Is it still acceptable in this day and age to ask a WOMAN in public out for a coffee/drink/lunch?

Bentleyspop · December 2018

I've been following this thread and your others for awhile now so I am fully aware of your issues and life concerns.

As mentioned earlier women do ask guys out.

In my situation I met my girlfriend in a bar before a Pearl Jam concert. Because of our conversation she knew where I lived and worked and the next day she reached out to me via my company's customer contact email. Now 4 years later we live together and have been to 8 more PJ shows.

So it does happen.
Step out of your comfort zone
Try something different
If that doesn't work try something else
Just don't give up

Good luck

deadendp · December 2018

Thoughts_Arrive said:

deadendp said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Gern Blansten said:

If she wants to go out she'll ask you

No she won't. Women never ask a guy out. I've never known of a woman doing so.

I'm not reading 4 pages. Sorry. I'll just drop in to say that I did ask my husband out. This, I might add, was after he asked me out.

How did that work?

Well, when he asked me out, I was still dating someone. I was tiring of the excuses . . . he lived about 45 minutes north of me, but constantly complained about distance. He was a senior in college and I was in my second year at a completely different university. There was nothing about the relationship that was super great (and I mean, um, nothing) so when M asked me out, I told him, "I don't mean to shoot you down, but technically I'm still dating someone." I gave him my number. Told him to phone me that weekend. He didn't. I get it.

I phoned D that night knowing that this was going to be either a continuance of whatever it was we had or a dump. He answered the phone and the first sentence out of his mouth was about how he had just turned 10,000 miles over on his car. He also went on about this girl he had dated in high school.

"Perhaps you should try seeing her again."

"What do you mean?"

"Obviously this isn't working."

We split. I saw M on Monday and figured out that the freaking ball was in my court. I asked him to go to the library. (If memory serves.) We did and we have been together ever since. How long has that been? Just a few months shy of 25 years. I might add that when we were dating, my husband lived further away than D and never ever once complained. Sweet guy he is.

So, stop saying that women don't ask men out. (I do believe that you are trying for a woman because posing a question about asking a "girl" out here in the states is grounds for arrest.) They do.

Stop overthinking.

Stop coming up with excuses.

Stop blaming your parents.

Stop blaming ill marriage examples on your siblings.

Stop blaming university.

We all come from steaming piles of shit, but you rise from the ashes and make good things happen. We're all damaged goods and whether you decide to take that damage and work with it or allow it to hinder you, I suppose that is your own thing. However, you ask advice. People give it and you (by my experience) generally come up with a reason or many of why something wouldn't work.

You want a relationship and yet you don't. It confuses the hell out of me.

Just ask the woman out. Have a lovely time. Sleep with her if you want. Don't if you don't want to. Just, for the love of whatever deity you believe in, do something! We have been cheering you on for quite some time now. We want good things to happen for you and S_C. Go forth! Enjoy life! If it works, great. If it doesn't, try again with someone else.

Thank you.
Congratulations on your 25 years of marriage.
That's an awesome love story. Wish a WOMAN would ask me out. Sorry I say girl and woman interchangeably.
Seeing I am 34, I am not keen on dating someone from university given the massive age difference.
When I mean I do and don't. I yearn for romance, connection, love, sex but at the same time I fear change, I fear letting her down, I fear failing as a partner, I fear sharing my shit life story.

Most people do, but... There are people out there. I had rolled out of a broken engagement, into a shit rebound then on to who would end up being my husband. He hadn't dated anyone prior to me. His parents thought he was gay, but he was just unsure of himself. The first woman he asked out was engaged. He asked me out and at first I said no because I was still dating doufus #2.

Love makes you fall on your face, say stupid things, walk into walls, run red lights... but if after that person sees the real authentic you and sticks around, that is good stuff.

When my husband and I were first dating, I played true confessions. I told him everything that went on. I told him of the hurts, that I had been with a few people, had my heart crushed... I told him all of that because I thought that if I was going to invest time (I was not a date around kinda girl) then if he were to bolt, make it happen now. Turns out that for us, it was a perfect way to start forever.

We are honest with each other and trust each other completely. Words aren't coated in sugar. Bluntness is what it is, and it is how we raise our daughter.

If you fall on your face, get up, dust yourself off and try again. The world won't come to an end if a coffee date turns out as just friends.

my2hands · December 2018

Halifax2TheMax said:

F Me In The Brain said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

F Me In The Brain said:

My wife is strong with the force -- she would have told them to Fuck Off in those exact words if they were bothering them too much....but I get that some people might be more annoyed.

You're not married to Rey are ya?

She would eat Rey for lunch.

On their first date? That’s quick.

YO!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL

Thoughts_Arrive · December 2018

deadendp said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

deadendp said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Gern Blansten said:

If she wants to go out she'll ask you

No she won't. Women never ask a guy out. I've never known of a woman doing so.

I'm not reading 4 pages. Sorry. I'll just drop in to say that I did ask my husband out. This, I might add, was after he asked me out.

How did that work?

