Also, I didn't actually propose to my wife, we just kind of knew we'd be married.
So.. she won't kill me if I say, hey, lets get married so you can be covered for insurance, but I'll give you that ring next year?
My husband never proposed to me. We were driving to Baskin Robbins and I was saying something about when I finished school (I was in grad school at the time). He said something like "Don't worry about it, we'll probably be married by then."
How's that for romantic? :roll: We told our families a few months later, then he got me an engagement ring about 4 months after that. We got married about a year after his "proposal." We've been married 33 years. (Told ya I was old!)
I haven't even read anyone else's reply so I don't really know what's been said already. And I won't tell you what I think you should do, but I'll tell you this.
I knew within about 10 days of my first date with my wife that I wanted to marry her.
We dated for almost 7 years -- lived together off and on -- before we made it official. I probably would have waited longer, but she was getting impatient. I wanted everything to be perfect for me, career-wise, before making the commitment. Things still aren't perfect, but we're about 2 months away from our 13th anniversary and I still feel pretty much the same way about her that I did nearly 20 years ago.
You love her...
You want to spend the rest of your life with her....
She is EVERYTHING to you.....
Yeah..
If legally marrying her is going to benifit her NOW...
When she needs it....NOW
Then marry her....NOW!!!!
You can wait a year or 2 and have a BIG shindig Wedding.....Right???
This from a guy who dated Kathy for 14 years before getting married.....hehehehehehehehe
this.
when it's right, it's right...who needs to follow a timeline?
best of everything to you and your soon to be bride.
i married my husband after 5 years of off and on dating, but that's mostly b/c we were so young. if i had been older, we probably would've sooner. took me/us longer to 'know'...we both needed to live! i peeked at your age :oops: and hell, why wait?!
go for it and be happy!
You should feel ok about telling her exactly how you feel. Find out how she feels. This worked out for us. We didnt tell anyone for a year. You have to go down to the county courthouse to get the marriage license. Then set up a time when a judge could marry you. Good luck with it.
I am sure about it, but I'm unsure what others around me think.. I kind of wanted this to be ok with everyone.. if it weren't for her health, I would wait another year just for it to be socially acceptable.
It's OK with me, does that help??
Seriously, if you love her and want to be with her for ever just marry her. You don't need the fancy trappings of a long engagement and big do. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
Just as an FYI, about 95% of insurance companies allow you to add someone to your policy at any time for certain circumstances (birth of a kid, marriage, etc). Check with your insurance company first.
have you looked at your county's website about the marriage license? I picked any county in Illinois (cook) and it said you must both go together, etc. and it is effective the next calendar day. is good for 60 days. not like that where we got married in MD....my fiance went alone and applied for the license. he put the wrong age for me (I'm older than he is, but he made me older by accident.) the hick town where we live printed it in the paper (can you believe that?) This was in 1997. the newspaper said I was 38 and he was still in his 20's.
I thought that a person can be added to a policy at any time due to birth or marriage. can you look on their website or ask human resources at work?
as for the friends....how often do you see them? do you want their opinion of her? I knew you would marry her when you met her and I'm just words on a page.
how is your cat taking all this?
9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
the ring doesn't have to be a rock; it is a symbol of your love. buy what you can afford. just pull it out of your pocket one night and say, "will you marry me?"
9/98, 9/00 - DC, 4/03 - Pitt., 7/03 - Bristow, 10/04 - Reading, 10/05 - Philly, 5/06 - DC, 6/06 - Pitt., 6/08 - Va Beach, 6/08 - DC, 5/10 - Bristow, 10/13 B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
So I've been dating this girl 11 months now. I see myself spending the rest of my life with her and I'm 200% sure she feels the same way.
Here's my dilema.. It feels too soon to make a commitment. My parents have meet her once. She hasn't meet a lot of my friends because of health issues and her working evenings in retail.. most of my friends have waited 2 to 4 years before making the big proposal..
