Should I ask Agnes out on a date?

HughFreakingDillon said:

PJ_Soul said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

HughFreakingDillon said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

PJ_Soul said:

oftenreading said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Forgot to add,
When my mum mentions my future children I tell her that it won't happen and she gets all sad and scared. 

Having children just because your mother wants grandchildren is one of the worst reasons to have children. They aren't accessories. 

Words of wisdom.

Never let bullshit societal norms or the desires of others force you into something you don't truly want for yourself.

Won't happen.
What is starting to get to me is people questioning my unemployed status. Is it a societal norm to work? 

Uh, well no, I wouldn't say that. I mean, yeah, people normally work which makes it normal in society. But people have to work to support themselves, feed themselves, clothe themselves, etc. But FYI, being a full time student is considered a job. It is very very normal for a full time student not to work. That's why student loans are so high, lol. So just tell people that when they ask about your unemployment status. If you stop being a full time student and still don't have a job, then you'll just be someone who doesn't support himself.

People are like 'well I went through university and held a part time job bla bla"
Psychology is so competitive that you need a very high GPA to get accepted into postgraduate degrees.
If that wasn't the case I'd work part time and study full time. I need to dedicate 100% of my time to my current degree to have a chance at postgraduate.

Ya, well some people are jerks, lol. I actually worked part time all through full time university myself, but man, it sure would have been nice to not have, lol. I chose to move out from my parents' house early so had to work to support myself without screwing myself with too many loans... but that is just one of the legit options. Dude, stop caring so much about what other people think about your choices. I feel like you haven't had the greatest epiphany of adulthood: who cares what other people think???? Fuck 'em!!

I feel great shame when people ask me what I do with myself and I say I'm a full time student rather than giving an occupation.
I don't even know what I want to do after university. I feel like a lost soul in this world.
Thought I wanted to be a clinical psychologist when I went back to uni, now I am not sure it's for me. Plus I have my own shit that is unresolved. Not exactly the ideal practitioner. Not sure if academia/research is my thing either. I was thinking maybe social work but my fucking passion is art (even though I have been lost for painting ideas the past 3 weeks and have done nothing).

everyone is fucked up to a degree. psychologists are no different. I once read a psychologist say that they can be some of the MOST fucked up people! LOL

I'm 44. have a decent job, but it's not my passion. I just kind of lucked into it through working at the same place since I was 23 when I started in security.

when i was younger I always thought I was going to be a cop. Then in high school I thought I'd be a good accountant.

You know what I really want to be when I grow up? HAPPY. that's what. 

I like the people I work with, my job isn't stressful, the benefits/pension are out of this world, it puts food on the table and my girls in dance and me at concerts and my wife out for dinner and drinks with friends. I've come to appreciate this. People may think I have "settled" and I'm wasting my potential. I say "fuck you" to anyone that thinks they know what I want/need. it took me a long time to realize I need to stop giving a shit what people think. satisfying others will NEVER make you happy. it doesn't matter if it's a spouse, a friend, a peer, a parent. 

a guy I'm friends with once said to me "why don't you go back to school so you can make more money? don't you want your kids to want for nothing?". why, so they can see their dad miserable and non-engaging because he's too stressed out/busy with work like my dad was? yeah, no thanks. I'd rather play board games with my kids. 

what opened my eyes? a guy i went to high school with, I saw years later through work. He was an accountant. i asked him how he liked it. He said "I fucking hate it. I only do it because that's what my parents wanted me to do". 

I often see people I used to work with. They look at me with shock (and seeming disdain) when I tell them I still work there. Then I get the "lifer, eh?" comments, like it's something to be embarassed about. you know how I respond? "yep. why would I leave? it's a great place to work". if you respond to people like that with unapologetic, positive confidence, it shuts them down/up immediately. you simply cannot make fun of someone's happiness. 

if you are confident in the choices you've made for yourself then project that. 

What about "Happy wife, happy life"?

It's actually a good question. I think saying that satisfying others will never make one happy is a really misguided statement. This is far from a black and white issue. Doing things for others, and to place oneself in a position within a shared relationship where compromises are made is very human, healthy, and unavoidable unless you isolate yourself way too much. Black and white statements against that might just create more inner conflict rather than solve anything. I know what he meant, but yeah, I doubt there are too many truly happy people who revolve their entire lives around themselves and their own wants and needs alone.

And I think "happy wife, happy life" would be a great term, but only assuming people understand that it's meant as a reciprocal, circular kind of concept, lol.

but that saying is absolutely not meant as reciprocal. it's a derogatory term meant to convey that if you keep your wife happy, she won't nag you, thereby making yourself happy. there's nothing circular about that term. 

Honestly, I feel like this common cynical view of the phrase is sad. I mean, Happy wife DOES often equal happy life for a husband. That is undeniable. How many men do you know when happy wives who are miserable?? I don't know any. That phrase makes no mention at all of the husband being nagged or anything like that. People just infer it. I think that inference tells a much bigger story than the phrase itself (and is sexist too), and also simply gave the phrase a "bad name" that it probably doesn't deserve, just as an innocent sentence.

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I spoke via Facebook messenger to the woman I recently friended on Facebook.
So that's two online chats we've had about 2 weeks apart.
Not sure if I should just take it easy and keep chatting online before trying to sum up the courage to ask her out or do it sooner.
Heck, I don't even know if I want a relationship right now. 

Thoughts_Arrive said:

Hmmm interesting point. We both love Simpsons and food.

Spiritual_Chaos said:

OffSheGoes35 said:

  Spiritual_Chaos said:

Thoughts_Arrive said:

I spoke via Facebook messenger to the woman I recently friended on Facebook.
So that's two online chats we've had about 2 weeks apart.
Not sure if I should just take it easy and keep chatting online before trying to sum up the courage to ask her out or do it sooner.
Heck, I don't even know if I want a relationship right now. 

I would think think this depends a bit on who she is and how you got to be facebook pals. Etc.

Why not ask her out as a friend first, if you've only talked to her online... maybe she sucks IRL.

And if she eats meat. Dump her.

Do you want him to be a 40 year old virgin? Who gives a shit if she eats raw meat at this point?

HAVE SOME STANDARDS WOMAN!

PJ_Soul said:

It's not meant as reciprocal when it's used by people now, no. That's what I meant. Like, if only people understood it that way. I do actually think the ORIGINAL meaning of it was indeed meant to be like a kind of humourous riddle or whatever that was meant to be cyclical. Or at least that's what I like to think, lol. I.e. husband treats wife well = happy wife = wife treats husband well = happy husband = husband treats wife well = happy wife = wife treats husband well = happy husband... and so on to infinity, lol.

Honestly, I feel like this common cynical view of the phrase is sad. I mean, Happy wife DOES often equal happy life for a husband. That is undeniable. How many men do you know when happy wives who are miserable?? I don't know any. That phrase makes no mention at all of the husband being nagged or anything like that. People just infer it. I think that inference tells a much bigger story than the phrase itself (and is sexist too), and also simply gave the phrase a "bad name" that it probably doesn't deserve, just as an innocent sentence.