Is it still acceptable in this day and age to ask a WOMAN in public out for a coffee/drink/lunch?

F Me In The Brain · December 2018

Yes

hedonist said:

F Me In The Brain said:

My wife is strong with the force -- she would have told them to Fuck Off in those exact words if they were bothering them too much....but I get that some people might be more annoyed.

The best are the ones who can't conceive of being politely told "no", get disproportionately angry at being refused, and then yell that I'm probably a dyke anyway. And so what if I were?

Much like your wife, I've earned my "Fuck Off" miles and will redeem them as necessary

Ha -- yeah, she would laugh (I am sure) if they told her she was probably a dyke anyway.

oftenreading · December 2018

HughFreakingDillon said:

hedonist said:

F Me In The Brain said:

My wife is strong with the force -- she would have told them to Fuck Off in those exact words if they were bothering them too much....but I get that some people might be more annoyed.

The best are the ones who can't conceive of being politely told "no", get disproportionately angry at being refused, and then yell that I'm probably a dyke anyway. And so what if I were?

Much like your wife, I've earned my "Fuck Off" miles and will redeem them as necessary

the problem lies, hedonist, in that these guys probably get told "no" politely at least half of the time, but have learned that if they persist they are often successful anyway.

Yes, therein lies the problem. Too many guys who still think that persisting after a no, or several nos, is charming or romantic or endearing. Hollywood is partly to blame for this, in more ways than one.

lolobugg · December 2018

oftenreading said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

hedonist said:

F Me In The Brain said:

My wife is strong with the force -- she would have told them to Fuck Off in those exact words if they were bothering them too much....but I get that some people might be more annoyed.

The best are the ones who can't conceive of being politely told "no", get disproportionately angry at being refused, and then yell that I'm probably a dyke anyway. And so what if I were?

Much like your wife, I've earned my "Fuck Off" miles and will redeem them as necessary

the problem lies, hedonist, in that these guys probably get told "no" politely at least half of the time, but have learned that if they persist they are often successful anyway.

Yes, therein lies the problem. Too many guys who still think that persisting after a no, or several nos, is charming or romantic or endearing. Hollywood is partly to blame for this, in more ways than one.

Often,

what is your opinion on "Baby, It's Cold Outside"?

F Me In The Brain · December 2018

Yes

oftenreading said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

hedonist said:

F Me In The Brain said:

My wife is strong with the force -- she would have told them to Fuck Off in those exact words if they were bothering them too much....but I get that some people might be more annoyed.

The best are the ones who can't conceive of being politely told "no", get disproportionately angry at being refused, and then yell that I'm probably a dyke anyway. And so what if I were?

Much like your wife, I've earned my "Fuck Off" miles and will redeem them as necessary

the problem lies, hedonist, in that these guys probably get told "no" politely at least half of the time, but have learned that if they persist they are often successful anyway.

Yes, therein lies the problem. Too many guys who still think that persisting after a no, or several nos, is charming or romantic or endearing. Hollywood is partly to blame for this, in more ways than one.

"Baby, its cold outside!"

F Me In The Brain · December 2018

Yes

Ha! Logan and I go to the same place, same time

lolobugg · December 2018

F Me In The Brain said:

Ha! Logan and I go to the same place, same time

Weird, isn't it. LOL.

oftenreading · December 2018

lolobugg said:

oftenreading said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

hedonist said:

F Me In The Brain said:

My wife is strong with the force -- she would have told them to Fuck Off in those exact words if they were bothering them too much....but I get that some people might be more annoyed.

The best are the ones who can't conceive of being politely told "no", get disproportionately angry at being refused, and then yell that I'm probably a dyke anyway. And so what if I were?

Much like your wife, I've earned my "Fuck Off" miles and will redeem them as necessary

the problem lies, hedonist, in that these guys probably get told "no" politely at least half of the time, but have learned that if they persist they are often successful anyway.

