I beat Cancer ... I hope :)
Comments
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I got a text from a friend....it asked how I was doing....then she added "tell me true"
it got me thinking as to how I am REALLY doing. I think I'm somehow going thru those 7 stages of grief. you know...denial, anger, acceptance, etc. Altho most of the time I'm a happy guy just doing my thing and doing what needs to be done, there ARE times when I'm pretty fucking pissed off about this whole thing. I mean, with my new "appliance" my life is irrevocably changed. I've said "you'd never know if you didn't know," but I know....every waking minute, I know.
well, it's only been 7 weeks and I have years ahead of me. I guess I'm coping well....it's just that sometimes I'm pissed. I realize people have way worse stuff happen to them but a friend told me "yeah, we all know that when bad stuff happens but it really doesn't change what you're going thru"
OK....as we say on this board...."end of rant"If I had known then what I know now...
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14Philly I & II, 16Denver 22
Missoula 240 -
imalive wrote:I got a text from a friend....it asked how I was doing....then she added "tell me true"
it got me thinking as to how I am REALLY doing. I think I'm somehow going thru those 7 stages of grief. you know...denial, anger, acceptance, etc. Altho most of the time I'm a happy guy just doing my thing and doing what needs to be done, there ARE times when I'm pretty fucking pissed off about this whole thing. I mean, with my new "appliance" my life is irrevocably changed. I've said "you'd never know if you didn't know," but I know....every waking minute, I know.
well, it's only been 7 weeks and I have years ahead of me. I guess I'm coping well....it's just that sometimes I'm pissed. I realize people have way worse stuff happen to them but a friend told me "yeah, we all know that when bad stuff happens but it really doesn't change what you're going thru"
OK....as we say on this board...."end of rant"
Nothing wrong with venting some frustration here, man, - you have good reason to and we're all ears. Take care."It's a sad and beautiful world"-Roberto Benigni0 -
imalive wrote:I got a text from a friend....it asked how I was doing....then she added "tell me true"
it got me thinking as to how I am REALLY doing. I think I'm somehow going thru those 7 stages of grief. you know...denial, anger, acceptance, etc. Altho most of the time I'm a happy guy just doing my thing and doing what needs to be done, there ARE times when I'm pretty fucking pissed off about this whole thing. I mean, with my new "appliance" my life is irrevocably changed. I've said "you'd never know if you didn't know," but I know....every waking minute, I know.
well, it's only been 7 weeks and I have years ahead of me. I guess I'm coping well....it's just that sometimes I'm pissed. I realize people have way worse stuff happen to them but a friend told me "yeah, we all know that when bad stuff happens but it really doesn't change what you're going thru"
OK....as we say on this board...."end of rant"
Acceptance is a process. You've had a life-altering change and I'd expect the process to take time."The stars are all connected to the brain."0 -
bah...I keep forgetting to check in with you! My apologies. :(
Glad to see you're still hanging in there, keeping us posted on what's going on :thumbup:...a friend of mine that was diagnosed with cancer basically shut everybody out of her life, so I don't know what to say, except for 'I'm here if you need someone to talk to'.The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
- Christopher McCandless0 -
RKCNDY wrote:.a friend of mine that was diagnosed with cancer basically shut everybody out of her life, so I don't know what to say, except for 'I'm here if you need someone to talk to'.If I had known then what I know now...
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14Philly I & II, 16Denver 22
Missoula 240 -
Who Princess wrote:I feel a lot better knowing that sometimes you're pissed about it, along with any other emotions you may have, whether it's grief, depression, denial, or whatever.
This is exactly how I feel....its good knowing you don't hold it ALL inside.
much xoxox to you, sirMakes much more sense...
2011: East Troy, WI 1 & 2; Toronto ON 1 & 2; Hamilton ON
2012: Berlin, Germany 1& 2; Stockholm Sweden; Oslo Norway; Copenhagen Denmark
2013: Wrigley Field- Chicago, IL; Philadelphia, PA 1 & 2; Hartford, CT; Vancouver BC; Seattle, WA.
