nuff said, thanks everyone. I feel kindof silly now. but I do feel better. thanks for being there.
amy
It really isn't fair though. 'Gentlemen's' clubs usually have good music and attractive girls for all taste.
Ours are not as varied, the music isn't really good music and unless a travelling show is in town our selection really isn't that great either. I've had 10 X fun at a gentlemen's club with a group of girls than at a male strip club, even if we get to see it all.
I would be RIDICULOUSLY pissed off if my husband did that.
Like, beyond pissed. Especially if he went by himself. I mean, really.... ew. For a grown man in a committed, serious relationship to go to a strip club alone is really not cool in my eyes. If it was the only bar in a 50 mile radius I might make an exception but overall I think it was wrong for him to go AND to hide it from you.
I would be RIDICULOUSLY pissed off if my husband did that.
Like, beyond pissed. Especially if he went by himself. I mean, really.... ew. For a grown man in a committed, serious relationship to go to a strip club alone is really not cool in my eyes. If it was the only bar in a 50 mile radius I might make an exception but overall I think it was wrong for him to go AND to hide it from you.
You should probably check his browser history. Hopefully he's smart enough to use the clear history feature
I would be RIDICULOUSLY pissed off if my husband did that.
Like, beyond pissed. Especially if he went by himself. I mean, really.... ew. For a grown man in a committed, serious relationship to go to a strip club alone is really not cool in my eyes. If it was the only bar in a 50 mile radius I might make an exception but overall I think it was wrong for him to go AND to hide it from you.
i actually have to agree with this.
strip clubs were fun in college and on bachelor parties. but if you are going solo as an adult to get a glimpse of boobs that you should be getting at home for free..... something is wrong.
I would be RIDICULOUSLY pissed off if my husband did that.
Like, beyond pissed. Especially if he went by himself. I mean, really.... ew. For a grown man in a committed, serious relationship to go to a strip club alone is really not cool in my eyes. If it was the only bar in a 50 mile radius I might make an exception but overall I think it was wrong for him to go AND to hide it from you.
You should probably check his browser history. Hopefully he's smart enough to use the clear history feature
no worries there and thanks for the tip I don't need.
I would be RIDICULOUSLY pissed off if my husband did that.
Like, beyond pissed. Especially if he went by himself. I mean, really.... ew. For a grown man in a committed, serious relationship to go to a strip club alone is really not cool in my eyes. If it was the only bar in a 50 mile radius I might make an exception but overall I think it was wrong for him to go AND to hide it from you.
You should probably check his browser history. Hopefully he's smart enough to use the clear history feature
no worries there and thanks for the tip I don't need.
And so you see, I have come to doubt All that I once held as true I stand alone without beliefs The only truth I know is you.
uhhh ... no one wants to ask i guess ... so i will ...
what's the sex life situation like?
no problems there that I know about. I've made freaky suggestions just to break the ice, we are all humans, wear a wig, bring in some food, whatever...if he has a palette that has to be quenched in that arena. I'm sure we can come up with something we both can be satisfied with (no pun intended). :P
amy
BINGO.
you flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami.
and edit---there's a huge difference between 'my husband masturbates' and 'my husband goes to strip clubs by himself'. Let's not get off track.
I'd say they're related. Strip clubs are just fantasy, nobody is getting any action there. It's just women making money off the fact we're animals. If your man masturbates, do you think he's thinking about you? Bet you a million he isn't. No offense, it's just not the way our brains work. It's the same mental process, or like looking at a Playboy or somethin, only he's not whipping it out at the club, unless he wants his ass beaten by a bouncer.
As for the alone part. Yes it's kind of sad, but I don't want to judge a guy I don't know at all. Wife was out of town, guy may have been lonely, bored, or whatever. I don't know. Personally I wouldn't go to strip club alone, because I would be too embarrassed to even if I wanted. Which is probably why he wasn't honest about it. Look how so many people here are judging him, myself included to some extent, why would he want the woman he loves to have similar opinions about him?
"See a broad to get dat booty yak 'em, leg 'er down, a smack 'em yak 'em!"
how close is this polecatz place to your house? way back in the day i used to live a couple blocks away from a strip club and went there by myself a few times when i was bored. it was real close, they have beer, they have boobs. why not?
if it's out of the way from where you live, then i'd agree with what others have said that it's a little strange. wouldn't be surprised if he did go with friends but just doesn't want to implicate them.
i don't think you have anything to be worried about though. and it sounds like you've already come to that conclusion.
wouldn't be surprised if he did go with friends but just doesn't want to implicate them.
