Is it still acceptable in this day and age to ask a WOMAN in public out for a coffee/drink/lunch?

Thoughts_Arrive · December 2018

benjs said:

PJ_Soul said:

lolobugg said:

PJ_Soul said:

Meltdown99 said:

TA have you thought about getting an life coach, attending a Tony Robbins seminar or similar...s/

Or even Toastmasters. I think others have suggested that before... and not sarcastically.

WTF is Toastmasters?

It's this kind of program or whatever you call it that is offered all over the world, and it helps people come out of their shells, improve at public speaking and stuff like that. It supposedly REALLY helps people who are self-conscious, shy, have trouble speaking with groups or with strangers, boost self-confidence, and it also helps people improve with job interviews. I've only heard good things about it.

It’s absolutely fantastic. I took a management position in a Toastmasters club for six months (until I moved to a new company), and felt I made gains in all the areas you mentioned. Can’t recommend it enough to anyone interested in enhancing their verbal communication skills!

The thing is I feel my verbal communication skills are adequate. I've been in the workforce, had to do presentations to management, speak to clients, work in university group assignments etc. Not sure what I could benefit. I'm not shy or not confident in a professional work sense. I am shy when it comes to the opposite sex and dating.

vaggar99 · December 2018

Go Beavers said:

Curious if any of the boys in here have been asked out randomly and what the situation was.

sure. but, it tends to be girls who are curious, but not serious. (i.e. already in a relationship, just having a bad day).

vaggar99 · December 2018

eddiec said:

62,984,828 Americans believe grabbing a girl by the p***y is acceptable behaviour so I'm sure a coffee is still okay.

that was so good i posted the question/response on my Facebook

josevolution · December 2018

Yes

vaggar99 said:

eddiec said:

62,984,828 Americans believe grabbing a girl by the p***y is acceptable behaviour so I'm sure a coffee is still okay.

that was so good i posted the question/response on my Facebook

Instant classic ..

josevolution · December 2018

Yes

https://www.google.com/search?q=chivalry
Is chivalry dead ?

F Me In The Brain · December 2018

Yes

Thought this story from last night might fit in this thread.

My wife is in Manhattan for work.

Her boss is with her. Her boss was a model in her 20s, she is in her 50s now and still looks great.

They go for sushi last night at Hatsuhana - those who are in NYC or have eaten sushi there over the years will know this place, for sure. Not for 'sushi roll' eaters -- this is a real deal sushi restaurant. (I am a certified Sushi snob) Top notch stuff and the bill for dining there matches that reality.

Why share this in this thread? Here is why:

They are waiting for a table and 2 guys in their 50s chat them up. Bigly. One man is recruiting them to all get a table together. The women have a chat but decline the invitation, flattering as it is. Apparently the one man is somewhat infatuated with my wife's boss.

They end up having tables next to one another and he continues his full court press -- he wants them to go for drinks after dinner. They share some information about themselves and enjoy a great dinner.

When the time for the check comes the server tells my wife's boss that 'The Gentleman at the table next to them insisted on covering their meal.'

My wife told me they ordered Ken (our favorite Sake, generally around $100+ a small-ish bottle when ordered out) and a big spread of sushi. Gotta figure the bill was $200-$300, easily.

Were the women offended?

Hell no.

Did the guy get to have drinks with them after?

Nope.

My wife is a pretty lady but says she has never seen such a push to gain her favor. Buying drinks is one thing but a nice dinner is another. Her boss said she had experienced situations like that before, but not in years.

They both had a laugh, and I guess the 2 dudes have enough coin to toss it around and see what attention it might get them.

TA, I am sure you will have your take on this and why this doesn't provide an easy 'Yes' to your poll question, but in my mind it shows how efforts can still be made without causing offense -- even when they are a crazy/bold effort such as this one.

Too funny.

PJPOWER · December 2018

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJPOWER said:

There are probably better ways than just trying to pick up random strangers...Throw a party and encourage your friends to bring friends (hopefully a single one), do you enjoy doing anything outdoors or book clubs or etc? There are a lot of hobbyist groups out there that have local meetups, maybe even a political rallying group. Volunteer at local outreach organizations to build relationships with others and to display the best of yourself.
If there is someone on the train that you regularly run into and talk to, then yes, ask them out for coffee, but just going up asking people out that you have never engaged with otherwise is probably not the best course of action in my opinion.

Yeah I know there's all those avenues of meeting except for the party. I don't know many people, only have a few friends.
I've never had a big party. I have only celebrated my birthday 3 times in my life.
There's noone I regularly see on the train that interests me but I always come across beauties.

