went to strip club while I was PJ20

amethgr8 · February 2013

found out thru happenstance that hubby made a trip, by himself, to polekatz while I was away at PJ20 with my brother. Totally gave hubby the chance to go, and wanted him to, but he has seen them 4 times and brother was in town, so he gracefully bowed out.

what should I make of it?

amy

madtowndave · February 2013

Absolutely nothing. My wife has been to a strip club with me, and she's ok with me going. I don't make a habit out of it, I might go 1-2x a year. Just guys being guys.

shortstack · February 2013

dump em

peacefrompaul · February 2013

That's up to you... are you against him going to strip clubs?

Dr. Delight · February 2013

I dont consider it a big deal, but the question is, do you trust your husband?

I sometimes think women paint the strip clubs to be much worse than they actually are, especially if they've never frequented one. Sure, there are sleazy ones, but I'd guess 95% of the clubs are no nonsense, with zero extra curricular activities taking place.

I went a lot in my early to mid 20's, havent been to one in prob 10 yrs though.

amethgr8 · February 2013

I've been to them with groups or a couple people at different times in my life, no biggy really. it is was it is.

just that he went alone, lied about it.

a month or two after I got back from PJ20 it came up in idle conversation with my sis-n-law that he had asked his brother to go but his brother didn't want to. so at that time I asked him and he said his brother was feeling down and "he just threw it out there as a suggestion." I didn't want to drill it into the ground so I let it go. He's quite professing when it comes to trust and integrity.

when I asked him about the two of us going, he just makes a sour face.

I trusted him, I want to trust him. I trusted completely before I found this out. I either have to trust him going forward or get out cause I'll go nuts analysing it. so much of marriage is trusting, but he don't trust me enough to be mature when he says "hey, I think we going to go to here tonight, just so you know".?

we've been together 10 years married 5 years and neither of us have ever slept on the couch due to a conflict. I can be bossy but I'm not unreasonable.

thanks for your 2c.
amy

LloydXmas · February 2013

polekatz. Sounds like a Polish Delicatessen to me.

Empty Glass · February 2013

LloydXmas wrote:

polekatz. Sounds like a Polish Delicatessen to me.

salami

As for the op... not really knowing the situation, it's hard to give you an answer. These places are harmless, but a talk with your husband seems to be in order.

amethgr8 · February 2013

dump him?

it's hardly a deal breaker, just disappointing.

he says he did it because, basically he didn't want to hear my thoughts on it. that's fine, but when it came up a month or so later, he could have admitted to it then.

I'm part polish.

amy

SatansFuton · February 2013

I wouldn't read too much into it. When the little lady leaves town we do all kinds of shit to flex our freedom. Going to a strip club alone is kind of odd, but it's probably just him doing something because he can. I'm currently single, but when my significant other would leave town in the past, it was on. Beer cans/bottles everywhere, sink full of dishes, wore nothing except boxers except for when I left the house, stayed up later than usual for the hell of it, etc. Just because I could. It's silly, but we do like doing stuff we normally can't do. I live alone now and I don't do any of those things, other than staying up late sometimes, I just did it then because she would have hated it if she were home.

As for not wanting to go with you, some guys are into taking their girlfriends, wives, etc. Personally that would be a nightmare. I never had a girl that suggested going anyway, but if they had I would have suspected they were trying to set me up for using how I looked at the big breasted stripper a little too intently as ammunition for a future argument. Even if that weren't the case, I would just find it uncomfortable. Having your significant other have a front row seat to you looking at other naked women just doesn't add up. I know some women are into it, and wouldn't mind it at all, but it just doesn't feel right.

LloydXmas · February 2013

Empty Glass wrote:

LloydXmas wrote:

polekatz. Sounds like a Polish Delicatessen to me.

salami

As for the op... not really knowing the situation, it's hard to give you an answer. These places are harmless, but a talk with your husband seems to be in order.

nah, she doesn't need to have a talk with him. The dude went to a strip club when his wife was away gallivanting at a Pearl Jam Weekend. He was probably bored as shit and figured he'd go look at some (word band by Kat). I think the OP is making a bigger deal than it actually is. Just my opinion.

