i am very friendly, some people call others curse words on a computer though because they know nothing can be done about it. i respect people with class not those who don't have it. heck pretend you have it if nothing else. i'm all for joking and saying goofy things i do it all the time on here but never have i called anyone things like that.
It takes far less facial muscles to smile and laugh than to frown. :evil: BTW I think it's hilarious to see goalies thrown down.
Okay, I haven't actually read this thread, but I have a topic-related question for all you guys out there who say we women should know that you don't want to be just friends: What are we supposed to do about it?
Case in point: My friend told me and a guy friend of hers that she wanted to introduce us. Next thing you know, he started messaging me on Facebook, texting me every night, and calling every couple of days. And I reply, though I've never contacted him except to reply, and we have these random and usually pointless "conversations" consisting primarily of text message one-liners. (Is this what kids these days refer to as "talking" to someone? Also, I guess I shouldn't call it pointless. There's probably a point on some level that I don't understand. Someone feel free to explain the point to me.) This has been going on for a week or two. We've never actually met in person, though we live in the same town.
He seems like a good guy, based on the limited meaningful conversations we've had and on what my friend told me about him. He seems nice, compassionate, talented, etc. There's no real reason for me to NOT like him. But I'm just not interested in having a relationship with him, primarily for two reasons: 1. I'm not looking for a boyfriend or even a fuck buddy. 2. I really hate "meeting" people in this way (which is why my friend had planned to just invite us both over for a party or something). I'm just not interested in guys I don't already know.
So here's my question for you guys: I wouldn't mind being friends with this guy, but I'd say there's no chance of anything more than that developing (and if it did, I would probably regret it). If, as you say, guys never want to be just friends, should I just cut it off entirely? Do I just say, "Hey, you seem like a great guy and I would probably enjoy your company but, since I already know I'm not going to have sex with you, I think you should never contact me again"? Or do I continue replying to his text messages so as to maintain a kind of neutral position? Or do I invite him out to an upcoming concert I think he would enjoy at the risk of being accused of leading him on? (I can hear the conversation already if we remain "friends" and I don't invite him: "Yeah, I went to this show and invited all my friends except you. Yes, I knew you would really enjoy the show, but I didn't invite you because I'm sure you really just want to fuck me anyway.")
Okay, I haven't actually read this thread, but I have a topic-related question for all you guys out there who say we women should know that you don't want to be just friends: What are we supposed to do about it?
Case in point: My friend told me and a guy friend of hers that she wanted to introduce us. Next thing you know, he started messaging me on Facebook, texting me every night, and calling every couple of days. And I reply, though I've never contacted him except to reply, and we have these random and usually pointless "conversations" consisting primarily of text message one-liners. (Is this what kids these days refer to as "talking" to someone? Also, I guess I shouldn't call it pointless. There's probably a point on some level that I don't understand. Someone feel free to explain the point to me.) This has been going on for a week or two. We've never actually met in person, though we live in the same town.
He seems like a good guy, based on the limited meaningful conversations we've had and on what my friend told me about him. He seems nice, compassionate, talented, etc. There's no real reason for me to NOT like him. But I'm just not interested in having a relationship with him, primarily for two reasons: 1. I'm not looking for a boyfriend or even a fuck buddy. 2. I really hate "meeting" people in this way (which is why my friend had planned to just invite us both over for a party or something). I'm just not interested in guys I don't already know.
So here's my question for you guys: I wouldn't mind being friends with this guy, but I'd say there's no chance of anything more than that developing (and if it did, I would probably regret it). If, as you say, guys never want to be just friends, should I just cut it off entirely? Do I just say, "Hey, you seem like a great guy and I would probably enjoy your company but, since I already know I'm not going to have sex with you, I think you should never contact me again"? Or do I continue replying to his text messages so as to maintain a kind of neutral position? Or do I invite him out to an upcoming concert I think he would enjoy at the risk of being accused of leading him on? (I can hear the conversation already if we remain "friends" and I don't invite him: "Yeah, I went to this show and invited all my friends except you. Yes, I knew you would really enjoy the show, but I didn't invite you because I'm sure you really just want to fuck me anyway.")
Guys are so confusing. :?