I’ve been out of the dating scene for a long time now, but occasionally women will strike up a conversation out of nowhere for random reasons:
I was reading a book at the local Barnes and Noble a while back and a women came up and started a convo about the book.
Was playing music in my office the other day and a female coworker overheard it and came in and said “I love that song”, which lead to “Oh, you like Pearl Jam, I’m a huge fan” and further music convo...
Met the woman I’ve been married to for 15 years at the mailboxes in college (our mailboxes were right next to each other and we would always run across each other and joke saying things like “you again??”).

Anyways, I’m not saying this to toot my own horn, but to give examples of opportunities to start conversations that I have experienced that could have led to asking someone out for coffee or whatever. Put the best of yourself on display and recognize people around you and “seize the moment” when possible (cliche I know, lol).

HughFreakingDillon · December 2018

rgambs said:

Go Beavers said:

Curious if any of the boys in here have been asked out randomly and what the situation was.

This happened to me for the first time as an adult last week! A lady was eyeballin' me and I thought it was because I was busted glancing at her friend's yoga pants but apparently she was glancing me. She said, "this might sound crazy, but are you single?"
I couldn't believe it. I felt great.
She was very average, not particularly attractive, but not at all ugly either. Definitely would have taken her on a date if I was single, I don't have any trouble finding something attractive in the vast majority of women.
I told my wife that if somewhat below average women are looking hard enough to say something, then maybe above average women are checking me out a little.
Her reply:
"No, it just means she thinks you are at her level."

My buddy laughed his ass off at that.

your wife is awesome

HughFreakingDillon · December 2018

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Go Beavers said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I don't about a 'yes'. With this me too movement and radical feminism I feel like it is frowned upon nowadays.

By using the term radical feminism, maybe you’re misinterpreting what’s going on. Radical feminism isn’t the right term for greater gender equality (although maybe equality is radical). You’re seing women feel less pressure to placate men in social situations. In this example, the pressure in the was more on women to not reject and upset the guy and just agree to the date. Now if they aren’t interested, they have a greater opportunity to say no thanks.

I've always believed men and women should be treated equally, paid equally, that women should not be assualted, raped etc.
To me that is what feminism is.
What I am seeing on social media is extreme.
I recently had an argument with a girl from university (who is a radical feminist) on Facebook because she put up a post saying all men should have a curfew from 9pm onwards. And I am sick of feminists saying ALL men need to change. To me it's blaming an entire gender for the wrong actions of some. Another girl I know posted art she did with a caption "all men are snakes" plus she thinks anyone who asks her out is only after sex.

don't even bother engaging with people like that. they carry so much baggage that you won't change any minds by arguing. you'll just further embolden them in their cause, and they'll probably now assume you are one of the dirtbags they are after. just don't comment and move on.

what you see on social media is often a radical form of the real world as it is. everyone thinks their opinion matters and deserves to be heard. it is a place for the ignored to feel as if they have a voice. people say shit there they wouldn't dare say to a human in front of them.

not many feminists, true feminists, say all men need to change. they are hoping all men HELP with the change, as in changing our overall culture.

my2hands · December 2018

lolobugg said:

Go Beavers said:

Curious if any of the boys in here have been asked out randomly and what the situation was.

it happened at my work a few times....... of course I worked at a record store so that made me automatically COOL.

Pimp Daddy lolo in the house!

lolobugg · December 2018

my2hands said:

lolobugg said:

Go Beavers said:

Curious if any of the boys in here have been asked out randomly and what the situation was.

it happened at my work a few times....... of course I worked at a record store so that made me automatically COOL.

Pimp Daddy lolo in the house!

it was the 90s man!!! I miss them!!

my2hands · December 2018

https://youtu.be/GaZwCmPVfk4

lolobugg · December 2018

my2hands said:

https://youtu.be/GaZwCmPVfk4

I used to sell a few of this guys records circa 2000-2001 mostly.

I met a lot of famous rappers coming thru to do in store signings.

Go Beavers · December 2018

F Me In The Brain said:

Thought this story from last night might fit in this thread.

My wife is in Manhattan for work.
Her boss is with her. Her boss was a model in her 20s, she is in her 50s now and still looks great.
They go for sushi last night at Hatsuhana - those who are in NYC or have eaten sushi there over the years will know this place, for sure. Not for 'sushi roll' eaters -- this is a real deal sushi restaurant. (I am a certified Sushi snob) Top notch stuff and the bill for dining there matches that reality.
Why share this in this thread? Here is why:

They are waiting for a table and 2 guys in their 50s chat them up. Bigly. One man is recruiting them to all get a table together. The women have a chat but decline the invitation, flattering as it is. Apparently the one man is somewhat infatuated with my wife's boss.
They end up having tables next to one another and he continues his full court press -- he wants them to go for drinks after dinner. They share some information about themselves and enjoy a great dinner.
When the time for the check comes the server tells my wife's boss that 'The Gentleman at the table next to them insisted on covering their meal.'
My wife told me they ordered Ken (our favorite Sake, generally around $100+ a small-ish bottle when ordered out) and a big spread of sushi. Gotta figure the bill was $200-$300, easily.