This is very possible. The OP, although she admittedly might be overthinking this, is handling this a lot better than some would in the same position. Nobody wants to be the guy who rats out his friends to his girlfriend, who would likely implicate others the same way he was. He'd be shunned. There might be a secret man meeting going on right now to search for the leak in the inner circle of the strip club gang.
"See a broad to get dat booty yak 'em, leg 'er down, a smack 'em yak 'em!"
wouldn't be surprised if he did go with friends but just doesn't want to implicate them.
This is very possible. The OP, although she admittedly might be overthinking this, is handling this a lot better than some would in the same position. Nobody wants to be the guy who rats out his friends to his girlfriend, who would likely implicate others the same way he was. He'd be shunned. There might be a secret man meeting going on right now to search for the leak in the inner circle of the strip club gang.
Ya, I don't want to judge, either. I just put myself in the OP's shoes and the result was "ew". My husband is closer to 50 than 40 and we've been together 22 years... we're probably in a very different life stage than the OP.
If his going was a huge secret, he would've done a better job at destroying any evidence. Maybe he did go with other friends.. men will absolutely omit pieces of information to keep the peace.
If it was a 1 time thing I wouldn't worry about it, OP.
yes my first reaction was ew..along with what is wrong? oh how the thoughts can manifest. :roll:
but I cannot judge him without his defense. If I make my mind up that he is a dog, then I eventually wouldn't want to be married to him. I love him more than anything and I want to believe him. it bothers me more that he's not comfortable telling me about it, yea maybe it's embarrassing, but we are all human. iv'e done stuff he knows about that's pretty emabarrassing.
he has friends but I don't think he went with any of them.. most are married or moved out of town. unless he some guys at work.
he is 36 and I'm 45. we've been married 5 years but together just over 10 years.
the strip club is at least 45 minutes away. I understand what it's all about and trying not to take it personally. just don't want it to be (unknowningly because I do trust him) the writing on the wall. Strip clubs are easy and fun for guys (I can even enjoy a tasteful gentlemans club), if male strip clubs were as common, I can't say I wouldn't enjoy myself if I went. no work involved, like watching a live naked movie. so yea, ew, but in the scope of human nature it's not the end of my world.
amy
Amy The Great #74594
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016 Missoula MT 2018
Men and women so very different, it is a challenge...
understanding is the only thing that bridges this and that doesn't come from questioning.
This is one of those 'time will tell' moments and loving him up in the meantime.
Sometimes marriage can be very scary but well worth the occasional worry that comes along.
The long haul very rewarding.
asking why he felt the need to lie to me was the most "talking to" we had.
I so wanted him with me to PJ20. I'm still making dinner tonight, keeping calm and carrying on. I can be mature, I know how people think. you're married and your best friends I don't see a reason to lie about something pretty trivial.
He said the same thing, "well it's really not that big of deal" and if it isn't now and wasn't at the time then just say what you're going to do or might do. did he think I was going to stay home from PJ20..
He probably didn;t want to tell you because he knew you would post on the PJ forum about it.
Seriously, you wonder why he didnt tell you?
As for strip clubs, if its a very limited thing...once in a long while just to go out and be an idiot for a while with your friends instead of being a repsonsible husband/dad, really not a big deal in my opinion. In fact, it's a safer environment for him to go to than a regular bar most of the time.
yea, I wonder cause we're supposed to be transparent in our marriage
he could have at least told me when I got back, a week later or when I found out thru my sister-in law (and asked him) that he asked his brother to go. he denied it.
I post very little here, and even less about my personal life. I think the strip club conversation is one that most couples had had or gone thru and that I might get some objective opinions on the matter.
for those who did, thanks to you.
amy
Amy The Great #74594
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016 Missoula MT 2018
Amy, I haven't read all the pages of this thread, but essentially I would consider this akin to "playing with yourself" when the Mrs is away, or watching the playboy channel. Its certainly hurting no one, and it's not exactly something that you A) ever discuss or ever have thrown in your face. ...how would you react if he found out that you went to go see Magic Mike alone?
I wouldn't read much into it.
-You were gone.
-He got a few beers and got to see some pretty women dancing.
-He went home.
Reading more into it is unnecessary, unless they have a brothel on the premises.
Hope this helps!
ADD 5,200 to the post count you see, thank you.
*NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
*MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
*Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
*Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
*Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
*VA Beach 6/17/08 *DC 6/22/08 *MSG 6/24/08 (backstage) *MSG 6/25/08
*EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
*Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
who is magic mike? he wouldn't find out cause I would tell him either beforehand or afterwards, I'm not ashamed of the consequences of my actions.
