case, damn I shouldn't drink around any of my friends since I might lose control over my decision making capabilities and start randomly fucking them all.
My closest friends, including Steve, were supportive through out the downfall of my marriage and it's ultimate death. He was around as my friend. If there was a time to give the green light or for him to take advantage of the situation, that would have been it. Steve knows where we each stand. I know where we each stand. Just because he knows and I know doesn't mean 1) he's not a guy and doesn't think about sex and 2)I'm dumb enough to believe he doesn't think about sex.
But honestly, I would be the shitty friend if I gave him the green light....not him.
I have eaten so much gold I crapped excellence - drtyfrnk29
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
:wave:
Sammi: Wanna just break up?
i agree with that but it was just to show the difference between what your male friend would do and your female friends would do, putting the "you giving the green light was just to show the capability of them". It would actually be you ruining your own marriage but I was just giving an example of capabilities.
Well I'm glad your all set and happy!