Were the women offended?
Hell no.

Did the guy get to have drinks with them after?
Nope.

My wife is a pretty lady but says she has never seen such a push to gain her favor. Buying drinks is one thing but a nice dinner is another. Her boss said she had experienced situations like that before, but not in years.

They both had a laugh, and I guess the 2 dudes have enough coin to toss it around and see what attention it might get them.

TA, I am sure you will have your take on this and why this doesn't provide an easy 'Yes' to your poll question, but in my mind it shows how efforts can still be made without causing offense -- even when they are a crazy/bold effort such as this one.

Too funny.

My daughter lives in Manhattan and this would’ve irritated her that they kept going after denying them to sit at the same table. Double that they would’ve paid the bill without her agreeing to it. There can be a general dooshyness from certain guys in NYC who think the ladies will be impressed by their money which turns her off.

HughFreakingDillon · December 2018

Go Beavers said:

F Me In The Brain said:

Thought this story from last night might fit in this thread.

My wife is in Manhattan for work.
Her boss is with her. Her boss was a model in her 20s, she is in her 50s now and still looks great.
They go for sushi last night at Hatsuhana - those who are in NYC or have eaten sushi there over the years will know this place, for sure. Not for 'sushi roll' eaters -- this is a real deal sushi restaurant. (I am a certified Sushi snob) Top notch stuff and the bill for dining there matches that reality.
Why share this in this thread? Here is why:

They are waiting for a table and 2 guys in their 50s chat them up. Bigly. One man is recruiting them to all get a table together. The women have a chat but decline the invitation, flattering as it is. Apparently the one man is somewhat infatuated with my wife's boss.
They end up having tables next to one another and he continues his full court press -- he wants them to go for drinks after dinner. They share some information about themselves and enjoy a great dinner.
When the time for the check comes the server tells my wife's boss that 'The Gentleman at the table next to them insisted on covering their meal.'
My wife told me they ordered Ken (our favorite Sake, generally around $100+ a small-ish bottle when ordered out) and a big spread of sushi. Gotta figure the bill was $200-$300, easily.

Were the women offended?
Hell no.

Did the guy get to have drinks with them after?
Nope.

My wife is a pretty lady but says she has never seen such a push to gain her favor. Buying drinks is one thing but a nice dinner is another. Her boss said she had experienced situations like that before, but not in years.

They both had a laugh, and I guess the 2 dudes have enough coin to toss it around and see what attention it might get them.

TA, I am sure you will have your take on this and why this doesn't provide an easy 'Yes' to your poll question, but in my mind it shows how efforts can still be made without causing offense -- even when they are a crazy/bold effort such as this one.

Too funny.

My daughter lives in Manhattan and this would’ve irritated her that they kept going after denying them to sit at the same table. Double that they would’ve paid the bill without her agreeing to it. There can be a general dooshyness from certain guys in NYC who think the ladies will be impressed by their money which turns her off.

in fairness to the guys though, this behaviour has probably bed them some hot nekked ladies many many times.

Go Beavers · December 2018

HughFreakingDillon said:

Go Beavers said:

F Me In The Brain said:

Thought this story from last night might fit in this thread.

My wife is in Manhattan for work.
Her boss is with her. Her boss was a model in her 20s, she is in her 50s now and still looks great.
They go for sushi last night at Hatsuhana - those who are in NYC or have eaten sushi there over the years will know this place, for sure. Not for 'sushi roll' eaters -- this is a real deal sushi restaurant. (I am a certified Sushi snob) Top notch stuff and the bill for dining there matches that reality.
Why share this in this thread? Here is why:

They are waiting for a table and 2 guys in their 50s chat them up. Bigly. One man is recruiting them to all get a table together. The women have a chat but decline the invitation, flattering as it is. Apparently the one man is somewhat infatuated with my wife's boss.
They end up having tables next to one another and he continues his full court press -- he wants them to go for drinks after dinner. They share some information about themselves and enjoy a great dinner.
When the time for the check comes the server tells my wife's boss that 'The Gentleman at the table next to them insisted on covering their meal.'
My wife told me they ordered Ken (our favorite Sake, generally around $100+ a small-ish bottle when ordered out) and a big spread of sushi. Gotta figure the bill was $200-$300, easily.

Were the women offended?
Hell no.