I'm polish too. Born and Raised in Little Poland - New Britski, CT

SatansFuton · February 2013

I think for many of the females around here, going to a PJ show is the equivalent of going to a strip club. You know you get all hot and bothered watching that hairy man shake his ass on stage.

amethgr8 · February 2013

asking why he felt the need to lie to me was the most "talking to" we had.

I so wanted him with me to PJ20. I'm still making dinner tonight, keeping calm and carrying on. I can be mature, I know how people think. you're married and your best friends I don't see a reason to lie about something pretty trivial.

He said the same thing, "well it's really not that big of deal" and if it isn't now and wasn't at the time then just say what you're going to do or might do. did he think I was going to stay home from PJ20..

amethgr8 · February 2013

yea, I really don't get hot and bothered much by rockstars anymore. my connection with pearl jam is more about coming up thru the ranks or making it when you didn't think you could or whatever but it's much deeper that. I don't think I could pollute our musical relationship. I've crossed that line at times in my life, with male friends that were great friends and we took it a step farther, and if you're not gonna marry that "friend" it's hard to step-back over the line you just crossed.

I had a great time with my brother, but a hotel room in wisconsin and two days of a pearl jam party. I really wanted my husband there.

even if the hot and bothered theory is true, then wouldn't he be able to capitalize on that when we got back to the room. and isn't that a strong possibility when wives/gf's DO go to the clubs with their hubby's?

everybody wang-chungs eh? lol
amy

SatansFuton · February 2013

He probably lied because he was embarrassed. Going to a strip club by yourself is kind of sad. Maybe he was bored, lonely or whatever. I'm not calling your man sad, but I can totally see why he lied about it.

Or maybe he lied because he didn't want his wife going on the internet telling a bunch of strangers that he went to a strip club.

amethgr8 · February 2013

I hardly feel like we are strangers, it's been years, watching, listening, chimming in every now and then. anyway it's better than blabbing to my girlfriends who will most likely attempt to fill my head with man-hate.

I wanted some objective opinions. don't really want to go blabbing to the men I know about it either to get their "objective" view on it.

this is what the AET and the forum is for, amongst other things.

thanks much for your thoughts.

amy

madtowndave · February 2013

I say communicate your expectations going forward, then give it to the past.

SatansFuton · February 2013

amethgr8 wrote:

I hardly feel like we are strangers, it's been years, watching, listening, chimming in every now and then. anyway it's better than blabbing to my girlfriends who will most likely attempt to fill my head with man-hate.

I wanted some objective opinions. don't really want to go blabbing to the men I know about it either to get their "objective" view on it.

this is what the AET and the forum is for, amongst other things.

thanks much for your thoughts.

amy

I was joking about that, I didn't mean you shouldn't have started the thread. I do think I'm starting to see a trend of over analyzing things though. You seriously replied to two joking comments I made (the strangers thing, and PJ shows being women's strip clubs), and I think maybe you're over analyzing your husband going to the strip club.

I don't want to say it's not a big deal, because that's up to you. If you're against him going, that's your own personal feeling. Though offering to go with might send a mixed signal. But I think you're looking too deeply into his motivation for doing so, or being completely honest about it.

amethgr8 · February 2013

yea, I'm analytical, a "why" child I was. I know it can get the best of me. just a bump in the road I guess.

thanks for the help over the bump.

amy

SatansFuton · February 2013

amethgr8 wrote:

yea, I'm analytical, a "why" child I was. I know it can get the best of me. just a bump in the road I guess.

thanks for the help over the bump.

amy

Well, no need to get hung up on the why of it. Here's all you need to know: we like titties. Don't lose too much sleep over it.

LloydXmas · February 2013

SatansFuton wrote:

amethgr8 wrote:

yea, I'm analytical, a "why" child I was. I know it can get the best of me. just a bump in the road I guess.

thanks for the help over the bump.

amy

we like titties.

you got that right

went to strip club while I was PJ20

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