brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 42,777
What is it when you have depression mixed with anger? I don't mean harmful or violent anger- I mean more like disappointment in the world and life anger mixed with a sense of futility. The other day I was driving on a road by myself- a road I know well enough to know where and how I could crash this thing and be sure to do no harm to anyone else (the first law of an Eco-warrior is "Do no harm to anyone else".) I felt really OK about the idea of just crashing headlong into a big tree or something. Bingo, no more pain, no more worry, no more shitty world. But I know my wife would be pissed and hurt and I love her. And I love and respect trees so I thought, "Fuck it, better not to cause her woe and better not to harm the wildlife."
"Don't give in to the lies. Don't give in to the fear. Hold on to the truth. And to hope."
So sorry to hear you're feeling that way. Have you seen a professional? Tbh I've had thoughts of crashing into a tree too. It's actually a common way to suicide. A famous football identity in Australia recently went out this way. And like you, I often am angry at the world and life.
Adelaide 17/11/2009, Melbourne 20/11/2009, Sydney 22/11/2009, Melbourne (Big Day Out Festival) 24/01/2014
So sorry to hear you're feeling that way. Have you seen a professional? Tbh I've had thoughts of crashing into a tree too. It's actually a common way to suicide. A famous football identity in Australia recently went out this way. And like you, I often am angry at the world and life.
Thanks, friend.
"Don't give in to the lies. Don't give in to the fear. Hold on to the truth. And to hope."
What is it when you have depression mixed with anger? I don't mean harmful or violent anger- I mean more like disappointment in the world and life anger mixed with a sense of futility. The other day I was driving on a road by myself- a road I know well enough to know where and how I could crash this thing and be sure to do no harm to anyone else (the first law of an Eco-warrior is "Do no harm to anyone else".) I felt really OK about the idea of just crashing headlong into a big tree or something. Bingo, no more pain, no more worry, no more shitty world. But I know my wife would be pissed and hurt and I love her. And I love and respect trees so I thought, "Fuck it, better not to cause her woe and better not to harm the wildlife."
Thank you for not crashing. Thank you for thinking of your wife. Thank you for respecting trees & wildlife.
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brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 42,777
What is it when you have depression mixed with anger? I don't mean harmful or violent anger- I mean more like disappointment in the world and life anger mixed with a sense of futility. The other day I was driving on a road by myself- a road I know well enough to know where and how I could crash this thing and be sure to do no harm to anyone else (the first law of an Eco-warrior is "Do no harm to anyone else".) I felt really OK about the idea of just crashing headlong into a big tree or something. Bingo, no more pain, no more worry, no more shitty world. But I know my wife would be pissed and hurt and I love her. And I love and respect trees so I thought, "Fuck it, better not to cause her woe and better not to harm the wildlife."
Thank you for not crashing. Thank you for thinking of your wife. Thank you for respecting trees & wildlife.
Thank you for kind words.
"Don't give in to the lies. Don't give in to the fear. Hold on to the truth. And to hope."
I don't know...I'd consider driving into a tree (or off a bridge, etc.) to be harmful and violent. And the clean-up!
Seriously, it sounds more like frustration at feeling helpless and just wanting to say "fuck it all".
The world isn't shitty, by the way. At least I don't think it is, overall. Some days it seems that way, but maybe it depends on the lens color of the glasses we're wearing at the time.
What is it when you have depression mixed with anger? I don't mean harmful or violent anger- I mean more like disappointment in the world and life anger mixed with a sense of futility. The other day I was driving on a road by myself- a road I know well enough to know where and how I could crash this thing and be sure to do no harm to anyone else (the first law of an Eco-warrior is "Do no harm to anyone else".) I felt really OK about the idea of just crashing headlong into a big tree or something. Bingo, no more pain, no more worry, no more shitty world. But I know my wife would be pissed and hurt and I love her. And I love and respect trees so I thought, "Fuck it, better not to cause her woe and better not to harm the wildlife."
When I was in college, I had a guitar class with maybe just 5 or 6 students in the class. I forget what song the teacher was teaching us but I remember her referring to it and saying "wouldn't we all just like to drive off a cliff sometimes? ...don't we all feel that way sometime or another? " . She actually felt comfortable saying that to a bunch of 17 or 19 1/2 year olds and oddly enough, nobody looked that astonished. Everyone was like, "oh, it's just not me?" So, Mr. Luxemberg, it's just not you.
there is a difference , however, between that feeling and a little nagging voice inside your head that appears every once in a while telling you to go ahead and kill yourself, it's the perfect time in your life to do so. THAT stuff is the serious kind that needs professional attention.
I learned about that while researching suicide after Chris Cornell's death. Suicide doesn't necessarily mean depression. It could be much more sinister and lifelong than sudden and as quick dismissed urges
The world is a better place for having you in it ! We need you here ...
jesus greets me looks just like me ....
