The hard work of surviving emotional depression and anxiety.

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  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,662
    When is enough. Enough. 
    The Rn is 1 all over the  uk and i dont believe  that even. Schools go back in 2 weeks. How?
    Im forced  because  of my partners son 13 to be involved.  I wont and cant. Its not safe. 
    Ive had enough not able to get out of bed until afternoon as it is. 

    It's really depressing right now  so I'm watching Gigaton.

    Hang in there to those struggling. You guys have been a source of comfort and strength for me many times. Today has been a rough day and I’m grateful to have a safe place to share with some really great people. :hug:

    It’s definitely been a week!  Sending love, light and support to everyone here who needs it and hoping it comes back.

    Good thoughts for you, my friends.  Thanks for your goodness and sweet vibes.  Hang in there!


    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • hedonist
    hedonist Posts: 24,524
    I've mentioned to my husband and a close friend that I’ve been considering going back to therapy.  It was extremely helpful in the time shortly after my diagnosis and sudden sobriety, and given the past couple years and the (hopefully minor) potential for more not-so-goodness, it could be beneficial to release or expound on shit I'd rather not burden my husband or others with.

    Guess I'll talk about it with my doc when I see her next. 

    And from here too, good wishes to those who need it.
  • lastexitlondon
    lastexitlondon Posts: 14,890
    Good idea hedo. Its so important  to recognise this in ones self and act on it early as possible. 
    A strength


    this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
  • GlowGirl
    GlowGirl New York, NY Posts: 12,073
    hedonist said:
    I've mentioned to my husband and a close friend that I’ve been considering going back to therapy.  It was extremely helpful in the time shortly after my diagnosis and sudden sobriety, and given the past couple years and the (hopefully minor) potential for more not-so-goodness, it could be beneficial to release or expound on shit I'd rather not burden my husband or others with.

    Guess I'll talk about it with my doc when I see her next. 

    And from here too, good wishes to those who need it.
    It is good to take care of yourself in times like these and recognize when to ask others for help if you need it. Self-awareness of your own feelings are so important these days.

  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,662
    hedonist said:
    I've mentioned to my husband and a close friend that I’ve been considering going back to therapy.  It was extremely helpful in the time shortly after my diagnosis and sudden sobriety, and given the past couple years and the (hopefully minor) potential for more not-so-goodness, it could be beneficial to release or expound on shit I'd rather not burden my husband or others with.

    Guess I'll talk about it with my doc when I see her next. 

    And from here too, good wishes to those who need it.

    Kudos, Hedo!  Very wise of you to know when to reach out for help. 
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • Purple Fairy Tree
    Purple Fairy Tree Posts: 2,055
    edited August 2020
    Thanks everyone, good advice and wishing you all good vibes too xxx
  • RogueStoner
    RogueStoner Sunny AZ Posts: 1,716
    I have seen 3 therapists in the last couple of years, after trying so hard to find one at all. It seems like they’re all full and aren’t accepting new patients. That is especially frustrating for someone with severe anxiety. None of the three I saw worked out. The first informed me in a very long document that she reports everything. It made me immediately reluctant to talk about anything. The second tried to teach me mindfulness and I failed miserably. The third just agreed with me on everything. Not helpful. I know I’m not always right. 

    The whole process is so frustrating but important. And so the search continues...
  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,662
    I have seen 3 therapists in the last couple of years, after trying so hard to find one at all. It seems like they’re all full and aren’t accepting new patients. That is especially frustrating for someone with severe anxiety. None of the three I saw worked out. The first informed me in a very long document that she reports everything. It made me immediately reluctant to talk about anything. The second tried to teach me mindfulness and I failed miserably. The third just agreed with me on everything. Not helpful. I know I’m not always right. 

    The whole process is so frustrating but important. And so the search continues...

    That sucks, RS.  I'm not surprised therapist and counselors are booked these day.  I'll bet a lot of therapists have therapists themselves.  And some of them (as you've may have seen) are probably in the wrong business.  But the good people are out there and  I hope you not only find one available, but a really good one too!  Keep trying!

