Is it still acceptable in this day and age to ask a WOMAN in public out for a coffee/drink/lunch?

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Btw, this poll was in response to me seeing a lot of anti-men comments on social media.
There are extreme feminists blaming ALL men for the wrong doings of some.
All men are bad, all men need to change etc.
I feel like we are damned if we even compliment a woman on her looks in a polite way.

As a first-rate horndog and someone who takes aesthetics seriously in both carnal and philosophical manners, I fully understand the impulse to tell beautiful women that they have brightened my day with their beauty.
I also understand there is no reason that they would care to hear that from me, or any other stranger.  No reason at all, it isn't the pick me up that us shlubs think it is, and it can be downright insulting. 
Do you think a woman who is smart and strong and determined, funny and sensitive and tough as nails wants to hear that some dude thinks they have a hot ass or a pretty face?  Why?  Why would they want to hear that? 
A man's impulse to say so is natural, but it's only indulged because men have made it their prerogative to do as they please for...well, forever.

Not saying there isn't a time and place, there is, and a right way to go about it too...but mostly it's just a selfish impulse because it gives us men a rise.

tbergs said:

Instead of asking her out without any pretext, maybe try to start a conversation with her first and see if there is a common interest to get to know one another. I doubt any woman would accept a date from a random person they have never talked to, and if they did, well, you might be in for some crazy times.

OnWis97 said:

I responded "yes," based on the title and I was kinda envisioning someone you at least kinda knew.  Seemed like a no-brainer.

But now that I read it more as approaching someone out of the blue in public...well...my answer is still yes.  But I don't think you're likely to come off well.  Again, it's OK, as long as you are prepared to take rejection like a champ...smile and move on.  Thoughts_Arrive said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I don't about a 'yes'. With this me too movement and radical feminism I feel like it is frowned upon nowadays.

Me too movement and radical feminism?
Speaking as a friend who doesn't think you are a bad guy, you need to check those spiteful feelings at the door before they grow out of control into full on Incel territory.
I know you say you respect women, but there are signs that you don't, or soon won't.
You talk of women as though they are some inscrutable species from Venus that can't be understood or reasoned with.  They don't run from you in horror, they aren't out looking to drag poor lonely guys through the mud.  Women are people.  They are just people like you, and they don't owe you anything more than you owe them.  Like I said, I don't think you are a bad guy, but your eagerness to cast yourself as a victim is casting the women of your life as villains.

I don't understand why you asked the poll in the first place, is hitting on a stranger on the train something you would really do?  You refuse every other avenue, and that's the one you would consider?
It will come off a little creepy because you are only basing your assessment of the person's worth on their looks in that scenario, but there's a respectful way to do it.  Like I said, only a true stud is ever going to pull that off.
A stranger with a shared interest, like at a book club, class, gym, work, etc gives a much better opportunity because it's plausible that you want to get to know the person based off their interests and not just their body.

Not spiteful feelings, feelings of fear at being labelled as someone who does not respect women or as a pervert.
Like if I started talking to a girl on the train making small talk and asking where she's off to or whatever comes to mind and then asking her for her number. If I did that would I get beat down by people for 'harassment'? I know one woman who thinks that when guys ask her out it's for sex only. Like seriously, how about they want to meet someone special to share their life with. That's what I am getting at. 
I would never get into incel territory, I don't even remotely harbour or have never even harboured thoughts of hatred towards females. Those thoughts have not once popped into my head.
What signs are there that I don't respect women and soon won't? Sorry I'm taken aback and slightly offended at that.

One thing I've learned over the years is that it's really, really  hard for me to relate to what it's like to be a female. I had a class review to go to one evening (i.e., after dark) in college.  A woman I knew in a different dorm was in my class.  After the review session, she proceeded to tell me that she called my dorm room (1993...no cell phones) so I could stop and get her on the way but I'd already left.  But since I was gone, two of her friends walked her there and walked back home together so no woman was ever out alone on campus.  That I should have offered to walk her never occurred to me.  Because I hadn't lived in that reality.