Yes, therein lies the problem. Too many guys who still think that persisting after a no, or several nos, is charming or romantic or endearing. Hollywood is partly to blame for this, in more ways than one.

Often,
what is your opinion on "Baby, It's Cold Outside"?

oftenreading · December 2018

I know you two both have a certain facility with the written word, so you don’t even have to ask - you can find out all you ever wanted to know about that, and more.

PJ_Soul · December 2018

Yes

OffSheGoes35 said:

PJ_Soul said:

Go Beavers said:

PJ_Soul said:

lolobugg said:

PJ_Soul said:

lolobugg said:

PJ_Soul said:

Meltdown99 said:

TA have you thought about getting an life coach, attending a Tony Robbins seminar or similar...s/

Or even Toastmasters. I think others have suggested that before... and not sarcastically.

WTF is Toastmasters?

It's this kind of program or whatever you call it that is offered all over the world, and it helps people come out of their shells, improve at public speaking and stuff like that. It supposedly REALLY helps people who are self-conscious, shy, have trouble speaking with groups or with strangers, boost self-confidence, and it also helps people improve with job interviews. I've only heard good things about it.

Scientology?

Lol!! No, no! Nothing like that! It's a very normal program for normal people, haha, nothing cult-like about it. I'm sensitive to that kind of vibe too, and would never recommend anything that comes close. It's rated very highly as a self-improvement and professional kind of program, and not brainwashy or anything at all. I remember my high school always recommended it to everyone because it helps prepare younger people for communicating in a professional and confident manner in "the real world", for when they started looking for jobs and careers (but it is totally for all-ages). And it's still going 25 years later, so it obviously has something to offer. In fact, my sister took it. I don't think she needed a lot of help communicating with other people, but it actually looks really good on any resume and she figured it would help her find a job. It probably did help.

And you become Master of your Toast

That is the grossest thing I've ever seen you post, PJ_S.

my2hands · December 2018

OP... just download the Tinder app FFS

vaggar99 · December 2018

its all an illusion. you will be disappointed.

deadendp · December 2018

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Gern Blansten said:

If she wants to go out she'll ask you

No she won't. Women never ask a guy out. I've never known of a woman doing so.

I'm not reading 4 pages. Sorry. I'll just drop in to say that I did ask my husband out. This, I might add, was after he asked me out.

How did that work?

Well, when he asked me out, I was still dating someone. I was tiring of the excuses . . . he lived about 45 minutes north of me, but constantly complained about distance. He was a senior in college and I was in my second year at a completely different university. There was nothing about the relationship that was super great (and I mean, um, nothing) so when M asked me out, I told him, "I don't mean to shoot you down, but technically I'm still dating someone." I gave him my number. Told him to phone me that weekend. He didn't. I get it.

I phoned D that night knowing that this was going to be either a continuance of whatever it was we had or a dump. He answered the phone and the first sentence out of his mouth was about how he had just turned 10,000 miles over on his car. He also went on about this girl he had dated in high school.

"Perhaps you should try seeing her again."

"What do you mean?"

"Obviously this isn't working."

We split. I saw M on Monday and figured out that the freaking ball was in my court. I asked him to go to the library. (If memory serves.) We did and we have been together ever since. How long has that been? Just a few months shy of 25 years. I might add that when we were dating, my husband lived further away than D and never ever once complained. Sweet guy he is.

So, stop saying that women don't ask men out. (I do believe that you are trying for a woman because posing a question about asking a "girl" out here in the states is grounds for arrest.) They do.

Stop overthinking.

Stop coming up with excuses.

Stop blaming your parents.

Stop blaming ill marriage examples on your siblings.

Stop blaming university.

We all come from steaming piles of shit, but you rise from the ashes and make good things happen. We're all damaged goods and whether you decide to take that damage and work with it or allow it to hinder you, I suppose that is your own thing. However, you ask advice. People give it and you (by my experience) generally come up with a reason or many of why something wouldn't work.