    Meanwhile, we're all here, doing what we can for each other.  Thank goodness.   Hang in there!  :smile:
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • dankind
    dankind Posts: 20,841
    brianlux said:
    I have seen 3 therapists in the last couple of years, after trying so hard to find one at all. It seems like they’re all full and aren’t accepting new patients. That is especially frustrating for someone with severe anxiety. None of the three I saw worked out. The first informed me in a very long document that she reports everything. It made me immediately reluctant to talk about anything. The second tried to teach me mindfulness and I failed miserably. The third just agreed with me on everything. Not helpful. I know I’m not always right. 

    The whole process is so frustrating but important. And so the search continues...

    That sucks, RS.  I'm not surprised therapist and counselors are booked these day.  I'll bet a lot of therapists have therapists themselves.  And some of them (as you've may have seen) are probably in the wrong business.  But the good people are out there and  I hope you not only find one available, but a really good one too!  Keep trying!

    Meanwhile, we're all here, doing what we can for each other.  Thank goodness.   Hang in there!  :smile:
    My last therapist was a big CBT twat. I told her that CBT is an absolute fail for someone like me, but she still attempted to lead the treatment in that direction. So, no more therapist. 
    I SAW PEARL JAM
  • deadendp
    deadendp Northeast Ohio Posts: 10,434
    dankind said:
    brianlux said:
    I have seen 3 therapists in the last couple of years, after trying so hard to find one at all. It seems like they’re all full and aren’t accepting new patients. That is especially frustrating for someone with severe anxiety. None of the three I saw worked out. The first informed me in a very long document that she reports everything. It made me immediately reluctant to talk about anything. The second tried to teach me mindfulness and I failed miserably. The third just agreed with me on everything. Not helpful. I know I’m not always right. 

    The whole process is so frustrating but important. And so the search continues...

    That sucks, RS.  I'm not surprised therapist and counselors are booked these day.  I'll bet a lot of therapists have therapists themselves.  And some of them (as you've may have seen) are probably in the wrong business.  But the good people are out there and  I hope you not only find one available, but a really good one too!  Keep trying!

    Meanwhile, we're all here, doing what we can for each other.  Thank goodness.   Hang in there!  :smile:
    My last therapist was a big CBT twat. I told her that CBT is an absolute fail for someone like me, but she still attempted to lead the treatment in that direction. So, no more therapist. 
    K does CBT, but it definitely doesn't fix all. She has such therapist trust issues and any time E has off for baby birthing, K has needed to discontinue therapy. One woman, despite my child telling her she didn't want to go there, was trying to dive into the details of a school trip to Philly where some girl hard core tried to take advantage of K. K already handled it with E and she could not understand why baby birthing therapy substitute decided to pull that out of the archives. Pissed my kid off. She told E when she got back. She now no longer refers K to anyone else while on birthing holiday. 
    2014: Cincinnati
    2016: Lexington and Wrigley 1
  • RogueStoner
    RogueStoner Sunny AZ Posts: 1,716
    dankind said:
    brianlux said:
    I have seen 3 therapists in the last couple of years, after trying so hard to find one at all. It seems like they’re all full and aren’t accepting new patients. That is especially frustrating for someone with severe anxiety. None of the three I saw worked out. The first informed me in a very long document that she reports everything. It made me immediately reluctant to talk about anything. The second tried to teach me mindfulness and I failed miserably. The third just agreed with me on everything. Not helpful. I know I’m not always right. 

    The whole process is so frustrating but important. And so the search continues...

    That sucks, RS.  I'm not surprised therapist and counselors are booked these day.  I'll bet a lot of therapists have therapists themselves.  And some of them (as you've may have seen) are probably in the wrong business.  But the good people are out there and  I hope you not only find one available, but a really good one too!  Keep trying!