I will bet anything he is single! More than likely he is hoping for a relationship but not every single guy is but honestly 99 percent of the time he is thinking that way. People will come here saying that's BS but it is true. tell him when you invite him that you are not interested in anything but friendship so dont take the invite the wrong way. more than likely he will not go and act like it's because he is offended you thought that he might be thinking something else. when in fact thats why he's not going to mess around with you anymore. he was hoping for more.
Okay, I haven't actually read this thread, but I have a topic-related question for all you guys out there who say we women should know that you don't want to be just friends: What are we supposed to do about it?
Case in point: My friend told me and a guy friend of hers that she wanted to introduce us. Next thing you know, he started messaging me on Facebook, texting me every night, and calling every couple of days. And I reply, though I've never contacted him except to reply, and we have these random and usually pointless "conversations" consisting primarily of text message one-liners. (Is this what kids these days refer to as "talking" to someone? Also, I guess I shouldn't call it pointless. There's probably a point on some level that I don't understand. Someone feel free to explain the point to me.) This has been going on for a week or two. We've never actually met in person, though we live in the same town.
He seems like a good guy, based on the limited meaningful conversations we've had and on what my friend told me about him. He seems nice, compassionate, talented, etc. There's no real reason for me to NOT like him. But I'm just not interested in having a relationship with him, primarily for two reasons: 1. I'm not looking for a boyfriend or even a fuck buddy. 2. I really hate "meeting" people in this way (which is why my friend had planned to just invite us both over for a party or something). I'm just not interested in guys I don't already know.
So here's my question for you guys: I wouldn't mind being friends with this guy, but I'd say there's no chance of anything more than that developing (and if it did, I would probably regret it). If, as you say, guys never want to be just friends, should I just cut it off entirely? Do I just say, "Hey, you seem like a great guy and I would probably enjoy your company but, since I already know I'm not going to have sex with you, I think you should never contact me again"? Or do I continue replying to his text messages so as to maintain a kind of neutral position? Or do I invite him out to an upcoming concert I think he would enjoy at the risk of being accused of leading him on? (I can hear the conversation already if we remain "friends" and I don't invite him: "Yeah, I went to this show and invited all my friends except you. Yes, I knew you would really enjoy the show, but I didn't invite you because I'm sure you really just want to fuck me anyway.")
Guys are so confusing. :?
I will bet anything he is single! More than likely he is hoping for a relationship but not every single guy is but honestly 99 percent of the time he is thinking that way. People will come here saying that's BS but it is true. tell him when you invite him that you are not interested in anything but friendship so dont take the invite the wrong way. more than likely he will not go and act like it's because he is offended you thought that he might be thinking something else. when in fact thats why he's not going to mess around with you anymore. he was hoping for more.
Okay, I haven't actually read this thread, but I have a topic-related question for all you guys out there who say we women should know that you don't want to be just friends: What are we supposed to do about it?
Case in point: My friend told me and a guy friend of hers that she wanted to introduce us. Next thing you know, he started messaging me on Facebook, texting me every night, and calling every couple of days. And I reply, though I've never contacted him except to reply, and we have these random and usually pointless "conversations" consisting primarily of text message one-liners. (Is this what kids these days refer to as "talking" to someone? Also, I guess I shouldn't call it pointless. There's probably a point on some level that I don't understand. Someone feel free to explain the point to me.) This has been going on for a week or two. We've never actually met in person, though we live in the same town.
He seems like a good guy, based on the limited meaningful conversations we've had and on what my friend told me about him. He seems nice, compassionate, talented, etc. There's no real reason for me to NOT like him. But I'm just not interested in having a relationship with him, primarily for two reasons: 1. I'm not looking for a boyfriend or even a fuck buddy. 2. I really hate "meeting" people in this way (which is why my friend had planned to just invite us both over for a party or something). I'm just not interested in guys I don't already know.
So here's my question for you guys: I wouldn't mind being friends with this guy, but I'd say there's no chance of anything more than that developing (and if it did, I would probably regret it). If, as you say, guys never want to be just friends, should I just cut it off entirely? Do I just say, "Hey, you seem like a great guy and I would probably enjoy your company but, since I already know I'm not going to have sex with you, I think you should never contact me again"? Or do I continue replying to his text messages so as to maintain a kind of neutral position? Or do I invite him out to an upcoming concert I think he would enjoy at the risk of being accused of leading him on? (I can hear the conversation already if we remain "friends" and I don't invite him: "Yeah, I went to this show and invited all my friends except you. Yes, I knew you would really enjoy the show, but I didn't invite you because I'm sure you really just want to fuck me anyway.")