Well, when he asked me out, I was still dating someone. I was tiring of the excuses . . . he lived about 45 minutes north of me, but constantly complained about distance. He was a senior in college and I was in my second year at a completely different university. There was nothing about the relationship that was super great (and I mean, um, nothing) so when M asked me out, I told him, "I don't mean to shoot you down, but technically I'm still dating someone." I gave him my number. Told him to phone me that weekend. He didn't. I get it.

I phoned D that night knowing that this was going to be either a continuance of whatever it was we had or a dump. He answered the phone and the first sentence out of his mouth was about how he had just turned 10,000 miles over on his car. He also went on about this girl he had dated in high school.

"Perhaps you should try seeing her again."

"What do you mean?"

"Obviously this isn't working."

We split. I saw M on Monday and figured out that the freaking ball was in my court. I asked him to go to the library. (If memory serves.) We did and we have been together ever since. How long has that been? Just a few months shy of 25 years. I might add that when we were dating, my husband lived further away than D and never ever once complained. Sweet guy he is.

So, stop saying that women don't ask men out. (I do believe that you are trying for a woman because posing a question about asking a "girl" out here in the states is grounds for arrest.) They do.

Stop overthinking.

Stop coming up with excuses.

Stop blaming your parents.

Stop blaming ill marriage examples on your siblings.

Stop blaming university.

We all come from steaming piles of shit, but you rise from the ashes and make good things happen. We're all damaged goods and whether you decide to take that damage and work with it or allow it to hinder you, I suppose that is your own thing. However, you ask advice. People give it and you (by my experience) generally come up with a reason or many of why something wouldn't work.

You want a relationship and yet you don't. It confuses the hell out of me.

Just ask the woman out. Have a lovely time. Sleep with her if you want. Don't if you don't want to. Just, for the love of whatever deity you believe in, do something! We have been cheering you on for quite some time now. We want good things to happen for you and S_C. Go forth! Enjoy life! If it works, great. If it doesn't, try again with someone else.

Thank you.
Congratulations on your 25 years of marriage.
That's an awesome love story. Wish a WOMAN would ask me out. Sorry I say girl and woman interchangeably.
Seeing I am 34, I am not keen on dating someone from university given the massive age difference.
When I mean I do and don't. I yearn for romance, connection, love, sex but at the same time I fear change, I fear letting her down, I fear failing as a partner, I fear sharing my shit life story.

He hadn't dated anyone prior to me. His parents thought he was gay, but he was just unsure of himself. The first woman he asked out was engaged. He asked me out and at first I said no because I was still dating doufus #2.

Sounds like me haha
Sick of people thinking I am not interested in the opposite sex, little do they know I've tried.
Thanks.

mickeyrat · December 2018

familiar with the phrase, nothing ventured, nothing gained?

Thoughts_Arrive · December 2018

mickeyrat said:

familiar with the phrase, nothing ventured, nothing gained?

Nope but I believe I've heard similar phrases.

HughFreakingDillon · December 2018

Bentleyspop said:

I've been following this thread and your others for awhile now so I am fully aware of your issues and life concerns.

As mentioned earlier women do ask guys out.

In my situation I met my girlfriend in a bar before a Pearl Jam concert. Because of our conversation she knew where I lived and worked and the next day she reached out to me via my company's customer contact email. Now 4 years later we live together and have been to 8 more PJ shows.

So it does happen.
Step out of your comfort zone
Try something different
If that doesn't work try something else
Just don't give up

Good luck

my wife asked me out too. actually, more accurately, she blurted out that she was in love with me before we ever had a date (we were very close friends for a very long time).

married 14 years.

njnancy · December 2018

Yes

HughFreakingDillon said:

Bentleyspop said:

I've been following this thread and your others for awhile now so I am fully aware of your issues and life concerns.

As mentioned earlier women do ask guys out.

In my situation I met my girlfriend in a bar before a Pearl Jam concert. Because of our conversation she knew where I lived and worked and the next day she reached out to me via my company's customer contact email. Now 4 years later we live together and have been to 8 more PJ shows.

So it does happen.
Step out of your comfort zone
Try something different
If that doesn't work try something else
Just don't give up

Good luck

my wife asked me out too. actually, more accurately, she blurted out that she was in love with me before we ever had a date (we were very close friends for a very long time).

married 14 years.

Maybe there is hope for love in this world.

josevolution · December 2018

Yes

Bentleyspop said:

I've been following this thread and your others for awhile now so I am fully aware of your issues and life concerns.

As mentioned earlier women do ask guys out.

In my situation I met my girlfriend in a bar before a Pearl Jam concert. Because of our conversation she knew where I lived and worked and the next day she reached out to me via my company's customer contact email. Now 4 years later we live together and have been to 8 more PJ shows.

So it does happen.
Step out of your comfort zone
Try something different
If that doesn't work try something else
Just don't give up

Good luck

Cool ..

josevolution · December 2018

Yes

HughFreakingDillon said:

Bentleyspop said:

I've been following this thread and your others for awhile now so I am fully aware of your issues and life concerns.

As mentioned earlier women do ask guys out.

In my situation I met my girlfriend in a bar before a Pearl Jam concert. Because of our conversation she knew where I lived and worked and the next day she reached out to me via my company's customer contact email. Now 4 years later we live together and have been to 8 more PJ shows.