2014: Cincinnati, OH; St. Louis, MO; Moline, IL; Milwaukee, WI
2016: Wrigley Field- Chicago 1&20 -
imalive wrote:I got a text from a friend....it asked how I was doing....then she added "tell me true"
it got me thinking as to how I am REALLY doing. I think I'm somehow going thru those 7 stages of grief. you know...denial, anger, acceptance, etc. Altho most of the time I'm a happy guy just doing my thing and doing what needs to be done, there ARE times when I'm pretty fucking pissed off about this whole thing. I mean, with my new "appliance" my life is irrevocably changed. I've said "you'd never know if you didn't know," but I know....every waking minute, I know.
well, it's only been 7 weeks and I have years ahead of me. I guess I'm coping well....it's just that sometimes I'm pissed. I realize people have way worse stuff happen to them but a friend told me "yeah, we all know that when bad stuff happens but it really doesn't change what you're going thru"
OK....as we say on this board...."end of rant"
dude i'd be shocked if you didn't have those feelings0 -
norm wrote:imalive wrote:I got a text from a friend....it asked how I was doing....then she added "tell me true"
it got me thinking as to how I am REALLY doing. I think I'm somehow going thru those 7 stages of grief. you know...denial, anger, acceptance, etc. Altho most of the time I'm a happy guy just doing my thing and doing what needs to be done, there ARE times when I'm pretty fucking pissed off about this whole thing. I mean, with my new "appliance" my life is irrevocably changed. I've said "you'd never know if you didn't know," but I know....every waking minute, I know.
well, it's only been 7 weeks and I have years ahead of me. I guess I'm coping well....it's just that sometimes I'm pissed. I realize people have way worse stuff happen to them but a friend told me "yeah, we all know that when bad stuff happens but it really doesn't change what you're going thru"
OK....as we say on this board...."end of rant"
dude i'd be shocked if you didn't have those feelings
me too!
(think we're sorted for the magazine to head your way)
2009 - Manchester. 2010 - Dublin, Belfast, London, Berlin, Arras, Werchter. 2011 - PJ20 i & ii, Montreal, Toronto i & ii, Ottawa, Hamilton.
2012 - Manchester i & ii, Berlin i & ii, Stockholm. 2014 - Amsterdam i & ii, Trieste, Vienna, Berlin, Leeds, Milton Keynes.
2016 - Boston Fenway i & ii, 2018 - Amsterdam i & ii, Pinkpop, London i & ii, Padova, Krakow, Barcelona, Seattle i & ii.0 -
Rant all you need. We know you by now. It's not going to change anyone's regard for you.
Acceptance is a process. You've had a life-altering change and I'd expect the process to take time.
Yes! Rant, rant rant away my brother!Hold onto the thread, the currents will shift.
11/30/93-Las Vegas, 12/1/93-Las Vegas, 11/1/95-SLC, 11/2/95-SLC, 7/10/98-San Diego, 7/11/98-Las Vegas, 8/18/00-IND, 7/6/06-Las Vegas, 10/7/09-LA4 @ Gibson, 10/9/09-San Diego, 9/25/11-Vancouver, 10/31/12-Las Vegas I (Ed), 11/1/12-Las Vegas II (Ed), 7/19/13-Chicago, 12/6/13-Seattle0 -
imalive wrote:RKCNDY wrote:.a friend of mine that was diagnosed with cancer basically shut everybody out of her life, so I don't know what to say, except for 'I'm here if you need someone to talk to'.