Guys are so confusing. :?
Just as much as some women can be. Above all do what YOU feel is right and don't worry about what others think. Might want to find out from your friend what was said to him about you!!
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
Okay, I haven't actually read this thread, but I have a topic-related question for all you guys out there who say we women should know that you don't want to be just friends: What are we supposed to do about it?
Case in point: My friend told me and a guy friend of hers that she wanted to introduce us. Next thing you know, he started messaging me on Facebook, texting me every night, and calling every couple of days. And I reply, though I've never contacted him except to reply, and we have these random and usually pointless "conversations" consisting primarily of text message one-liners. (Is this what kids these days refer to as "talking" to someone? Also, I guess I shouldn't call it pointless. There's probably a point on some level that I don't understand. Someone feel free to explain the point to me.) This has been going on for a week or two. We've never actually met in person, though we live in the same town.
He seems like a good guy, based on the limited meaningful conversations we've had and on what my friend told me about him. He seems nice, compassionate, talented, etc. There's no real reason for me to NOT like him. But I'm just not interested in having a relationship with him, primarily for two reasons: 1. I'm not looking for a boyfriend or even a fuck buddy. 2. I really hate "meeting" people in this way (which is why my friend had planned to just invite us both over for a party or something). I'm just not interested in guys I don't already know.
So here's my question for you guys: I wouldn't mind being friends with this guy, but I'd say there's no chance of anything more than that developing (and if it did, I would probably regret it). If, as you say, guys never want to be just friends, should I just cut it off entirely? Do I just say, "Hey, you seem like a great guy and I would probably enjoy your company but, since I already know I'm not going to have sex with you, I think you should never contact me again"? Or do I continue replying to his text messages so as to maintain a kind of neutral position? Or do I invite him out to an upcoming concert I think he would enjoy at the risk of being accused of leading him on? (I can hear the conversation already if we remain "friends" and I don't invite him: "Yeah, I went to this show and invited all my friends except you. Yes, I knew you would really enjoy the show, but I didn't invite you because I'm sure you really just want to fuck me anyway.")
wooow sparky. i never said forbid anyone anything. i said "move on". find a girl who doesn't play that shit. i would never be in a relationship with a girl i didn't trust, it's a class thing. the whole sexual feelings and sexual vibe to me is sacried.
how is that not the same effect? you're basically saying to any girl you meet "ditch your guy friends or get lost cos i'm moving on." and since when is having guy friends the same thing as a girl "playing that shit?" what is "that shit"? is it the shit that homey don't play?
no, it doesnt mean we always get it. but it does mean that if you ever weaken for a second, we will be there ready to stick it in.
what if there is no attraction and/or the guy isn't the type to fuck anything that moves?
if there's no attraction it doesn't count. usually only happens with ugly girls/guys. the guy doesnt have to be the type to fuck anything that moves, if he likes her enough to be friends and she's attractive, even the most prudish guy would want in on it.
i am not attracted to a woman who has a bunch of guy friends. it has nothing to do with trust. i would not marry a woman i thought might sleep a another guy.
if you think she might sleep with another guy just becos she has lots of guy friends, then yes, it clearly is about not being able to trust her. and i'd say that's due to insecurity.
and now you're tossing around the internet threats :roll: is this how you respond when guys check out your gf in a bar? yet you claim to not be a meathead... stop taking this so personal chief. you said guys can't trust a girl with a lot of friends, i'm debating that idea with you, not calling you a pussy.
I didn't tell her to marry a man who was gay...they sat me down and told me their plan. I love him so... I agreed...as for your herbal relaxation regimen...why would your parents mind? It's so common place...again...I have no clue...just my own opinion.
certain laws that indicate i could have consequences if caught doing it
they're really going to get married? that's a trip. kudos to them. i suppose it has its perks... new sex partners whenever you want!
wooow sparky. i never said forbid anyone anything. i said "move on". find a girl who doesn't play that shit. i would never be in a relationship with a girl i didn't trust, it's a class thing. the whole sexual feelings and sexual vibe to me is sacried.
how is that not the same effect? you're basically saying to any girl you meet "ditch your guy friends or get lost cos i'm moving on." and since when is having guy friends the same thing as a girl "playing that shit?" what is "that shit"? is it the shit that homey don't play?
