My Drama AT Home With My Teenager.....

pandora · August 2011

Perhaps g under p should allow his stepson to read the advice given here on the internet

then sit down and discuss what the PJ fans thought should be done

no secrets with your child or they will return the favor

trust trust trust

redrock · August 2011

The advice given here is for g/p on how HE can deal with the situation. Advice for HIM, not the stepson. What he does with this advice will enable him to better understand and deal with his stepson.

Whilst I bet most of us don't have real 'secrets' with our older children, it is not healthy to share EVERYTHING. It's not about 'full disclosure' of everything at all times. One needs to keep a bit of 'me' - goes both ways. I know.. you have raised teens, even some that weren't yours and you know how it goes - but so have many others on this board. Just as successfully as you claim you have raised yours.

g/p seeks to be able to help his stepson. He 'finds', needs to sift through things and make sense of everything, then he can go to his stepson. Trust will lie in the fact that he will be able to speak to his stepson (knowledgeably) and his stepson will feel his words are true and sincere and he can trust his intentions and advice.

redrock · August 2011

Actually, this thread has gone down the same route as the 'morality' thread. No longer on topic - ie giving the OP a bit of advice/thoughts/suggestions but becoming a deliberation of whether he was right or wrong to even ask (and probably making it worse for him).

Probably time it just slips to page 2, then 3, etc. and those with serious advice for g/p should just PM him.

Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.

JonnyPistachio · August 2011

pandora wrote:

Perhaps g under p should allow his stepson to read the advice given here on the internet

then sit down and discuss what the PJ fans thought should be done

no secrets with your child or they will return the favor

trust trust trust

I don't know if you're being sarcastic or not about allowing the stepson to read advice given here...GunderP is trying to do what is best and obviously wasnt prepared for this...
There are a lot of things that could benefit from asking hands on advice, things GunderP would NEVER know/think of otherwise. There are certain things that one, as a parent can never expect, and I don't see it as 'keeping secrets'. There are a lot of things kids will never know about how their parents handle things.

We'll probably (and obviously) never agree on this, but it is done, and he asked the question.. Its kinda useless to argue whether or not its appropriate and make GunderP more worried about a situation that he is already concerned about and doesnt completely understand. Besides, this started mostly as his concern about the internet sites he was visiting...If you're not sure who to ask, what do you do? google it? Then tell your son that google says you shouldnt visit those sights because its bad??.. I agree Redrock, its not healthy to share EVERYTHING... excellent post Redrock..g/P can see what we said here and sift through and manybe he's just looking for ideas that will send him down the right path. Maybe he already knew what to do and just needed someone in his corner?

pandora · August 2011

redrock wrote:

Actually, this thread has gone down the same route as the 'morality' thread. No longer on topic - ie giving the OP a bit of advice/thoughts/suggestions but becoming a deliberation of whether he was right or wrong to even ask (and probably making it worse for him).

Probably time it just slips to page 2, then 3, etc. and those with serious advice for g/p should just PM him.

Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.

I am sharing...
my advice and it is not go behind your childs back,
not to make personal family problems about your child public,
unless you are willing to tell them and share it with them.

It is about him he has a right to know! It is about respect for another human being.

And this might be the very best advice yet if you are capable of standing in this child shoes...
not the adults! It is not about the adult ever it is about the child.

the morality thread you can blame the Op for not staying on topic

not sure how many I tried to get back there ... but he just wants to talk God I guess,
no wait challenge my beliefs about God.

pandora · August 2011

redrock wrote:

The advice given here is for g/p on how HE can deal with the situation. Advice for HIM, not the stepson. What he does with this advice will enable him to better understand and deal with his stepson.

Whilst I bet most of us don't have real 'secrets' with our older children, it is not healthy to share EVERYTHING. It's not about 'full disclosure' of everything at all times. One needs to keep a bit of 'me' - goes both ways. I know.. you have raised teens, even some that weren't yours and you know how it goes - but so have many others on this board. Just as successfully as you claim you have raised yours.

g/p seeks to be able to help his stepson. He 'finds', needs to sift through things and make sense of everything, then he can go to his stepson. Trust will lie in the fact that he will be able to speak to his stepson (knowledgeably) and his stepson will feel his words are true and sincere and he can trust his intentions and advice.

