Marriage..

LikeAnOcean
LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
edited October 2011 in All Encompassing Trip
So I've been dating this girl 11 months now. I see myself spending the rest of my life with her and I'm 200% sure she feels the same way.


Here's my dilema.. It feels too soon to make a commitment. My parents have meet her once. She hasn't meet a lot of my friends because of health issues and her working evenings in retail.. most of my friends have waited 2 to 4 years before making the big proposal..


Here's the thing putting pressure on me.. She has no health insurance., Because of pre-existing conditions, she can't afford it, she is stuck relying on medicaid or whatever crap you get that conservatives don't like people to get, and its hard for her to get renewed.. I have really good health insurance through work that covers spouses.


I love this girl. I tell her it every day. I'm almost, but not quite ready to tell her and everyone I know that I plan on spending the rest of my life with her.. I still feel I need a little more time before it's set.. but in a few months, I will be redoing my health insurance plan, and she will be in desperate need for coverage, and it will be another year after before I could possibly add her if we pass when she desperately needs it now.

At this point, what would you do? Tell her you will "legally" marry her to help her out? Or wait another year or so before everything feels socially right to pop the question?


I don't want to rush into anything because she needs medical help, now, but I can't help but want to help and care for her.
Post edited by Unknown User on
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Comments

  • voidofman
    voidofman Posts: 4,009
    edited October 2011
    Tell her how you feel now. Do you think she feels the same way, if so, giver. :mrgreen:

    edit: maybe suggest moving in together if you haven't already to see how it would be that way.
    Post edited by voidofman on
  • SPEEDY MCCREADY
    SPEEDY MCCREADY Posts: 27,073
    You love her...
    You want to spend the rest of your life with her....
    She is EVERYTHING to you.....

    Yeah..
    If legally marrying her is going to benifit her NOW...
    When she needs it....NOW

    Then marry her....NOW!!!!

    You can wait a year or 2 and have a BIG shindig Wedding.....Right???

    This from a guy who dated Kathy for 14 years before getting married.....hehehehehehehehe
    Take me piece by piece.....
    Till there aint nothing left worth taking away from me.....
  • SPEEDY MCCREADY
    SPEEDY MCCREADY Posts: 27,073
    Oh by the way...

    I KNEW MONTHS AGO....
    That you were gonna marry this girl...

    Actually......... I KNEW after your 1st few dates....

    FACT!!!!

    hehehehehehehe
    Take me piece by piece.....
    Till there aint nothing left worth taking away from me.....
  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    voidofman wrote:
    Tell her how you feel now. Do you think she feels the same way, if so, giver. :mrgreen:
    It's tough though. The other people I know and love barely know her.. to me, that's what complete's this.. I can't tell best friends I'm marrying a girl they've never meet. Socially, it just doesn't feel right.

    I think my health insurance gets changed in February.. Proposing to her in January would only be like 15 months of dating.. should I be worrying about what people who've been friends for 20+ years think?

    I want to make the big moment a big moment without cheapening it for the sake of getting her on health insurance. :?
  • voidofman
    voidofman Posts: 4,009
    And I agree with Speedy, if she needs help now, help her now.

    And it doesn't matter if some friends haven't met her, they will.

    I don't think she will care too much about a fancy wedding as long as she is with you and you can provide for her, etc.
  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:
    Oh by the way...

    I KNEW MONTHS AGO....
    That you were gonna marry this girl...

    Actually......... I KNEW after your 1st few dates....

    FACT!!!!

    hehehehehehehe
    You complete me speedy. :D


    But yeah, if I propose to her, how do i separate the legality issues from the formality issues?.. I kind of want to do the traditional, ask the dad for permission, make the big move, but outside of us, it doesn't feel like the right time.. can I propose twice? :?
  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    voidofman wrote:
    And I agree with Speedy, if she needs help now, help her now.

    And it doesn't matter if some friends haven't met her, they will.

    I don't think she will care too much about a fancy wedding as long as she is with you and you can provide for her, etc.
    We plan on moving in together.. any day.. I'm in the new apartment.. she is moving in Sunday if she doesn't get called into work, or sometime in the next few weeks.. i kind of want to decide for good by the first of the year, but hope its not a rushed decision.. I'm 32 years old and have never been in a relationship like this for 11+ months now.
  • SPEEDY MCCREADY
    SPEEDY MCCREADY Posts: 27,073
    Gob wrote:
    SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:
    Oh by the way...

    I KNEW MONTHS AGO....
    That you were gonna marry this girl...

    Actually......... I KNEW after your 1st few dates....