That shit is hanging out with guys who want to have sex with her. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high, people don't respect relationships enough to form a bond and not allow every horny person out and about to hover around that bond. And it's different because I am not attracted to someone like that, it's not punishment or an ultimatum or ordering them to do something, it's the same as not finding someone you go on a date with attractive because she has a tattoo of ozzy osbourne on her ass. sometimes things can make you lose intrest.
i am not attracted to a woman who has a bunch of guy friends. it has nothing to do with trust. i would not marry a woman i thought might sleep a another guy.
if you think she might sleep with another guy just becos she has lots of guy friends, then yes, it clearly is about not being able to trust her. and i'd say that's due to insecurity.
and now you're tossing around the internet threats :roll: is this how you respond when guys check out your gf in a bar? yet you claim to not be a meathead... stop taking this so personal chief. you said guys can't trust a girl with a lot of friends, i'm debating that idea with you, not calling you a pussy.
cheif i just said i wouldn't marry a girl i thought might cheat meaning i wouldn't marry her. how is that not getting through. if she had no guy friends and i didnt trust her i wouldnt be with her. you keep turning on her. it's not about her, it's about not letting guys THINK they might get her. They can't and we would both know it but I don't want some dude THINKING he's apart of anything.
I didn't tell her to marry a man who was gay...they sat me down and told me their plan. I love him so... I agreed...as for your herbal relaxation regimen...why would your parents mind? It's so common place...again...I have no clue...just my own opinion.
certain laws that indicate i could have consequences if caught doing it
they're really going to get married? that's a trip. kudos to them. i suppose it has its perks... new sex partners whenever you want!
I always seem to forget that point^^^^^
As for the kids...well they are 17 and I am sure their plans will change but if after they finish college they still want to...then I am behind them 100 percent
I don't understand how someone can want you when they don't even know you. That's why, if I'm expected to (hopefully) want someone before I have a chance to know them at least a little, it will never happen.
I don't understand how someone can want you when they don't even know you. That's why, if I'm expected to (hopefully) want someone before I have a chance to know them at least a little, it will never happen.
Honestly there is a chance he doesn't but he more than likely is trying to lay the foundation by texting and "EVERY NIGHT" talking to you. Once he meets you if he is not attracted to you you will not hear from him "EVERY NIGHT". If he is he will turn it up a notch............watch!
I don't understand how someone can want you when they don't even know you. That's why, if I'm expected to (hopefully) want someone before I have a chance to know them at least a little, it will never happen.
Honestly there is a chance he doesn't but he more than likely is trying to lay the foundation by texting and "EVERY NIGHT" talking to you. Once he meets you if he is not attracted to you you will not hear from him "EVERY NIGHT". If he is he will turn it up a notch............watch!
He saw my picture on Facebook before he ever contacted me. Of course I have a decent picture up there though. I tried to counter that effect by admitting that my profile pictures is a couple of years old and sending him a recent one that is less flattering and clearly shows that I've gained weight. I thought that would put an end to it, but it didn't.
What you say about laying the foundation is interesting. Is that what all this nonsensical texting is about? This isn't the first (or 2nd) time I've experienced this and I can never understand it. I want to talk about more serious things; to me, that's how you get to know each other. I guess I'm just boring. Last night I tried to change the topic to healthcare reform, but to no avail. Maybe this weekend will be abortion. I want to know his thoughts about it, especially since he went to Bible college. I'm sure that will go over like a lead balloon too though. Why would guys rather get to know you by texting you random one-liners about bacon? I just don't get it. Again - maybe I'm just exceedingly boring.
I want to talk about more serious things; to me, that's how you get to know each other. I guess I'm just boring. Last night I tried to change the topic to healthcare reform, but to no avail. Maybe this weekend will be abortion. I want to know his thoughts about it, especially since he went to Bible college. I'm sure that will go over like a lead balloon too though. Why would guys rather get to know you by texting you random one-liners about bacon? I just don't get it. Again - maybe I'm just exceedingly boring.
right off the bat (more or less) you want to talk about abortion and healthcare?? how about getting to know the person first..ie family, childhood...life experiences...i realize these things are important to you but i'd rather talk about those things further down the line...one's opinion on those issues do not necessarily make the person
He saw my picture on Facebook before he ever contacted me. Of course I have a decent picture up there though. I tried to counter that effect by admitting that my profile pictures is a couple of years old and sending him a recent one that is less flattering and clearly shows that I've gained weight. I thought that would put an end to it, but it didn't.
