if you trust him ,all seems ok...if not...you should tell him right away that you dont like the idea of him going..
"...Dimitri...He talks to me...'.."The Ghost of Greece..".
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
i think that if you are still thinking about it over a year after it happened and seeking advice you should talk to your husband about it. ask him why he wasn't upfront with you about it...that seems to be the crux of the issue, not that he actually went to a strip club, but that he wasn't upfront with you about it. maybe he was embarrassed that he went by himself. maybe he thought you'd be upset that he went while you were out of town. if you are still thinking about it, you need to talk to him about it, otherwise it will just keep bothering you.
You are asking for relationship advice on a PJ forum because the said act in question happened while you were at a PJ event? :fp:
yes, I guess I am. huh. not sure if I would have if, it would have been a non-PJ event, but no matter.. too late now. not really advise, just what you makes of it.
if you are still thinking about it, you need to talk to him about it, otherwise it will just keep bothering you.
I wasn't thinking about it at all, I ran across the information by happenstance and it was brought to my attention. no way for me to hold shit in for a year and stew about it. I accepted his answer at the time, no problem, I was in the PJ20 haze for days.
guess I just needed to vent, get the initial shock out of my mind. at the end of the day it doesn't much change the way I feel about him. in the scope of all the time we have together, such a small amount, one day, no vows were broke. we didn't waste much time on it.
Amy The Great #74594
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016 Missoula MT 2018
As evidenced by the fact that the Official Kate Upton Thread is 12 Pages long. That's more than the "Downton Abbey" and "The Americans" threads combined.
The moral of the story is that Maggie Smith needs to take her top off
found out thru happenstance that hubby made a trip, by himself, to polekatz while I was away at PJ20 with my brother. Totally gave hubby the chance to go, and wanted him to, but he has seen them 4 times and brother was in town, so he gracefully bowed out.
what should I make of it?
amy
Nothings registering with me.. I still cant comprehend why he didnt go with you to PJ20.
But yeah, I'd assume something weird is up with him.. going to a strip club by yourself is very odd.
I wasn't thinking about it at all, I ran across the information by happenstance and it was brought to my attention.
so you 'just found out' now? :?
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
a month or two after I got back from PJ20 it came up in idle conversation with my sis-n-law that he had asked his brother to go but his brother didn't want to. so at that time I asked him and he said his brother was feeling down and "he just threw it out there as a suggestion." I didn't want to drill it into the ground so I let it go.
yea, I just found out through happenstance that what he told me back in 2011 was bullshit.
yea, I still don't understand why he wouldn't go to PJ20 with me either, but hey, to each their own I'm not going to twist his arm to go to a great show, wonderful venue, and with his wife in a fan-freakingtastic mood all weekend. :P
Amy The Great #74594
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016 Missoula MT 2018
uhhh ... no one wants to ask i guess ... so i will ...
what's the sex life situation like?
no problems there that I know about. I've made freaky suggestions just to break the ice, we are all humans, wear a wig, bring in some food, whatever...if he has a palette that has to be quenched in that arena. I'm sure we can come up with something we both can be satisfied with (no pun intended). :P
amy
Amy The Great #74594
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016 Missoula MT 2018
The disturbing part is the lack of interest in PJ20. I mean, c'mon...
yea I know, not everyone has the love and comittment we do for this band. but if the roles were reversed and he had a band that did something like that, I would be all over it! just for the experience and the good time.
It really got to him when I told him about Chris Cornell showing up, that is his Pearl Jam equivalent. but he made his choice.
really appreciate all the thoughts an opinions. I'm not going to overthink it. we are best friends and lovers but we are different people. we are already past it. in marriage you have to take your partners word until you have proof otherwise.
amy
Amy The Great #74594
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016 Missoula MT 2018
a month or two after I got back from PJ20 it came up in idle conversation with my sis-n-law that he had asked his brother to go but his brother didn't want to. so at that time I asked him and he said his brother was feeling down and "he just threw it out there as a suggestion." I didn't want to drill it into the ground so I let it go.
yea, I just found out through happenstance that what he told me back in 2011 was bullshit.
yea, I still don't understand why he wouldn't go to PJ20 with me either, but hey, to each their own I'm not going to twist his arm to go to a great show, wonderful venue, and with his wife in a fan-freakingtastic mood all weekend. :P
I re-read some of your posts. So far, I understand this: you have no problem with him going to the clubs, you were just upset because he didn't tell you, or had lied about going. right?
I would probably just have a talk with him, explain that you were hurt by his actions, and the trust aspect. Yes you could just drop it, but if you do that, your feelings don't get addressed, and you will just start to harbor resentment towards him.
Some guys are really really dense, and they need to know 'how' or 'why' their actions upset you. Not just the 'you didn't tell me, and that makes me mad' they need the whole, "when you didn't tell me, that makes me feel like you don't care about me, and that hurts my feelings"-or something to that effect.
relationships are never easy, best of luck!
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
found out thru happenstance that hubby made a trip, by himself, to polekatz while I was away at PJ20 with my brother. Totally gave hubby the chance to go, and wanted him to, but he has seen them 4 times and brother was in town, so he gracefully bowed out.
what should I make of it?
amy
Didn't read all responses, so I'm sure you've already read this...but if you trust him no biggie. All look and very little touch (contact is made for the 'service fee) is ok. He is a guy...and as long as he's taking care of business at home /shrug
It was a compliment I think.. We're strong and muscular :P
yes, I know d-man is strong and muscular...he got a lot of hugs in Missoula...it was like hugging a rock.
Oh, and you should see him climb a pole!