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brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 42,777
I'm feeling hugely depressed and cranky in light of the current state of affairs- COVID-19, Trump killing the USPS, and the current killer heat wave we are just entering here in Hell Dorado County, Calif. (to name a few). I would beat my head against my desk but that would take too much energy.
"Don't give in to the lies. Don't give in to the fear. Hold on to the truth. And to hope."
You guys are like a ray of sunshine for me. I'm getting a bit fed up with all this but blimey, things change. Talking about your feelings and sharing is a good way to go.
I guess it's good to look for those small little things which make life feel worthwhile. I was well pissed off last week but someone told me their story of recovery and becoming a paramedic, so inspiring and uplifting.
There are silver linings everywhere and they dont even have to be big things. Sometimes the little things are the big things.
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brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 42,777
You guys are like a ray of sunshine for me. I'm getting a bit fed up with all this but blimey, things change. Talking about your feelings and sharing is a good way to go.
I guess it's good to look for those small little things which make life feel worthwhile. I was well pissed off last week but someone told me their story of recovery and becoming a paramedic, so inspiring and uplifting.
There are silver linings everywhere and they dont even have to be big things. Sometimes the little things are the big things.
Thank you for reminding me to look for those silver linings, Dream Girl!
"Don't give in to the lies. Don't give in to the fear. Hold on to the truth. And to hope."
When is enough. Enough. The Rn is 1 all over the uk and i dont believe that even. Schools go back in 2 weeks. How? Im forced because of my partners son 13 to be involved. I wont and cant. Its not safe. Ive had enough not able to get out of bed until afternoon as it is.
brixton 93
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
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this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Hang in there to those struggling. You guys have been a source of comfort and strength for me many times. Today has been a rough day and I’m grateful to have a safe place to share with some really great people.
When is enough. Enough. The Rn is 1 all over the uk and i dont believe that even. Schools go back in 2 weeks. How? Im forced because of my partners son 13 to be involved. I wont and cant. Its not safe. Ive had enough not able to get out of bed until afternoon as it is.
Hang in there to those struggling. You guys have been a source of comfort and strength for me many times. Today has been a rough day and I’m grateful to have a safe place to share with some really great people.
I've mentioned to my husband and a close friend that I’ve been considering going back to therapy. It was extremely helpful in the time shortly after my diagnosis and sudden sobriety, and given the past couple years and the (hopefully minor) potential for more not-so-goodness, it could be beneficial to release or expound on shit I'd rather not burden my husband or others with.
Guess I'll talk about it with my doc when I see her next.
And from here too, good wishes to those who need it.
I've mentioned to my husband and a close friend that I’ve been considering going back to therapy. It was extremely helpful in the time shortly after my diagnosis and sudden sobriety, and given the past couple years and the (hopefully minor) potential for more not-so-goodness, it could be beneficial to release or expound on shit I'd rather not burden my husband or others with.
Guess I'll talk about it with my doc when I see her next.
And from here too, good wishes to those who need it.
It is good to take care of yourself in times like these and recognize when to ask others for help if you need it. Self-awareness of your own feelings are so important these days.
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brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 42,777
I've mentioned to my husband and a close friend that I’ve been considering going back to therapy. It was extremely helpful in the time shortly after my diagnosis and sudden sobriety, and given the past couple years and the (hopefully minor) potential for more not-so-goodness, it could be beneficial to release or expound on shit I'd rather not burden my husband or others with.
Guess I'll talk about it with my doc when I see her next.
And from here too, good wishes to those who need it.
Kudos, Hedo! Very wise of you to know when to reach out for help.
"Don't give in to the lies. Don't give in to the fear. Hold on to the truth. And to hope."
I have seen 3 therapists in the last couple of years, after trying so hard to find one at all. It seems like they’re all full and aren’t accepting new patients. That is especially frustrating for someone with severe anxiety. None of the three I saw worked out. The first informed me in a very long document that she reports everything. It made me immediately reluctant to talk about anything. The second tried to teach me mindfulness and I failed miserably. The third just agreed with me on everything. Not helpful. I know I’m not always right.
The whole process is so frustrating but important. And so the search continues...
0
brianlux
Moving through All Kinds of Terrain. Posts: 42,777
I have seen 3 therapists in the last couple of years, after trying so hard to find one at all. It seems like they’re all full and aren’t accepting new patients. That is especially frustrating for someone with severe anxiety. None of the three I saw worked out. The first informed me in a very long document that she reports everything. It made me immediately reluctant to talk about anything. The second tried to teach me mindfulness and I failed miserably. The third just agreed with me on everything. Not helpful. I know I’m not always right.
The whole process is so frustrating but important. And so the search continues...