"I'll get by with a little from my friends, I'll get by with a little help from my friends, I'll get high with a little help from my friends......................." And what is it about sleeping dogs, you cant keep them down or something like that? Hey Rob, really, you deserve every rant you feel to muster. That we haven't seen one in quite some time is a testament to your fortitude and fighting spirit. And I know these are just words but really, you have been nothing short of amazing in how you have handled yourself. I have had family members who decided they would just, literally, lay down and die. And that is what they did. For two and a half fucking years! What they could have done or experienced with that time. You have chosen to fight and to live and to beat this shit. And how you have chosen to do it is truly admirable. Easy? Hell no. Feel like dying some days? Sure, I bet you do. Get depressed and wonder why me? Absolutely. But you keep on keeping on. Why? Because me thinks you have an incredible spirit and see the beauty in the everyday. And you can still take the ups with the downs and laugh and find pleasure and see the way the tree bends. And think its special. I saw the sparkle in your eyes in that photo with your PJ Giants jersey and your friends in Vancouver. I saw it and it inspired me. You're full of life and winning. Even if you don't feel like it or your Utah football team and Giants are losing. When I first started reading this thread, I knew there would be times and posts like this. But I still believe in you and I think you know, we're all here for you and you're not walking this road alone. Yes, you have to deal and wake up everyday in your new reality but we're with you. Even if you don't feel it. And you are certainly entitled to feeling like you do and ranting about it. No matter how cold the winter, there's a spring time ahead. And it's okay. It's okay, it's okay. So hang in, rant and rage and scream and yell and stamp your feet and cry. It's okay. Just don't kick your dog or break any plates!MY Rant over.
Did you get the envelope with the duct tape I sent you?
Positive Chi and hope for better days ahead coming your way.
Peace!09/15/1998 & 09/16/1998, Mansfield, MA; 08/29/00 08/30/00, Mansfield, MA; 07/02/03, 07/03/03, Mansfield, MA; 09/28/04, 09/29/04, Boston, MA; 09/22/05, Halifax, NS; 05/24/06, 05/25/06, Boston, MA; 07/22/06, 07/23/06, Gorge, WA; 06/27/2008, Hartford; 06/28/08, 06/30/08, Mansfield; 08/18/2009, O2, London, UK; 10/30/09, 10/31/09, Philadelphia, PA; 05/15/10, Hartford, CT; 05/17/10, Boston, MA; 05/20/10, 05/21/10, NY, NY; 06/22/10, Dublin, IRE; 06/23/10, Northern Ireland; 09/03/11, 09/04/11, Alpine Valley, WI; 09/11/11, 09/12/11, Toronto, Ont; 09/14/11, Ottawa, Ont; 09/15/11, Hamilton, Ont; 07/02/2012, Prague, Czech Republic; 07/04/2012 & 07/05/2012, Berlin, Germany; 07/07/2012, Stockholm, Sweden; 09/30/2012, Missoula, MT; 07/16/2013, London, Ont; 07/19/2013, Chicago, IL; 10/15/2013 & 10/16/2013, Worcester, MA; 10/21/2013 & 10/22/2013, Philadelphia, PA; 10/25/2013, Hartford, CT; 11/29/2013, Portland, OR; 11/30/2013, Spokane, WA; 12/04/2013, Vancouver, BC; 12/06/2013, Seattle, WA; 10/03/2014, St. Louis. MO; 10/22/2014, Denver, CO; 10/26/2015, New York, NY; 04/23/2016, New Orleans, LA; 04/28/2016 & 04/29/2016, Philadelphia, PA; 05/01/2016 & 05/02/2016, New York, NY; 05/08/2016, Ottawa, Ont.; 05/10/2016 & 05/12/2016, Toronto, Ont.; 08/05/2016 & 08/07/2016, Boston, MA; 08/20/2016 & 08/22/2016, Chicago, IL; 07/01/2018, Prague, Czech Republic; 07/03/2018, Krakow, Poland; 07/05/2018, Berlin, Germany; 09/02/2018 & 09/04/2018, Boston, MA; 09/08/2022, Toronto, Ont; 09/11/2022, New York, NY; 09/14/2022, Camden, NJ; 09/02/2023, St. Paul, MN; 05/04/2024 & 05/06/2024, Vancouver, BC; 05/10/2024, Portland, OR;
Libtardaplorable©. And proud of it.