Here's the thing putting pressure on me.. She has no health insurance., Because of pre-existing conditions, she can't afford it, she is stuck relying on medicaid or whatever crap you get that conservatives don't like people to get, and its hard for her to get renewed.. I have really good health insurance through work that covers spouses.
I love this girl. I tell her it every day. I'm almost, but not quite ready to tell her and everyone I know that I plan on spending the rest of my life with her.. I still feel I need a little more time before it's set.. but in a few months, I will be redoing my health insurance plan, and she will be in desperate need for coverage, and it will be another year after before I could possibly add her if we pass when she desperately needs it now.
At this point, what would you do? Tell her you will "legally" marry her to help her out? Or wait another year or so before everything feels socially right to pop the question?
I don't want to rush into anything because she needs medical help, now, but I can't help but want to help and care for her.
My grandparents got married after dating a month.
I think if you're almost to the year mark, it'd be okay to ask.
just my opinion, but you seem awfully worried about what others may think to this... they really don't matter in this, do they? this should be between you and your girl. the kind of ring, the kind of ceremony, the timing..all that really shouldn't be a concern of your friends/family. of course it's nice to have everyone on board but if one or two aren't, will that really sway your decision? if you don't have a good feeling about this, that's your conscience telling you to stop and really think it through first. if the first concern is always going to be what your friends or family think, you'll never make another decision on your own the rest of your life. i think it's honorable that your are worried about your girl's healthcare to consider *that* reason enough to move your plans up. the choice to be married is based on unconditional love between the two people involved, the maturity of both to recognize this person is who you want to make a life with and the commitment by both to work at it knowing there will be times when it's not all rainbows and unicorns. at the end of the day, you lay down with her, not your parents or friends.
good luck....it's always easy to get married. the hard part is making it work.
Detroit...City of Tomorrow
2000: 10/07-Auburn Hills, MI
2003: 06/25 & 06/26-Clarkston, MI
2004: 10/02-Toledo, OH
10/03-Grand Rapids, MI
2005: 09/11-Kitchener, Ontario
09/12-London, Ontario
09/13-Hamilton, Ontario
2006: 05/19-Grand Rapids, MI
05/22-Auburn Hills, MI
07/22 & 07/23-George, WA
2010: 05/09-Cleveland, OH
2011: 09/03 & 09/04-East Troy, WI
2014: 10/16-Detroit, MI
9 months of dating....29 years of a happy marriage...hoping for another 29 years! Do what your heart says....who cares what others think!
~*LIVE~LOVE~LAUGH*~
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Your heart knows what to do. You will drive yourself mad trying to reason things out.
Love isn't alway reasonable.....
Marriage is a scary step no matter when you take it. Marriage does take work during certain periods to keep things going.
As for benefits .... You should be able to add her any time. It would be considered a change of status.
Marriage birth of a child or even if you were covered on your spouses benefits and they lost their job you can change to yours then.
These are some reasons you don't have to wait for open enrollment to change things.
Post edited by bionicamy on
“This is a ah another request fulfillment. If none of the other of you like it at least one guy does. Actually it’s a girl, she’s right back there.”
SMILE Eddie Vedder Cleveland 06.....
Here's the thing putting pressure on me.. She has no health insurance., Because of pre-existing conditions, she can't afford it, she is stuck relying on medicaid or whatever crap you get that conservatives don't like people to get, and its hard for her to get renewed.. I have really good health insurance through work that covers spouses.
Not to be Judgemental or anything!...BUT what sort of Country do you Live in that having 'Health Insurance' or Not *Determines* whether you should Marry someone?... :?
if you aren't ready, you aren't ready. you can do your best to help her in other ways. don't rush into marriage if you aren't ready to.
I know it's not as simple as that.
why do you care what your friends think of her? the only time I cared about that was when I didn't like the girl I was dating. friends come and go (trust me!), but marriage is for good. you aren't marrying your friends.
Gimli 1993
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
If you aren't sure, you aren't sure. Period. If you have no doubts do it!
"I'd rather be with an animal." "Those that can be trusted can change their mind." "The in between is mine." "If I don't lose control, explore and not explode, a preternatural other plane with the power to maintain." "Yeh this is living." "Life is what you make it."