You want a relationship and yet you don't. It confuses the hell out of me.

Just ask the woman out. Have a lovely time. Sleep with her if you want. Don't if you don't want to. Just, for the love of whatever deity you believe in, do something! We have been cheering you on for quite some time now. We want good things to happen for you and S_C. Go forth! Enjoy life! If it works, great. If it doesn't, try again with someone else.

Thoughts_Arrive · December 2018

PJPOWER said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJPOWER said:

There are probably better ways than just trying to pick up random strangers...Throw a party and encourage your friends to bring friends (hopefully a single one), do you enjoy doing anything outdoors or book clubs or etc? There are a lot of hobbyist groups out there that have local meetups, maybe even a political rallying group. Volunteer at local outreach organizations to build relationships with others and to display the best of yourself.
If there is someone on the train that you regularly run into and talk to, then yes, ask them out for coffee, but just going up asking people out that you have never engaged with otherwise is probably not the best course of action in my opinion.

Yeah I know there's all those avenues of meeting except for the party. I don't know many people, only have a few friends.
I've never had a big party. I have only celebrated my birthday 3 times in my life.
There's noone I regularly see on the train that interests me but I always come across beauties.

I’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time now, but occasionally women will strike up a conversation out of nowhere for random reasons:
I was reading a book at the local Barnes and Noble a while back and a women came up and started a convo about the book.
Was playing music in my office the other day and a female coworker overheard it and came in and said “I love that song”, which lead to “Oh, you like Pearl Jam, I’m a huge fan” and further music convo...
Met the woman I’ve been married to for 15 years at the mailboxes in college (our mailboxes were right next to each other and we would always run across each other and joke saying things like “you again??”).

Anyways, I’m not saying this to toot my own horn, but to give examples of opportunities to start conversations that I have experienced that could have led to asking someone out for coffee or whatever. Put the best of yourself on display and recognize people around you and “seize the moment” when possible (cliche I know, lol).

Thank you.
Wow, I wish something like that would happen to me. This is why I avoid online dating. I want magic to happen when I least expect it.

Thoughts_Arrive · December 2018

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Go Beavers said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I don't about a 'yes'. With this me too movement and radical feminism I feel like it is frowned upon nowadays.

By using the term radical feminism, maybe you’re misinterpreting what’s going on. Radical feminism isn’t the right term for greater gender equality (although maybe equality is radical). You’re seing women feel less pressure to placate men in social situations. In this example, the pressure in the was more on women to not reject and upset the guy and just agree to the date. Now if they aren’t interested, they have a greater opportunity to say no thanks.

I've always believed men and women should be treated equally, paid equally, that women should not be assualted, raped etc.
To me that is what feminism is.
What I am seeing on social media is extreme.
I recently had an argument with a girl from university (who is a radical feminist) on Facebook because she put up a post saying all men should have a curfew from 9pm onwards. And I am sick of feminists saying ALL men need to change. To me it's blaming an entire gender for the wrong actions of some. Another girl I know posted art she did with a caption "all men are snakes" plus she thinks anyone who asks her out is only after sex.

don't even bother engaging with people like that. they carry so much baggage that you won't change any minds by arguing. you'll just further embolden them in their cause, and they'll probably now assume you are one of the dirtbags they are after. just don't comment and move on.

what you see on social media is often a radical form of the real world as it is. everyone thinks their opinion matters and deserves to be heard. it is a place for the ignored to feel as if they have a voice. people say shit there they wouldn't dare say to a human in front of them.

not many feminists, true feminists, say all men need to change. they are hoping all men HELP with the change, as in changing our overall culture.

Yeah exactly.
These radical feminists hurt their own cause by marginalising men.

Thoughts_Arrive · December 2018

F Me In The Brain said:

My wife is strong with the force -- she would have told them to Fuck Off in those exact words if they were bothering them too much....but I get that some people might be more annoyed.