I'm not reading that much into it. I posted the OP just after I found out and wanted to vent. it's more about lieing than going to see some dancers.
sorry, but being in the same room as a naked person is not the same as watching them on TV. :roll: btw, we have SkinaMax which geared heavily towards the male audience not the female audience.
"rubbin one out" is something we all have as individuals, sacred or not, it's pretty natural.
it helps, it all helps to hear different views on the topic. thanks for the comments!
amy
Amy The Great #74594
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016 Missoula MT 2018
sorry, but being in the same room as a naked person is not the same as watching them on TV. :roll: btw, we have SkinaMax which geared heavily towards the male audience not the female audience.
For a man who's likely been to a strip club before, it's just an extension of watching a naked woman on tv. So, I totally get that you might not see it that way, but I think that's all that it is.
Glad to try to shed some light!
ADD 5,200 to the post count you see, thank you.
*NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
*MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
*Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
*Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
*Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
*VA Beach 6/17/08 *DC 6/22/08 *MSG 6/24/08 (backstage) *MSG 6/25/08
*EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
*Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
so most men here would say they're comfortable with their girls going to an all male revue knowing those fellas have bigger than average units? being in the same room with them and a bunch of girls is the same as renting a porno?
just saying, just asking.
(just so everyone knows, it happened over a year ago, as far as I know it hasn't happened since and I'm over it, except for the general debate that may continue to occur here on the forum.)
Post edited by amethgr8 on
Amy The Great #74594
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016 Missoula MT 2018
so most men here would say they're comfortable with their girls going to an all male revue knowing those fellas have bigger than average units? being in the same room with them and a bunch of girls is the same as renting a porno?
just saying, just asking.
Porno and strip clubs are the same thing. Just because you're in the same room as the person, they're just as unattainable.
"See a broad to get dat booty yak 'em, leg 'er down, a smack 'em yak 'em!"
Comments
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.
It really isn't fair though. 'Gentlemen's' clubs usually have good music and attractive girls for all taste.
Ours are not as varied, the music isn't really good music and unless a travelling show is in town our selection really isn't that great either. I've had 10 X fun at a gentlemen's club with a group of girls than at a male strip club, even if we get to see it all.
Like, beyond pissed. Especially if he went by himself. I mean, really.... ew. For a grown man in a committed, serious relationship to go to a strip club alone is really not cool in my eyes. If it was the only bar in a 50 mile radius I might make an exception but overall I think it was wrong for him to go AND to hide it from you.
You like Whores too? We should totally hang out.
Possible new album title???????
i actually have to agree with this.
strip clubs were fun in college and on bachelor parties. but if you are going solo as an adult to get a glimpse of boobs that you should be getting at home for free..... something is wrong.
no worries there and thanks for the tip I don't need.
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.
what are you lol-ing at?
All that I once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth I know is you.
More importantly, there isn't anything there to clear.
and edit---there's a huge difference between 'my husband masturbates' and 'my husband goes to strip clubs by himself'. Let's not get off track.
BINGO.
you flew too close to the sun on wings of pastrami.
it will get you every time.
I'd say they're related. Strip clubs are just fantasy, nobody is getting any action there. It's just women making money off the fact we're animals. If your man masturbates, do you think he's thinking about you? Bet you a million he isn't. No offense, it's just not the way our brains work. It's the same mental process, or like looking at a Playboy or somethin, only he's not whipping it out at the club, unless he wants his ass beaten by a bouncer.
As for the alone part. Yes it's kind of sad, but I don't want to judge a guy I don't know at all. Wife was out of town, guy may have been lonely, bored, or whatever. I don't know. Personally I wouldn't go to strip club alone, because I would be too embarrassed to even if I wanted. Which is probably why he wasn't honest about it. Look how so many people here are judging him, myself included to some extent, why would he want the woman he loves to have similar opinions about him?
if it's out of the way from where you live, then i'd agree with what others have said that it's a little strange. wouldn't be surprised if he did go with friends but just doesn't want to implicate them.
i don't think you have anything to be worried about though. and it sounds like you've already come to that conclusion.
This is very possible. The OP, although she admittedly might be overthinking this, is handling this a lot better than some would in the same position. Nobody wants to be the guy who rats out his friends to his girlfriend, who would likely implicate others the same way he was. He'd be shunned. There might be a secret man meeting going on right now to search for the leak in the inner circle of the strip club gang.
a secret man meeting
If his going was a huge secret, he would've done a better job at destroying any evidence. Maybe he did go with other friends.. men will absolutely omit pieces of information to keep the peace.