That sucks, RS. I'm not surprised therapist and counselors are booked these day. I'll bet a lot of therapists have therapists themselves. And some of them (as you've may have seen) are probably in the wrong business. But the good people are out there and I hope you not only find one available, but a really good one too! Keep trying!
Meanwhile, we're all here, doing what we can for each other. Thank goodness. Hang in there!
"Don't give in to the lies. Don't give in to the fear. Hold on to the truth. And to hope."
I have seen 3 therapists in the last couple of years, after trying so hard to find one at all. It seems like they’re all full and aren’t accepting new patients. That is especially frustrating for someone with severe anxiety. None of the three I saw worked out. The first informed me in a very long document that she reports everything. It made me immediately reluctant to talk about anything. The second tried to teach me mindfulness and I failed miserably. The third just agreed with me on everything. Not helpful. I know I’m not always right.
The whole process is so frustrating but important. And so the search continues...
That sucks, RS. I'm not surprised therapist and counselors are booked these day. I'll bet a lot of therapists have therapists themselves. And some of them (as you've may have seen) are probably in the wrong business. But the good people are out there and I hope you not only find one available, but a really good one too! Keep trying!
Meanwhile, we're all here, doing what we can for each other. Thank goodness. Hang in there!
My last therapist was a big CBT twat. I told her that CBT is an absolute fail for someone like me, but she still attempted to lead the treatment in that direction. So, no more therapist.
I have seen 3 therapists in the last couple of years, after trying so hard to find one at all. It seems like they’re all full and aren’t accepting new patients. That is especially frustrating for someone with severe anxiety. None of the three I saw worked out. The first informed me in a very long document that she reports everything. It made me immediately reluctant to talk about anything. The second tried to teach me mindfulness and I failed miserably. The third just agreed with me on everything. Not helpful. I know I’m not always right.
The whole process is so frustrating but important. And so the search continues...
That sucks, RS. I'm not surprised therapist and counselors are booked these day. I'll bet a lot of therapists have therapists themselves. And some of them (as you've may have seen) are probably in the wrong business. But the good people are out there and I hope you not only find one available, but a really good one too! Keep trying!
Meanwhile, we're all here, doing what we can for each other. Thank goodness. Hang in there!
My last therapist was a big CBT twat. I told her that CBT is an absolute fail for someone like me, but she still attempted to lead the treatment in that direction. So, no more therapist.
K does CBT, but it definitely doesn't fix all. She has such therapist trust issues and any time E has off for baby birthing, K has needed to discontinue therapy. One woman, despite my child telling her she didn't want to go there, was trying to dive into the details of a school trip to Philly where some girl hard core tried to take advantage of K. K already handled it with E and she could not understand why baby birthing therapy substitute decided to pull that out of the archives. Pissed my kid off. She told E when she got back. She now no longer refers K to anyone else while on birthing holiday.
Comments
Thank you for thinking of your wife.
Thank you for respecting trees & wildlife.
Seriously, it sounds more like frustration at feeling helpless and just wanting to say "fuck it all".
The world isn't shitty, by the way. At least I don't think it is, overall. Some days it seems that way, but maybe it depends on the lens color of the glasses we're wearing at the time.
So, Mr. Luxemberg, it's just not you.
there is a difference , however, between that feeling and a little nagging voice inside your head that appears every once in a while telling you to go ahead and kill yourself, it's the perfect time in your life to do so. THAT stuff is the serious kind that needs professional attention.
I learned about that while researching suicide after Chris Cornell's death. Suicide doesn't necessarily mean depression. It could be much more sinister and lifelong than sudden and as quick dismissed urges
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
You guys are like a ray of sunshine for me. I'm getting a bit fed up with all this but blimey, things change. Talking about your feelings and sharing is a good way to go.
I guess it's good to look for those small little things which make life feel worthwhile. I was well pissed off last week but someone told me their story of recovery and becoming a paramedic, so inspiring and uplifting.
There are silver linings everywhere and they dont even have to be big things. Sometimes the little things are the big things.
I'm glad death hasn't caught up with you, dankind. Hang in there!
Thank you for reminding me to look for those silver linings, Dream Girl!
And you as well!
The Rn is 1 all over the uk and i dont believe that even. Schools go back in 2 weeks. How?
Im forced because of my partners son 13 to be involved. I wont and cant. Its not safe.
Ive had enough not able to get out of bed until afternoon as it is.
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Good thoughts for you, my friends. Thanks for your goodness and sweet vibes. Hang in there!
Guess I'll talk about it with my doc when I see her next.
And from here too, good wishes to those who need it.
A strength
astoria 06
albany 06
hartford 06
reading 06
barcelona 06
paris 06
wembley 07
dusseldorf 07
nijmegen 07
this song is meant to be called i got shit,itshould be called i got shit tickets-hartford 06 -
Kudos, Hedo! Very wise of you to know when to reach out for help.
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