Marriage..

klusterfuk

Gob wrote:

klusterfuk wrote:

you dont sound too sure about it

I am sure about it, but I'm unsure what others around me think.. I kind of wanted this to be ok with everyone.. if it weren't for her health, I would wait another year just for it to be socially acceptable.

if your that sure dont worry what other people think. they will dig it and respect you for your choice or fuck em. ive been married for 18 years after living with her for five.you cant sweat what other people think.

voidofman

Gob wrote:

voidofman wrote:

Most of my friends didn't know my wife when we got married, they met her maybe once or twice (because she lived so far away)

One of my best buddies has been dating this girl for 7 years.. and they still live apart.. and she is still waiting for that proposal.. I know them both very well and I have always been the "single" friend to them.. If I tell them I'm getting married to a girl they've never meet, he is dead meat.

I sort of got a couple friends in trouble when I knocked up my gf (who I married) because their gf's wanted a kid too.

Who Princess

Gob wrote:

klusterfuk wrote:

you dont sound too sure about it

I am sure about it, but I'm unsure what others around me think.. I kind of wanted this to be ok with everyone.. if it weren't for her health, I would wait another year just for it to be socially acceptable.

I think you're worrying about the wrong things. What matters is how you feel about each other and your commitment to each other.

I realize that nowadays people seem to want everything about getting married to be "perfect." Like planning the proposal, talking to her dad, nice ceremony, etc. It's hard for an old woman like me to understand that. I'm not belittling that you want it all to be just right, just saying that that stuff never mattered to me. I think you might want to find out how she feels about it.

Introduce her to your friends, let your family spend more time around her. Just let everyone know that this is the person you care about and want to spend your life with.

LikeAnOcean

Who Princess wrote:

Gob wrote:

klusterfuk wrote:

Introduce her to your friends, let your family spend more time around her. Just let everyone know that this is the person you care about and want to spend your life with.

I've been trying, but because of her work and health situation, it's been hard.. thats why I don't feel right about this yet.

voidofman

Also, I didn't actually propose to my wife, we just kind of knew we'd be married.

LikeAnOcean

voidofman wrote:

Also, I didn't actually propose to my wife, we just kind of knew we'd be married.

So.. she won't kill me if I say, hey, lets get married so you can be covered for insurance, but I'll give you that ring next year?

stealthvedderfan

I have to reply to your post because 14 years ago I was in the same situation. Ihad alot of health issues and no insurance. My boyfriend (still husband) had awesome insurance. He asked my fathers permission to marry me and he proposed one night at navy pier. So we were engaged. Then we went to the courthouse and got married and didnt tell anyone for a year! Was it worth it? Yes. If you both feel it in your hearts that you want to commit to marriage you should do it. If your friends are true good friends then they should respect your choice. I am the white sox fan and my husband is the cubs fan lol!

LikeAnOcean

stealthvedderfan wrote:

I have to reply to your post because 14 years ago I was in the same situation. Ihad alot of health issues and no insurance. My boyfriend (still husband) had awesome insurance. He asked my fathers permission to marry me and he proposed one night at navy pier. So we were engaged. Then we went to the courthouse and got married and didnt tell anyone for a year! Was it worth it? Yes. If you both feel it in your hearts that you want to commit to marriage you should do it. If your friends are true good friends then they should respect your choice. I am the white sox fan and my husband is the cubs fan lol!

So, I should feel ok about telling her exactly how i feel, and why I don't want it official with everyone yet?

How quickly can a couple be married? Could a bring this conversation up a few weeks before I redo my health insurance through work?

Fight to get it back again

Just as an FYI, about 95% of insurance companies allow you to add someone to your policy at any time for certain circumstances (birth of a kid, marriage, etc). Check with your insurance company first.

In regards to getting married, give it at least a month and see how you feel. Slowly integrate her into your friend/family life and see how it all feels. If it goes well, I say go for it.

Of course, you could just say f%^k it and get married now. I married my wife after knowing her for 9 months and we will be celebrating 4 years of marriage this December.

voidofman

You could be married on Monday! It's just that easy, go down to the local courthouse and file for a marriage license.

Who Princess

Gob wrote:

voidofman wrote:

Also, I didn't actually propose to my wife, we just kind of knew we'd be married.

So.. she won't kill me if I say, hey, lets get married so you can be covered for insurance, but I'll give you that ring next year?

My husband never proposed to me. We were driving to Baskin Robbins and I was saying something about when I finished school (I was in grad school at the time). He said something like "Don't worry about it, we'll probably be married by then."