If it was a 1 time thing I wouldn't worry about it, OP.
yes my first reaction was ew..along with what is wrong? oh how the thoughts can manifest. :roll:
but I cannot judge him without his defense. If I make my mind up that he is a dog, then I eventually wouldn't want to be married to him. I love him more than anything and I want to believe him. it bothers me more that he's not comfortable telling me about it, yea maybe it's embarrassing, but we are all human. iv'e done stuff he knows about that's pretty emabarrassing.
he has friends but I don't think he went with any of them.. most are married or moved out of town. unless he some guys at work.
he is 36 and I'm 45. we've been married 5 years but together just over 10 years.
the strip club is at least 45 minutes away. I understand what it's all about and trying not to take it personally. just don't want it to be (unknowningly because I do trust him) the writing on the wall. Strip clubs are easy and fun for guys (I can even enjoy a tasteful gentlemans club), if male strip clubs were as common, I can't say I wouldn't enjoy myself if I went. no work involved, like watching a live naked movie. so yea, ew, but in the scope of human nature it's not the end of my world.
amy
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016
Missoula MT 2018
understanding is the only thing that bridges this and that doesn't come from questioning.
This is one of those 'time will tell' moments and loving him up in the meantime.
Sometimes marriage can be very scary but well worth the occasional worry that comes along.
The long haul very rewarding.
He probably didn;t want to tell you because he knew you would post on the PJ forum about it.
Seriously, you wonder why he didnt tell you?
As for strip clubs, if its a very limited thing...once in a long while just to go out and be an idiot for a while with your friends instead of being a repsonsible husband/dad, really not a big deal in my opinion. In fact, it's a safer environment for him to go to than a regular bar most of the time.
he could have at least told me when I got back, a week later or when I found out thru my sister-in law (and asked him) that he asked his brother to go. he denied it.
I post very little here, and even less about my personal life. I think the strip club conversation is one that most couples had had or gone thru and that I might get some objective opinions on the matter.
for those who did, thanks to you.
amy
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016
Missoula MT 2018
I wouldn't read much into it.
-You were gone.
-He got a few beers and got to see some pretty women dancing.
-He went home.
Reading more into it is unnecessary, unless they have a brothel on the premises.
Hope this helps!
*NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
*MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
*Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
*Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
*Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
*VA Beach 6/17/08 *DC 6/22/08 *MSG 6/24/08 (backstage) *MSG 6/25/08
*EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
*Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
I'm not reading that much into it. I posted the OP just after I found out and wanted to vent. it's more about lieing than going to see some dancers.
sorry, but being in the same room as a naked person is not the same as watching them on TV. :roll: btw, we have SkinaMax which geared heavily towards the male audience not the female audience.
"rubbin one out" is something we all have as individuals, sacred or not, it's pretty natural.
it helps, it all helps to hear different views on the topic. thanks for the comments!
amy
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016
Missoula MT 2018
For a man who's likely been to a strip club before, it's just an extension of watching a naked woman on tv. So, I totally get that you might not see it that way, but I think that's all that it is.
Glad to try to shed some light!
*NYC 9/28/96 *NYC 9/29/96 *NJ 9/8/98 (front row "may i play drums with you")
*MSG 9/10/98 (backstage) *MSG 9/11/98 (backstage)
*Jones Beach 8/23/00 *Jones Beach 8/24/00 *Jones Beach 8/25/00
*Mansfield 8/29/00 *Mansfield 8/30/00 *Nassau 4/30/03 *Nissan VA 7/1/03
*Borgata 10/1/05 *Camden 5/27/06 *Camden 5/28/06 *DC 5/30/06
*VA Beach 6/17/08 *DC 6/22/08 *MSG 6/24/08 (backstage) *MSG 6/25/08
*EV DC 8/17/08 *EV Baltimore 6/15/09 *Philly 10/31/09
*Bristow VA 5/13/10 *MSG 5/20/10 *MSG 5/21/10
just saying, just asking.
(just so everyone knows, it happened over a year ago, as far as I know it hasn't happened since and I'm over it, except for the general debate that may continue to occur here on the forum.)
New Orleans LA 7/4/95 reschedule 9/17/95
Chicago IL 1998, 10/9/00, 06/18/03, 05/16/06, 05/17/06
08/23/09, 08/24/09, Lolla 08/05/07
Champaign IL 4/23/03
Grand Rapids MI VFC 10/03/04
Grand Rapids MI 19May06
Noblesville IN 05/07/10 Cleveland OH 05/09/10
PJ 20 2011
Baltimore MD, Charlottesville VA, Seattle WA 2013
St. Louis MO, Milwaukee WI 2014
Tampa FL, Chicago IL, Lexington KY 2016
Missoula MT 2018
Porno and strip clubs are the same thing. Just because you're in the same room as the person, they're just as unattainable.