What you say about laying the foundation is interesting. Is that what all this nonsensical texting is about? This isn't the first (or 2nd) time I've experienced this and I can never understand it. I want to talk about more serious things; to me, that's how you get to know each other. I guess I'm just boring. Last night I tried to change the topic to healthcare reform, but to no avail. Maybe this weekend will be abortion. I want to know his thoughts about it, especially since he went to Bible college. I'm sure that will go over like a lead balloon too though. Why would guys rather get to know you by texting you random one-liners about bacon? I just don't get it. Again - maybe I'm just exceedingly boring.
So what your saying is your a pretty girl. He saw your photo which means he knows this. He knows it is only going to be a short time until you both meet because you live in the same town. The everyday thing is the big green light to me. I have done this also, it is letting the girl know your thinking of her. This doesn't mean he is being sinister, maybe he is looking for someone special and he is hoping it is you. Just because some of us are saying he wants to fuck her in this thread doesn't mean thats all he wants. He may want to fall in love and start a family with someone. That doesn't make him a bad person, but it doesn't make him JUST A FRIEND either.
Then again a slight chance exists that he is just trying to be friends. It's rare but possible.
He saw my picture on Facebook before he ever contacted me. Of course I have a decent picture up there though. I tried to counter that effect by admitting that my profile pictures is a couple of years old and sending him a recent one that is less flattering and clearly shows that I've gained weight. I thought that would put an end to it, but it didn't. .
it sounds like you are thinking the same as i am. he is hoping for more than friendship.
I want to talk about more serious things; to me, that's how you get to know each other. I guess I'm just boring. Last night I tried to change the topic to healthcare reform, but to no avail. Maybe this weekend will be abortion. I want to know his thoughts about it, especially since he went to Bible college. I'm sure that will go over like a lead balloon too though. Why would guys rather get to know you by texting you random one-liners about bacon? I just don't get it. Again - maybe I'm just exceedingly boring.
right off the bat (more or less) you want to talk about abortion and healthcare?? how about getting to know the person first..ie family, childhood...life experiences...i realize these things are important to you but i'd rather talk about those things further down the line...one's opinion on those issues do not necessarily make the person
Good point, good point. I guess I feel like finding out about his values with regard to such issues is part of getting to know a person. I know those types of issues don't make the person but, to me, they can be a deal-breaker with regard to serious relationships. (Also, I figure he might like to know how I feel off the bat, in case it's a deal breaker for him. It's not a stretch to think a guy who went to Bible college might not want to date a woman who helps women get abortions, ya know?) Really, though, it's just been an attempt to turn conversations to more serious topics than bacon.
I did try to talk to him about the other stuff first though (and still do). I got some basic factual info, but nothing that I felt helped me really get to know him better. For instance, he told me what part of the country he's from, but I had to ask really specific questions for any details. And I didn't get any sense of how being raised in that area affected who he IS - just what sports teams he likes. And I've tried to ask him a lot about his jobs teaching special education and working at a homeless shelter since, to me, they indicate such traits as compassion, but he doesn't really talk about what led him to those professions, what it means to him, etc. I just get factual info and jokes. We've talked about musicians he likes and people he admires, but he hasn't articulated what he admires about these people. Maybe I'm just a bad conversationalist. I think it's just really hard to get to know anyone via texting.
Also, he hasn't really asked me much about myself. He's asked me where I work, but not what I do there. I mentioned that I'm in school, but he didn't ask what I'm studying. I just don't know how or whether to deal with these situations, especially given the idea that men never want to be just friends.
I think it's just really hard to get to know anyone via texting.
well there's the problem...i wouldn't want to get to know someone that way unless we lived far apart...since this is not the case, you should probably meet in person...ya know, like humans do!
especially given the idea that men never want to be just friends.
the only guys that do this are massively insecure...that's not to say that when guys see a woman they don't immediately think about sex (we do ) but the guys that will have nothing to do with a woman if she has male friends have issues
the only guys that do this are massively insecure...that's not to say that when guys see a woman they don't immediately think about sex (we do ) but the guys that will have nothing to do with a woman if she has male friends have issues
And my wife and I had awesome issues for 10 amazing years until she passed away from cancer. What a bond we shared, and it was ours and it was special as hell.