The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
if he goes there on a regular basis, makes it a habit, yea I would probably have a problem with that. Just like if anything we do gets out of hand. but every now and then, I don't care for it, I don't understand it.. or just rent a porn for a night, but whatever...if that's on his yearly checklist, I can deal/get over it.
it's more about lieing about it.
amy
Amy The Great #74594
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016 Missoula MT 2018
no problems there that I know about. I've made freaky suggestions just to break the ice, we are all humans, wear a wig, bring in some food, whatever...if he has a palette that has to be quenched in that arena. I'm sure we can come up with something we both can be satisfied with (no pun intended). :P
amy
ok ... my conclusion is that he lied simply to avoid the embarrassment ... trust is indeed a big thing but i think white lies are also critical in relationships ...
for example ... when my SO is trying to learn to drive stick and she is stalling the car at every stop sign and she asks how she's doing ... i say "you're doing ok" ...
nuff said, thanks everyone. I feel kindof silly now. but I do feel better. thanks for being there.
amy
Amy The Great #74594
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016 Missoula MT 2018
nuff said, thanks everyone. I feel kindof silly now. but I do feel better. thanks for being there.
amy
I dont think you should feel silly. Strip clubs are one of those things that most of the opposite sex just simply have a hard time understanding.. And its not always clear cut as to why. The trust thing is a whole other story though. And sometimes a place like this can give you a variety of candid input.
Comments
if you trust him ,all seems ok...if not...you should tell him right away that you dont like the idea of him going..
"..That's One Happy Fuckin Ghost.."
“..That came up on the Pillow Case...This is for the Greek, With Our Apologies.....”
I wasn't thinking about it at all, I ran across the information by happenstance and it was brought to my attention. no way for me to hold shit in for a year and stew about it. I accepted his answer at the time, no problem, I was in the PJ20 haze for days.
guess I just needed to vent, get the initial shock out of my mind. at the end of the day it doesn't much change the way I feel about him. in the scope of all the time we have together, such a small amount, one day, no vows were broke. we didn't waste much time on it.
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016
Missoula MT 2018
Room 237!
what's the sex life situation like?
That's an awful name since a polecat is another name for a skunk.
Nothings registering with me.. I still cant comprehend why he didnt go with you to PJ20.
But yeah, I'd assume something weird is up with him.. going to a strip club by yourself is very odd.
so you 'just found out' now? :?
- Christopher McCandless
yea, I just found out through happenstance that what he told me back in 2011 was bullshit.
yea, I still don't understand why he wouldn't go to PJ20 with me either, but hey, to each their own I'm not going to twist his arm to go to a great show, wonderful venue, and with his wife in a fan-freakingtastic mood all weekend. :P
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016
Missoula MT 2018
no problems there that I know about. I've made freaky suggestions just to break the ice, we are all humans, wear a wig, bring in some food, whatever...if he has a palette that has to be quenched in that arena. I'm sure we can come up with something we both can be satisfied with (no pun intended). :P
amy
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016
Missoula MT 2018
yea I know, not everyone has the love and comittment we do for this band. but if the roles were reversed and he had a band that did something like that, I would be all over it! just for the experience and the good time.
It really got to him when I told him about Chris Cornell showing up, that is his Pearl Jam equivalent.
really appreciate all the thoughts an opinions. I'm not going to overthink it. we are best friends and lovers but we are different people. we are already past it. in marriage you have to take your partners word until you have proof otherwise.
amy
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016
Missoula MT 2018
I re-read some of your posts. So far, I understand this: you have no problem with him going to the clubs, you were just upset because he didn't tell you, or had lied about going. right?
I would probably just have a talk with him, explain that you were hurt by his actions, and the trust aspect. Yes you could just drop it, but if you do that, your feelings don't get addressed, and you will just start to harbor resentment towards him.
Some guys are really really dense, and they need to know 'how' or 'why' their actions upset you. Not just the 'you didn't tell me, and that makes me mad' they need the whole, "when you didn't tell me, that makes me feel like you don't care about me, and that hurts my feelings"-or something to that effect.
relationships are never easy, best of luck!
- Christopher McCandless
What? Who?
It was a compliment I think.. We're strong and muscular :P
Oh, I think you're right. Thanks Lisa!
Didn't read all responses, so I'm sure you've already read this...but if you trust him no biggie. All look and very little touch (contact is made for the 'service fee) is ok. He is a guy...and as long as he's taking care of business at home /shrug
yes, I know d-man is strong and muscular...he got a lot of hugs in Missoula...it was like hugging a rock.
Oh, and you should see him climb a pole!
- Christopher McCandless
if he goes there on a regular basis, makes it a habit, yea I would probably have a problem with that. Just like if anything we do gets out of hand. but every now and then, I don't care for it, I don't understand it.. or just rent a porn for a night, but whatever...if that's on his yearly checklist, I can deal/get over it.
it's more about lieing about it.
amy
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016
Missoula MT 2018
I thought you were going to say "pizza", but that doesn't make much sense.
Boobs, pearl jam, and pizza.. in a blender, yum. I wish that was me.
ok ... my conclusion is that he lied simply to avoid the embarrassment ... trust is indeed a big thing but i think white lies are also critical in relationships ...
for example ... when my SO is trying to learn to drive stick and she is stalling the car at every stop sign and she asks how she's doing ... i say "you're doing ok" ...
amy
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016
Missoula MT 2018
I dont think you should feel silly. Strip clubs are one of those things that most of the opposite sex just simply have a hard time understanding.. And its not always clear cut as to why. The trust thing is a whole other story though. And sometimes a place like this can give you a variety of candid input.
objectify much?
I like Whores.
Till there aint nothing left worth taking away from me.....