Did the guy get to have drinks with them after?
Nope.

My wife is a pretty lady but says she has never seen such a push to gain her favor. Buying drinks is one thing but a nice dinner is another. Her boss said she had experienced situations like that before, but not in years.

They both had a laugh, and I guess the 2 dudes have enough coin to toss it around and see what attention it might get them.

TA, I am sure you will have your take on this and why this doesn't provide an easy 'Yes' to your poll question, but in my mind it shows how efforts can still be made without causing offense -- even when they are a crazy/bold effort such as this one.

Too funny.

My daughter lives in Manhattan and this would’ve irritated her that they kept going after denying them to sit at the same table. Double that they would’ve paid the bill without her agreeing to it. There can be a general dooshyness from certain guys in NYC who think the ladies will be impressed by their money which turns her off.

in fairness to the guys though, this behaviour has probably bed them some hot nekked ladies many many times.

I’m sure it’s been reinforced. Which brings up the point of women who aren’t in to that kind of thing. They have to deal with handling guys they shoot down who think they shouldn’t be.

F Me In The Brain · December 2018

Yes

My wife is strong with the force -- she would have told them to Fuck Off in those exact words if they were bothering them too much....but I get that some people might be more annoyed.

HughFreakingDillon · December 2018

Go Beavers said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Go Beavers said:

F Me In The Brain said:

Thought this story from last night might fit in this thread.

My wife is in Manhattan for work.
Her boss is with her. Her boss was a model in her 20s, she is in her 50s now and still looks great.
They go for sushi last night at Hatsuhana - those who are in NYC or have eaten sushi there over the years will know this place, for sure. Not for 'sushi roll' eaters -- this is a real deal sushi restaurant. (I am a certified Sushi snob) Top notch stuff and the bill for dining there matches that reality.
Why share this in this thread? Here is why:

They are waiting for a table and 2 guys in their 50s chat them up. Bigly. One man is recruiting them to all get a table together. The women have a chat but decline the invitation, flattering as it is. Apparently the one man is somewhat infatuated with my wife's boss.
They end up having tables next to one another and he continues his full court press -- he wants them to go for drinks after dinner. They share some information about themselves and enjoy a great dinner.
When the time for the check comes the server tells my wife's boss that 'The Gentleman at the table next to them insisted on covering their meal.'
My wife told me they ordered Ken (our favorite Sake, generally around $100+ a small-ish bottle when ordered out) and a big spread of sushi. Gotta figure the bill was $200-$300, easily.

Were the women offended?
Hell no.

Did the guy get to have drinks with them after?
Nope.

My wife is a pretty lady but says she has never seen such a push to gain her favor. Buying drinks is one thing but a nice dinner is another. Her boss said she had experienced situations like that before, but not in years.

They both had a laugh, and I guess the 2 dudes have enough coin to toss it around and see what attention it might get them.

TA, I am sure you will have your take on this and why this doesn't provide an easy 'Yes' to your poll question, but in my mind it shows how efforts can still be made without causing offense -- even when they are a crazy/bold effort such as this one.

Too funny.

My daughter lives in Manhattan and this would’ve irritated her that they kept going after denying them to sit at the same table. Double that they would’ve paid the bill without her agreeing to it. There can be a general dooshyness from certain guys in NYC who think the ladies will be impressed by their money which turns her off.

in fairness to the guys though, this behaviour has probably bed them some hot nekked ladies many many times.

I’m sure it’s been reinforced. Which brings up the point of women who aren’t in to that kind of thing. They have to deal with handling guys they shoot down who think they shouldn’t be.

it would suck, to be sure.

hedonist · December 2018

F Me In The Brain said:

My wife is strong with the force -- she would have told them to Fuck Off in those exact words if they were bothering them too much....but I get that some people might be more annoyed.

The best are the ones who can't conceive of being politely told "no", get disproportionately angry at being refused, and then yell that I'm probably a dyke anyway. And so what if I were?

Much like your wife, I've earned my "Fuck Off" miles and will redeem them as necessary

HughFreakingDillon · December 2018

hedonist said:

F Me In The Brain said:

My wife is strong with the force -- she would have told them to Fuck Off in those exact words if they were bothering them too much....but I get that some people might be more annoyed.

The best are the ones who can't conceive of being politely told "no", get disproportionately angry at being refused, and then yell that I'm probably a dyke anyway. And so what if I were?

Much like your wife, I've earned my "Fuck Off" miles and will redeem them as necessary

the problem lies, hedonist, in that these guys probably get told "no" politely at least half of the time, but have learned that if they persist they are often successful anyway.

Is it still acceptable in this day and age to ask a WOMAN in public out for a coffee/drink/lunch?

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