Now you read a lot about male Uber drivers asking female riders whether they're going home...to a boyfriend's?...etc.  My guess is that the vast majority of the drivers have no intent of committing a felony, but again, women live with discomfort (and some legitimate danger) that is really hard for men to relate to.  I've read that many won't go to a gym because of the pick-ups and/or ogling.  They live in a different world than men do and I think the world would be a better place if we were more able to consider how we're coming across in our interactions.

I have a co-worker who has told me she gets sexually harassed on the train nearly every time she rides it.  I was floored when she told me this.  I ride the same train and have never noticed this kind of thing...but then again, I'm listening to music and either reading or looking at my phone.  Part of why I don't realize that this stuff is fairly common is because I have the luxury of not realizing it.

Approaching someone you've never met and asking them out is kind of a gray area, but I don't think it's the best approach.  You only know what she looks like.  She's not the love of your life.  It's better to get to know someone first.  There's a good chance you're not the first person to approach her out of the blue this week and she's probably getting burned out from the "positive reinforcement."  But whatever you do, take no for an answer with no protest.

PJ_Soul said:

rgambs said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I don't about a 'yes'. With this me too movement and radical feminism I feel like it is frowned upon nowadays.

Me too movement and radical feminism?
Speaking as a friend who doesn't think you are a bad guy, you need to check those spiteful feelings at the door before they grow out of control into full on Incel territory.
I know you say you respect women, but there are signs that you don't, or soon won't.
You talk of women as though they are some inscrutable species from Venus that can't be understood or reasoned with.  They don't run from you in horror, they aren't out looking to drag poor lonely guys through the mud.  Women are people.  They are just people like you, and they don't owe you anything more than you owe them.  Like I said, I don't think you are a bad guy, but your eagerness to cast yourself as a victim is casting the women of your life as villains.

I don't understand why you asked the poll in the first place, is hitting on a stranger on the train something you would really do?  You refuse every other avenue, and that's the one you would consider?
It will come off a little creepy because you are only basing your assessment of the person's worth on their looks in that scenario, but there's a respectful way to do it.  Like I said, only a true stud is ever going to pull that off.
A stranger with a shared interest, like at a book club, class, gym, work, etc gives a much better opportunity because it's plausible that you want to get to know the person based off their interests and not just their body.

(T_A, I frankly have doubts that you quite understand what creepy and not creepy behaviour really is)

Meltdown99 said:

TA have you thought about getting an life coach, attending a Tony Robbins seminar or similar...s/

PJ_Soul said:

Go Beavers said:

PJ_Soul said:

lolobugg said:

PJ_Soul said:

lolobugg said:

PJ_Soul said:

Meltdown99 said:

TA have you thought about getting an life coach, attending a Tony Robbins seminar or similar...s/

Or even Toastmasters. I think others have suggested that before... and not sarcastically.

WTF is Toastmasters?

It's this kind of program or whatever you call it that is offered all over the world, and it helps people come out of their shells, improve at public speaking and stuff like that. It supposedly REALLY helps people who are self-conscious, shy, have trouble speaking with groups or with strangers, boost self-confidence, and it also helps people improve with job interviews. I've only heard good things about it.

Scientology?

Lol!! No, no! Nothing like that! It's a very normal program for normal people, haha, nothing cult-like about it. I'm sensitive to that kind of vibe too, and would never recommend anything that comes close. It's rated very highly as a self-improvement and professional kind of program, and not brainwashy or anything at all. I remember my high school always recommended it to everyone because it helps prepare younger people for communicating in a professional and confident manner in "the real world", for when they started looking for jobs and careers (but it is totally for all-ages). And it's still going 25 years later, so it obviously has something to offer. In fact, my sister took it. I don't think she needed a lot of help communicating with other people, but it actually looks really good on any resume and she figured it would help her find a job. It probably did help.

And you become Master of your Toast