PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

There is no shame in being honest. 
It's the best way

only way. especially with ourselves.

lastexitlondon

I think with me  ( and I'm no expert I'm near 7 months in) 
I got to a point I didn't want it anymore and even more so my body didn't, 3 weeks I was angry and annoyed but as the days turned into weeks I found new patterns (none that are anywhere near being buzzed or away from my shit) all quite mundane but gradually life shifts to a different angle , for now.
I've not done any gigs or gone anywhere really yet. I did a cover band and it was weird watching all the people and how drink makes them. I didn't feel at ease yet. But I didn't want the drink. 
That's just me I have a few other mental issues that being sober has made vivid and in my face sadly but that's part of me and I will either sink or swim. 
Hugh be brave with whatever you choose and never worry about what anyone thinks/says. Only you and your beautiful family. 
Big love mate

HughFreakingDillon

Poncier said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

And yes, my wife has pressured me to stop/moderate since we literally started dating. A few years ago she started going to alanon to help her deal with living a binger. She went for a while, got the support she needed at the time. I had a better handle on things after that. But the job change, as I mentioned, caused some chaos on this context. 

This to me would be enough of a signal that something probably needs to change.
If your wife thinks its a problem, it probably is and you are just not seeing it.
But as others have said, you have to want to change it for it to be effective.

You are oversimplifying a very complex issue. My wife can be a combination of very naive and also take things to the extreme. 

She thought me smoking weed to watch a movie once every week or two was “becoming a problem”. 

She thought getting fast food once in a while was “becoming a problem”. 

My drinking habits only became a problem when her similar habits changed. 

And yet, a month ago we had friends over, she got so loaded she fell down our fucking stairs in front of our teenagers, and that was funny/stupid but not a problem. 

So forgive me if I don’t take my wife’s opinion as gospel over what is actually a problem. 

HughFreakingDillon

mickeyrat said:

lastexitlondon said:

There is no shame in being honest. 
It's the best way

only way. especially with ourselves.

You know what I meant. Getting judged by someone who obviously has only a small fraction of the picture but still chooses to judge. 

Poncier

HughFreakingDillon said:

Poncier said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

And yes, my wife has pressured me to stop/moderate since we literally started dating. A few years ago she started going to alanon to help her deal with living a binger. She went for a while, got the support she needed at the time. I had a better handle on things after that. But the job change, as I mentioned, caused some chaos on this context. 

This to me would be enough of a signal that something probably needs to change.
If your wife thinks its a problem, it probably is and you are just not seeing it.
But as others have said, you have to want to change it for it to be effective.

You are oversimplifying a very complex issue. My wife can be a combination of very naive and also take things to the extreme. 

She thought me smoking weed to watch a movie once every week or two was “becoming a problem”. 

She thought getting fast food once in a while was “becoming a problem”. 

My drinking habits only became a problem when her similar habits changed. 

And yet, a month ago we had friends over, she got so loaded she fell down our fucking stairs in front of our teenagers, and that was funny/stupid but not a problem. 

So forgive me if I don’t take my wife’s opinion as gospel over what is actually a problem. 

OK. Sorry, just interpreted things from what I read in the original post. Obviously can't know all the details.
Didn't mean to cause any distress.
I, like the other guys, was only trying to offer some help/insight based on experience with this subject.
Hope you find the right balance that works for you. I'm always willing to discuss if you want, be it here or in a PM.
Take care.

Poncier

HughFreakingDillon said:

mickeyrat said:

lastexitlondon said:

There is no shame in being honest. 
It's the best way

only way. especially with ourselves.

You know what I meant. Getting judged by someone who obviously has only a small fraction of the picture but still chooses to judge. 

And honestly wasn't judging, but it came off that way to you and again I apologize.

HughFreakingDillon

Fair enough.

mickeyrat

HughFreakingDillon said:

mickeyrat said:

lastexitlondon said:

There is no shame in being honest. 
It's the best way

only way. especially with ourselves.

