PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

Get_Right · April 14

I have found that I cannot avoid most social or professional situations. I have learned self control in those environments. It is actually easier for me to not drink when I know I have to interact with other people. The problem is then I come home or back to the hotel room sober at 11pm and then hit the bottle until 3am. It's the reward drink. You did well tonight so now you can drink. Same with going a few weeks sober. That is my biggest weakness.

lastexitlondon · April 14

I'm 9 months in and the biggest problem for me is facing my mental illness. I can't hide . I've been the worst I've ever been in my entire life since being sober. But I have no desire to drink, I think because I'm so mentally ill.
Oh well one day at a time really is the only way.
HFD you are a good person remember that. Be kind to yourself and do what you can. Push yourself see where it leads. Just know the first few weeks and months are boring and emotional and can be isolating.
You can do it . For YOU

HughFreakingDillon · April 14

Get_Right said:

I have found that I cannot avoid most social or professional situations. I have learned self control in those environments. It is actually easier for me to not drink when I know I have to interact with other people. The problem is then I come home or back to the hotel room sober at 11pm and then hit the bottle until 3am. It's the reward drink. You did well tonight so now you can drink. Same with going a few weeks sober. That is my biggest weakness.

I’ve done the reward thing too. Which, when you think about it, is completely absurd. “I didn’t drink so as a reward I’m gonna drink!”. 😂

HughFreakingDillon · April 14

lastexitlondon said:

I'm 9 months in and the biggest problem for me is facing my mental illness. I can't hide . I've been the worst I've ever been in my entire life since being sober. But I have no desire to drink, I think because I'm so mentally ill.
Oh well one day at a time really is the only way.
HFD you are a good person remember that. Be kind to yourself and do what you can. Push yourself see where it leads. Just know the first few weeks and months are boring and emotional and can be isolating.
You can do it . For YOU

Thanks Rob. I appreciate it. I’m very bored. And I’m naturally quite lazy (personally, opposite professionally), and suffer from a severe lack of confidence which kills my motivation to do anything. Like play guitar/bass/uke. I’m always “I suck anyway so why bother”.

lastexitlondon · April 14

I used drink to do everything.i doubt I can handle anything social without it
The only way I could go to gigs was have few to stop worry and panic. I've got swell season booked and jerry Cantrell how much you want to bet I can't go because of fear and chronic health anxiety, but like I say I've no choice now I don't want drink so I am what I am I've realised and if that means I'm isolated and scared then so be it.
Oddly I've been thinking about ending it all , much more than I ever have since being sober sorry to type that but it's my truth. I won't but it comes to me against my will.

HughFreakingDillon · April 14

I’ve skipped a few gigs because of my past anxiety struggles, Rob. And I can tell you with utmost certainty: the regret of skipping those gigs FAR outweighs the anxiety I felt at the ones I went to.

lastexitlondon · April 14

I once flew to Poland to see pj . I came home at a massive cost the day of the gig. Missed otherside that I had coverted for all my years. And I swore I'm never pushing myself past what I know again. It was the most traumatic experience. That flight home alone to sit in my room and watch the set list I was missing whilst all my friends were there , killed a large part of me. All because I believed I was ill I fully believed it that much . I'm fucking mental. And since then it's only grown. I don't work because I physically can't. I saw I'm done with gigs. Swell season is with my daughter (we used to sit together and sing the songs when she was a small girl)
And jerry I bought so far in advance I added a cancellation fee so I'm sure I will bail because I'm dying.
Drink took that away for a few hours. Because it's a drug.

Get_Right · April 14

One day at a time fellas. That is all we can do. I have "the Brothers" show at MSG on Wednesday with a bunch of my fraternity brothers. Friends over 30 years and always drinking, smoking, or even other things. We have a suite that will be fully stocked. Funny thing is that I will not even be tempted in that situation. But once I leave that is when I look for a drink. I have given up all of my vices except alcohol. It still rears its ugly head. That said, I try to stay positive. Compared to the same time last year, I am doing 1000% better. Just make steps to improve. No one is perfect. Put self care at the top of your to do list.

Get_Right · April 14

lastexitlondon said:

I used drink to do everything.i doubt I can handle anything social without it
The only way I could go to gigs was have few to stop worry and panic. I've got swell season booked and jerry Cantrell how much you want to bet I can't go because of fear and chronic health anxiety, but like I say I've no choice now I don't want drink so I am what I am I've realised and if that means I'm isolated and scared then so be it.
Oddly I've been thinking about ending it all , much more than I ever have since being sober sorry to type that but it's my truth. I won't but it comes to me against my will.

Smell the flowers. Breath the air. It is good to live. No matter what the cards deal you. There are people that want you here. You can deal with all the shit that comes. Stay positive. Whatever you think is crushing you is nothing new. Men weaker than both of us have made it through, even prospered. Do not give up.

lastexitlondon · April 14

I'm sure I won't give up.
Always good to talk. Thank you

Get_Right · April 14

lastexitlondon said:

I'm sure I won't give up.
Always good to talk. Thank you

Good to hear. This may sound silly, but I find 10 minutes of inspirational speakers on you tube helps me get out of that dark place. David Goggins, Jordan Peterson, whomever. It reminds me we are in control. Not the demons in our heads. I also find that meditation helps me keep negative thoughts away. Even if is only a short time. Lie down, burn some incense, take a breath, listen to soft sounds, and recalibrate. Believe me I am far, very far, from perfect but these actions help me try and stay positive and relaxed.

mickeyrat · April 15

I spent my sunday in a bit of self-pity and continued sadness as we marked the first anniversary of my best friends death by overdose.

I commend you guys for keeping to your daily choice to remain sober.

its NO SMALL THING. to make it through a day without it when believing its a problem in our lives.

we all struggle in our different ways. and together we can make it through another day.

lastexitlondon · April 16

I'm grateful for this space

Get_Right · April 16

lastexitlondon said:

I'm grateful for this space

You hang in there brother. Living is the best revenge on our shortcomings.

HughFreakingDillon · April 16

so far, so good. just watching movies, trying to stay in the moment/the day, keeping the future where it belongs.

HughFreakingDillon · April 16

mickeyrat said:

I spent my sunday in a bit of self-pity and continued sadness as we marked the first anniversary of my best friends death by overdose.

I commend you guys for keeping to your daily choice to remain sober.

its NO SMALL THING. to make it through a day without it when believing its a problem in our lives.

we all struggle in our different ways. and together we can make it through another day.

cheers, mick.