Brilliantati©0 -
Halifax2TheMax wrote:So hang in, rant and rage and scream and yell and stamp your feet and cry. It's okay. Just don't kick your dog or break any plates! MY Rant over.
and don't spill anything that stains on your jerseyHalifax2TheMax wrote:Did you get the envelope with the duct tape I sent you?
He's probably still trying to get it openMakes much more sense...
2011: East Troy, WI 1 & 2; Toronto ON 1 & 2; Hamilton ON
2012: Berlin, Germany 1& 2; Stockholm Sweden; Oslo Norway; Copenhagen Denmark
2013: Wrigley Field- Chicago, IL; Philadelphia, PA 1 & 2; Hartford, CT; Vancouver BC; Seattle, WA.
2014: Cincinnati, OH; St. Louis, MO; Moline, IL; Milwaukee, WI
2016: Wrigley Field- Chicago 1&20 -
Hi Rob. It's okay if you have times when you are pissed right off. It's human. I take days like those as days to slow down and just be. Be mad, be sad, be "meh". I am sending more love, light and hugs. xoLots of love, light and hugs to you all!0
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Halifax2TheMax wrote:
"I'll get by with a little from my friends, I'll get by with a little help from my friends, I'll get high with a little help from my friends......................." And what is it about sleeping dogs, you cant keep them down or something like that? Hey Rob, really, you deserve every rant you feel to muster. That we haven't seen one in quite some time is a testament to your fortitude and fighting spirit. And I know these are just words but really, you have been nothing short of amazing in how you have handled yourself. I have had family members who decided they would just, literally, lay down and die. And that is what they did. For two and a half fucking years! What they could have done or experienced with that time. You have chosen to fight and to live and to beat this shit. And how you have chosen to do it is truly admirable. Easy? Hell no. Feel like dying some days? Sure, I bet you do. Get depressed and wonder why me? Absolutely. But you keep on keeping on. Why? Because me thinks you have an incredible spirit and see the beauty in the everyday. And you can still take the ups with the downs and laugh and find pleasure and see the way the tree bends. And think its special. I saw the sparkle in your eyes in that photo with your PJ Giants jersey and your friends in Vancouver. I saw it and it inspired me. You're full of life and winning. Even if you don't feel like it or your Utah football team and Giants are losing. When I first started reading this thread, I knew there would be times and posts like this. But I still believe in you and I think you know, we're all here for you and you're not walking this road alone. Yes, you have to deal and wake up everyday in your new reality but we're with you. Even if you don't feel it. And you are certainly entitled to feeling like you do and ranting about it. No matter how cold the winter, there's a spring time ahead. And it's okay. It's okay, it's okay. So hang in, rant and rage and scream and yell and stamp your feet and cry. It's okay. Just don't kick your dog or break any plates!MY Rant over.
wow! what nice thoughts
luckily, no, I never really wish I was dead. sometimes I'm pissed, but the long dirt nap is not an alternative I'm interested in.
some friends from vegas stopped by today....we went out for a tasty breakfast and caught up on fire department gossip. last night, I drank a bunch of guiness and watched baseball. the end result pissed me off, but it was a fun evening. things are good. I get to see my suck-ass Utes play again, tomorrow night
Thanks, Kyle, you have been an awesome friend :thumbup:If I had known then what I know now...