So it does happen.
Step out of your comfort zone
Try something different
If that doesn't work try something else
Just don't give up

Good luck

my wife asked me out too. actually, more accurately, she blurted out that she was in love with me before we ever had a date (we were very close friends for a very long time).

married 14 years.

You stud muffin you , cool 😎

HughFreakingDillon · December 2018

josevolution said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Bentleyspop said:

I've been following this thread and your others for awhile now so I am fully aware of your issues and life concerns.

As mentioned earlier women do ask guys out.

In my situation I met my girlfriend in a bar before a Pearl Jam concert. Because of our conversation she knew where I lived and worked and the next day she reached out to me via my company's customer contact email. Now 4 years later we live together and have been to 8 more PJ shows.

So it does happen.
Step out of your comfort zone
Try something different
If that doesn't work try something else
Just don't give up

Good luck

my wife asked me out too. actually, more accurately, she blurted out that she was in love with me before we ever had a date (we were very close friends for a very long time).

married 14 years.

You stud muffin you , cool 😎

that's one thing I've never been called before. and it had to be a dude. LOL

josevolution · December 2018

Yes

HughFreakingDillon said:

josevolution said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Bentleyspop said:

I've been following this thread and your others for awhile now so I am fully aware of your issues and life concerns.

As mentioned earlier women do ask guys out.

In my situation I met my girlfriend in a bar before a Pearl Jam concert. Because of our conversation she knew where I lived and worked and the next day she reached out to me via my company's customer contact email. Now 4 years later we live together and have been to 8 more PJ shows.

So it does happen.
Step out of your comfort zone
Try something different
If that doesn't work try something else
Just don't give up

Good luck

my wife asked me out too. actually, more accurately, she blurted out that she was in love with me before we ever had a date (we were very close friends for a very long time).

married 14 years.

You stud muffin you , cool 😎

that's one thing I've never been called before. and it had to be a dude. LOL

I’m here to boost egos 😀

Thoughts_Arrive · December 2018

HughFreakingDillon said:

Bentleyspop said:

I've been following this thread and your others for awhile now so I am fully aware of your issues and life concerns.

As mentioned earlier women do ask guys out.

In my situation I met my girlfriend in a bar before a Pearl Jam concert. Because of our conversation she knew where I lived and worked and the next day she reached out to me via my company's customer contact email. Now 4 years later we live together and have been to 8 more PJ shows.

So it does happen.
Step out of your comfort zone
Try something different
If that doesn't work try something else
Just don't give up

Good luck

my wife asked me out too. actually, more accurately, she blurted out that she was in love with me before we ever had a date (we were very close friends for a very long time).

married 14 years.

Beautiful. Lucky you.

Jason P · December 2018

In a day and age when the hero from The Princess Bride would be considered a fucking weirdo sexual predator, who knows what's acceptable. Westley was known for drugging drinks after all ...

OffSheGoes35 · December 2018

Team Montoya all the way! Fuck Westley

Mandy Pantinkin, that's what is acceptable.

njnancy · December 2018

Yes

OffSheGoes35 said:

Team Montoya all the way! Fuck Westley

Mandy Pantinkin, that's what is acceptable.

I'm completely lost.....

oftenreading · December 2018

njnancy said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Team Montoya all the way! Fuck Westley

Mandy Pantinkin, that's what is acceptable.

I'm completely lost.....

You haven’t ever watched Princess Bride?

Oh, njnancy, you really should.

njnancy · December 2018

Yes

oftenreading said:

njnancy said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Team Montoya all the way! Fuck Westley

Mandy Pantinkin, that's what is acceptable.

I'm completely lost.....

You haven’t ever watched Princess Bride?

Oh, njnancy, you really should.

I thought I had, but since I don't get any of the references, I guess I'll have to check it out.

OffSheGoes35 · December 2018

njnancy said:

oftenreading said:

njnancy said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Team Montoya all the way! Fuck Westley

Mandy Pantinkin, that's what is acceptable.

I'm completely lost.....

You haven’t ever watched Princess Bride?

Oh, njnancy, you really should.

I thought I had, but since I don't get any of the references, I guess I'll have to check it out.

Mandy Patinkin is the actor who plays Inigo Montoya. I had a dream I married him after watching Yentl. So, I like him more than Cary Elwes. I'm loyal that way.

F Me In The Brain · December 2018

Yes

OffSheGoes35 said:

njnancy said:

oftenreading said:

njnancy said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

Team Montoya all the way! Fuck Westley

Mandy Pantinkin, that's what is acceptable.

I'm completely lost.....

You haven’t ever watched Princess Bride?

Oh, njnancy, you really should.

I thought I had, but since I don't get any of the references, I guess I'll have to check it out.

Mandy Patinkin is the actor who plays Inigo Montoya. I had a dream I married him after watching Yentl. So, I like him more than Cary Elwes. I'm loyal that way.

He is one of the Hollywood guys widely rumored to be a giant asshole, for years and years.

I never met him so cannot corroborate, but know some who have.

Is it still acceptable in this day and age to ask a WOMAN in public out for a coffee/drink/lunch?

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