    Meanwhile, we're all here, doing what we can for each other.  Thank goodness.   Hang in there!  :smile:
    My last therapist was a big CBT twat. I told her that CBT is an absolute fail for someone like me, but she still attempted to lead the treatment in that direction. So, no more therapist. 
    My second therapist did DBT. Kept trying to get me to be less emotional and more logical. It worked some, but me? Not emotional? Come on now. Like that’ll happen. 
  • Purple Fairy Tree
    Purple Fairy Tree Posts: 2,055
    edited August 2020
    brianlux said:
    Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day. :)

    camsjam said:
    Great on you RS! The search for someone you can really relate to and trust is very daunting and I hope you find someone who is able to help. It took me a few tries but I did have a great therapist. Now I've relocated my search begins again but I am determined not to give up also. All the best! Hang in there.
    I totally understand where you're both coming from.  I've gone to counseling a number of times over the years and had real mixed luck finding good ones. 

    Years ago when I was at my lowest and almost did myself in, I was told I needed to see a psychiatrist.  I was thinking I would get some counseling but, no, this guy just wanted to have me take strong meds.  The second time I saw him I started talking about the botched relationship that was a big part of my woes and the guy scolded me saying, "I don't want to talk about that.".  I think I actually said, "Well then, fuck you."  I know I walked out of his office and slammed the door.
    > good one for leaving @brianlux

    Another time, I was telling my therapist (a different one)  that I believed it would help me if I could have my own space in the house I was living in and think of it as my space.  He chastised me harshly saying, "You're in a relationship.  What makes you think you have the right to have your own space?"  Can you believe that shit?

    > Appaling attitude @brianlux - I saw a CBT therapist last year mainly for bereavement but turned out she was a nasty cold bitch. I walked out on her 10 mins into her session and never looked back. Should have done it weeks before.

    So yes, it really takes some searching to find a good one.  My suggestion (and this is from having work as program assistant for a counseling training program which itself helped me to find my way to firm ground) is to seek out a counselor who is at least familiar with names like Virginia Satir and Carl Rogers and who is competent in utilizing what is called "client [or person] centered therapy". (Wikipedia has a good basic description of that kind of work).  That at least will give you a clue that the therapist understands the value of "the client's perception of the therapist's genuineness, the therapist's unconditional positive regard for the client, and accurate empathy."

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Person-centered_therapy

    I hope you both find someone good! 


  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,662
    brianlux said:
    Well, therapy did not go well. I couldn’t even finish the session. I couldn’t breathe. I’m sure she’s a wonderful therapist but it was not a good fit. I really need to trust my intuition more. Could’ve saved myself a drive and her valuable appointment time. Normally, this would confirm my fears and I’d give up. But not this time. So, back to my search for a therapist. That was a really rough couple of hours but I won’t let it spoil my day. :)

    camsjam said:
    Great on you RS! The search for someone you can really relate to and trust is very daunting and I hope you find someone who is able to help. It took me a few tries but I did have a great therapist. Now I've relocated my search begins again but I am determined not to give up also. All the best! Hang in there.
    I totally understand where you're both coming from.  I've gone to counseling a number of times over the years and had real mixed luck finding good ones. 

    Years ago when I was at my lowest and almost did myself in, I was told I needed to see a psychiatrist.  I was thinking I would get some counseling but, no, this guy just wanted to have me take strong meds.  The second time I saw him I started talking about the botched relationship that was a big part of my woes and the guy scolded me saying, "I don't want to talk about that.".  I think I actually said, "Well then, fuck you."  I know I walked out of his office and slammed the door.
    > good one for leaving @brianlux

    Another time, I was telling my therapist (a different one)  that I believed it would help me if I could have my own space in the house I was living in and think of it as my space.  He chastised me harshly saying, "You're in a relationship.  What makes you think you have the right to have your own space?"  Can you believe that shit?

    > Appaling attitude @brianlux - I saw a CBT therapist last year mainly for bereavement but turned out she was a nasty cold bitch. I walked out on her 10 mins into her session and never looked back. Should have done it weeks before.

    So yes, it really takes some searching to find a good one.  My suggestion (and this is from having work as program assistant for a counseling training program which itself helped me to find my way to firm ground) is to seek out a counselor who is at least familiar with names like Virginia Satir and Carl Rogers and who is competent in utilizing what is called "client [or person] centered therapy". (Wikipedia has a good basic description of that kind of work).  That at least will give you a clue that the therapist understands the value of "the client's perception of the therapist's genuineness, the therapist's unconditional positive regard for the client, and accurate empathy."

