PJ fans in 12 step Recovery

Keep going my friend. You are a good soul

it appears I'm not able to do this on my own. Drat. 

I got to 7 months now even under the worst situation of my life. 
Something is keeping me sober. Fuck knows 

This shit is isolating. I've decided it's finally it. For the four hundred and thirty seventh time. Approximately. So this weekend my plan was just to lay low and watch movies and such. This may sound stupid, but I watched a recent clip of Bill Burr explaining his drinking problem, and I identified with it. He said he figured he had a problem, as he was drinking at home and falling asleep watching tv or whatever, so he decided to go to AA. He humourously explained that he is nowhere near where these people are at, so he just realized that all he needed to do was not keep it in the house. See, I'm the same way. I can have a beer or two when out with friends or family and then that can be it. But if I go buy a bottle, and go to my dungeon, either I finish the bottle or the bottle finishes me. My problem is boredom. I've somewhat lost the ability to enjoy mundane things without getting loaded (like watching a Jets game or a movie). Went out for a birthday dinner though; had two beers, then a coffee, and that was that. But then last night...friends are going to a social. (A social is something unique to Manitoba-people getting married rent out a hall, sell tickets, buy prizes to have silent auctions, hire a DJ, everyone gets obliterated and the bride and groom make a bunch of money to offset their future wedding costs). I hate socials. I'd sit at a table and do nothing all night. It's either you dance, or you sit at a table and drink trying to talk over the music. And this one I wouldn't have known anyone except them. So I told them I wasn't going, but my wife went. Well, after the social, my friends had a party, and my wife went. Comes home at 4:30 am, telling me today how much fucking fun she had. FUCK. READ THE ROOM. She constantly does this. I tell her why I'm bowing out of a function, and then she proceeds to regail me with the awesomeness of what I missed. I don't get it. She's the one that's been on my back the most about drinking for 20 years. But I tell her I don't want to drink; "do you want wine with dinner tonight?". WTF. NO. "You should come to the social! it would be so fun!". NO. WTF. 

Anyway, I watched a shitty movie and went to bed early. And then had to hear all day about all the funny stories. 

Poncier said:

Stay strong. Do what you think is best for you. It sucks that your wife isn't supporting you, but hopefully if she sees you are committed, she'll eventually come around.

I realized after I posted that that it was a really one sided view of things. She’s always been very supportive, but I’ve told her I was quitting dozens of times. Sometimes to head out to to the liquor store literally minutes after. So it’s a tough balancing act for her. It’s always been very confusing. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure I told her this time. I often don’t as I know the likelihood of disappointing both of us. I don’t think I told her until I told her the reason I wasn’t going to the social. She had offered me the wine a couple days earlier. Sometimes I’m like the stereotypical woman where I get annoyed that she didn’t read my mind. 😂 

I have found that I cannot avoid most social or professional situations. I have learned self control in those environments. It is actually easier for me to not drink when I know I have to interact with other people. The problem is then I come home or back to the hotel room sober at 11pm and then hit the bottle until 3am. It's the reward drink. You did well tonight so now you can drink. Same with going a few weeks sober. That is my biggest weakness.

Get_Right said:

I have found that I cannot avoid most social or professional situations. I have learned self control in those environments. It is actually easier for me to not drink when I know I have to interact with other people. The problem is then I come home or back to the hotel room sober at 11pm and then hit the bottle until 3am. It's the reward drink. You did well tonight so now you can drink. Same with going a few weeks sober. That is my biggest weakness.

I’ve done the reward thing too. Which, when you think about it, is completely absurd. “I didn’t drink so as a reward I’m gonna drink!”. 😂 

I used drink to do everything.i doubt I can handle anything social without it  
The only way I could go to gigs was have few to stop worry and panic. I've got swell season booked and jerry Cantrell how much you want to bet I can't go because of fear and chronic health anxiety, but like I say I've no choice now I don't want drink so I am what I am I've realised and if that means I'm isolated and scared then so be it.
Oddly I've been thinking about ending it all , much more than I ever have since being sober sorry to type that but it's my truth. I won't but it comes to me against my will. 

I once flew to Poland to see pj . I came home at a massive cost the day of the gig. Missed otherside that I had coverted for all my years. And I swore I'm never pushing myself past what I know again. It was the most traumatic experience. That flight home alone to sit in my room and watch the set list I was missing whilst all my friends were there , killed a large part of me. All because I believed I was ill I fully believed it that much . I'm fucking mental. And since then it's only grown. I don't work because I physically can't. I saw I'm done with gigs.  Swell season is with my daughter (we used to sit together and sing the songs when she was a small girl)
And jerry I bought so far in advance I added a cancellation fee so I'm sure I will bail because I'm dying. 
Drink took that away for a few hours. Because it's a drug. 

lastexitlondon said:

I used drink to do everything.i doubt I can handle anything social without it  
The only way I could go to gigs was have few to stop worry and panic. I've got swell season booked and jerry Cantrell how much you want to bet I can't go because of fear and chronic health anxiety, but like I say I've no choice now I don't want drink so I am what I am I've realised and if that means I'm isolated and scared then so be it.
Oddly I've been thinking about ending it all , much more than I ever have since being sober sorry to type that but it's my truth. I won't but it comes to me against my will. 

Smell the flowers. Breath the air. It is good to live. No matter what the cards deal you. There are people that want you here. You can deal with all the shit that comes. Stay positive. Whatever you think is crushing you is nothing new. Men weaker than both of us have made it through, even prospered. Do not give up.