Here's the thing - don't let anything society deems appropriate tell you how to live your life. There is no specific 'time limit' for waiting until you propose. So don't wait until it's officially been a year, that just doesn't matter. Also, I get that you want your close friends to know her, but they also shouldn't be a deciding factor in who you marry. Only you know what you want and if you know in your heart you want to marry her, then just do it!
All that being said, if you doubt it or don't know FOR SURE that this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, then don't propose. It's admirable of you to want to marry her so she can get on your health insurance, but if down the road you have problems and get divorced, she'll be w/o the insurance again and you'll both have to deal with everything that comes with divorce.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is not to let any outlying factors determine your decision. Only you know what's right for you!
Good luck!
WI '98, WI '99 (EV), WI '00, Chgo '00, MO '00, Champaign '03, Chgo '03, WI '03, IN '03, MI '04, Chgo '06:N1 & 2, WI '06, Chgo '07, Chgo '08 (EV:N1), Chgo '09:N1 & 2, Chgo '11 (EV:N1), WI '11:N1 & 2, Philly '12, Wrigley '13, Pitt '13, Buff '13, Detroit '14, MKE '14, Wrigley '16: N1 & N2, Seattle '18 N2, Wrigley '18: N1 & N2, Fenway '18 N1, STL '22, St Paul '23 N2, Chgo '23: N1 & N2
You love her...
You want to spend the rest of your life with her....
She is EVERYTHING to you.....
Yeah..
If legally marrying her is going to benifit her NOW...
When she needs it....NOW
Then marry her....NOW!!!!
You can wait a year or 2 and have a BIG shindig Wedding.....Right???
This from a guy who dated Kathy for 14 years before getting married.....hehehehehehehehe
I agree with Speedy. Who cares what your friends have done. If you love her and know that she is the one then DO IT!!! Life is short - just ask Black Diamond.... and like Speedy I waited 15 years to marry Mr Tink - I wish I had done it sooner.
If you are, then go for it. Because you love her and want to spend your life with her. Not for insurance purposes. That is not the reason to get married.
I'm not sure why you feel this need for approval from your friends? They're not marrying her. You like her. You love her. Why wouldn't they? If they're your friends, they'll accept her. They'll wonder why you haven't introduced them and so have a dinner or get together before the wedding if you decide to marry her.
You should marry her because you want to. Not because you have your friends approval or she needs insurance. Unless you want problems down the road...but, hey, if you are 100% go for it. Don't mention the insurance in your proposal. If you're proposing to her for the right reasons, that will be just an added benefit you can discuss after she says yes. If it's the reason you're proposing, I wouldn't be surprised if she said no.
bugs in the way...I feel about you
"New music, new friends. Pearl Jam."
I like our socks. I hear we make a fine sock. I always say, You might not love our records, but I think you'll like our socks. - Stone
"This record is us speaking out in class." -EV on PJ
Comments
How's that for romantic? :roll:
I knew within about 10 days of my first date with my wife that I wanted to marry her.
We dated for almost 7 years -- lived together off and on -- before we made it official. I probably would have waited longer, but she was getting impatient. I wanted everything to be perfect for me, career-wise, before making the commitment. Things still aren't perfect, but we're about 2 months away from our 13th anniversary and I still feel pretty much the same way about her that I did nearly 20 years ago.
this.
when it's right, it's right...who needs to follow a timeline?
best of everything to you and your soon to be bride.
i married my husband after 5 years of off and on dating, but that's mostly b/c we were so young. if i had been older, we probably would've sooner. took me/us longer to 'know'...we both needed to live! i peeked at your age :oops: and hell, why wait?!
go for it and be happy!
Let's just breathe...
I am myself like you somehow
only when your heart says go...Go! and don't look back
Enjoy the ride!
It's OK with me, does that help??