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14Philly I & II, 16Denver 22
Missoula 240 -
imalive wrote:Halifax2TheMax wrote:
"I'll get by with a little from my friends, I'll get by with a little help from my friends, I'll get high with a little help from my friends......................." And what is it about sleeping dogs, you cant keep them down or something like that? Hey Rob, really, you deserve every rant you feel to muster. That we haven't seen one in quite some time is a testament to your fortitude and fighting spirit. And I know these are just words but really, you have been nothing short of amazing in how you have handled yourself. I have had family members who decided they would just, literally, lay down and die. And that is what they did. For two and a half fucking years! What they could have done or experienced with that time. You have chosen to fight and to live and to beat this shit. And how you have chosen to do it is truly admirable. Easy? Hell no. Feel like dying some days? Sure, I bet you do. Get depressed and wonder why me? Absolutely. But you keep on keeping on. Why? Because me thinks you have an incredible spirit and see the beauty in the everyday. And you can still take the ups with the downs and laugh and find pleasure and see the way the tree bends. And think its special. I saw the sparkle in your eyes in that photo with your PJ Giants jersey and your friends in Vancouver. I saw it and it inspired me. You're full of life and winning. Even if you don't feel like it or your Utah football team and Giants are losing. When I first started reading this thread, I knew there would be times and posts like this. But I still believe in you and I think you know, we're all here for you and you're not walking this road alone. Yes, you have to deal and wake up everyday in your new reality but we're with you. Even if you don't feel it. And you are certainly entitled to feeling like you do and ranting about it. No matter how cold the winter, there's a spring time ahead. And it's okay. It's okay, it's okay. So hang in, rant and rage and scream and yell and stamp your feet and cry. It's okay. Just don't kick your dog or break any plates!MY Rant over.
wow! what nice thoughts
luckily, no, I never really wish I was dead. sometimes I'm pissed, but the long dirt nap is not an alternative I'm interested in.
some friends from vegas stopped by today....we went out for a tasty breakfast and caught up on fire department gossip. last night, I drank a bunch of guiness and watched baseball. the end result pissed me off, but it was a fun evening. things are good. I get to see my suck-ass Utes play again, tomorrow night
Thanks, Kyle, you have been an awesome friend :thumbup:
Well, that's the fighting spirit and sense of humor I know so well! The long dirt nap? Are we regressing to our childhood? I used to sleep in the dirt. No, I know what you're saying and I didn't mean to try and bring you down. Again, I'm amazed at your fortitude of not even considering it an option, particularly with all you've been through.
I'm really glad to hear things are good for you Rob. Enjoy the game tonight! I may go see Brown versus Penn this afternoon. I know, Ivy league but I can walk to the stadium and the tickets are free. But its freakin' cold out! So, we'll see.
Be well my friend. Peace.09/15/1998 & 09/16/1998, Mansfield, MA; 08/29/00 08/30/00, Mansfield, MA; 07/02/03, 07/03/03, Mansfield, MA; 09/28/04, 09/29/04, Boston, MA; 09/22/05, Halifax, NS; 05/24/06, 05/25/06, Boston, MA; 07/22/06, 07/23/06, Gorge, WA; 06/27/2008, Hartford; 06/28/08, 06/30/08, Mansfield; 08/18/2009, O2, London, UK; 10/30/09, 10/31/09, Philadelphia, PA; 05/15/10, Hartford, CT; 05/17/10, Boston, MA; 05/20/10, 05/21/10, NY, NY; 06/22/10, Dublin, IRE; 06/23/10, Northern Ireland; 09/03/11, 09/04/11, Alpine Valley, WI; 09/11/11, 09/12/11, Toronto, Ont; 09/14/11, Ottawa, Ont; 09/15/11, Hamilton, Ont; 07/02/2012, Prague, Czech Republic; 07/04/2012 & 07/05/2012, Berlin, Germany; 07/07/2012, Stockholm, Sweden; 09/30/2012, Missoula, MT; 07/16/2013, London, Ont; 07/19/2013, Chicago, IL; 10/15/2013 & 10/16/2013, Worcester, MA; 10/21/2013 & 10/22/2013, Philadelphia, PA; 10/25/2013, Hartford, CT; 11/29/2013, Portland, OR; 11/30/2013, Spokane, WA; 12/04/2013, Vancouver, BC; 12/06/2013, Seattle, WA; 10/03/2014, St. Louis. MO; 10/22/2014, Denver, CO; 10/26/2015, New York, NY; 04/23/2016, New Orleans, LA; 04/28/2016 & 04/29/2016, Philadelphia, PA; 05/01/2016 & 05/02/2016, New York, NY; 05/08/2016, Ottawa, Ont.; 05/10/2016 & 05/12/2016, Toronto, Ont.; 08/05/2016 & 08/07/2016, Boston, MA; 08/20/2016 & 08/22/2016, Chicago, IL; 07/01/2018, Prague, Czech Republic; 07/03/2018, Krakow, Poland; 07/05/2018, Berlin, Germany; 09/02/2018 & 09/04/2018, Boston, MA; 09/08/2022, Toronto, Ont; 09/11/2022, New York, NY; 09/14/2022, Camden, NJ; 09/02/2023, St. Paul, MN; 05/04/2024 & 05/06/2024, Vancouver, BC; 05/10/2024, Portland, OR;
Libtardaplorable©. And proud of it.