I think it's just really hard to get to know anyone via texting.
well there's the problem...i wouldn't want to get to know someone that way unless we lived far apart...since this is not the case, you should probably meet in person...ya know, like humans do!
Well that brings us back to the original question: Is there any point in meeting in person if guys don't want to be just friends and that's what I want?
especially given the idea that men never want to be just friends.
the only guys that do this are massively insecure...
That tends to be my thinking on the issue as well. But, according to this thread, I need to learn that that's just the way it is and proceed accordingly.
the only guys that do this are massively insecure...that's not to say that when guys see a woman they don't immediately think about sex (we do ) but the guys that will have nothing to do with a woman if she has male friends have issues
And my wife and I had awesome issues for 10 amazing years until she passed away from cancer.
I want to talk about more serious things; to me, that's how you get to know each other. I guess I'm just boring. Last night I tried to change the topic to healthcare reform, but to no avail. Maybe this weekend will be abortion. I want to know his thoughts about it, especially since he went to Bible college. I'm sure that will go over like a lead balloon too though. Why would guys rather get to know you by texting you random one-liners about bacon? I just don't get it. Again - maybe I'm just exceedingly boring.
right off the bat (more or less) you want to talk about abortion and healthcare?? how about getting to know the person first..ie family, childhood...life experiences...i realize these things are important to you but i'd rather talk about those things further down the line...one's opinion on those issues do not necessarily make the person
Good point, good point. I guess I feel like finding out about his values with regard to such issues is part of getting to know a person. I know those types of issues don't make the person but, to me, they can be a deal-breaker with regard to serious relationships. (Also, I figure he might like to know how I feel off the bat, in case it's a deal breaker for him. It's not a stretch to think a guy who went to Bible college might not want to date a woman who helps women get abortions, ya know?) Really, though, it's just been an attempt to turn conversations to more serious topics than bacon.
I did try to talk to him about the other stuff first though (and still do). I got some basic factual info, but nothing that I felt helped me really get to know him better. For instance, he told me what part of the country he's from, but I had to ask really specific questions for any details. And I didn't get any sense of how being raised in that area affected who he IS - just what sports teams he likes. And I've tried to ask him a lot about his jobs teaching special education and working at a homeless shelter since, to me, they indicate such traits as compassion, but he doesn't really talk about what led him to those professions, what it means to him, etc. I just get factual info and jokes. We've talked about musicians he likes and people he admires, but he hasn't articulated what he admires about these people. Maybe I'm just a bad conversationalist. I think it's just really hard to get to know anyone via texting.
Also, he hasn't really asked me much about myself. He's asked me where I work, but not what I do there. I mentioned that I'm in school, but he didn't ask what I'm studying. I just don't know how or whether to deal with these situations, especially given the idea that men never want to be just friends.
maybe he also realizes it's not easy to get to know someone via text, so he's trying to avoid those serious meaningful conversations until they can be had in person instead of texts. the texts are just for fun to show he's a friendly, funny guy.
especially given the idea that men never want to be just friends.
the only guys that do this are massively insecure...that's not to say that when guys see a woman they don't immediately think about sex (we do ) but the guys that will have nothing to do with a woman if she has male friends have issues
I think it's just really hard to get to know anyone via texting.
well there's the problem...i wouldn't want to get to know someone that way unless we lived far apart...since this is not the case, you should probably meet in person...ya know, like humans do!
Well that brings us back to the original question: Is there any point in meeting in person if guys don't want to be just friends and that's what I want?
sure, why not? the fact that guys always want more doesn't mean they are incapable of being good friends. he'll just have to deal, as we all do and have.
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Case in point: My friend told me and a guy friend of hers that she wanted to introduce us. Next thing you know, he started messaging me on Facebook, texting me every night, and calling every couple of days. And I reply, though I've never contacted him except to reply, and we have these random and usually pointless "conversations" consisting primarily of text message one-liners. (Is this what kids these days refer to as "talking" to someone? Also, I guess I shouldn't call it pointless. There's probably a point on some level that I don't understand. Someone feel free to explain the point to me.) This has been going on for a week or two. We've never actually met in person, though we live in the same town.