How's that for romantic? :roll: We told our families a few months later, then he got me an engagement ring about 4 months after that. We got married about a year after his "proposal." We've been married 33 years. (Told ya I was old!)

JTH

I haven't even read anyone else's reply so I don't really know what's been said already. And I won't tell you what I think you should do, but I'll tell you this.

I knew within about 10 days of my first date with my wife that I wanted to marry her.

We dated for almost 7 years -- lived together off and on -- before we made it official. I probably would have waited longer, but she was getting impatient. I wanted everything to be perfect for me, career-wise, before making the commitment. Things still aren't perfect, but we're about 2 months away from our 13th anniversary and I still feel pretty much the same way about her that I did nearly 20 years ago.

decides2dream

SPEEDY MCCREADY wrote:

You love her...
You want to spend the rest of your life with her....
She is EVERYTHING to you.....

Yeah..
If legally marrying her is going to benifit her NOW...
When she needs it....NOW

Then marry her....NOW!!!!

You can wait a year or 2 and have a BIG shindig Wedding.....Right???

This from a guy who dated Kathy for 14 years before getting married.....hehehehehehehehe

this.
when it's right, it's right...who needs to follow a timeline?

best of everything to you and your soon to be bride.


i married my husband after 5 years of off and on dating, but that's mostly b/c we were so young. if i had been older, we probably would've sooner. took me/us longer to 'know'...we both needed to live! i peeked at your age :oops: and hell, why wait?!
go for it and be happy!

stealthvedderfan

You should feel ok about telling her exactly how you feel. Find out how she feels. This worked out for us. We didnt tell anyone for a year. You have to go down to the county courthouse to get the marriage license. Then set up a time when a judge could marry you. Good luck with it.

pandora

a time that is "socially right"...? This a new concept for me :?

only when your heart says go...Go! and don't look back
Enjoy the ride!

Claireack

Gob wrote:

klusterfuk wrote:

you dont sound too sure about it

I am sure about it, but I'm unsure what others around me think.. I kind of wanted this to be ok with everyone.. if it weren't for her health, I would wait another year just for it to be socially acceptable.

It's OK with me, does that help??

Seriously, if you love her and want to be with her for ever just marry her. You don't need the fancy trappings of a long engagement and big do. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

shortstack

Fight to get it back again wrote:

Just as an FYI, about 95% of insurance companies allow you to add someone to your policy at any time for certain circumstances (birth of a kid, marriage, etc). Check with your insurance company first.

^this

iluvcats

have you looked at your county's website about the marriage license? I picked any county in Illinois (cook) and it said you must both go together, etc. and it is effective the next calendar day. is good for 60 days. not like that where we got married in MD....my fiance went alone and applied for the license. he put the wrong age for me (I'm older than he is, but he made me older by accident.) the hick town where we live printed it in the paper (can you believe that?) This was in 1997. the newspaper said I was 38 and he was still in his 20's.

I thought that a person can be added to a policy at any time due to birth or marriage. can you look on their website or ask human resources at work?

as for the friends....how often do you see them? do you want their opinion of her? I knew you would marry her when you met her and I'm just words on a page.

how is your cat taking all this?

iluvcats

the ring doesn't have to be a rock; it is a symbol of your love. buy what you can afford. just pull it out of your pocket one night and say, "will you marry me?"

justam

Gob wrote:

So I've been dating this girl 11 months now. I see myself spending the rest of my life with her and I'm 200% sure she feels the same way.


Here's my dilema.. It feels too soon to make a commitment. My parents have meet her once. She hasn't meet a lot of my friends because of health issues and her working evenings in retail.. most of my friends have waited 2 to 4 years before making the big proposal..


Here's the thing putting pressure on me.. She has no health insurance., Because of pre-existing conditions, she can't afford it, she is stuck relying on medicaid or whatever crap you get that conservatives don't like people to get, and its hard for her to get renewed.. I have really good health insurance through work that covers spouses.


I love this girl. I tell her it every day. I'm almost, but not quite ready to tell her and everyone I know that I plan on spending the rest of my life with her.. I still feel I need a little more time before it's set.. but in a few months, I will be redoing my health insurance plan, and she will be in desperate need for coverage, and it will be another year after before I could possibly add her if we pass when she desperately needs it now.

At this point, what would you do? Tell her you will "legally" marry her to help her out? Or wait another year or so before everything feels socially right to pop the question?


I don't want to rush into anything because she needs medical help, now, but I can't help but want to help and care for her.

My grandparents got married after dating a month.

I think if you're almost to the year mark, it'd be okay to ask.