He can find knowledge in a better place.

You must share and not keep secrets when it pertains to them personally.

Again not about him most especially at the expense of a child's privacy and the trust between parent and child.

pandora · August 2011

JonnyPistachio wrote:

pandora wrote:

Perhaps g under p should allow his stepson to read the advice given here on the internet

then sit down and discuss what the PJ fans thought should be done

no secrets with your child or they will return the favor

trust trust trust

I don't know if you're being sarcastic or not about allowing the stepson to read advice given here...GunderP is trying to do what is best and obviously wasnt prepared for this...
There are a lot of things that could benefit from asking hands on advice, things GunderP would NEVER know/think of otherwise. There are certain things that one, as a parent can never expect, and I don't see it as 'keeping secrets'. There are a lot of things kids will never know about how their parents handle things.

We'll probably (and obviously) never agree on this, but it is done, and he asked the question.. Its kinda useless to argue whether or not its appropriate and make GunderP more worried about a situation that he is already concerned about and doesnt completely understand. Besides, this started mostly as his concern about the internet sites he was visiting...If you're not sure who to ask, what do you do? google it? Then tell your son that google says you shouldnt visit those sights because its bad??.. I agree Redrock, its not healthy to share EVERYTHING... excellent post Redrock..g/P can see what we said here and sift through and manybe he's just looking for ideas that will send him down the right path. Maybe he already knew what to do and just needed someone in his corner?

I think it telling that no one would want this child to know he was being discussed.

Why... because its wrong.

This my point from the start on page one.... that my advice.

And the parents corner... really... that is just wrong too, its not about the adult.
Stand in the child's shoes...
would you want to be discussed?

Or would you want calm private family conversation?
or maybe even just be given a book on the subject then discuss with the parents
after we are both knowledgeable.

The only corner a parent or caregiver needs is the compassionate corner,
compassion for the child first.

This is where success lies.

I've stood beside many a teen I would not think of this kind of betrayal.

I have given my advice, it is about trust, respect, empowerment, knowledge, compassion
and truth.

A parent will want their child to know these and use them as they grow.

mickeyrat · August 2011

pandora wrote:

redrock wrote:

Actually, this thread has gone down the same route as the 'morality' thread. No longer on topic - ie giving the OP a bit of advice/thoughts/suggestions but becoming a deliberation of whether he was right or wrong to even ask (and probably making it worse for him).

Probably time it just slips to page 2, then 3, etc. and those with serious advice for g/p should just PM him.

Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.

I am sharing...
my advice and it is not go behind your childs back,
not to make personal family problems about your child public,
unless you are willing to tell them and share it with them.

It is about him he has a right to know! It is about respect for another human being.

And this might be the very best advice yet if you are capable of standing in this child shoes...
not the adults! It is not about the adult ever it is about the child.

the morality thread you can blame the Op for not staying on topic

not sure how many I tried to get back there ... but he just wants to talk God I guess,
no wait challenge my beliefs about God.

thanks for sharing. This should be enough. Just MY OPINION.

EmBleve · August 2011

g under p wrote:

I wasn't sure whether to post this or not but many times from AMT good advice CAN still come forth.

So I ask your thoughts on this situation on how and what I might say to him upon my return?

Peace

This is what the OP asked for advice on. Just sayin.

pandora · August 2011

mickeyrat wrote:

pandora wrote:

redrock wrote:

Actually, this thread has gone down the same route as the 'morality' thread. No longer on topic - ie giving the OP a bit of advice/thoughts/suggestions but becoming a deliberation of whether he was right or wrong to even ask (and probably making it worse for him).

Probably time it just slips to page 2, then 3, etc. and those with serious advice for g/p should just PM him.

Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.

I am sharing...
my advice and it is not go behind your childs back,
not to make personal family problems about your child public,
unless you are willing to tell them and share it with them.

It is about him he has a right to know! It is about respect for another human being.