You know what I meant. Getting judged by someone who obviously has only a small fraction of the picture but still chooses to judge. 

but at its heart thats what did it for me. damn what other people thought. until I could be that honest with myself , nothing was going to get better for me. Mine was the more extreme case though I was facing help/change or go back to homelessness with zero prospects of improvement to my living situation.

an observation in your reply. It comes across as defensive. no need. here to help in whatever way I/we can with however you say you need it. maybe some of this coversation should switch to pm's . just a thought.

lastexitlondon

What a week so far. 
Dealing with hard news and medical conditions having nowhere to hide.
Life changes so fast , and I need to be able to adapt to that. Very hard indeed.

Get_Right

lastexitlondon said:

What a week so far. 
Dealing with hard news and medical conditions having nowhere to hide.
Life changes so fast , and I need to be able to adapt to that. Very hard indeed.

I just lost two people that I cared about in the last 48 hrs. We do not know all the details, but both were not pretty for either family. Ones I knew very well in college, not so much since (25+ plus years). One was a high school friend, a roommate in college, and in NYC after graduation. I will just say this. If you are thinking of sending a message to that person you have not spoken to in 10-20 years, just send it. The sound of your voice may help them stay out of the darkness. DM me if you ever want to talk. 

lastexitlondon

Man that's sad. Life is hard

Get_Right

lastexitlondon said:

Man that's sad. Life is hard

And that perfectly describes how I feel. Not upset, not guilty, not resentful, just sad. Positive side is that it has inspired me to take better care of myself. Mental health also needs exercise.

mickeyrat

I need to some advice/suggestion , whatever feels appropriate to you.

I "know" the answer, its the doing thats the issue.

Grief. My buddy Rob. Might be further along , whatever that means. but I am stuck.  I have agreed to work the 4th step on this specifically. Not done it yet.Have 4 for the resentment list.

 Have agreed counseling would help, one session, at present , paying for it is the issue being off work and disability payments being just enough to cover existing bills.

Without going into to deep right now, I am stuck between my guilt over actions I could have handled differently and the certainty that no matter what I or anyone else did or could have done, he could very likely have chosen to use then od as did happen.

My sponsor gave me permission to move forward as he feels I have honored my friend long enough. That WAS helpful, but not enough to get quite over this hump. I use Rob's experience to hammer home the deadly nature of this thing with newer folks, which feels right as I dont want his death to be the end of his helpfullness to those who need his experience, ya know?

But what am I really showing from my experience of this part of life? Feels like I am falling way short here. Or not, just making my way through, however slowly that might be.

Some part is surely forgiveness of all involved, especially me.  That will come in part from 4th/5th step work then those steps that follow. 

Might start with the willingness to let go, but then what does THAT mean on the otherside.....

Thanks for letting me share

Spunkie

Rule 52

mickeyrat

Spunkie said:

Rule 52

52? am familiar with rule 62.

Spunkie

typo!

sorry your having a hard time with that which can't be changed

lastexitlondon

I think in life as long as you do what you believe to be right and want to help others that's the most you can do.
I rang a friend who hadn't replied since before Christmas because an instinct told me I needed to .
Turns out he is suicidal, I couldn't do anything to help his feelings but I made the call and let him know my care for him and my friendship is here .
I know I can't save anyone. Nor them me.
It's truly an inside job.

mickeyrat

lastexitlondon said:

I think in life as long as you do what you believe to be right and want to help others that's the most you can do.
I rang a friend who hadn't replied since before Christmas because an instinct told me I needed to .
Turns out he is suicidal, I couldn't do anything to help his feelings but I made the call and let him know my care for him and my friendship is here .
I know I can't save anyone. Nor them me.
It's truly an inside job.

and there,  is were the struggle was , always. the battle with self. 

lastexitlondon

It's the battle we all have I think. That battle with self directs us good and bad.  Towards and away from good and bad.

mickeyrat

today would have been your 56th birthday. We have the led zeppelin documentary coming out on Wednesday we are seeing next week on imax screen. its going to be a blast but bittersweet because you should be here to see it with us Rob.

miss you more than ever.