Post your best "Dad" Joke

JOEJOEJOE
JOEJOEJOE Posts: 10,825
in All Encompassing Trip
An attorney walks into an orthodontist's office to pick up his retainer........
«13

Comments

  • mookieblalock
    mookieblalock Posts: 3,571
    My wife asked me if I thought the kids were spoiled...

    I said "no, I think they're supposed to smell like that."
  • mickeyrat
    mickeyrat Posts: 44,536
    hey!!

    pull my finger
    _____________________________________SIGNATURE________________________________________________

    Not today Sir, Probably not tomorrow.............................................. bayfront arena st. pete '94
    you're finally here and I'm a mess................................................... nationwide arena columbus '10
    memories like fingerprints are slowly raising.................................... first niagara center buffalo '13
    another man ..... moved by sleight of hand...................................... joe louis arena detroit '14
  • lastexitlondon
    lastexitlondon Posts: 14,915
    My dad was a joke.


    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • markymark550
    markymark550 Columbia, SC Posts: 5,219
    I sold my vacuum cleaner the other day. All it was doing was collecting dust.
  • JOEJOEJOE
    JOEJOEJOE Posts: 10,825
    so far so good........anyone else got one?
  • Spiritual_Chaos
    Spiritual_Chaos Posts: 31,489
    https://youtu.be/jQlPr3hxXuA
    "Mostly I think that people react sensitively because they know you’ve got a point"
  • Johnny Abruzzo
    Johnny Abruzzo Philly Posts: 12,385
    You guys know that album Vs.?

    It's also got choruses!
    Spectrum 10/27/09; New Orleans JazzFest 5/1/10; Made in America 9/2/12; Phila, PA 10/21/13; Phila,  PA 10/22/13; Baltimore Arena 10/27/13; Phila, PA 4/28/16; Phila, PA 4/29/16; Fenway Park 8/7/16; Fenway Park 9/2/18; Asbury Park 9/18/21; Camden 9/14/22; Las Vegas 5/16/24; Las Vegas 5/18/24; Phila, PA 9/7/24; Phila, PA 9/9/24; Baltimore Arena 9/12/24; Pittsburgh 5/16/25; Pittsburgh 5/18/25

    Tres Mtns - TLA 3/23/11; EV - Tower Theatre 6/25/11; Temple of the Dog - Tower Theatre 11/5/16
  • Loujoe
    Loujoe Posts: 11,759
    ^Nice original one^

    this guy walked into a bar.
    He got a bump on his head.
  • markymark550
    markymark550 Columbia, SC Posts: 5,219
    What do you get from a dwarf cow?

    Condensed milk
  • Johnny Abruzzo
    Johnny Abruzzo Philly Posts: 12,385
    markymark550 said:
    What do you get from a dwarf cow?

    Condensed milk
    How can evaporated milk possibly be in liquid form in the can? (not a joke, just asking)
    Spectrum 10/27/09; New Orleans JazzFest 5/1/10; Made in America 9/2/12; Phila, PA 10/21/13; Phila,  PA 10/22/13; Baltimore Arena 10/27/13; Phila, PA 4/28/16; Phila, PA 4/29/16; Fenway Park 8/7/16; Fenway Park 9/2/18; Asbury Park 9/18/21; Camden 9/14/22; Las Vegas 5/16/24; Las Vegas 5/18/24; Phila, PA 9/7/24; Phila, PA 9/9/24; Baltimore Arena 9/12/24; Pittsburgh 5/16/25; Pittsburgh 5/18/25

    Tres Mtns - TLA 3/23/11; EV - Tower Theatre 6/25/11; Temple of the Dog - Tower Theatre 11/5/16
  • markymark550
    markymark550 Columbia, SC Posts: 5,219
    Johnny Abruzzo said:
    markymark550 said:
    What do you get from a dwarf cow?

    Condensed milk
    How can evaporated milk possibly be in liquid form in the can? (not a joke, just asking)
    They remove about 60% of the water content, so it's still liquid just more like a syrupy consistency.
  • Loujoe
    Loujoe Posts: 11,759
    Why was 6 afraid of 7?
  • ymalkiel
    ymalkiel Posts: 137
    Loujoe said:
    Why was 6 afraid of 7?
    Because 7 8 9!
    ✌🏼❤️
  • ymalkiel
    ymalkiel Posts: 137
    Here’s one from Nick Cave:

    "Don't try calling a tinnitus helpline, it just keeps on ringing.“

    ✌🏼❤️
  • Spiritual_Chaos
    Spiritual_Chaos Posts: 31,489
    Johnny Abruzzo said:
    You guys know that album Vs.?

    It's also got choruses!

    "Mostly I think that people react sensitively because they know you’ve got a point"
  • bootlegger10
    bootlegger10 Posts: 16,260
    Why is a doctor always calm?   They have a lot of patients.  
  • mrussel1
    mrussel1 Posts: 30,884
    Man and a woman are on top of a building.  It's burning down.  They both know it's the end.  

    Woman says, "Johnny, one last time, make me a feel like a woman!".  

    Johnny takes off his clothes and says "Fold these"..

    Yes, I know it's terribly sexist.  But I'm a woman so I get to tell it.  

    She/hers. 
  • Johnny Abruzzo
    Johnny Abruzzo Philly Posts: 12,385
    mrussel1 said:
    Man and a woman are on top of a building.  It's burning down.  They both know it's the end.  

    Woman says, "Johnny, one last time, make me a feel like a woman!".  

    Johnny takes off his clothes and says "Fold these"..

    Yes, I know it's terribly sexist.  But I'm a woman so I get to tell it.  

    She/hers. 
    They're always picking on the Johns...
    Spectrum 10/27/09; New Orleans JazzFest 5/1/10; Made in America 9/2/12; Phila, PA 10/21/13; Phila,  PA 10/22/13; Baltimore Arena 10/27/13; Phila, PA 4/28/16; Phila, PA 4/29/16; Fenway Park 8/7/16; Fenway Park 9/2/18; Asbury Park 9/18/21; Camden 9/14/22; Las Vegas 5/16/24; Las Vegas 5/18/24; Phila, PA 9/7/24; Phila, PA 9/9/24; Baltimore Arena 9/12/24; Pittsburgh 5/16/25; Pittsburgh 5/18/25

    Tres Mtns - TLA 3/23/11; EV - Tower Theatre 6/25/11; Temple of the Dog - Tower Theatre 11/5/16
  • mookieblalock
    mookieblalock Posts: 3,571
    My doctor told me I'm going deaf.

    The news was hard for me to hear.
  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,664
    When does a joke become a "dad Joke"?
    When it's apparent.
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

Categories