Brilliantati©0 -
Halifax2TheMax wrote:I may go see Brown versus Penn this afternoon. I know, Ivy league but I can walk to the stadium and the tickets are free. But its freakin' cold out! So, we'll see.
close your eyes and picture a late 1940s football crowd....
If I had known then what I know now...
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14Philly I & II, 16Denver 22
Missoula 240 -
imalive wrote:Halifax2TheMax wrote:I may go see Brown versus Penn this afternoon. I know, Ivy league but I can walk to the stadium and the tickets are free. But its freakin' cold out! So, we'll see.
close your eyes and picture a late 1940s football crowd....
We were but stones your light made us stars0 -
Rob,
I have been through my own stuff over the last year and a half (if you remember when we discussed in Columbus 2010) and I can tell you the one thing I've not yet figured out is how to come to "accept" my new being. I frequently get sad or angry about the circumstances, what I had, what I lost, and where I will go from here. If you ever want to chat, let me know. My stroke set me back emotionally and definitely broke the foundation of my life. My sense of self, my identity, self esteem, everything turned upside down. It will take time, they all keep saying...time. Well, time, and a lot of books on acceptance and forgiveness. It is grieving process. We didn't control what happened to us, we were not responsible, but now we have the cards we do and it is difficult when we know what life was like before.
Take care, and use whatever outlet you need to in order to heal yourself. I had posted some poems on the forum that were raw and pain-ridden - after I wrote them, posted, and maybe 4 people read - I deleted them. I didn't need to spread my poisonous pain but it felt good to get it out and WAS necessary.
DOA0 -
Hey Rob!
Just thought I'd say hello and let you know I'm thinking of you. I hope all is well!Makes much more sense...
2011: East Troy, WI 1 & 2; Toronto ON 1 & 2; Hamilton ON
2012: Berlin, Germany 1& 2; Stockholm Sweden; Oslo Norway; Copenhagen Denmark
2013: Wrigley Field- Chicago, IL; Philadelphia, PA 1 & 2; Hartford, CT; Vancouver BC; Seattle, WA.
2014: Cincinnati, OH; St. Louis, MO; Moline, IL; Milwaukee, WI
2016: Wrigley Field- Chicago 1&20 -
Hi Rob! Just sending love, light and hugs, that today is a good day.Lots of love, light and hugs to you all!0
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ShimmyMommy wrote:Hi Rob! Just sending love, light and hugs, that today is a good day.
I do the two day chemo thing again tomorrow
gotta take my spoiled dog to the park....she is so spoiled....you ought to see how miserable the weather isIf I had known then what I know now...
Vegas 93, Vegas 98, Vegas 00 (10 year show), Vegas 03, Vegas 06
VIC 07
EV LA1 08
Seattle1 09, Seattle2 09, Salt Lake 09, LA4 09
Columbus 10
EV LA 11
Vancouver 11
Missoula 12
Portland 13, Spokane 13
St. Paul 14, Denver 14Philly I & II, 16Denver 22
Missoula 240
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