He seems like a good guy, based on the limited meaningful conversations we've had and on what my friend told me about him. He seems nice, compassionate, talented, etc. There's no real reason for me to NOT like him. But I'm just not interested in having a relationship with him, primarily for two reasons: 1. I'm not looking for a boyfriend or even a fuck buddy. 2. I really hate "meeting" people in this way (which is why my friend had planned to just invite us both over for a party or something). I'm just not interested in guys I don't already know.
So here's my question for you guys: I wouldn't mind being friends with this guy, but I'd say there's no chance of anything more than that developing (and if it did, I would probably regret it). If, as you say, guys never want to be just friends, should I just cut it off entirely? Do I just say, "Hey, you seem like a great guy and I would probably enjoy your company but, since I already know I'm not going to have sex with you, I think you should never contact me again"? Or do I continue replying to his text messages so as to maintain a kind of neutral position? Or do I invite him out to an upcoming concert I think he would enjoy at the risk of being accused of leading him on? (I can hear the conversation already if we remain "friends" and I don't invite him: "Yeah, I went to this show and invited all my friends except you. Yes, I knew you would really enjoy the show, but I didn't invite you because I'm sure you really just want to fuck me anyway.")
Guys are so confusing. :?
I will bet anything he is single! More than likely he is hoping for a relationship but not every single guy is but honestly 99 percent of the time he is thinking that way. People will come here saying that's BS but it is true. tell him when you invite him that you are not interested in anything but friendship so dont take the invite the wrong way. more than likely he will not go and act like it's because he is offended you thought that he might be thinking something else. when in fact thats why he's not going to mess around with you anymore. he was hoping for more.
Wish you were here...
♥~RIP Dad
Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
he wants you - what is confusing about that?
how is that not the same effect? you're basically saying to any girl you meet "ditch your guy friends or get lost cos i'm moving on." and since when is having guy friends the same thing as a girl "playing that shit?" what is "that shit"? is it the shit that homey don't play?
if there's no attraction it doesn't count. usually only happens with ugly girls/guys. the guy doesnt have to be the type to fuck anything that moves, if he likes her enough to be friends and she's attractive, even the most prudish guy would want in on it.
if you think she might sleep with another guy just becos she has lots of guy friends, then yes, it clearly is about not being able to trust her. and i'd say that's due to insecurity.
and now you're tossing around the internet threats :roll: is this how you respond when guys check out your gf in a bar? yet you claim to not be a meathead... stop taking this so personal chief. you said guys can't trust a girl with a lot of friends, i'm debating that idea with you, not calling you a pussy.
certain laws that indicate i could have consequences if caught doing it
they're really going to get married? that's a trip. kudos to them. i suppose it has its perks... new sex partners whenever you want!
That shit is hanging out with guys who want to have sex with her. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high, people don't respect relationships enough to form a bond and not allow every horny person out and about to hover around that bond. And it's different because I am not attracted to someone like that, it's not punishment or an ultimatum or ordering them to do something, it's the same as not finding someone you go on a date with attractive because she has a tattoo of ozzy osbourne on her ass. sometimes things can make you lose intrest.
cheif i just said i wouldn't marry a girl i thought might cheat meaning i wouldn't marry her. how is that not getting through. if she had no guy friends and i didnt trust her i wouldnt be with her. you keep turning on her. it's not about her, it's about not letting guys THINK they might get her. They can't and we would both know it but I don't want some dude THINKING he's apart of anything.
As for the kids...well they are 17 and I am sure their plans will change but if after they finish college they still want to...then I am behind them 100 percent
I don't understand how someone can want you when they don't even know you. That's why, if I'm expected to (hopefully) want someone before I have a chance to know them at least a little, it will never happen.
Honestly there is a chance he doesn't but he more than likely is trying to lay the foundation by texting and "EVERY NIGHT" talking to you. Once he meets you if he is not attracted to you you will not hear from him "EVERY NIGHT". If he is he will turn it up a notch............watch!
He saw my picture on Facebook before he ever contacted me. Of course I have a decent picture up there though. I tried to counter that effect by admitting that my profile pictures is a couple of years old and sending him a recent one that is less flattering and clearly shows that I've gained weight. I thought that would put an end to it, but it didn't.