    FACT!!!!

    hehehehehehehe
    You complete me speedy. :D


    But yeah, if I propose to her, how do i separate the legality issues from the formality issues?.. I kind of want to do the traditional, ask the dad for permission, make the big move, but outside of us, it doesn't feel like the right time.. can I propose twice? :?
    You can go to city hall...
    Get a marriage license...
    Get married...
    And not tell a soul....Right??

    A year later you go to her father...
    Ask permission...

    And he tells you to go fuck yourself!!!!!! hehehehehehehehehehe
    Take me piece by piece.....
    Till there aint nothing left worth taking away from me.....
  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:
    Gob wrote:
    SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:
    Oh by the way...

    I KNEW MONTHS AGO....
    That you were gonna marry this girl...

    Actually......... I KNEW after your 1st few dates....

    FACT!!!!

    hehehehehehehe
    You complete me speedy. :D


    But yeah, if I propose to her, how do i separate the legality issues from the formality issues?.. I kind of want to do the traditional, ask the dad for permission, make the big move, but outside of us, it doesn't feel like the right time.. can I propose twice? :?
    You can go to city hall...
    Get a marriage license...
    Get married...
    And not tell a soul....Right??

    A year later you go to her father...
    Ask permission...

    And he tells you to go fuck yourself!!!!!! hehehehehehehehehehe
    haha.. but would it lesson the proposal for her?

    I don't know how to ask her for insurance purposes, when it wouldn't be official.. Do I tell her how I feel, but why it doesn't feel right yet, and that we can legally move forward, but socially, it needs a little more time?
  • voidofman
    voidofman Posts: 4,009
    Just put her out there to your friends, etc.

    "Yo, I'm marrying her, what?!"
  • SPEEDY MCCREADY
    SPEEDY MCCREADY Posts: 27,073
    Do what YOU think is best....
    DO NOT take advice from anyone on this silly board.....hehehe

    Do what YOU think is best......

    And CONGRATS!!!

    Hope ya have lots of babies...
    Who end up being Cubs fans!!!!!!!
    Take me piece by piece.....
    Till there aint nothing left worth taking away from me.....
  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:
    Do what YOU think is best....
    DO NOT take advice from anyone on this silly board.....hehehe

    Do what YOU think is best......

    And CONGRATS!!!

    Hope ya have lots of babies...
    Who end up being Cubs fans!!!!!!!
    Sorry Speedy, but she and I are Sox fans.. considering she is a north sider, and now I am an official north sider, that is quite a feat. :lol:
  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    Ok, hypothetically speaking.. engagement ring.. How much do
    I spend, and where do I get it from?.. or do I just propese for legal reasons and do the ring later?


    I'm so confused.. :shock:
  • norm
    norm Posts: 31,146
    SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:
    Do what YOU think is best....
    DO NOT take advice from anyone on this silly board.....hehehe

    Do what YOU think is best......

    And CONGRATS!!!

    all of this^^
    SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:
    Hope ya have lots of babies...
    Who end up being Cubs fans!!!!!!!


    those poor, doomed children :P :thumbup:
  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    norm wrote:
    SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:
    Do what YOU think is best....
    DO NOT take advice from anyone on this silly board.....hehehe

    Do what YOU think is best......

    And CONGRATS!!!

    all of this^^
    SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:
    Hope ya have lots of babies...
    Who end up being Cubs fans!!!!!!!


    those poor, doomed children :P :thumbup:
    They will just be a decade or so deprived.. not a whole fucking century and counting.. :lol:
  • klusterfuk
    klusterfuk Posts: 1,411
    you dont sound too sure about it
    The future's paved with better days

    Alpine Valley Resort is etched in my brain!!!


  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    klusterfuk wrote:
    you dont sound too sure about it
    I am sure about it, but I'm unsure what others around me think.. I kind of wanted this to be ok with everyone.. if it weren't for her health, I would wait another year just for it to be socially acceptable.
  • voidofman
    voidofman Posts: 4,009
    Most of my friends didn't know my wife when we got married, they met her maybe once or twice (because she lived so far away)
  • norm
    norm Posts: 31,146
    Gob wrote:
    klusterfuk wrote:
    you dont sound too sure about it
    I am sure about it, but I'm unsure what others around me think..

    i get why you feel like that but it's your life...if this is what you want (and hopefully her ;) ) then do it


    do a civil service sometime early next year and then plan the big wedding...or have a big party like reception because that's all the guests really care about...you can have family & really close friends at the civil ceremony

    :D
  • LikeAnOcean
    LikeAnOcean Posts: 7,718
    voidofman wrote:
    Most of my friends didn't know my wife when we got married, they met her maybe once or twice (because she lived so far away)
    One of my best buddies has been dating this girl for 7 years.. and they still live apart.. and she is still waiting for that proposal.. I know them both very well and I have always been the "single" friend to them.. If I tell them I'm getting married to a girl they've never meet, he is dead meat. :lol:

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