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Person-centered_therapy

    I hope you both find someone good! 



    Thank you so much for posting a link about person-centered therapy, Dreamgirl.  Carl Rogers and Virginia Satire are heroes of the world of therapy for their ground breaking work in that field!
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,662
    The fire situation here in the west combined with the constant weeks long horrible air quality, concern over COVID-19, and worrying about the upcoming election are providing a stellar opportunity to show how well I can deal with depression and anxiety.  If only my performance of doing so were as stellar...

    Anybody know of another planet to live on?
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • RogueStoner
    RogueStoner Sunny AZ Posts: 1,716
    brianlux said:
    The fire situation here in the west combined with the constant weeks long horrible air quality, concern over COVID-19, and worrying about the upcoming election are providing a stellar opportunity to show how well I can deal with depression and anxiety.  If only my performance of doing so were as stellar...

    Anybody know of another planet to live on?
    I’d advise you to take a deep breath but under these circumstances, that might just kill you. 
    Anyone know how to do a rain dance? 
    And if you find that planet, let me know. 
    In the meantime, stay safe. Sending good thoughts your way. 
  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,662
    edited September 2020
    brianlux said:
    The fire situation here in the west combined with the constant weeks long horrible air quality, concern over COVID-19, and worrying about the upcoming election are providing a stellar opportunity to show how well I can deal with depression and anxiety.  If only my performance of doing so were as stellar...

    Anybody know of another planet to live on?
    I’d advise you to take a deep breath but under these circumstances, that might just kill you. 
    Anyone know how to do a rain dance? 
    And if you find that planet, let me know. 
    In the meantime, stay safe. Sending good thoughts your way. 
    "take a deep breath" made me laugh.  Humor is the best medicine.  :smiley:
    Thank you, RS!  Your kind words are much appreciated! 


    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • Fifthelement
    Fifthelement Lotusland Posts: 6,965
    brianlux said:
    The fire situation here in the west combined with the constant weeks long horrible air quality, concern over COVID-19, and worrying about the upcoming election are providing a stellar opportunity to show how well I can deal with depression and anxiety.  If only my performance of doing so were as stellar...

    Anybody know of another planet to live on?
    Sending warm thoughts your way Brian.  This year has provided a lot for everyone’s plate.  I share your concerns too. Just keep reaching out and talking.  And remember, “this too shall pass.”
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop
  • brianlux
    brianlux Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 43,662
    brianlux said:
    The fire situation here in the west combined with the constant weeks long horrible air quality, concern over COVID-19, and worrying about the upcoming election are providing a stellar opportunity to show how well I can deal with depression and anxiety.  If only my performance of doing so were as stellar...

    Anybody know of another planet to live on?
    Sending warm thoughts your way Brian.  This year has provided a lot for everyone’s plate.  I share your concerns too. Just keep reaching out and talking.  And remember, “this too shall pass.”

    Thank you for the encouragement, Fifth! 

    I've been keeping my thoughts from my wife lately (which is kind of dumb of me because she can read me like a book).  I told her that cutting way back on the work I enjoy doing, not getting out much, worrying about EVERYTHING (my "fatal character flaw" as a friend once put it), moving less, and breathing bad air, cumulatively has affected my physical health and bumped up my depression.  I told her that the one thing that helps me keep it together (besides her and the cat, of course) is knowing that things can get better and I have hope that they will.

    Your reminding me that "this too shall pass" is just the thing I need to keep remembering.  Thank you! 

    I hope you're doing as well as possible, Fifth!
    And all you wonderful PJ people.  You guys are the best.
    "It's a sad and beautiful world"
    -Roberto Benigni

  • mysticweed
    mysticweed Posts: 3,710
    Well, I've been on Cymbalta. I guess my animals and my weed have kept me semi-sane.
    fuck 'em if they can't take a joke

    "what a long, strange trip it's been"
  • Fifthelement
    Fifthelement Lotusland Posts: 6,965
    Thank you thank you Brian.  I am doing well, all things considered.  I’m sure there’ll still be more tears, but lots of laughter and smiles too.
    "What the CANUCK happened?!? - Esquimalt Barber Shop