You're not married to Rey are ya?

Thoughts_Arrive · December 2018

my2hands said:

OP... just download the Tinder app FFS

Hell no. Never ever.

Thoughts_Arrive · December 2018

deadendp said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Gern Blansten said:

If she wants to go out she'll ask you

No she won't. Women never ask a guy out. I've never known of a woman doing so.

I'm not reading 4 pages. Sorry. I'll just drop in to say that I did ask my husband out. This, I might add, was after he asked me out.

How did that work?

Well, when he asked me out, I was still dating someone. I was tiring of the excuses . . . he lived about 45 minutes north of me, but constantly complained about distance. He was a senior in college and I was in my second year at a completely different university. There was nothing about the relationship that was super great (and I mean, um, nothing) so when M asked me out, I told him, "I don't mean to shoot you down, but technically I'm still dating someone." I gave him my number. Told him to phone me that weekend. He didn't. I get it.

I phoned D that night knowing that this was going to be either a continuance of whatever it was we had or a dump. He answered the phone and the first sentence out of his mouth was about how he had just turned 10,000 miles over on his car. He also went on about this girl he had dated in high school.

"Perhaps you should try seeing her again."

"What do you mean?"

"Obviously this isn't working."

We split. I saw M on Monday and figured out that the freaking ball was in my court. I asked him to go to the library. (If memory serves.) We did and we have been together ever since. How long has that been? Just a few months shy of 25 years. I might add that when we were dating, my husband lived further away than D and never ever once complained. Sweet guy he is.

So, stop saying that women don't ask men out. (I do believe that you are trying for a woman because posing a question about asking a "girl" out here in the states is grounds for arrest.) They do.

Stop overthinking.

Stop coming up with excuses.

Stop blaming your parents.

Stop blaming ill marriage examples on your siblings.

Stop blaming university.

We all come from steaming piles of shit, but you rise from the ashes and make good things happen. We're all damaged goods and whether you decide to take that damage and work with it or allow it to hinder you, I suppose that is your own thing. However, you ask advice. People give it and you (by my experience) generally come up with a reason or many of why something wouldn't work.

You want a relationship and yet you don't. It confuses the hell out of me.

Just ask the woman out. Have a lovely time. Sleep with her if you want. Don't if you don't want to. Just, for the love of whatever deity you believe in, do something! We have been cheering you on for quite some time now. We want good things to happen for you and S_C. Go forth! Enjoy life! If it works, great. If it doesn't, try again with someone else.

Thank you.
Congratulations on your 25 years of marriage.
That's an awesome love story. Wish a WOMAN would ask me out. Sorry I say girl and woman interchangeably.
Seeing I am 34, I am not keen on dating someone from university given the massive age difference.
When I mean I do and don't. I yearn for romance, connection, love, sex but at the same time I fear change, I fear letting her down, I fear failing as a partner, I fear sharing my shit life story.

F Me In The Brain · December 2018

Yes

Thoughts_Arrive said:

F Me In The Brain said:

My wife is strong with the force -- she would have told them to Fuck Off in those exact words if they were bothering them too much....but I get that some people might be more annoyed.

You're not married to Rey are ya?

She would eat Rey for lunch.

Thoughts_Arrive · December 2018

F Me In The Brain said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

F Me In The Brain said:

My wife is strong with the force -- she would have told them to Fuck Off in those exact words if they were bothering them too much....but I get that some people might be more annoyed.

You're not married to Rey are ya?

She would eat Rey for lunch.

Haha

Halifax2TheMax · December 2018

F Me In The Brain said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

F Me In The Brain said:

My wife is strong with the force -- she would have told them to Fuck Off in those exact words if they were bothering them too much....but I get that some people might be more annoyed.

You're not married to Rey are ya?

She would eat Rey for lunch.

On their first date? That’s quick.

Is it still acceptable in this day and age to ask a WOMAN in public out for a coffee/drink/lunch?

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