What you say about laying the foundation is interesting. Is that what all this nonsensical texting is about? This isn't the first (or 2nd) time I've experienced this and I can never understand it. I want to talk about more serious things; to me, that's how you get to know each other. I guess I'm just boring. Last night I tried to change the topic to healthcare reform, but to no avail. Maybe this weekend will be abortion. I want to know his thoughts about it, especially since he went to Bible college. I'm sure that will go over like a lead balloon too though. Why would guys rather get to know you by texting you random one-liners about bacon? I just don't get it. Again - maybe I'm just exceedingly boring.
right off the bat (more or less) you want to talk about abortion and healthcare?? how about getting to know the person first..ie family, childhood...life experiences...i realize these things are important to you but i'd rather talk about those things further down the line...one's opinion on those issues do not necessarily make the person
So what your saying is your a pretty girl. He saw your photo which means he knows this. He knows it is only going to be a short time until you both meet because you live in the same town. The everyday thing is the big green light to me. I have done this also, it is letting the girl know your thinking of her. This doesn't mean he is being sinister, maybe he is looking for someone special and he is hoping it is you. Just because some of us are saying he wants to fuck her in this thread doesn't mean thats all he wants. He may want to fall in love and start a family with someone. That doesn't make him a bad person, but it doesn't make him JUST A FRIEND either.
Then again a slight chance exists that he is just trying to be friends. It's rare but possible.
it sounds like you are thinking the same as i am. he is hoping for more than friendship.
Good point, good point. I guess I feel like finding out about his values with regard to such issues is part of getting to know a person. I know those types of issues don't make the person but, to me, they can be a deal-breaker with regard to serious relationships. (Also, I figure he might like to know how I feel off the bat, in case it's a deal breaker for him. It's not a stretch to think a guy who went to Bible college might not want to date a woman who helps women get abortions, ya know?) Really, though, it's just been an attempt to turn conversations to more serious topics than bacon.
I did try to talk to him about the other stuff first though (and still do). I got some basic factual info, but nothing that I felt helped me really get to know him better. For instance, he told me what part of the country he's from, but I had to ask really specific questions for any details. And I didn't get any sense of how being raised in that area affected who he IS - just what sports teams he likes. And I've tried to ask him a lot about his jobs teaching special education and working at a homeless shelter since, to me, they indicate such traits as compassion, but he doesn't really talk about what led him to those professions, what it means to him, etc. I just get factual info and jokes. We've talked about musicians he likes and people he admires, but he hasn't articulated what he admires about these people. Maybe I'm just a bad conversationalist. I think it's just really hard to get to know anyone via texting.
Also, he hasn't really asked me much about myself. He's asked me where I work, but not what I do there. I mentioned that I'm in school, but he didn't ask what I'm studying. I just don't know how or whether to deal with these situations, especially given the idea that men never want to be just friends.
well there's the problem...i wouldn't want to get to know someone that way unless we lived far apart...since this is not the case, you should probably meet in person...ya know, like humans do!
the only guys that do this are massively insecure...that's not to say that when guys see a woman they don't immediately think about sex (we do
And my wife and I had awesome issues for 10 amazing years until she passed away from cancer. What a bond we shared, and it was ours and it was special as hell.
Well that brings us back to the original question: Is there any point in meeting in person if guys don't want to be just friends and that's what I want?
That tends to be my thinking on the issue as well. But, according to this thread, I need to learn that that's just the way it is and proceed accordingly.
:( I'm sorry to hear that. Fuck cancer. :evil:
I think this thread is obviously about straight men being friends with straight women. NOT about gay men being friends with women.
(That's more like having a good girlfriend.) Except occasionally they do turn out to be bi... :? :shock:
:roll:
EV intro to Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns
10/25/13 Hartford
Looks like it was you. Are you implying that you don't approve of the direction the conversation has taken or something?
maybe he also realizes it's not easy to get to know someone via text, so he's trying to avoid those serious meaningful conversations until they can be had in person instead of texts. the texts are just for fun to show he's a friendly, funny guy.
amen to that.
sure, why not? the fact that guys always want more doesn't mean they are incapable of being good friends. he'll just have to deal, as we all do and have.