And this might be the very best advice yet if you are capable of standing in this child shoes...
not the adults! It is not about the adult ever it is about the child.

the morality thread you can blame the Op for not staying on topic

not sure how many I tried to get back there ... but he just wants to talk God I guess,
no wait challenge my beliefs about God.

thanks for sharing. This should be enough. Just MY OPINION.

"If I am challenged I will speak" ....

I think that is a famous quote

mickeyrat · August 2011

I dont know about anyone else, but I for one really dislike and will dismiss those who seem to bludgeon me over the head with their advice.

Jeanwah · August 2011

redrock wrote:

Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.

Agreed. Haven't seen g under p in a while, I'm sure he'll love to come back and see his thread derailed. True to form lately on MT. And no, Pandora, it's not the responsibility of the OP to keep the thread on track.

I think, if anything, this will make him think twice before asking for advice here on MT again!

pandora · August 2011

Jeanwah wrote:

redrock wrote:

Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.

Agreed. Haven't seen g under p in a while, I'm sure he'll love to come back and see his thread derailed. True to form lately in the Train. And no, Pandora, it's not the responsibility of the OP to keep the thread on track.

no it definitely is not never said that...

Jeanwah · August 2011

pandora wrote:

Jeanwah wrote:

redrock wrote:

Nothing more to say but hope all goes well g under p.

Agreed. Haven't seen g under p in a while, I'm sure he'll love to come back and see his thread derailed. True to form lately in the Train. And no, Pandora, it's not the responsibility of the OP to keep the thread on track.

no it definitely is not never said that...

But you said this:

pandora wrote:

the morality thread you can blame the Op for not staying on topic

Basically, you're blaming OPs for threads not staying on topic. Or at least, that's what I get from that statement.

pandora · August 2011

mickeyrat wrote:

I dont know about anyone else, but I for one really dislike and will dismiss those who seem to bludgeon me over the head with their advice.

Of course, not sure if this is directed at me

you didn't say
and I'm sorry if I misunderstand and it is not.

I wasn't directing anything much towards you mickeyrat I think we spoke once... :?
you don't have to read the posts not directed at you.

If someone quotes me I will answer ... even on repeat.

I assume they want to discuss as many do here in MT.

pandora · August 2011

Jeanwah wrote:

pandora wrote:

no it definitely is not never said that...

But you said this:

pandora wrote:

the morality thread you can blame the Op for not staying on topic

Basically, you're blaming OPs for threads not staying on topic. Or at least, that's what I get from that statement.

Well I stated my view on topic and attempted to return to on topic.

He challenged something unrelated to my post time and again going off topic.

Which others mentioned as well in that thread.

He was off topic but that is his thread so he can but yes then he is to blame,
not the posters attempting to stay on topic.

Maybe you have read the thread through now...? I hope so.

chadwick · August 2011

all i gotta say is referring to a kid as your stepson or stepdaughter may not be the best idea in town.
that is all, i have no other advice or opinion on the matter. best of luck to you.

mickeyrat · August 2011

chadwick wrote:

all i gotta say is referring to a kid as your stepson or stepdaughter may not be the best idea in town.
that is all, i have no other advice or opinion on the matter. best of luck to you.

totally off topic, I'll grant you.

Chad, what do you call a child thats not biologically yours but IS your partners?

Claireack · August 2011

I missed all of this thread.

Hope all is going well g under p, sending you lots of positive thoughts.

chadwick · August 2011

mickeyrat wrote:

chadwick wrote:

all i gotta say is referring to a kid as your stepson or stepdaughter may not be the best idea in town.
that is all, i have no other advice or opinion on the matter. best of luck to you.

totally off topic, I'll grant you.

Chad, what do you call a child thats not biologically yours but IS your partners?

that's true, mickey,
however im just saying referring to a kid to his or her face as your step-kid when the other kids are around (or not) is not a good idea.

they're all kids and all loved equally. everybody is even steven. not one is singled out. you'd be surprised what that does to kids. just my opinion from what i have experienced throughout my years.

My Drama AT Home With My Teenager.....

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