Seriously, if you love her and want to be with her for ever just marry her. You don't need the fancy trappings of a long engagement and big do. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
^this
I thought that a person can be added to a policy at any time due to birth or marriage. can you look on their website or ask human resources at work?
as for the friends....how often do you see them? do you want their opinion of her? I knew you would marry her when you met her and I'm just words on a page.
how is your cat taking all this?
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
8/08 - Ed solo in DC, 6/09 Ed in B'more,
10/10 - Brad in B'more
My grandparents got married after dating a month.
I think if you're almost to the year mark, it'd be okay to ask.
good luck....it's always easy to get married. the hard part is making it work.
2000: 10/07-Auburn Hills, MI
2003: 06/25 & 06/26-Clarkston, MI
2004: 10/02-Toledo, OH
10/03-Grand Rapids, MI
2005: 09/11-Kitchener, Ontario
09/12-London, Ontario
09/13-Hamilton, Ontario
2006: 05/19-Grand Rapids, MI
05/22-Auburn Hills, MI
07/22 & 07/23-George, WA
2010: 05/09-Cleveland, OH
2011: 09/03 & 09/04-East Troy, WI
2014: 10/16-Detroit, MI
I like the way you think , and I agree wholeheartedly
Philly- 2005, 2013, 2016, 2024
Camden 2000, 2003, 2006, 2008, 2022, 2023
Philly Spectrum 2009 x4 - We closed that MFER Down Proper
Baltimore- 2024
DC- 2006, 2008
New York- 2008, 2010
Boston - Fenway 2016 (night 2) , 2024 (night1)
East Rutherford, New Jersey- 2006
Chicago - Lollapalooza 2007
Seattle- Gorge 2005
EV Solo- DC x2, Baltimore x2 , Newark NJ x2, Tower Theater x2
- Given To Fly
*May the Peace of the Wilderness be with YOU*
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
— Unknown
Love isn't alway reasonable.....
Marriage is a scary step no matter when you take it. Marriage does take work during certain periods to keep things going.
As for benefits .... You should be able to add her any time. It would be considered a change of status.
Marriage birth of a child or even if you were covered on your spouses benefits and they lost their job you can change to yours then.
These are some reasons you don't have to wait for open enrollment to change things.
SMILE Eddie Vedder Cleveland 06.....
Not to be Judgemental or anything!...BUT what sort of Country do you Live in that having 'Health Insurance' or Not *Determines* whether you should Marry someone?... :?
I know it's not as simple as that.
why do you care what your friends think of her? the only time I cared about that was when I didn't like the girl I was dating. friends come and go (trust me!), but marriage is for good. you aren't marrying your friends.
Fargo 2003
Winnipeg 2005
Winnipeg 2011
St. Paul 2014
All that being said, if you doubt it or don't know FOR SURE that this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, then don't propose. It's admirable of you to want to marry her so she can get on your health insurance, but if down the road you have problems and get divorced, she'll be w/o the insurance again and you'll both have to deal with everything that comes with divorce.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is not to let any outlying factors determine your decision. Only you know what's right for you!
Good luck!
I agree with Speedy. Who cares what your friends have done. If you love her and know that she is the one then DO IT!!! Life is short - just ask Black Diamond.... and like Speedy I waited 15 years to marry Mr Tink - I wish I had done it sooner.
If you are, then go for it. Because you love her and want to spend your life with her. Not for insurance purposes. That is not the reason to get married.
I'm not sure why you feel this need for approval from your friends? They're not marrying her. You like her. You love her. Why wouldn't they? If they're your friends, they'll accept her. They'll wonder why you haven't introduced them and so have a dinner or get together before the wedding if you decide to marry her.
You should marry her because you want to. Not because you have your friends approval or she needs insurance. Unless you want problems down the road...but, hey, if you are 100% go for it. Don't mention the insurance in your proposal. If you're proposing to her for the right reasons, that will be just an added benefit you can discuss after she says yes. If it's the reason you're proposing, I wouldn't be surprised if she said no.
"New music, new friends. Pearl Jam."
I like our socks. I hear we make a fine sock. I always say, You might not love our records, but I think you'll like our socks. - Stone
"This record is us speaking out in class." -EV on PJ